Deal with it now

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. (Ephesians 4:26-27)

Anger is an outward expression of internal conflict - conflict caused when we allow an offense to be internalized. Something someone does, an event that happens, prompts that internal response of heart, mind, and emotions. The offense happens - a tiny seed of resentment, bitterness, and anger is planted. That seed doesn't have to take root, though. If it is allowed to 'germinate' and take root, anger is an outflow of that internalization of the offense. Hebrews 12:15 reminds us that we are not to allow any root of bitterness to take root as it will defile not only us, but others, as well.

Sometimes the best thing we can do is take the offense to God and talk it out with him. We often need to just speak about it with someone, so who better than God himself? Bring that offense and all those ugly feelings to him, ridding yourself of the very seed that could take root if allowed to fester. We often do just the opposite - we take the offense to another, 'gossiping' about it with them, and what does that do? It almost always allows the offense to grow bigger in your eyes and your heart. When we are honest in our disclosure of the offense to God first, we find we don't need to take it to others. It gets settled right there.

We all have times when it is natural to be angry because of the things that happened. We never have a right to take that offense to the point of us sinning by returning it with vengeance, though. Remember, it is no longer you that lives, but Christ in you (Galatians 2:20). We live a different life, demanding different responses that we might have had at one time to the offense. If the seed never gets to take root, we won't feel like we have to justify ourselves or strike out to return tit-for-tat. If we want to live above or free of anger, we put the offense at the foot of the cross and we work it out with Jesus, not others.

God will do a work in our heart FIRST - often long before he does the work in the heart of the one that offended us. That may not seem "FAIR" to some, but it could just be God's plan to deal with the root of sin in another's life through the testimony they see within our lives. Just sayin!

Finally time

Don’t pay back anyone for their evil actions with evil actions, but show respect for what everyone else believes is good. If possible, to the best of your ability, live at peace with all people. Don’t try to get revenge for yourselves, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath. It is written, Revenge belongs to me; I will pay it back, says the Lord. Instead, If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. By doing this, you will pile burning coals of fire upon his head. Don’t be defeated by evil, but defeat evil with good. (Romans 12:17-21)

The "payback" for some of our misdeeds or meddling into affairs we should have left alone may be coming! I have learned that payback is really not something I like or want! When I stop going where I shouldn't, others might stop going where they shouldn't. Why do they stop? They no longer have to "pay back" the misdeeds of others. I think God wants us to engage in active forgiveness, and allow him to be in control when things are spinning way out of our own sphere of influence.

Some of us have not learned to let go of stuff, doing what I refer to as "gunny-sacking" the hurts and misdeeds of others until we "need" them someday in the future to really "repay them". It is like we have this "sack" we might label our "revenge rucksack". We pack it so full of the things people say, do, and even don't have a clue they have said or done which hurt us, leave us disappointed, or just plain did in an unthinking moment. Then one day that "perfect" moment comes when we will "unload" the sack of stuff - putrid from sometimes years of decay within our "rucksack"! What a mess this creates in relationships. It is God's intent for us to not just empty the rucksack, but to completely remove it from our shoulders, hands, and possession! But...the emptying process is never to be on others...it is to be at the foot of the cross.

We will always be in contact with others who just don't see things as we do. This is life. You might expect me to say we need to learn to "deal with it" to the best of our abilities, but herein is where we find ourselves pulling out the rucksack and "packing for the trip". We need to learn not to "deal with it" ourselves, but allow God to deal with it! If we do this, we find ourselves not needing the rucksack in the first place! If you think of the purpose of a rucksack, it is designed for the shoulders, to be slung across the back of the one bearing the load within.  Rucksack is a German term meaning bag for the back. So, in essence, when we put things into our "rucksack", we are bearing the burden of the hurt they are causing on our own shoulders. It becomes the load which often breaks our backs because we weren't meant to actually bear up under that load in the first place!

The idea of "remaining current" is when we deal with the hurts of today, so they don't become the disappointments we nurse well into the future. Take just a few moments to step back, consider the perspective of the other person, and realize they probably didn't intend to come across the way they did, or didn't even realize they did what they did. At other times, we need to talk things out and get things in the open so they can be dealt with. Either way, we eliminate the tendency to store up stuff in our rucksack of revenge! The bitterness created by "housing" all those memories and hurts inside the sack just allows them to get all jumbled together and messed up. Eventually we won't be able to distinguish one "issue" from another because they are all "tainted" by the other! What comes out is a mess of bitter and disgusting thoughts, words, and deeds. What we are asked to do is trust God to "deal with" the other individual in the way he sees fit. God may convict them with his kindness, or he may bring a little displeasure their way - that is his business and totally his "purview". We need to leave this in his hands. When we do, we walk away without a burden on our shoulders we weren't meant to bear up under in the first place. It is time to finally ditch the rucksack!  Just sayin!

My way or the high way

 David had a great military commander naemd Joab. Joab was actually a bit of a 'hothead' in that he did what he wanted, often being quite ruthless in battle. He was feared by many and respected by those he commanded. Every king of those days had heard of the 'fierceness' of David's armies. They were able to overcome great armies and take much plunder as a result of the battles won. There came a time when David wanted peace with those around him - knowing they were aware of the 'greatness' of David's military force and his capabilities to overtake them if he wanted to. Abner was one such leader he desired a 'peace treaty' with - the commander of the armies that belonged to Saul at the time. He no longer wanted 'war' between the people of Judah and Israel. So, he reached out to form a 'peace pact'. As he did, Joab was off doing something else and did not know of the peace treaty. When he returned home and heard of this having occurred, he was furious with David because he wanted Abner dead. Why? Abner had killed his brother and he wanted revenge. Revenge makes us do very weird things and sometimes it even makes us violate what God desires us to do!

Joab then left David and sent messengers to catch up with Abner, asking him to return. They found him at the well of Sirah and brought him back, though David knew nothing about it. When Abner arrived back at Hebron, Joab took him aside at the gateway as if to speak with him privately. But then he stabbed Abner in the stomach and killed him in revenge for killing his brother Asahel. (2 Samuel 3:26-27)

This action greatly grieved David and he was not well-pleased with Joab. In fact, he declared the 'innocence' of both himself and his kingdom for this death. Then he called for a time of fasting and prayer. While everyone knew David was not responsible for the death of Abner, the death and burial became a time when those with David declared their loyalty to his leadership. While Joab was not quick to forgive those who had offended him, David was. In the military, I learned the importance of obeying the orders of those you served under. It was not something to be taken lightly whenever someone chose to disobey an order. Joab does not impress me as a man who liked to obey orders - choosing his own way time and time again. Eventually this kind of disobedience will catch up with a person, though.

The bad news for Joab is that David was greatly displeased with him and appointed someone else over his armies - Amasa. The stubborn and rebellious one who continuously seeks his own way in life will eventually find themselves in circumstances they don't want. Joab wanted power and actually deligthed in his position as the commander of the armies. To have another appointed in his place really tweaked his ego. That 'blow' to his ego resulted in another death - killing Amasa in spite of David having appointed him as his replacement. Unfotunately, our self-willed rebellion can result in us not being at peace with ourselves and others. When we want what we want and determine it is 'our way or the high way', we can be sure judgment will soon follow. We are never 'justified in our disobedience - though it seems 'right' to us, it can be very clearly wrong in God's eyes. 

Something I have realized about those who always see their way as the only way is that there is no reasoning with them. They will always see their way as 'best' and any opposing way as just not acceptable. When pride gets the best of us, we will do things we should not do. When anger leads to revenge, we are clearly moving into very dangerous territory. God will never be pleased with either our own 'self-determined willfulness' or our desire to take revenge. Both the leadership of our lives and revenge belong to him, not us. Remember this and we might just avoid some of the pitfalls of Joab's life. Just sayin!

Emotionally Charged?

A gentle answer will calm a person’s anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger. (Proverbs 15:1)

Our answers matter, so perhaps this is why God asks us to take time to consider the words we deliver. They can build us up, giving us just the right amount of encouragement to take a step forward. They can also tear us down, anchoring us even further into the doubts and frustrations we have at the moment. If we become angered with one another, it could be out of frustration, or even a feeling like we have lost some 'control' in the matter. When things cause us to 'spin' into anger, we say things we might have never intended to say. It is like a leaky pipe, at first not noticed, but eventually it will burst, leaving damage in its wake.

All of us get a little irritated at times, no matter how 'godly' we are. It isn't that we have a lifestyle of anger, it is just that we have moments when we are overly tired or overwhelmed by life, and our response may be a little less than 'godly' when things seem to 'prickle our emotions'. While anger may range from outbursts to words spoken that cut or sting another a bit, God asks us to allow him to help us avoid these responses. We cannot avoid anger on our own - we need God's help to continuously make us aware of our 'emotions' and our 'senses'. Emotions because they get 'prickled' and senses because they get 'fried' when we deal with things that are overwhelming us.

I will be the first to admit that a 'gentle answer' is sometimes the furthest thing from my mind when I am at that point of saying something in the 'heat of the moment'. I can attempt to 'bite my tongue', but it doesn't deal with the 'down deep' feelings I am experiencing. It just keeps those words from escaping that I would really like to say! When I take a moment to ask God to show me what another may be experiencing, and why they are reacting as they are, I can tell you with almost 100% assurance that he does. He helps me settle my 'down deep' feelings toward that person's reaction, and then he helps me settle the emotions, so I act kindly instead of reacting in kind toward the other person.

It doesn't come instantly at times. Sometimes I need to take a moment to breathe and then address the situation. At others, I need to completely restructure the situation - like doing something different until I find the emotions settled and the answers coming that will be kind and loving toward another. In taking the time to lean into God for my response, I always find them to be gentler, more grace-filled, and with less 'charge' to the emotions we are each experiencing. Just sayin!

Is it a sin to be angry?

Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life. (Ephesians 4:26-27)

Have you ever wondered if it was a sin to be 'angry' with others or situations in your life? There is no victory in being offended, but I know we all have those moments when we get ticked off and let our anger have the rule of our lives. As a matter of fact, there is almost always a loss with each anger episode. It is inevitable that we will be offended by someone at some time - we make a choice to respond by becoming angry, nurturing the offense, and giving Satan a foothold in our lives. A foothold is a 'place' or a 'room' - so you give Satan a place in your life where he has more than a bit of room to work within us.

We don't want to give anger a foothold - it destroys relationships and brings division that is sometimes irreparable. Living in anger, harboring bitterness, and allowing it to continue to fester a bit more than we should actually creates walls of defense that keeps others away from us. It destroys relationship potential. The greatest thing the enemy of our soul wants right now is division - because where division exists emotions can be escalated, words can be spoken that bring hurts that run deep. Division brings detachment - we need to guard against standing alone because our greatest strength is in standing together (unity).

Anger weakens us beyond recovery sometimes - bitter roots taking a significant toll on lives all around us. Scripture reminds us to not let the sun go down while we are still angry - why? Roots only have a chance to grow when they are left planted! It takes a great deal of work to bring reconciliation before the sun goes down, but if we take the steps to own our offenses on the very day we commit them and seek forgiveness, wouldn't our relationships be so much stronger? We may want to ignore the offense we have encountered, or the one we have created, but there is no wisdom in allowing the root to grow! Just sayin!

Fight fire with fire? Not!

Over the last several years, the Arizona, California, and New Mexico forests have had their share of challenging fires. Some ignited by man, others ignited by nature, but all very damaging in their effects. Fire has a way of "catching" and "taking hold" quicker than we can imagine. A few week's ago, we had a fire in a neighboring area just outside of the town limits where I live. There were homes lost to the ravages of the licking flames - some for human dwelling, others for the creatures of the desert that made their sanctuary those scrub grasses, cacti, and now scarred juniper trees. The destruction of one spark resulted in the complete devastation of a huge area - leaving nothing but a 'fire scar'. Fire is indeed not a thing to be taken lightly, especially when it might be the result of the words we have spoken!

A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.  (Proverbs 15:1 MSG)  

Temper-fires are those moments in time when we put on display the heat of our anger or misgiving - sudden outbursts - sparks of passion which can certainly "catch fire" quicker than we realize.  One thing for us to keep in mind is the condition of the mind behind this kind of "fire". It could be it has become a  habit - not a one time deal - but a well-practiced, frequently occurring way of responding to life events that don't go our way. These outbursts are really part of a person's disposition - it is our characteristic attitude when times get tough. It is important for us to realize we come to be known by the impact of the attitude we exhibit under pressure. Where the spirit goes, so do our emotion. Let emotions rule and you end up seeing flames where only a spark may have been! When we say a metal is "tempered", we are referring to a process of adding carbon to steel, so as to make it harder. The purpose of adding carbon to the steel is to make it "abrasive". I wonder if it would be okay to think of our "temper" as making us "hard" and a little "abrasive"? When we begin to see the influence of the "tempering" process, we might just want to see our "temper" become a thing of the past!

Solomon compared the "sharp tongue" as "kindling" a temper "fire". The way metal is tempered is through fire. The way sharpness is produced is by making the metal harder and harder. We will do well to realize the "harder tongued" are probably finding themselves in and out of the fire a lot! Tempering the metal is a process of heating up, cooling down, and heating up again. Isn't this an accurate description of a man's temper? It heats up, quickly cools, then reheats again - almost without warning! 
What are the attributes of a sharp tongue? One characteristic is criticism. The sharp-tongued are those who hurl criticisms quicker than compliments. Ever heard the adage - "it takes one to know one"? The one criticizing us might actually struggle with the same thing we do. They may be unable to see it, or admit it. Criticism is an action of passing judgment - something scripture quickly warns us not to engage in. There is only one judge - God. He is the only one who can see the "big picture", so he is the only one who can weigh the intentions of the heart and know if a man is right or wrong. Since criticism is a form of passing judgment without all the facts, it stands to reason how this can act as a "spark" which results in an all-out fire!  

Another characteristic of the sharp tongue is bitterness. This attribute is often not "seen" as much as it is "heard". Bitterness has a way of manifesting in our words first - actions follow. There is a stinging, almost piercing effect to bitter words. They often display hurt or betrayal. There is an intensity to them which almost comes across as hostile - maybe not toward you, but toward someone in the person's past or present who has done a number on them! Bitterness doesn't develop in a moment - it takes a period of time to take hold. You know, a fire doesn't just spring up - it takes time to take hold, but once it has a hold - watch out! The tendency of the sharp tongue to be sarcastic is another issue. Sarcasm is a form of "cutting words" which are usually masked behind other words. Regardless of how we try to mask the sarcasm, it mocks another. It conveys scorn and contempt. As a Girl Scout, I was taught to never "disrespect" the fire. In other words, be ever aware of the glowing embers. No fire was ever completely out just by kicking a little dirt over it. You had to smother it out! Sarcasm can continue to do great damage when it is "smoldering" and just waiting for the moment to take hold again - spouting out those cutting words as easily as a fire creates its cutting flames!

No wonder God warns us of the sharp tongue! No wonder he likens its effect to a "fire-starter". Remember this - you cannot go in and out of the flames too many times without becoming affected by the flames! At first, you might just bear the tell-traces of the fire, such as the smell of the smoke on your clothes. In time, you will begin to see evidence of the charring effect of the flames. Go in and out of the flames long enough and you will eventually find yourself "converted" by the flames - into something which gives hardness - carbon! Isn't carbon one of the main elements of coal? Don't we use coal to make even more flames? Anyone else seeing a repetitive cycle here? If we aren't the one with the sharp tongue, we likely know someone with one. Either way, God can douse the flames of the fire, but first he has to be joined by the "fire-fighting" team! You cannot do it alone - he must "captain" our fire brigade! Just sayin!

Get rid of the sack

A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire. (Proverbs 15:1)

It is fire season here in Arizona - summer storms bringing lightning strikes that catch very dry timber on fire very easily. With the approaching monsoon season, the winds begin to pick up and the afternoon winds seem to carry those embers to new areas very easily, allowing the fire to spread sometimes with wild abandon. Add to this the complexity of rocky crags that make doing any kind of fire-line breaks almost impossible and you have the makings of very resistive fires. What the firefighters seem to dread more than anything is that weather report indicating the winds will pick up, or never die down for long periods of time. Why? They realize every wind gust means longer days and nights of fighting that fire!

Gentle breezes are one thing, but the gusts of our rainy season are another. Gentle breezes mean you might just get ahead of the fire's spread. The billowing gusts of up to 60 mph signal longer hours of 'fire-fighting', greater depths of exhaustion from the hard work, and longer periods of time alienated from the relationships that matter to them. Does this sound at all like what happens when we let our words carry us down the path to angry responses? I can see how one ember 'catches hold' and sparks a huge flaming fire, can't you? In time, it is 'fueled' by whatever has been left 'unsaid' in much the same way as the tiny ember of the fire is able to 'take hold' because of the dense undergrowth in the forest.

I have sat idly by blazing campfires, watching as those tiny embers are carry upward upon the heat of the flames, into the night sky. I know each one carried the potential to be a full-fledged fire. I really need to think about my words in much the same way. I need to think of them as tiny embers, carried upon the 'heat' of the flames of whatever 'moment' I find myself in. I have watched as they were carried upon the winds of some 'curt words' or 'not well-planned answers' and 'fanned' into a full-fledged 'anger storm'. I didn't intend for any of those 'sparks' to take hold and begin another firestorm, but they did. The realization of just how much 'fuel' might be 'laying around' in our lives for such fires to take hold is also quite eye-opening to me. Why is it we let things go untended until they pile up into one nice, nasty mess of 'kindling' for the next 'hot ember' that comes our way?

There are things we need to clean up and discard, aren't there? Anger only takes hold where there is kindling for the ember. An ember will 'burn out' if there is no kindling. I have been guilty of doing something one of my college professors referred to as 'gunny-sacking'. That means I just 'store away' those tiny things I say 'rolled off my back', but really the didn't. They just rolled into this 'sack' of woes and heartache until one day I find the sack is so full I need to empty the contents! God bless the one whose 'ember' finds the fuel in that sack! Have you been there? Letting things go (or saying you did), only to find you have just let them roll down your back into a huge sack of woes you carry along until that one moment when the ember was just right to lay hold of all that was in there?

If we don't want 'anger storms' in our lives, we need to discard the sack - not just keep it empty! I have heard people say they needed to empty their sack and then all would be well, but in reality we shouldn't even have the sack. It is impossible to keep the fuel out of our relationships unless we are doing a constant 'clean up' of the 'undergrowth' that actually fuels fires. In much the same way the forest rangers clean the forest floors and cut out the dead low-hanging limbs on the trees, we need to pay close attention to the condition of our 'relationship forests'. Embers will come from time to time, but the condition of our allowed 'undergrowth' determines if there will be a full-fledged fire that comes. Just sayin!

Nope, not going there

I once heard it said climbing a hill is a great challenge, until you recognize there is just another hill beyond that one, and another, and another, and so on. The hills just never really stop - even the flattest of places is marked by some spot that makes another a little higher or lower than the other. Hills are not 'high places' all the time. Sometimes they are our 'lowest'! Ever run across an individual that just seems contrary in all they do? There is just no pleasing them because they find fault with everything and love to quarrel over the smallest or lowest of things. There is a word for these type of individuals - fools! A fool loves to pick a fight - to find a hill and then mark out one's stand upon it. It is a mark of honor (of good character) to avoid a fight. I am not implying that we actually live in a state of existence where we go through life without ever saying a cross word or entering into constructive debate periodically. Yet, a man or woman of good character knows that insisting on a quarrel is never a sign of wisdom.

It's a mark of good character to avert quarrels, but fools love to pick fights.  (Proverbs 20:3)

It is a good thing to overlook the small things in life - the offenses that could become huge mountains upon which debates lead to wars. There is a saying I heard some time ago that has stuck with me: "Is this the hill you want to die on?" In other words, is this the "battle" of the will, or warfare of the mind that you want to engage in? "Small things" lead to the bigger battles and most damaging of forces when we allow ourselves to dwell upon them. Angry outbursts and quarrels are most often the result of not being willing to overlook an offense. God honors the one who is able to turn away from fighting and to be a peacemaker. It is probably the toughest job in the world to be a peacemaker, but one that not only honors God, but points others toward him.

Life well-lived isn't all about us not having the opportunity to quarrel, it is that we "avert" from that opportunity. To 'avert' carries both the idea of turning away before you enter into the quarrel and to prevent it before it has an opportunity to begin. This is more than the "counting to ten" thing that some may encourages us to engage in (not to say that this is bad). It is the attitude of mind and heart that shows how much you value the other individual - so much so that you don't see the hill as something to be mounted in victory, but rather as something that will come between you both if you do! When we "turn away" or "turn aside" from a quarrel, we are choosing to honor God by not engaging in actions or the sharing of words that will not represent God well.

When we prevent a quarrel, we actually are doing what God calls being a peacemaker. A peacemaker is an intermediary - one who is able to see both sides of the coin. There is an ability to not judge a situation by face value, but to see that there are always two sides to how a situation can be interpreted (each being valid in the other person's eyes). Think on that one today - your interpretation of the situation may not be that of the other individual - we each see that hill a little differently. Today, we have a choice - it is to choose wisely the hills that we are willing to die on. Quarrelsome behavior will soon wear us down, wear upon our relationships, and make us devoid of those strong supports we need in life. Choose wisely - it is better to be numbered with the wise than with the fools! Just sayin!

The boiling point

The truth of the matter is that it is a continual challenge to both listen carefully to the wisdom being laid out in scripture and then to take it to heart - to allow it to affect our actions. The scripture often gifts us with "sterling principles" by which to live - more than advice to be considered, but rather principles by which our lives become principled. These are tested guidelines to live by - guidelines that will hold us accountable in our daily walk and will help our walk to be marked by consistency. One such principle is to make wise choices about those you walk with on this journey.

Don't hang out with angry people; don't keep company with hotheads. Bad temper is contagious—don't get infected.  (Proverbs 22:24-25)

This is a pretty stern warning to avoid hanging out with the wrong company - angry people and hotheads. This isn't just a suggestion - it is a command - DON'T do it! Angry people are generally miserable people to be around, just in case you didn't already find that out. Their entire disposition emanates their often intense inward desire to respond to all life brings them with outbursts of violent and injuring behaviors. Hotheads definitely don't think before they respond - they simply allow the emotions to guide their responses and as a result, they leave a mess in their path time and time again.

Angry people and hotheads both present a major challenge in relationships. Being around someone who is given to constantly becoming exasperated, expressing that exasperation in violent outbursts, is totally exhausting and oftentimes very demeaning. You find yourself constantly on-guard, just waiting to "duck" out of the path of their fury - hoping they will miss a 'direct strike' this time. These individuals have no idea the wake of injury they leave in their path. They are often clueless to their own harmful actions. The warning is to avoid them completely - don't keep company with them. Why? Their emotional state has a way of being contagious! There is an infectious quality about their behavior that 'rubs off' on others around them. The thing you see so often with these individuals is there attitude or behavior of having a complaining and bitter heart. In turn, they either drive others away, or draw those in who want to commiserate with them in their misery - allowing or encouraging others to become equally as bitter and angry.

Why is that God warns us against keeping company with these individuals? Since their behavior is based on the perception that they have suffered some injustice, perhaps that have been treated in a wrong manner, or have an injury resulting from some action taken by another, there is a tendency to also become quite "satisfied" in the blaming of another (justifying) for their actions or response of an angry outburst in response to those actions. God wants us to be accountable for our OWN actions - there is no place for the shifting of blame to another. We are what we are, we are where we are, because of how we have behaved, the values we have embraced, and perhaps even the compromises we have embraced. No one "made us" like we are - the angry and hotheaded person does not believe that - he sees another as 'at fault'. The old time comedian Flip Wilson used to have a saying, "The devil MADE me do it." The truth is, no one "makes us" do anything. All the "doing" stems from within.

God wants impassioned people - but he wants our passion to be expressed in ways that bring honor and glory to him, in turn, bringing evidence of his glory in our lives for others to see. Guard against associating with those who damage the view of God's glory in your life and you will find that your life runs a whole lot smoother! Just sayin!

Zero to sixty in thirty seconds or less

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. (James 1:19 NLT)

Do you know anybody who can go from "chill" to "overkill" in somewhere under 30 seconds? Uh oh...did I just hear someone say, "Yep, that's me"? You aren't alone, my friend - there are lots and lots of us, sometimes more than we want to admit, that can lose our cool quicker than ice melts on an Arizona sidewalk in summer! Most of the time, the challenge isn't in not reacting - it is in choosing what it is we will react to.

Three concepts are outlined in our passage here, but before we explore these, let's look at something that gets overlooked - the introduction to these words. James has just spent some time speaking about how God blesses those who endure testing and temptation with something called patience. He adds to that thought the reminder it is "when" we are tempted, not "if" we ever get tempted.

This gives me a pretty significant hint that I (and this also means you) am not above temptations to do or say the wrong things. They don't come from God, but from within - because we ALL have a sin nature that gives us just a little bit of a "tangle" now and again that we must work through or get snagged up royally. As James develops this idea of choosing the right actions and not always listening to the selfish desires of our heart, he reminds us that anger is not to have a place in our relationships - because it will destroy the unity we share.

The truth of the matter is that you help me get beyond certain temptations and I help you. We need each other - so when we allow words to get in the way, destroying relationship and driving a wedge between us, we find that our ability to withstand temptation is "altered". We needed the other person, regardless of what we may think about our ability to "overcome" these temptations. We are designed to relate - to stand together - not be lone wolves.

Anger usually emerges when we think we know better than someone else, making it less likely that we will actually listen to what it is they are saying or advising. There are times when advice comes my way and I choose not to embrace it - usually ending up with me wearing egg on my face somewhere down the line! Anger also has a way of manifesting itself within relationship when we are too quick to respond - thinking we knew where the other person was going with an idea or had in mind.

The temptation to follow some desire that may not be the best one for us to follow is there everyday. It is quite possible we are being warned by either the actions or words of another to work hard to avoid those pathways that lead us into deeper and more lasting problems. It is also quite possible we are less than willing to admit we need help and more willing to do things our own way! Let me just say this - if you want to always get what you have always got, then keep doing things the way you have always done them! If not, you may just want to become a little slower to answer, quicker to listen, and less eager to react than you have been in the past! Just sayin!

You giving anger fuel?

Marcus Aurelius was an emperor of Rome during the second century, but is noted for being one of the "last good ones" of that era. His main "call to fame" are his writings or "meditations" on dedicated service and uncompromising duty - being a great warrior and temperate leader himself. He was what has been coined a philosopher of stoicism - living with a strong commitment to self-restraint, the heartfelt respect of others, and a compelling duty to one's country. He was known as the ruler who lives a temperate life and was pretty much uncompromising in his principles. One of his statements pretty much sums up his philosophy of living: "How much more are the consequences of anger than the causes of it." His understanding of this truth may have made him one of the last "good emperors" of his time - because those who came after him actually didn't adhere to some of the valued principles he upheld. One of my favorite quotes from his writings is: "Such as are your habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of your mind; for the soul is dyed by the thoughts."

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. (Philippians 4:8 NLT)

I think Paul might have had this "habit" of thinking in mind when he penned these words under the direction of the Holy Spirit during his lifetime. Whatever we fix our thoughts upon will influence the very things we "do" with our bodies, "act out" toward others, and allow to be "done" to us in the course of our lifetime. I have a tendency to get "quiet" at times - almost like a turtle pulling into a shell - activity ceases on the outside, but on the inside I am fully focused on something. Others may see this as being "distant" or "moody", but in actuality I am deeply thinking upon something that is either niggling at me for a solution, or I just need time to ruminate on stuff so I get the right perspective on the subject at hand. Those who know me well actually give me the space to "get quiet" and "pull in" a little - because they know I need this time to form a plan for the next steps I am about to take.

What we think upon does indeed "color" our actions - our thoughts form a connection between the idea and the solution. The action directs us toward the solution - but it all begins with the thought. No wonder we find ourselves given to some pretty lame actions at times - it isn't that we didn't know what to do - we just didn't let that knowledge ruminate long enough to affect our actions! As Aurelius said, anger is easy - it is the consequences of anger that stick around for a long, long while! These consequences aren't all that easily "cleaned up", are they? Anger is one of those emotions in which we might "react" with either outburst or withdrawal, violence or malicious intent. Anger is also one of those emotions that has a way of "coloring" all the other emotions with at least a "hint" of the same hue!

Jesus didn't spend a lot of time dwelling upon things that angered him - he spent the main part of his life thinking upon what it is he loves in this world - US! Herein is probably one of the simplest truths we can take from Christ's example for us - when our thoughts are directed toward loving others, we find our actions "flow" in that same direction. It is easy to find fault and to dwell upon that fault we find - but it is much more profitable to both others and ourselves when we choose rather to dwell upon the things we can find of value in each other. We might just realize that choosing to dwell upon what is good in others helps us to draw together and have less distance build between each of us. Anger has no opportunity for flare up where there is no fuel to kindle it! Just sayin!

I gotta let this go!

A single correction makes a more lasting impression on one who is wise than a hundred lashes do on a fool.  (Proverbs 17:10 VOICE)

Just before this verse comes the instruction about forgiveness - it fosters love whenever forgiveness is extended in sincerity. I think people who are open to correction are also very forgiving people - first because they have learned to admit to their own wrongs and forgive themselves, as well as being able to not hold another in a position of "owing" them for any misdeeds. Bitter people are seldom delighted to embrace correction - especially the first time they hear it. They want to justify their position of being angry with another, so they just hold onto their position (right or wrong) and let the juices eat at them a while.

As the rest of the passage goes, it reminds us of the need to release others because holding onto a thousand wrongs done by the other person only makes us very bitter people.  It is almost like it chains us to the ugliness of our memories and we just get stuck in the mire and muck of all those misgivings, misdeeds, and missed opportunities.  To constantly recall wrong-doing is to drive the nail in even deeper - ensuring we hold onto the bitterness a little bit longer.  The problem with recall is sometimes we recall the worst stuff easier than we do the best!

I have often wondered why that is the case - why we can think of all the bad stuff quicker and easier than we can think of the good stuff - but honestly I am not sure any of us really know.  We are kind of flawed ourselves, so I imagine it could be that it is easy to see flaws in another since we are always looking at them in ourselves, too.  There is an old saying that reminds us it takes one to know one.  In other words, we are sensitive to the things in others that we are often struggling with ourselves.  If they are negative, chances are we are struggling to keep a positive attitude ourselves.  If they are cheaters, always looking for the easy way out, maybe we are a little bit the same.

That isn't what we probably want to hear, though.  We don't want to associate the "bad stuff" we see in another as something we could possibly have as part of our make-up.  We want to think we are "better than that", but I think if we dig a little bit deeper, we might just figure out we are not that much different. We are experienced in the same sin as the guy we are holding the grudge against - maybe not manifested in exactly the same way, but we have a way of manifesting the same root-cause, just in a different "form" outwardly.

A fool takes lash after lash, still not learning from those lashes.  I wish I could say I have learned from the lash the first time each and every time, but I will be the first to admit, I am a little more than foolish when it comes to learning from some of my sin!  I have been known to need a few more lashes on occasion! To learn from our mistakes, we must first own up to them.  To own up to them might just mean we have to admit the blame we wanted to pin on another lies squarely on our shoulders.  The relationship mess we are in might just be because we first started down the slippery slope of unforgiveness or holding things against the other person.  In fact, the more we did it, the more comfortable we became with engaging in that kind of "justification" of our anger, bitterness, and resulting unforgiving attitude.

I would love nothing more than to see each of us move from the side of the fool to the side of the wise - learning from one simple correction instead of the multitude of lashes!  I think we can make great strides toward this position when we finally are willing to do the work of letting go of the stuff we should not have held onto in the first place!  Just sayin!

Avoidance 101

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." (Mark Twain)  

Whoever is patient and slow to anger shows great understanding, but whoever has a quick temper magnifies his foolishness.  (Proverbs 14:29 VOICE)

I haven't met too many people in my lifetime who actually can admit truthfully to not struggling with anger once in a while, if nor more frequently.  Most of us actually get ourselves worked up about things, people, and events which are totally out of our control.  What's up with that?  Things or people out of our control become the very thing which "breaks" our control!  Ever made someone go from "zero to sixty" in like six seconds of less and later regretted whatever it was you said or did which triggered that reactive anger response?  You just kind of stand there, almost broadsided by the response and then you wonder why they got so "wigged out"!  

Sometimes I can appear a little "anti-social", but in truth, I am just avoiding the drama which is inevitable if I give the other guy or gal an inroad into my mind, emotions, etc.  It isn't that I don't like them, because I do.  It isn't that I don't care about them, because I do.  It is that I am just at that point where anymore "drama" in my life would put me over the edge and I wouldn't respond all that well to it.  It is like I put up with life for so long, then pull away in order to avoid confrontation.  When I did a little personality test once, I scored "high" on the side of being a "confrontation avoider". I don't know if that is all that bad of a thing, because I can confront when I have to, I just don't enjoy doing it on a regular basis!

Twain was spot-on when he likened anger to acid - it not only burns the one holding it in, but it splashes indiscriminately on those who will be in the path of the "spillage", leaving sometimes very devastating scars!  It harms more than the vessel holding it in - it harms those who eventually become the subject of that wrath once it is unleashed!  It eats away at the inside of the one carrying it for way too long.  The principle in scripture is not that we don't have anger, but that we learn to deal with it in the moment, not allowing it to fester (not letting the sun go down on our anger), and then working toward a resolution which is respectful, kind, and considerate of each party involved.  In other words, we learn to be angry and not sin!

What the personality test labeled as "avoidance" in my life was really something I have realized over the years.  You see, when I take a couple of moments to just reflect on what my desired "reaction" would be to the circumstances, I almost always realize that particular response isn't very kind, nor is it very respectful of either one of us in the circumstance (me included).  So, rather than just jump into conflict, I take a space of time to not open up a place for the acid to begin to be stored!  What others saw as a "flaw" in my character was really something God helped me to see as a good thing - it brings balance and perspective to the moment at hand rather than allowing the perspective to become distorted by the effects of a rather out of focus perspective anger can bring. In choosing to disengage for even a few moments, I am reordering my thoughts and asking God for his perspective. Something we can all learn to do more of as we are faced with those moments of drama in life.  Just sayin!

Not another relationship hurdle!

The relationship woes of today's society are too innumerable to even recount. Suffice it to say we have a lot of work to do when it comes to relationships! We cannot seem to commit.  There is tension caused by too many distractions and individualize pursuits.  The media encourages conflict and break-up.  The lack of true depth in relationship created by a "mobile" society and reduced time actually spent "relating" to one another the "good old fashioned way" is just another among many of the issues we face.  I don't pretend to be a relationship expert, because I have my own issues which get in the way of developing solid and founded relationships!  One thing I do know is that we can glean truth from the Word of God which will help us to develop foundation within relationship - truth which will give us "anchor" and hold us steady when things come into our relationships to distract or divide us.

You have heard that it was said to our people long ago, ‘You must not murder anyone. Any person who commits murder will be judged.’ But I tell you, don’t be angry with anyone. If you are angry with others, you will be judged. And if you insult someone, you will be judged by the high court. And if you call someone a fool, you will be in danger of the fire of hell. “So, what if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that someone has something against you? Leave your gift there and go make peace with that person. Then come and offer your gift. “If anyone wants to take you to court, make friends with them quickly. Try to do that before you get to the court. If you don’t, they might hand you over to the judge. And the judge will hand you over to a guard, who will throw you into jail. I assure you that you will not leave there until you have paid everything you owe. (Matthew 5:21-26 ERV)

The "old standard" was not to murder.  Since not many of us rise up in the morning thinking, "Who can I whack today?", I don't think many of us actually realize the gravity of what Jesus was saying here.  The standard is still the same as it has always been - but we probably don't think about it much because it is just not one of those principles taught with any frequency.  In the Old Testament times, there were actually specific places of sanctuary prepared for those who accidentally took a life - called cities of refuge.  There were men set up to act as judges to help differentiate between an accidental death vs. a deliberate death.  So, although we don't have these cities anymore, we do have laws which indicate the violation of this standard will result in a certain penalty. The old penalty of a life for a life just doesn't hold fast in many places anymore. So we probably have bent the standard a little, but it still is there in society. 

The focus Jesus has in speaking with the crowds on the Mount that day was not so much to focus on "murder", but on the other types of relationship woes which need to be dealt with pretty doggone quickly - anger being one of them, with criticism and hurtful words among the list, not to mention this whole idea of owning someone a debt.  Critical words do a great deal to tear down trust and impact the emotional well-being of the other individual in relationship.  Say these words long enough and the other party within the relationship will become paralyzed by fear - fear they will never measure up to the standards by which they are being judged.  This is the basis of criticism - judgment.  We all know what it is like to be judged in a way we never intended for our actions to be judged.  We sometimes call this being misunderstood, or wrongly accused. When this happens, what does it do within relationship?  It kind of diminishes the value of one or more of the parties within the relationship.  It devalues the one being criticized, but it also devalues the one doing the criticism - because it is hard to trust and respect one who will find fault with your every movement.

The other relationship woe he deals with is that of anger - because anger drives wedges between individuals and separates even the closest of friends when it is allowed to fester and brew into a full-fledged issue of resentment and bitterness. When anger gets an inroad into our relationships, we are instructed to not let the sun go down on it - why?  That which is buried rots!  Hold onto something long enough and it will decay wherever it is held!  I like to turn the fruits and veggies the birds manage to get hold of into the soil as they will soon begin to decay beneath the rich soil of the garden bed.  When they do, they lend to the soil.  The decaying process occurs, giving back to the soil.  Now, in relationship, it doesn't work quite the same way.  Humans weren't meant to deal with "decaying stuff" in the same way the soil was.  We operate in the realm of "getting rid of stuff" which no longer serves any use to us.  Look at our bodies, for example.  When we take in oxygen, and exchange takes place of oxygen for carbon dioxide.  The body takes in the good stuff (oxygen) and gets rid of the bad stuff (carbon dioxide).  We take in water and foodstuff, getting the value from what is taken in and then there is waste which is produced which functions to remove what is not useful to the body any longer.

In much the same way, we need to get it through our minds and hearts that anger will happen - it is an emotion we were created with, after all.  If it does, we aren't to hold onto it and allow it to decay within us.  We are to deal with it. Get rid of it and don't allow it to have a place within the relationship - so our relationships can be strong and solidly anchored.  We are to "settle debts" quickly, not just the physical ones, but the emotional and spiritual ones, as well. This means we stay "current" in our relationships and we don't hold things others do which didn't measure up to our expectations over their heads as things which we latch onto every time something doesn't go our way. Relationships are complex, made all the more difficult to manage and muddle through because we each come with our own set of emotions and hang-ups. What we need to bear in mind is the attention we need to spend toward remaining vigilant in these relationships.  I think this may be what Jesus is reminding us of in this passage - not becoming so accustomed to the relationship woes that we don't immediately seek to remedy them when they raise their ugly heads!  Just sayin!

Principle 2: Hanging With Hotheads

Yesterday we began our study into the thirty principles Solomon laid out which he indicated as an indicator of our trust in God - if we live by these principles, then our foundation will be one of trust.  They also act as principles which will help to hold us accountable for our actions and attitudes.  Today, we explore the second in these principles - the company we keep.  As you may recall, we explored our attitude toward those who have "need" or "weakness" in their lives yesterday.  This attitude determines a great deal as it comes to how we interact within the "boundaries" of Christian love or not.  Today, it is the company we keep - those who we associate with the most - which we will explore.  Why is this important?  Wrong relationships are as dangerous as wind is to fire.  Pick the wrong ones to engage with and you will find your world set on fire, but not a fire you can control!

Don’t hang out with angry people; don’t keep company with hotheads.

Bad temper is contagious—don’t get infected.  (Proverbs 22:24-25 MSG)

Angry people make life miserable for others, don't they?  Did you ever stop to consider just how miserable they must be?  Anger is an emotion with overwhelming potential to destroy both in word and deed.  Words spoken in haste, without forethought, aimed at hurting another will leave lasting scars many times.  Words just spoken in a rage of anger, not really aimed at anyone, but spoken nonetheless have just as much potential to leave scars because we never know who will latch onto them and take them as a "truth" they will hold onto about themselves, their work, or their abilities.  The emotion of anger is more than a simple "feeling" - it usually comes with some type of outburst, or vindictive twist.  As such, it is not always measurable, nor is it quickly identified before it has a chance to affect those in its path.

Bad temper is contagious.  If you have ever been around testy people, you might have recognized how easily you were caught up into the "testy" attitude.  At first, it was probably just because it made you a little uneasy to be around them, but in time, it is likely to be as a result of you agreeing more and more with the things which make them "testy" in the first place.  Bad attitudes have a tendency to rub off onto others - infecting them with their poison.  This is the reason Solomon warns us to avoid hanging out (keeping regular company) with those who have this issue with anger and the resulting outbursts.  

Anger turns us inward, but it directs its "flow" outward.  Anger is often a result of perceiving your rights have been violated - someone has not respected your space, they've invaded your "territory", so to speak.  It might be in the realm of not respecting your need for privacy, personal time, or even something as simple as eating the last brownie you were counting on for a midnight snack.  In turn, you begin to feel like people take you for granted - not appreciating you.  You have turned inward - it is all about you.  In time, you might even begin to express this feeling of being taken for granted in short jabs toward another, rehearsing the times they have done you wrong, and even taking shots with sarcasm.  Little by little, you begin to nurse your feelings of being wronged.  In time, these feelings (validated by your own rehearsal of events) take on a life of their own - expressed often in outbursts (turning outward).

God never instructs us to turn inward, does he?  In fact, if we explore scripture, we find repeated instructions to consider the other person first, to serve without ceasing, and to lay our lives down for another.  These are not actions of "inward" people.  These are actions of those who live by the strength of Christ who lives within them.  The company we keep matters - mothers everywhere for generations untold have been trying to convey this message to their children.  Don't hang out with the wrong crowd - they will corrupt good morals!  Remember mom or dad saying anything even remotely close to that?  They were preaching scripture!  You just didn't know it.  Anger has so much volatility associated with it, so it becomes a destructive emotion almost without warning.  Associating with those who are given to such volatility is dangerous ground to trod.  If you don't end up injured yourself, you will eventually become what you associate with!  Then you will be the one so inwardly focused that all your outward actions are harsh, brutally unkind, and just plain miserable to be around.

Emotions are real - we cannot deny them.  We do need to "hang with" those who will help us to reveal our emotions in reasonable, upright, and consistent ways.  Who we choose as our closest relationships - those we "frequent" most often will go a long way in helping us develop reasonableness in our emotions.  Hotheads beware!  Your end will be to drive those away who may have the greatest potential to change your life.  Just sayin! 

You a bomb-maker or a bomb-diffuser?

Ever think of your words as a lighted fuse?  Or perhaps the detonator within a time-bomb?  Well, if we were honest, we all could say a resounding "yes" to this one.  Sometimes we possess the right words to stop the fuse from igniting the "explosive" it is dangerously close to releasing.  At others, we just watch foolishly as the fuse grows smaller and smaller until it culminates in a huge "boom".  What is left in the wake of the explosion is sometimes quite difficult to put back together.  Sure, all the pieces may be there, but some of them are almost unrecognizable because of the significance of the "blast" which caused them to break apart in the first place.  We find ourselves as the "bomb squad", tasked with the responsibility of going about defusing the bombs set to explode at any moment.  This is a huge skill to learn and one wrong move can result in devastating consequences.  So, if we are to learn the skill well, we need to practice it over and over again - not so much with the "live fuses", but with the "practice" fuses! 

A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.  Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim. Perceptive words spread knowledge; fools are hollow—there’s nothing to them. God can’t stand pious poses, but he delights in genuine prayers. (Proverbs 15:1, 4, 7-8 MSG)

God gives us the small opportunities to "defuse" in order for us to learn how to "defuse" the bigger "bombshells" we are going to encounter down the road. Gentle words - the tools we have in our toolbox which will help us become proficient at defusing the "temper bombs".  Thinking of the skills the bomb squad member might have to learn, we might think of the ability to be very, very still, sizing up the situation, and then determining to act only when the facts are known.  Most of the time, this is where we go wrong in "defusing" those circumstances which might just end up in a full-on explosion of temper. We just don't "size up" the situation well - charging ahead before all the facts are known.  The other thing we might want to practice is the ability to apply a soft touch to the device in hand.  Some of us go at stuff with the biggest tools, handling the circumstance like it was a hot potato, jostling it all around until it gets so unstable it explodes.  The skill of the bomb expert is to apply the softest touch possible to explore enough of the thing they have at hand until they become acquainted with the workings of the device.  We might just find ourselves setting off a few less "bombs" in relationship if we'd learn the skill of handling gently the things which we know have the potential to explode if handled too quickly, or with a cavalier attitude.

Our words are probably our most powerful tool for defusing situations which are threatening to explode.  Properly chosen words can actually stop the "time-bomb" in the relationship - if not forever, at least long enough to size up the situation and to come up with a game plan about how to move forward. There are words which will only make the circumstances more unstable - causing just enough friction to bring added worry into the picture. Gentle words bring life and health - deceitful words bring crushing to the spirit. Deceitful words do nothing more than mislead the ones hearing them.  It is like believing every bomb is diffused by cutting only the red wire!  Sometimes the bomb needs to have the black wire cut first!  Deceitful words work on the spirit of a man or woman - they don't just get spoken, they get absorbed.  In the absorption process, they act as corrosives in the relationship and will eventually lead to the instability which might just result in the explosive effects you so desperately wanted to avoid in the first place.  Truth may hurt, but it never does as much damage as deceit.

Since words are a powerful tool, we have to learn how to use them well.  The bomb squad didn't just go out, find a bomb and then learn by doing!  They studied the principles of bomb-making so they became familiar with the many different ways bombs actually come together.  In relationships, we need to study the things which actually act as the fuel, accelerant, and ignition within them.  When we understand these things, we are less likely to actually "mix" the three!  Even if you don't know what might be the fuel or the accelerant, you can become wise to what ignites the other person.  In time, you will begin to see the other two clearly, but learning where the "triggers" are in relationship is half the battle in learning to not go there!

One other thing we might just recognize about the experts - they have learned from past mistakes.  If you have ever been around an exploding bomb, you know it leaves a lasting impression.  Even the shock-waves of the bomb's explosive sound may be felt for a long way off.  The bomb-squad doesn't want to "learn" from the actual experience of living through the bomb's explosion, though!  They want to learn from their "practice runs".  As they study the various devices, they work under pressure to get the "practice" bombs diffused.  One wrong move with a practice bomb may bring you to the brink of experiencing that huge adrenaline rush which alerts you to the danger associated with even one wrong move.  

Maybe this is why God reminds us of the importance of coming to him for the advice we need in learning how to diffuse the bombs in our relationships!  We can learn from the best, even using him as a sounding board (a practice run, so to speak).  If we get a little "shock" at his feet, it is not going to be as bad as if we allowed the entire "bombshell" to explode in the relationship we are concerned enough to bring to him in prayer!  Just sayin!

Got some mosquitoes chewing on you?

Ever find yourself working up to a good outburst - that anger just bubbling up within?  You know better, but somehow the events of the day just seem to be working on you until you are about to blow!  It is an emotion we oftentimes want to have little less of and a lot more control over, right?  Many times we almost respond without thinking, then end up "mopping up" what damage this emotion can produce after the fact.  I want us to consider something different about anger today - the ability of anger to get us moving in a new direction. There are times when we just don't move off our mark until something makes us angry enough to move.  I can be all cozy on the couch with a mosquito buzzing about my head for hours.  Until that thing sets down, drops down its pointy "proboscis" (that biting instrument) deep into your flesh and begins to suck your blood.  Now, you are mad!  You might just swat it away the first time, but when it comes back for seconds AND dessert, you just plain have had enough!  The "anger" propels you into action - you are up in a flash and swatting at the thing like a madman!  It got you off your mark, didn't it?  

Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.  (Ephesians 4:26-27 MSG)

If anger can actually propel us into action - getting us off our marks - then is it a bad thing?  Not really, but anger has the potential of "turning bad" almost without notice.  So, this emotion has to be managed well.  Get it focused on others and it can be lethal in relationships.  Get it focused on the inside of us, eating away at our core, and it can bring us down with crippling force with symptoms of depression, fatigue, and the like.  I once heard something about anger and have held onto it for dear life - anger is a "moment" emotion.  In other words, it is not to become our lifestyle - it is expressed, dealt with and we move on.  Another thing about anger - when it is expressed, it has the potential for exponential growth.  That said, it is probably pretty important we get a handle on how this emotion is to be used and when it will bring us nothing but problems!

Anger affects people - no one is left untouched by its expression - especially you.  This is why I say it has the power to move us - to get us off our marks. Anger has the ability to grow, or to bring growth.  How, where, and when it is expressed plays an important part in which one of these occur!  If we get angry and see it as justified, it is likely not going to produce growth.  When we feel "justified" in our anger, we are really passing some form of judgment against another's actions or words.  We assign blame and then express our discontent about the other guy's actions.  Anger directed at another often takes the focus off of us for a period of time, but whenever we lose control, we are really no longer in control - we just gave control of the situation over to another!

Anger is like gasoline - it can be used for the purpose it was intended for, or it can cause a mighty fire to burn out of control.  Gasoline in the tank of your car actually gets the car moving in a particular direction.  The gasoline serves the purpose for which it was designed.  Gasoline thrown on a tiny ember results in sparks flying and flames higher than you might like to deal with!  Going back to my illustration of the mosquito, the thing we need to see is the motivating power of anger.  It gets us up and focuses us on dealing with the issue. Just spewing angry words and giving vent to our frustrations doesn't do the same thing.  But...acknowledging you are displeased with the outcomes you are seeing, getting up and beginning to do something about it - that is a good expression of "anger". 

Anger is oftentimes based on some form of expectation.  I "expect" to rest quietly on the sofa, enjoying a good book, or taking in a little TV movie watching.  I don't expect to become some pin cushion for a hungry mosquito! My responses are often based on my expectations.  I expected rest - I got disturbance.  I expected ease - I got work!  The consequences of having misaligned expectations is often anger - giving vent to our frustrations. Here's another truth about anger - it isn't always good to vent it!  Swatting wildly at the mosquito in anger only means I hit myself!  I hurt myself in my outward expression of anger - it doesn't always make connection with what I intended to "hit"!  Anger can easily be misdirected, can't it?  I am angry with the mosquito, but everything else I "take down" in the process of trying to hit that evasive little blood-sucker are nothing more than "innocent bystanders". Anger has a way of taking in the innocent - causing them pain they did not deserve.

All this said, here are a few tips I want us to take away:
- Not all anger is bad.  When it motivates us to get up and do something about what is nagging us, it is a good thing.  We just need to be careful about how we go about "taking care of business".  If we don't exercise care in our "movement" off our marks, we will take others out in the process.
- Anger doesn't need to be vented.  Being in control of the circumstances often means we process our anger a little more deliberately than just giving it full expression.  It may mean we slow down a little, think things through, but it also means we have a whole lot less "mop up work" in the end.
- Anger is a God-given emotion, but the expression of it is oftentimes "tainted" by our interpretation of the events and the vantage point we have when something gets us going.  Be in a place of comfort too long and anything which "threatens" your comfort will get your juices flowing.  Just saying!

Napping is bad for your health!

Ever feel like you have a "personal enemy" just lurking at your back?  You know, that eerie feeling that you just cannot escape some sense of doom and gloom that hangs heavy over your head?  Yep, we all go through that on occasion - no matter how "spiritual" we are!  Guess what - we DO have a personal enemy - he is called Satan.  His mission in life is to make our life miserable as much as possible - especially if we have committed to living by the principles laid out in scripture and entered into the grace God extends through the life of Christ.  He makes it his point to muster his forces to attempt to dissuade us from that pursuit.  Here's the good news - you'd not be the object of his attacks if you weren't living the way Jesus wants you to!

Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You’re not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.  (I Peter 5:8-11 MSG)

So, in the midst of realizing we have a personal enemy, here's what scripture tells us - keep a cool head!  Don't get overwhelmed by the attack - but see it for what it is!  It is a cleverly manipulated scheme designed to get us off track with Jesus - plain and simple!  Something you may not have considered is the attacks from our "personal enemy" will not stop!  They may lessen from time to time, but they don't stop.  Why?  He wants company in eternity!

Four things come to mind as excellent opportunities for our "personal enemy" to overwhelm us - those times or seasons in our lives when it makes it just a little easier for him to get an inroad into our lives.  What are they?  The times when we are hungry, lonely, angry, or tired.  

- Hungry for the wrong stuff.  Our "personal enemy" plays on our emotions - he wants us to develop wrong appetites in life.  Not so much for the foods we eat, but for the stuff which will whittle away our time, sap us of our energies, and the like.  He wants us to misdirect our attentions to those things which really don't amount to much in the end.  If he can get our eyes off of Jesus and onto ANYTHING or ANYONE else, he has succeeded in taking us from a place of being satisfied in Jesus and being hungry for something else instead.

- Lonely seasons are the toughest seasons to navigate through.  Why?  Isolated people make good targets.  If you have ever watched the nature shows, you know the lion doesn't hunt the herd, he hunts the one who stands apart, who wanders out into the open.  This is a hunting tactic used by those who take their prey from the beginning of time.  If you think Satan is any different in his "hunting" tactics, he isn't!  He looks for the isolated because they make easy prey.  The work of separating them from the herd is already done!  So, to counter this attack, we need to be aware of our surroundings - know when we are getting on the fringes of the "herd" and in danger of pulling away from those who actually act to keep us in a place of safety.

- Anger is probably one of our toughest struggles in life - it is an emotion which is hard to understand sometimes.  We don't always "break down" our anger to see what is at the root of it, so it keeps emerging when we least expect it.  The result of anger is further relationship breakdown, the result of the further breakdown is the chance for isolation, or at least being surrounded by a crowd who may not help you be hungry for the right things!  The sad part of anger is its destructiveness - not just of others - but of us.  It eats at us until it forms a cavernous "ulceration" which just bleeds and festers all the time.  So, if our enemy can get us focused on what we see as something we might just want to get a bit miffed about from time to time, he gets us working on the responses which lead us to form more frequent bouts of anger.  It is cyclic.  If he can get us angry with God - he scores extra points on that one!

- Weariness or being continuously tired is probably the hardest one of these to counter.  You see, our personal enemy begins with our focus.  If he gets us distracted, he can get us to wander a bit.  If he gets us wandering outside of protection in our lives, he can get us to feeling isolated and isolated people find it easier to get angry when things don't go their way in life.  Distracted, isolated, and angry people don't rest well!  In fact, we drive harder, trying to outdo ourselves and others - eventually succumbing to the fatigue which acts as a shadow or cloud over our lives.  The fatigue makes us vulnerable to attack!  See it for what it is - his tool to make it easier for him to take us down!

I don't know about you, but recognizing what it is our "personal enemy" may be up to in our lives seems like a good idea to me.  If you know the plan of attack ahead of time, you can counter the attack.  Just sayin!