Be Jesus

Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing.  For the Scriptures say, “If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. (I Peter 3:8-11)

We improve our relationship to Jesus through time in the Word and in prayer. We can get down to improving our relationship with others only after we get our relationship with Christ right. Mom always used to say I was to treat others as I wanted them to treat me - the Golden Rule. The only way to treat others right is to be sure the 'rightness of our heart' is maintained through time with Jesus. Try as we might, we cannot control what another says or thinks - even though we may be trying to do that for them. A wise counselor once told me I could never be another person's conscience, nor could I ever improve their behavior or attitude - that was the work of the Holy Spirit, not me. I could focus on the attitude I maintained and the behavior I exhibited - period. I will say there is power in being a positive example, though!

If you have ever tried to be kind when someone else is being a little bit of a bugger, it isn't all that easy! In fact, you might just want to be a bugger right back! It took me a long time to realize my attitude was all I could control. The more I took it to Christ, spending time exploring what he said in his Word, and what he was saying to me, the less I wanted to correct that other person's behavior. Why? Mine was enough to handle! Is it difficult to respond to criticism with grace? Yes, it can be, but when we listen 'between the lines' of what is being said, we sometimes find elements of truth that expose just a bit about ourselves or the circumstances we didn't really see on the surface. Some of the worst arguments have begun in my life because I never stopped to consider if there was any truth to what the other person was saying!

It is hard to stop to listen when an argument is beginning to raise your hackles, but somewhere within the two worlds that are colliding in a barrage of words and attitudes, there might be a little bit of truth we need to hear. It took a lot of time with Jesus to change my attitude toward some individuals - time well spent, I might add. When I allowed him to point out things I needed to work on instead of always focusing on why the other individual was 'wrong' or 'misled' in the situation, my attitude began to change toward the other individual. Gracious words began to replace hateful ones. Acts of service began to replace begrudging duty. Change like this within relationship is only possible when we get the first part of all relationship correct - Jesus in the center. The other individual may not even know Jesus, but your example may be the exact thing that draws them into a relationship with him of their own. Just sayin!

God, let's argue for a bit

We began to explore the importance of planning yesterday, but today I would like for us to consider the advantages of making the right plans. We can make all sorts of plans, but if they aren't the right ones for us, will they be 'backed up' by the eternal God? Not likely. Why? He doesn't want us operating in a vacuum. He doesn't need our dependence as much as he needs our yielded heart. We aren't being made into puppets when we rely upon him to help us with the plans - we are learning how to rely on a perspective much greater than our own! Remember...God's plans are for us know and live in peace; to not embrace evil; and to give us a future that is filled with hope.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Eternal, “plans for peace, not evil, to give you a future and hope—never forget that. At that time, you will call out for Me, and I will hear. You will pray, and I will listen. You will look for Me intently, and you will find Me. (Jeremiah 29:11-13 VOICE)

Let me just start by admitting there are lots of times when God and I are not on the same page. You may not think that to be true, but let me assure you - I do my share of arguing with God. I argue that he doesn't know what is really happening. I also argue that he doesn't hear me when I am calling out. Have you been there? At the place where you are tempted to do things you own way because you are convinced God doesn't really know what is going on, or that he is taking too long to shed some of his 'perspective' on the matter? I think we all get there now and again, but it is what we do with the arguments that make all the difference in the outcome.

When I find myself arguing with God I have to ask myself why I find the need to argue so important in this matter. In stopping long enough to acknowledge that I am arguing with God, then to ask myself why it is I feel the need to argue my point on the matter, I often discover that God is about to break open something within me that I am going to not like to begin with, but in the end I am going to really appreciate he did! You have heard me admit on more than one occasion that God only disturbs our present because he is about to do something big with our future. Sometimes I argue about the present because I have no eye on the future.

There is no sin in admitting you are struggling with a decision, or that the circumstances seem to be way more than you were hoping you'd have to deal with right now. There is no sin in 'making your case', but there is a sin in demanding your way over God's. The more we demand our way, the more God will allow us to see where that gets us. If we want to avoid all this in the first place, we might come at our 'arguments' a little differently. Instead of arguing your point with God, ask him to hear you out, then show you where it is you are not seeing things correctly. Where is it your perception has become blurred by your own desires, pride, or lust? 

If you pray that kind of prayer, watch out! You will not like some of the answers you receive because God is going to show you and you might not like how well he knows exactly what is in your heart! This is a dangerous way to pray, but it is an essential way to pray. We need to be honest with God and he needs to be honest with us. We cannot expect him to support our way if it is the wrong one for us! Just sayin!

No argument here

Robert Quillen was a journalist in the early 20th century with what many called a great sense of humor.  One of the things he was quoted as saying really did not have much humor in it, but gives one pause to think for just a moment about how profound his wisdom really was.  He said, "Discussion is an exchange of knowledge; an argument an exchange of ignorance."  For those of you given to debating truth, this may come as a little bit of a strike in the face, for the basis of debate is argument.  There is nothing which needs to be debated about the truth, for the truth stands without anyone arguing for or against it.  It is truth - and truth stands regardless of the arguments raised against it, not needing anyone to argue for it.  Proclaim it - yes; argue it - no.  

To step between two people arguing is as foolish as going out into the street and grabbing a stray dog by the ears. (Proverbs 26:17 ERV)

Dale Carnegie said, "The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it." I don't know about you, but stepping into an argument is just not one of the things I really enjoy.  I like to avoid conflict - not because I am a wimp - but because wisdom tells me it is a dangerous place to stand when daggers are flying from both directions!  As many times as we think we might just have the answer to the argument, it is sometimes the best solution to let the tempers cool before you offer it!

Colin Powell said, "Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers, who can cut through argument, debate and doubt, to offer a solution everybody can understand."  There is great wisdom in those words - for those who want to effect the way people are acting need not to enter into the debate, but to step aside long enough to see the sides of the debate. Sometimes when we begin to see the "side" of the debate each person has taken, we can begin to see where truth may be the best "infusion" of peacemaking which can be offered.

Truth is always a solution to every debate, although many may choose to ignore it, violate it, or totally reject it as truth.  Regardless of their "stand" related to the truth, the truth remains.  You may notice I remain silent on some of the hot topics hitting media and social feeds these days, but it isn't because I don't have my opinion or my firmly held beliefs.  It is because truth is truth and I will choose to stand upon truth, regardless of what any "side" debates.  You don't need to argue truth - you just need to live in the light of it and embrace it with all your might.

It is not necessary to argue grace - it is only necessary to extend it.  It is not necessary to argue grace because grace is something embraced and then lived out.  Your life becomes an argument "for" the love of God.  Just sayin!

Don't just stick your finger in the leak!

In high school, one of the offered extra-curricular activities was debate team. You could join a group of other boys and girls who liked to present the arguments to a particular topic - some pro and others con to whatever the topic might be.  In a short period of time, you were presented with the subject and then you needed to be willing to take to the podium to present your side of the argument.  In reality, we don't always "think on our feet" all that quickly in most of the real life situations, nor are we given any real chance to prepare for whatever argument we are faced with.  In debate team, they taught you to not spend a great deal of time researching the topic and preparing your "outline" of responses, but you could perhaps write out a series of 5 one word "points" you were going to make in response.  For example, if you were asked to stand on the "pro" side of charter schools, you might write 5 one to two word "prompts" to help structure your arguments such as "class size", "publicly funded", "specialized", "advanced curriculum", etc.  You would use those "points" to discuss your "view" (pro or con), attempting to sway the listeners to your "side" of the debate.  In the end, someone would give you a score - determined by how well you presented the topic and the points you zeroed in on which made your side of the argument all that much more "salient".  The point of the entire debate was to "manipulate" the audience to "see things" your way.  If you haven't figured it out yet, the point of most arguments is really around what someone isn't seeing "YOUR" way.  The one who instigates the argument is often the one who feels their "side" isn't being supported as it should be and they want the other guy to know it!

The start of an argument is like a small leak in a dam. Stop it before a big fight breaks out. (Proverbs 17:14 ERV)

The important thing I didn't want you to miss there is that arguments are really subtle forms (and sometimes not so subtle) of manipulation.  We engage in them because we want someone to see things our way - they just don't know it yet, but we are about to unload our "opinion", "view", or "feelings" on them right now.  In so doing, we are going to use our "argument" to manipulate the circumstances one way or the other.  Most arguments may not be as well prepared as a formal debate, though.  We don't get a whole lot of "prep time", nor do we always know the "topic" which will be "on the table" at that particular moment.  A debate team knows there are about 50 or so topics which could be discussed, so they have actually become moderately familiar with those topics so they can "argue" either side of the topic if called upon to do so.  In real life, we don't get this "prep time" - nor are the topics of an argument really all that "predictable" or "understood".  In fact, many an argument is something which is spur of the moment, simply because something isn't going "right", and stems from a "disorganized" thought process rather than a highly organized one!

In real life, the start of an argument is indeed like the small leak in a dam - one drip may not seem like much to an observer, but that little leak signals there are "internal problems" with the dam!  What is the purpose of the dam?  Isn't it to hold back the waters.  Is there supposed to be a leak in the dam?  No!  In fact, when the first sign of a leak occurs, we can pretty much count on more water finding the way through that small crack and then more water, until we have a full-fledged flood!  I am not advocating that we "dam up" our emotions, so I want to set us straight on that right up front.  I am advocating we pay attention to the "little stuff" which escapes our lips, comes across in the quickness or speed at which we perform an action for someone, etc.  These can be subtle signs of "small leaks" which are bound to bring more of those snippy words or curt actions if the "leak" is left unchecked.  When a leak occurs in a dam, the engineers go to work to examine where the leak seems to be occurring. Why?  They have to assess if the leak poses a threat to the safety of those who are "downstream" from the dam!  The same is true when "argumentative words" begin to escape our lips - those "downstream" are not going to fair well if the entire dam begins to break!

As a kid, we were told this little story of a boy who tried to stop the leak from a levy with his finger.  He came across the leak, stuck his finger in it, and this stopped the flow of the water.  It wasn't long before he recognized he could not move without the leak coming back again!  In essence, he was captive to the leak.  He became the stabilizing force which kept the levy from breaking down. Now, if you have ever tried to be the "stabilizing force" who is "stuck" with your "finger in the dam" so to speak, you know just how limiting that position can be! In truth, you are captive to the leak - it has you in its clutches.  Arguments have a way of doing this to us - we try to stop them by doing things which we think will "hold them at bay" for a while, but in essence, we cannot hold back the forces of the "raging waters" just behind that dam!  Eventually our "small plug" which worked for a while will not hold for the long term.  The best way to stop an argument is to stop it right where it starts.  To do this, we often have to "look behind" the leak to see what forces are pushing against the place where the leak is occurring.  If we will realize nobody "drilled" that hole purposefully, but the forces of life created it because of the stress placed on a weak portion of the relationship, we might just begin to realize how to strengthen the portion which is weak and keep the stress from constantly allowing the leak!  Just sayin!

God, I give you the fool...

A long time ago, I thought the only way to deal with foolish individuals was to talk them out of their foolishness.  Let me be the first to confess - the only thing this did was make a fool of me!  Why?  Fools cannot be talked out of their foolishness - they need an up-front and personal encounter with Jesus - not with my reasoning, rationalization, or even arguments which point out all the ways contrary to the ways they have chosen to act. This is why you won't find me debating with those who show up on my doorstep to "win me over" to their faith. I will simply state that I am a follower of Christ, very pleased with this deeply personal relationship I share with him, and have my hope of salvation pretty well "nailed down".  If this peaks their interest, I certainly will go on to share why it is I have this hope, but I don't spend hours debating with them why their "religion" is flawed.  I need to simply state the truth for the hope which I have within me and then leave God to do the rest.  There are also times I will not engage someone who is being totally unrealistic, confrontational, or even "mightier than thou" in their approach to life.  They aren't going to listen at that very moment, so I just do what scripture says - I turn aside and keep on going.  Before anyone accuses me of not caring, or of being a coward, let me just assure you the most caring and even the bravest thing I can do is to leave them in the hands of God!  He is ultimately in charge and I can simply state truth - allowing him to do the rest of the work which needs to be done.

My child, if you listen and obey my teachings, you will live a long time. I have shown you the way that makes sense; I have guided you along the right path. Your road won’t be blocked, and you won’t stumble when you run. Hold firmly to my teaching and never let go. It will mean life for you. Don’t follow the bad example of cruel and evil people. Turn aside and keep going. Stay away from them. They can’t sleep or rest until they do wrong or harm some innocent victim.  (Proverbs 4:11-16 CEV)

I guess I didn't fully appreciate this truth in my younger days because I would "engage" them in their arguments and then when we just got deeper and deeper into their unrealistic beliefs, I'd be dumbfounded about how to respond. I could see it as wrong - but they just couldn't - and that was pretty frustrating to me.  There are some things God expects of his kids - then there are things he expects us to leave in his hands!  Don't get those two mixed up!  First, we are to be attentive to his teachings and then act according to what we know to be right.  So, in the end, our lives become a display of the grace and truth of God's love - something our words might just not be able to accomplish in the same manner.  Next, we are to stay within the paths which make sense for our lives. I have actually done some testing to see how it is I personally deal with confrontation.  I am a confrontation "avoider" - I don't like to just jump in there and take up the fight.  Is this wrong?  No, it isn't.  When you understand that "confrontation style", you will soon recognize my "holding back" or "becoming quite" in the presence of confrontation is really me just stepping back to gain perspective.  I am not fully disengaging, I am simply restructuring my thoughts so I don't respond without wisdom.

I think this is what God has in mind when he says we have been show the way that makes sense - the right way to respond even in the midst of confrontation. There are times when engaging too soon, or with little to no forethought is just plain unwise.  It will only end up damaging one or both of the parties engaged in the confrontation.  Road blocks seem to be something we all understand. We might just think someone is a "road block" in our life - like everything they say and do is really just holding us back or keeping us from getting any further along. I have had discussions like that with individuals on occasion - no matter which "tact" I took, the outcome was about the same.  Now, I have to ask - was all my effort futile?  To answer that I need only look at the outcome of the encounter.  I must admit, in most cases, it was!  Why?  Foolishness cannot be "talked out" of an individual's mind or heart.  It must be "washed out" by the blood of the Lamb!  There is much to be said about "turning away from the foolish" because engaging in their folly will only take us down roads we don't want to travel.  I like how scripture tells us to turn aside and just keep on going. I like that we are given "permission" to not turn our backs on them, but to turn aside.  This implies we don't engage with their folly.  

God starts by reminding us of our priorities - him first, his teachings next, and then taking steps in the right direction to the best of the ability he gives us. If we encounter some fools along the way, we don't engage with them in their folly and we don't get stymied by their folly (road blocks).  Maybe this is why we don't argue with the fool - because all these arguments do is add "weight" like a burden a burro might carry upon its back.  We take on the fools misgivings, their protests, and even their arguments as though they were something we were to bear ourselves.  God's intent is not for us to bear their burdens of unbelief, argumentativeness, or even frustration - he will do that.  We just need to lead lives which present positive examples of his love and grace - let him deal with the fools.  Just sayin!