Listening yet?

Some people refuse to bend when someone corrects them. Eventually they will break, and there will be no one to repair the damage. (Proverbs 29:1)

I became a good typist pretty quickly while in high school and this was probably because dad had an old manual typewriter I could practice on at home. Yet, no matter how "good" I became, I made mistakes which required correction. Not only because of key-strike errors, but in my posture! I remember my teacher coming up behind me, putting her fingers between my shoulder blades and poking me. Why? I was supposed to have excellent posture - somehow making me type with proficiency and speed! I was frequently corrected on keeping both feet on the ground while typing - as though the stability this gave would keep the typewriter and me firmly planted on good old terra-firma! Despite all the correction I received in my three years of office machine classes, guess how my feet are today. You got it - crossed, lazily slung under the desk - and my posture isn't much better! The "correction" just didn't "stick". Sometimes we are like that - we just don't understand or accept the value in the correction, so we don't "stay corrected".

It probably doesn't matter a hill of beans that my "typing posture" is poor these days (even though my typing teacher is probably rolling over in her grave). It probably doesn't improve my typing for me to sit up straight and firmly plant the feet on the ground - but on occasion I still find myself "correcting" my posture as I remember the "rules" I was taught. It just doesn't stay "fixed" - it is like those 'rules' are teflon. It matters when I cut corners in my relationships, getting sloppy in the relationship "posture" I assume within them. It matters when I don't see the value in listening to the still, small voice prompting me to avoid some hazard in my life. It matters when I refuse to listen to the sage counsel of a good friend who is really looking out for my best interest when advice is offered. Some correction is just meant to "stick" and to have this "teflon-experience" where it really matters is just not going to cut it in the long run.

The saddest part of refusing correction, or thinking it just won't make any difference to do something a different way, is that we miss out on things we just don't realize we miss. It is like when I saw this viral video about a guy on his sailboat out in the ocean, focusing so intently on what was on his smart phone that he missed the whales breaching right in front of him. Now, mind you, I may not be this "unconscious" of my relationship posture, but it is close to that at times! One day we may be so caught up in what seems important at the moment and miss the stuff which really matters. This is the danger of not receiving the "little corrections" along the way. In the course of time, the little corrections rejected become the big mistakes made!

To refuse correction is a dangerous thing. It is like being in the territory of a hungry alligator with nothing more than a bag of dried peas and a large straw. You might be able to propel a few peas toward the hungry beast, but all you are doing is annoying the heck out of it! Eventually all your best effort to ward off its attack will be for naught. The thing will likely rise up and do you some serious harm! Things we refuse to correct in life are kind of like the hungry alligator in our lives - they will eventually get the upper hand. When they do, it is sometimes the hardest thing to walk away from "unaffected". Most of the time we suffer significant injury or loss. If we want to refuse advice and counsel, we must be prepared for the consequences which will come. Sometimes the smallest of corrections gets us a whole lot closer to ending up where we wanted to be in life than refusing these small corrections. It is much easier to correct things before they become habit, but it isn't impossible to make those corrections of a habit - it just takes a little more effort and determination. Just sayin!

Wrong again?

Correct a worthless bragger, and all you will get are insults and injuries. Any bragger you correct will only hate you. But if you correct someone who has common sense, you will be loved. If you have good sense, instruction will help you to have even better sense. And if you live right, education will help you to know even more. (Proverbs 9:7-9)

We definitely benefit from correction when it is embraced and does the work it was intended to do, but it is not always pleasant or easily embraced. Did it ever occur to you that God is giving us a chance to prove we have actually learned from our mistakes? We need to view correction as a means of learning from mistakes - not as a punishment or some form of "penalty" for what it is we have done. The truth is we make a sufficient number of mistakes each day - if it were not for the ability to "correct" those mistakes along the way, I don't think many relationships would have lasted, nor would progress have been made in the projects we undertook! Correction is simply a chance to set right what was once wrong. When we begin to see it this way, we might just embrace it a little easier.

Why is it we see correction as "difficult" or "unpleasant"? Learning is comprised of both trial and error. We try and sometimes we err. We try again and sometimes we get it correct, but not always because we understand how we actually got it correct. When we try again and again, consistently getting it correct in all subsequent attempts, we say we have "learned well". Why? The ability to correct what it was we did not fully comprehend in the first place led to us fully incorporate the principles which would produce the "right results" consistently. God gives us the chance to correct our choices until we come to a place of consistency in our lives. We call this chance for correction "grace". We call this repetition of testing "growth". Grace and growth go hand-in-hand. Without one, the other would simply not occur! 

There are different places in life where we come to the place of growth - sometimes certain places afford better learning opportunities, while others simply make it a little more uncomfortable or difficult. Most of us would readily agree - we didn't just wake up today determined to do things "wrong" - we just found ourselves presented with opportunities to make wise choices and we made something other than wise ones. God uses our good sense - he gives us the chance to see for ourselves the error, developing in us the desire to correct the error so we don't fall into it again. What does common sense have to do with us growing? It helps us incorporate the learning we gleaned from the failure. If we hit our thumb with the hammer as we try to drive a nail into a piece of wood, we may fear it will happen again. We could stop using nails and hammers, taking on the use of a screw and screwdriver. The job could probably get done, but a whole lot more effort is put into screwing the screw into the wood! Our common sense would tell us to try the nail again, just being a little more cautious about the location of our thumb in reference to the head of the hammer!

Don't view God's correction as punitive - but as purposeful. His correction is designed for our growth. He points out areas where we have opportunities to think through our actions, so we produce the right responses time and time again. When God looks into our life's experiences, he does so in the spirit of correction - affording us the "grace" to try again. No lesson is ever learned by giving correction alone - it is when we change our actions that we learn from them! Just sayin!

Life Hack #13 - I Needed That

Life Hack #13:

Don’t be afraid to correct your young ones; a spanking won’t kill them. A good spanking, in fact, might save them from something worse than death. (Proverbs 23:13-14)

Children need correction in their formative years, and this is probably one of the hottest debated topics among parents today. There is a principle being taught in the scripture which goes beyond the "means" or "method" of discipline used to correct the child to the "heart" behind all discipline rendered by a parent. Discipline is for the correction of behavior which will lead the child into harmful stuff if ignored - and when rendered with the heart and compassion of a loving parent, it should always be within the boundaries of what does not bring more "harm" to the child.

God's lessons are sometimes hard for me to learn, I don't know about you. When I am not getting them, he sometimes has to resort to what brings me to a place of paying attention. A parent's discipline should only be as "significant" as will bring the child to the place they are paying close attention to what is said, embracing the correction required in their behavior. There are many forms of discipline - verbal (correction with words alone); separation (time outs); withholding a privilege (taking away something the child enjoys); and even spanking (the most controversial of all). All discipline is for the intention of "correction" - even when it is a gentle guidance with words or a moment to just stop to think about one's behavior.

God does this all the time with us - gently dropping in a word of warning, or perhaps giving us the sense we are not on the right track and then asking us to stop long enough to get our bearings again. The intent in this scripture is not to "sanction" the use of a "method" of discipline as much as it is the heart of the parent to not be "soft" on a child's rebellion. A parent needs to take an active role in correcting behavior which will afford the child opportunities for more harm if left "unchecked". Proverbs 29:15 says: The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. (ESV)

The goal of any discipline is to bring learning - the cessation of the wrong behavior, coupled with the opportunity to embrace the right one, and hopefully the change in the child's "will" that leads to the child doing the right thing in the future. Discipline seems very unpleasant while we are going through it, but in the end, if we are "trained" by it, we will reap pleasant things in our lives.

There are boundaries we should all consider prior to any discipline - for ALL discipline should be done within these boundaries. What are they? Be sure the "punishment" fits the wrongdoing. If you always resort to using one method of discipline, it is possible the overuse of that method may not result in behavior change. God uses different methods with us, based on the specific change he is requiring.

All discipline must be tempered in love - respecting the gifts of life and relationship we are entrusted with. It is not rendered in anger, or in a manner which frustrates and drives us further away or into our own rage. In taking discipline seriously, correcting your own behavior first so you are ready to correct the behavior of your child second, you are assuming your responsibility well. Discipline is always a balance between love and control - you must always discipline in love, remaining in full control of your emotions first, and seeking to connect the desired behavior with what it is you are correcting. This is how God does it and we should follow his example. Just sayin!

So, what's your response?

"Christlike communications are expressions of affection and not anger, truth and not fabrication, compassion and not contention, respect and not ridicule, counsel and not criticism, correction and not condemnation. They are spoken with clarity and not with confusion. They may be tender or they may be tough, but they must always be tempered." (L. Lionel Kendrick) Very good instruction from Mr. Kendrick, is it not? I think he was not only reminding us of the necessity of correction, but of the equal necessity of kindness and grace in the midst of it!

If you love learning, you love the discipline that goes with it— how shortsighted to refuse correction!
(Proverbs 12:1)

I have a mind that works almost all the time - finding myself awake in the night hours mulling over ideas, creating "fixes" to something that is need of my attention at work or at home, or even working out the solution to a word puzzle that has been 'holding me captive'. I have had friends ask me if I ever just 'shut-off' and chill. I guess that I'd have to say that I do, but it is just like taking a dimmer switch and turning down the "intensity" a little rather than a complete 'shut down' of my mind! There is a little "test" we sometimes go through to be able to tell if we really love being a disciple of Christ. It is the test that really sees if we love learning? The idea is that their will be 'evidence' in our lives that we do love learning.

Never forget that to love learning one must love the discipline and correction that goes with it! Our commitment to being a disciple of Christ is most often revealed in the attitude we take toward correction. Isn't it just like Jesus to go "meddling a little" in our minds and hearts until he really helps us see where it is we need the most help? Jesus wants us to equate his discipline (correction) with his love. God's discipline embraces us - it never drives us away. His discipline guides us - it does not make unrealistic demands of us. His discipline is meant for correction - not to diminish us or release his anger in outbursts of emotion.

The discipline of discipleship begins with a change of mindset and heart-set. As we begin to step out in obedient trust, we begin to realize that God intends for "good" to be the outcome of our steps. We begin to encounter things in our past that affect the way we think and act in our present. We call this "awareness". We begin to sense that the "old way" of responding, the "practiced" way of responding, to things that life sends our way may not always be the desired way to handle them. The tendency to get caught up in office gossip may be an alluring part of our past. As we begin to grow in Christ, that tendency to gossip brings with it a little "twinge" of guilt (a feeling that something is not quite right). The more we spend time with Jesus, the more we become aware that this "habit" of our past is not to be the "pattern" of our present.

Our mind is being challenged to think differently and our heart is being softened by the presence of the Spirit of God within us. As this occurs, we begin to associate the "twinges of guilt" with loving urges to not engage in those things that God declares to be sinful, unwise for our lives, or simply just not wholesome. As our love for Jesus' best in our lives grows, so does our desire to respond to his corrective leading. If you really want to "test" if you are growing in Christ, you simply have to look at how you are responding to his correction! Just sayin!