Take care of you

 Have you ever found yourself getting kind of critical about the way another lives, the choices they make, or how they do this or that? I catch myself doing that on occasion - focusing on something I can 'zero in on' about another - because it takes YOUR eyes off of ME, if even for that moment in time. There was a time when one 'church-goer' was observed being critical of how they 'did church' down the road from their church. As time went on, there was a whole lot of criticism generated about the 'way they worship'. Believe it or not, the whole thing boiled down to where they bought their groceries! This story comes right out of scripture, my friends! During the time the Apostle Paul was teaching and mentoring new believers in Christ, one group of believers were super-critical of another just because they bought their food items from 'pagan' storekeepers. Another term you may be familiar with in 'church circles' is 'buying meat that had been offered to idols'. The one group believed the other was wrong because to be 'pure' one could not buy food items from those 'pagans' who may have a practice of offering the blood of the animal on a pagan altar. Goodness, we can sure be petty sometimes, can't we? They even criticized each other for the day of the week they worshipped, the days they considered to be 'holy days', and other such nonsense. What does criticism do? We think it points out how 'wrong' someone is, but in truth, it points out how petty we are.

Your critical and condescending ways aren’t going to improve your position there one bit. Read it for yourself in Scripture: “As I live and breathe,” God says, “every knee will bow before me;  Every tongue will tell the honest truth that I and only I am God.” So mind your own business. You’ve got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God. (Romans 14:11-12)

Paul's got great advice for us - mind your own business! Take care of your own life before God - let God take care of your neighbor's! Whenever I find myself crossing the line with criticizing another's choices in life, I have to stop for a moment to ask myself what my motivation is in doing that. Most of the time, I am disappointed in their choice - I would have liked to see them make a more 'informed decision'. Does my criticism do them any good? Does it do me any good? The answer to both is a resounding 'no'. Why? All my criticism does is create an atmosphere of discontent, judgment, and even animosity. So, why do we do it? Why do we get so wrapped up in the criticism of others? I said it earlier - it takes the eyes off of us for even a short period of time and places those eyes on another. For just a moment, we are pointing the attention toward another - an action we hope will keep another from seeing just how we are likely to do exactly the same thing in our own lives! You've heard it said we are most critical of what we see in others because we also see it in ourselves - this is quite true. We 'see' it others because we first observe it in the mirror each morning at our own house!

A good rule of thumb is to consider why it is we are about to say whatever it is we are thinking. Is it pure? Will it uplift? Will it help or hinder? Most of our criticism of others doesn't really help anyone - in fact, it makes the other person look bad, but it also makes us look pretty small, too. Now, don't get me wrong - I am not saying I don't have this issue in my own life - because I can find myself drifting into this 'critical' mindset from time to time. It isn't a comfortable place for me though. Why? I have asked God to make it uncomfortable! Why? I know it harms relationships - it is against his command to love others - and it is just not my place to judge another. It took me almost half a lifetime to figure that one out, my friends. It is NOT my place - not my responsibility to judge, not my role to judge, not my calling to judge. No matter how I say it - it isn't my job. There is but one who is qualified to judge another's actions as right or wrong, pure or impure, holy or sinful - that is God alone. The one who is without sin is the one who is capable of judging sin - period. 

I wish it didn't occur to me to be critical of others, but my 'thinker' goes there from time to time. I don't like that I get a little 'judgmental' of others, but God is working on me to help me keep the right focus of taking care of my own life before his throne of grace and then lifting up another at that same throne of grace so HE can do what he needs to do in their lives. He may use us in some way to help another grow and change their choices, so we want to be willing to be used by him. In turn, we both grow in the relationship. I am not gonna get this right all the time, but I have committed to get it right most of the time and with God's help, I will get it right more each day. Just sayin!

Is it valid?

It is a badge of honor to accept valid criticism. (Proverbs 25:12 TLB)

Have you ever been criticized for something -- criticism you didn't deserve? Maybe it was something others could not know all the details about right then and there, but you had to take some immediate action in order to prevent some other action coming along that would hurt all those who stand there criticizing your present action. Now, that one just plain hurts, doesn't it? Perhaps it was the time you weren't as eloquent as you could have been in expressing yourself, but something needed to be said and you stepped up to say it, then found others picking apart what you said and how it sounded. Those words are picked apart, analyzed, and scrutinized time and time again, all the while finding some fault with them. No one probably knows how many times you have allowed those same words to turn over and over in your own mind, realizing you could have said it better! Valid criticism is one thing - undo criticism is just doggone unkind and unnecessary.

There always comes a time when some action on our part 'deserves' that moment of critique - when you dissect what was said or done and look for ways to do it better the next time. If we are walking with the Lord, those times probably come more often than we might imagine because we get these little prompts from the Holy Spirit to 'evaluate that moment'. Valid criticism is good because it helps us grow. Unwelcome or hostile criticism is not. That actually stunts our growth, or creates even more problems for which we must address new issues requiring even more attention than it would have taken to have had that moment of constructive criticism in the first place! Who defines 'valid' anyway? This has been a debate in one of my work teams about a certain set of tasks we must perform - trying to determine when something is 'valid' is a challenge. Why? We all have our own perspective!

Valid criticism isn't determined by our own standard or perspective, though. It is defined by the standards outlined in scripture. If the action on our part didn't align with one or more of those standards, then we need the honest evaluation of where it is we got off course. Valid criticism is well-founded. If that foundation is the Word of God and the standards laid out there, we will stand a better chance of attaining the desired result. Valid criticism produces the desired result - it causes us to examine our actions/words and then to evaluate where the adjustments need to be made so we don't repeat those actions/words again. This is a good thing - something we don't need to fear or run from. We need the action to be 'pointed out' sometimes because we don't see it as 'invalidating' the standard of God in our lives.

Criticism that produces growth isn't harsh or 'gossipy'. It is to the point, presented in a gracious manner, and has some thought behind it. Rarely is constructive criticism 'given in the moment' - it usually comes when the heat of the moment passes and the other individual is ready to receive it. To attempt to give 'valid criticism' in the moment often meets with hostility, rejection, and hard feelings. It is much better to give that 'cooling off' period, because the other party often begins to realize things didn't go as expected and is actually looking for a way to improve so it won't happen quite the same way again. Valid criticism doesn't point fingers - it is delivered in such a way that it is clear, concise, and given in commitment of the parties to all the parties involved. We need more of this kind of criticism in our world and a whole lot less pointing of fingers and talking about how wrong everyone is, don't you think? Just askin!

Are you criticizing me?

To learn, you must want to be taught. To refuse reproof is stupid. (Proverbs 12:1 TLB)

"The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism." (Norman Vincent Peale) The ruin of many a good man or woman began with the downward spiral of the heart's push and pride's pull! There is no greater battle some of us have than to remain teachable when we get to the point of having a little knowledge. As we have all heard at some point in life, a little knowledge can be a very dangerous thing - it can launch us down paths we might regret later on. I have a little knowledge of plumbing, but I am not a plumber. I have a little knowledge about car engines, but I could not keep one running today because the technology under the hood mystifies me. The knowledge we possess isn't always the thing that saves us - it can be the very thing that the heart uses to push us into pride's path and that certainly can be a very slippery slope!

While none of us appreciates criticism, there are times when we each need to hear the truth others observe about our behavior. It may not be really "wrong behavior" so much as it may be behavior that is keeping us from being our best in Christ. It may be something that is limiting our growth because pride closes door to growth more than it opens them! Praise is far more palatable than criticism, but when we receive criticism in the spirit of a 'what can I learn from this' mindset, we are more likely to lean into that criticism as an opportunity to respond differently the next time. It might surprise you to hear that YOU are not the best judge of your actions - others see us in ways we find it almost impossible to see ourselves. This is the power of having others in our lives that aren't afraid to speak truth into our lives - even when it isn't always the things we want to hear about ourselves!

The 'full truth' isn't always going to be about the 'good stuff' in life. In scripture, God sometimes had to confront people quite abruptly about their sinfulness, didn't he? He didn't mince words at times, because the fact of the matter is that truth needed to be seen. Jesus often confronted the religious leaders with words that showed exactly where they stood - such as when he called them whitewashed sepulchres. He was saying all their 'finery' of religious robes and even all the 'out front' religious talk didn't make them really righteous at the center of their being. It was all for show. Did you realize the original meaning of the sepulchre was a tomb? He was saying all their religious actions amounted to no more than 'dead actions'. Yup, the truth can hurt at times, but when it comes from the heart of one that loves us more than words can describe, the truth may hurt, but it also can heal! Just sayin!

Not another relationship hurdle!

The relationship woes of today's society are too innumerable to even recount. Suffice it to say we have a lot of work to do when it comes to relationships! We cannot seem to commit.  There is tension caused by too many distractions and individualize pursuits.  The media encourages conflict and break-up.  The lack of true depth in relationship created by a "mobile" society and reduced time actually spent "relating" to one another the "good old fashioned way" is just another among many of the issues we face.  I don't pretend to be a relationship expert, because I have my own issues which get in the way of developing solid and founded relationships!  One thing I do know is that we can glean truth from the Word of God which will help us to develop foundation within relationship - truth which will give us "anchor" and hold us steady when things come into our relationships to distract or divide us.

You have heard that it was said to our people long ago, ‘You must not murder anyone. Any person who commits murder will be judged.’ But I tell you, don’t be angry with anyone. If you are angry with others, you will be judged. And if you insult someone, you will be judged by the high court. And if you call someone a fool, you will be in danger of the fire of hell. “So, what if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that someone has something against you? Leave your gift there and go make peace with that person. Then come and offer your gift. “If anyone wants to take you to court, make friends with them quickly. Try to do that before you get to the court. If you don’t, they might hand you over to the judge. And the judge will hand you over to a guard, who will throw you into jail. I assure you that you will not leave there until you have paid everything you owe. (Matthew 5:21-26 ERV)

The "old standard" was not to murder.  Since not many of us rise up in the morning thinking, "Who can I whack today?", I don't think many of us actually realize the gravity of what Jesus was saying here.  The standard is still the same as it has always been - but we probably don't think about it much because it is just not one of those principles taught with any frequency.  In the Old Testament times, there were actually specific places of sanctuary prepared for those who accidentally took a life - called cities of refuge.  There were men set up to act as judges to help differentiate between an accidental death vs. a deliberate death.  So, although we don't have these cities anymore, we do have laws which indicate the violation of this standard will result in a certain penalty. The old penalty of a life for a life just doesn't hold fast in many places anymore. So we probably have bent the standard a little, but it still is there in society. 

The focus Jesus has in speaking with the crowds on the Mount that day was not so much to focus on "murder", but on the other types of relationship woes which need to be dealt with pretty doggone quickly - anger being one of them, with criticism and hurtful words among the list, not to mention this whole idea of owning someone a debt.  Critical words do a great deal to tear down trust and impact the emotional well-being of the other individual in relationship.  Say these words long enough and the other party within the relationship will become paralyzed by fear - fear they will never measure up to the standards by which they are being judged.  This is the basis of criticism - judgment.  We all know what it is like to be judged in a way we never intended for our actions to be judged.  We sometimes call this being misunderstood, or wrongly accused. When this happens, what does it do within relationship?  It kind of diminishes the value of one or more of the parties within the relationship.  It devalues the one being criticized, but it also devalues the one doing the criticism - because it is hard to trust and respect one who will find fault with your every movement.

The other relationship woe he deals with is that of anger - because anger drives wedges between individuals and separates even the closest of friends when it is allowed to fester and brew into a full-fledged issue of resentment and bitterness. When anger gets an inroad into our relationships, we are instructed to not let the sun go down on it - why?  That which is buried rots!  Hold onto something long enough and it will decay wherever it is held!  I like to turn the fruits and veggies the birds manage to get hold of into the soil as they will soon begin to decay beneath the rich soil of the garden bed.  When they do, they lend to the soil.  The decaying process occurs, giving back to the soil.  Now, in relationship, it doesn't work quite the same way.  Humans weren't meant to deal with "decaying stuff" in the same way the soil was.  We operate in the realm of "getting rid of stuff" which no longer serves any use to us.  Look at our bodies, for example.  When we take in oxygen, and exchange takes place of oxygen for carbon dioxide.  The body takes in the good stuff (oxygen) and gets rid of the bad stuff (carbon dioxide).  We take in water and foodstuff, getting the value from what is taken in and then there is waste which is produced which functions to remove what is not useful to the body any longer.

In much the same way, we need to get it through our minds and hearts that anger will happen - it is an emotion we were created with, after all.  If it does, we aren't to hold onto it and allow it to decay within us.  We are to deal with it. Get rid of it and don't allow it to have a place within the relationship - so our relationships can be strong and solidly anchored.  We are to "settle debts" quickly, not just the physical ones, but the emotional and spiritual ones, as well. This means we stay "current" in our relationships and we don't hold things others do which didn't measure up to our expectations over their heads as things which we latch onto every time something doesn't go our way. Relationships are complex, made all the more difficult to manage and muddle through because we each come with our own set of emotions and hang-ups. What we need to bear in mind is the attention we need to spend toward remaining vigilant in these relationships.  I think this may be what Jesus is reminding us of in this passage - not becoming so accustomed to the relationship woes that we don't immediately seek to remedy them when they raise their ugly heads!  Just sayin!

Sermon Lessons: Comparison

^1-5 "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor."

(Matthew 7:1-5)

I am probably not the only one that felt a little "picked on" in elementary school.  In fact, there are actual laws on the books today to deal with what you and I just simply had to muddle through - they are called "anti-bullying laws".  The instruction we received from our parents and school counselors was that the tendency to "bully" or "pick on" another individual was really a clear sign that the "bully" was pointing out the faults of others because they did not want to have others know their faults! 

Now, we are in the workplace and faced with a whole new dynamic of "bullying" that we must deal with - it is sometimes called "office dynamics".  The "gurus" that analyze the "office dynamics" tell us that we need to first increase our own self-awareness so that we can successfully begin to interact with others through an awareness of the other person.  In short, and without a whole lot of hype, what we really need to do is take ownership for our own actions and stop comparing ourselves to the other guy!

Comparison is not a bad thing - if the focus is on how much we have in common.  It is when we begin to meddle with the things that are different in a manner that is rude, judgmental, or hurtful that we begin to break down the relationship.  Comparing ourselves to another individual is a "flawed" concept, simply because the other individual has their own set of strengths and weaknesses.  We have ours.  No one individual is "completely" strong or weak.  In fact, that is why we find ourselves attracted to another individual sometimes - their strengths offset our weaknesses.

Our passage today reminds us of the dangers of comparison - we have a tendency to elevate what we see as our strengths and diminish what we actually are displaying as our weaknesses.  It took a long time for me to realize that pointing out the weaknesses of another did NOT take the heat off of me when I displayed those same weaknesses.  In fact, it MAGNIFIED them.  That is why Jesus tells his disciples that they must first remove the LOG from their own eye before they take aim at the speck in the other person's eye!

The more we try to "down-play" our weaknesses by pointing out those of another, the more we play the part of the "bully".  It took me a long time to get comfortable enough with myself to be truly honest about my "junk".  The "junk" of my past, those things that make me who I am, is nothing I can down-play or hide.  In fact, it lends to my character!  As time has gone by, I see that God has been at work on the things I tried so hard to down-play.  In turn, as I was open to the fact that the "junk" existed in me, I was allowing him to use others who had struggled with similar "junk" to help me overcome my "junk". 

So, today is a new day for us all.  We have the opportunity to stop down-playing our weaknesses by pointing them out in others.  We have the chance to be totally free of the need to compare, criticize, and create tension.  The first step is to admit that what we are really pointing out is that LOG in our own eye!