Debtor's Prison

Life is an adventure in forgiveness. 

(Norman Cousins)

I came across this little quote the other day and it made me think about all the ways forgiveness is both needed and given. If you are like me, your first thoughts gravitate toward 'who' we need to forgive and 'what' the offense was that required the forgiveness in the first place. We usually think about others when we begin to think upon forgiveness - someone that has done or said something that has hurt us, bringing harm to us either intentionally or completely without any ill will at all. I wonder...just how many times do we think of the 'who' in this business of forgiveness as ourselves? You know what...you and I need to forgive ourselves, too. We hold ourselves in a position of 'debtors' way too often - unwilling to forgive our own trespasses! All that does is keep us on the hamster wheel of trying to find a way to get out of 'debtor's prison'!

Who can see his own mistakes? Forgive my sins that I do not see. And keep Your servant from sinning by going my own way. Do not let these sins rule over me. Then I will be without blame. And I will not be found guilty of big sins. Let the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing in Your eyes, O Lord, my Rock and the One Who saves me. (Psalm 19:12-14)

Our own mistakes can sometimes be hard for us to see, but trust me on this one - God will expose them to us if we cannot see them ourselves! When he does, the first thing we should do is call upon him for mercy and in so doing, find not only forgiveness from him, but embrace forgiveness in ourselves. Instead, we might settle into that cursory prayer of 'God, forgive me', but then walk around with a load of guilt upon our shoulders that eventually finds its way into our hearts and minds. That load of guilt isn't supposed to be there. All guilt is supposed to exist for in our lives is to help us head back to the foot of the cross for the absolute and complete forgiveness we will receive there!

Forgiving ourselves is much harder than forgiving someone else, isn't it? I think we can release others from debtor's prison much quicker than we will allow ourselves to be freed - even when the door has been left wide open for us! Christ paid the debt already - our guilt isn't going to 'repay' the debt because it has already been paid. Our minds have a way of repeatedly accusing us of our failures and faults. Amazingly, we find ourselves rehearsing the 'debt' over and over again - almost as though we could somehow find a way to repay it. News Flash: YOU cannot repay your debt for sin - only CHRIST did that!

So, how do we forgive ourselves? It begins by asking God to forgive us for being so presumptuous so as to think we could not be forgiven for our sins. You read that correctly - we are being very presumptuous to think our sin is something that shouldn't or couldn't be forgiven - something we have to hold onto and somehow find a way to 'repay'. We assume a debt we cannot repay, but it has already been fully paid - what is more ridiculous than that? God doesn't want us bound up in our sin's guilt - so he made a way for us to be free of that guilt, but we have to let it go if we are to be free of it. We have to leave that 'cell' in the debtor's prison through the open door he has provided. Just sayin!

We OWE a debt

Pay all your debts except the debt of love for others—never finish paying that! For if you love them, you will be obeying all of God’s laws, fulfilling all his requirements. (Romans 13:8 TLB)

I sometimes use a credit card, but I am sure the banks aren't excited by the fact I don't carry a balance long enough to even pay any interest on it! I use it and pay it off - not liking to have debt. It is one of those cards that actually returns a little money to me by accumulating points with each purchase. I have managed to buy a new computer that way and a tablet, not to mention getting occasional gift cards. So, all in all, it is one practice that has served me well. There is one debt that I will always owe, though - the debt of love. For all of my life I will always be taking steps to 'pay off' that debt!

Some think of debt as a liability. When it comes to loving as Christ loved us, it isn't so much a liability, but an outflow of that love. It is the consideration of others more than ourselves that is hardest in this world. We are 'bent toward' thinking first about ourselves and then we seem to 'make time' for others. While that isn't all bad, since it is important take care of yourself so you remain well, it can be carried a little bit too far on occasion. We sometimes get so wrapped up in our little world that we neglect to see what is going on around us in the worlds of others.

Christ had a way of seeing his world as our world. It incorporated us into his world with every step he took and breath he inhaled. Our world was and is his world - he came to us, for us, lives in us, creates us, goes before us, walks beside us, and graces us with his peace, joy, and love. Nothing in his world was all about him. It was all about us! As much as we might want to think we are living as he did, we still far fall short of his example!

Christ never said, "Hey, look at me. I am the most important one here!" He simply lived as though nothing else mattered to him but us. It is in this way we are to pattern our lives, but we don't do it alone. We love as he loves because he lives in us. We stop living for ourselves because we are now living for him. It isn't about us keeping commandments, it is about us keeping Christ in the right place in our lives. When that is the case, the results will be to live in such a way that his love flows through - making the 'debt of love' we continually owe easier to repay each and every time we have the opportunity to 'pay that debt'. Just sayin!

Modeled grace

Forgiveness is not one of those things we fall into naturally - it is definitely a "learned art" because it takes a whole lot of practice to really get it right!  At first, we think we forgive just by telling someone it is okay, but still expecting them to somehow "repay" the debt caused by their misdeed.  After a while, we learn we are not supposed to hold the debt against them, which raises the bar for us a whole lot because we have to let the debtor off the hook!  It is one thing to let go of the hurt caused by the infraction, but quite another to actually let go of whatever we feel we are "owed" because of it!  Two common things we struggle with as it applies to forgiveness is the debt owed and the sense that the circumstances cannot be forgotten.  As long as we hold the debt in our heart and/or the memory in our minds, we still have some strings attached - the person is not totally released as far as we are concerned. As you can see, this is definitely an "art" which must be practiced over and over again until we get it right!

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.  (Proverbs 17:9 NLT)

Dwelling on faults is something I believe we come by "naturally" - we just have a hard time letting go of the "stuff" we perceive has been done "against" us at one time or another.  Some of us have a tendency to do something I call "gunny sacking" - the process of saving up offenses and then letting it rip on the poor unsuspecting soul when the sack gets full!  Others of us let it out right away, making sure the other soul knows we perceive their actions as something which violated one of our rights or fell below our expectations. Either way, it is dangerous business because faults held onto, or aired in a manner which only thinks about how "we" were affected stands the chance of hurting not only the other guy, but us in turn.

Let's talk about the quick response first.  It is a good thing to "remain current" with all offenses - but it is quite another thing to "air your grievance" without consideration of the other individual involved.  Too many times we air our grievances simply from our own perspective of the infraction - how we see it, how it affected us, how it brought this or that into our lives, etc.  We fail to see the other side of the coin - the perspective from which the other individual may have been viewing the circumstance.  For example, someone does something we take as a "slight" on their part - overlooking some need we had which we perceived as quite obvious.  The other individual may have had no idea of our "need" because it was neither spoken, nor understood.  So, are they really at fault for not meeting that need - creating the "slight"?  Not really!  We have the perception it was obvious - but trust me, what we feel may be completely obvious may be hidden well from the view of others!

We also cannot "gunny sack" all of the infractions or slights of another which we perceive to be "against us" - for this creates a huge number of issues outside of the smaller issues which were all stored up in the first place. Remaining "current" with offenses is not only practical, it is common sense. When we deal with something now, we often deal with it more practically - in the present we see the details, can bring into light what may not have been understood, etc.  In the future, we have had a great deal of time to "retell" the story of how we "perceive" the infraction took place.  Trust me - our story usually "morphs" into something quite different than the offense!  The more we retell the story (something gunny-sackers do quite frequently), the worse the offense becomes.  Why?  Rehearsed stuff becomes fuel for the fire - it builds in intensity until we take the tiniest infraction and blow it out of proportion.

Love must be practiced in relationship.  This is not a suggested practice, but a required one.  Since love must be practiced (modeled), it is important to understand how forgiveness plays into this idea of love.  First of all, love isn't always looking for its own way - something we'd do well to learn if we are to be overlooking offenses in this lifetime.  Many an offense would not even be perceived if we'd stop interpreting life through the eyes of "ME" all the time! Secondly, love doesn't hold onto wrongs, but lets them go.  When we release someone the first time, we might feel like we didn't "get anything" out of the action, but trust me, we do!  The other person may not understand how we can "let them off the hook" without some kind of debt for their offense, but in time they will see Christ's character in your actions - something you cannot fake, but which is a result of appreciating the grace extended without measure in your own life.  The more we practice this idea of "releasing" the other person from the "debt" they owed us by their infraction, the more we come to appreciate the magnitude of God's grace.

There is no debt owed which is greater than our own.  This is a tough thing to fully appreciate, but it is truth nonetheless.  When we can appreciate the magnitude of our own debt, it becomes a little easier to let go of another's! Just sayin!

Covering the Tab

⁹ Overlook an offense and bond a friendship;
   fasten on to a slight and—good-bye, friend! 

(Proverbs 17:9 The Message)

The Amplified Bible puts this passage this way:  He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or harps on a matter separates even close friends.  To cover an offense is more than just overlooking it in a casual manner, responding with a flippant attitude that "it didn't really matter".  Sometimes, I think we get a little confused with what it means to overlook an offense.  You see, in friendship, there will be repeated offenses - that is a given.  We don't set out to offend, but we find ourselves doing it sometimes without really noticing how our actions, words, or slights bring offense to another.  The Amplified Bible is a little clearer about the process of "bonding a friendship".  There is the process of overlooking the offense, and the subsequent process of forgiving it!

When a friend and I go to a restaurant for a meal, we often "cover" the check for each other (taking turns "covering" the bill).  What we are doing is taking care of the debt of that other person's meal.  Now, take that to the idea of the other person at the table having offended you.  When you "cover" that offense, you are actually cancelling out the debt of that offense.  There is a willingness on our part to "step up" to cover the offense - to relieve the other of that offense.  It is a continual thing - we must always keep the "accounts" square in friendship - not allowing anything to stand as an unforgiven "debt".

This type of friend is highly coveted indeed.  The type of friend that repeats, or harps on an offense constantly reminds the one who has committed the offense that there is a "debt" owed.  We have a natural tendency to rehearse that which another "owes" - kind of like when an accountant goes over and over the books to keep accurate tallies on the debits and credits on the accounts.  Rehearsing the "debt" not only damages the original relationship, but the relationship others will have with that individual down the road.  

We actually influence the way others see or friends by the things we allow to be repeated about them.  We may find ourselves repeating an offense - sharing how we were slighted by that other person - without realizing that the repeating of that offense (matter) is really damaging that individual's reputation in the eyes of another (not to mention how God must feel about it).  The negative we allow to be spoken will never result in a positive relationship with another.  We must guard our words - quickly letting go of the offenses that we really don't need to hold onto anyway.

The idea of "covering" the debt of another is perfectly exemplified for us in the action of the Cross.  Jesus fully "covered" our debt for sin - taking full responsibility and making full restitution for our debt.  When he asks for us to "cover" the slights of another with the same grace he extends to us, he is really not asking what he was not willing to do himself.