The lowest of lows

“You threw me into the sea. Your powerful waves splashed over me. I went down, down into the deep sea.
The water was all around me. Then I thought, ‘Now I must go where you cannot see me,’ but I continued looking to your holy Temple for help." (Jonah 2:3-4)

We all are subject to those 'weak moments' when darkness is about to consume us, having made unwise choices. In the darkest places, it never ceases to amaze me that we 'call out'. We may not even know what we are calling out for, or who it is we are calling out to, but we 'call out'. Why? We need help! We feel shame over our actions. We aren't doing 'well' emotionally, spiritually, or physically and we need help. Does it come as any surprise that in the darkest of places Jonah is still looking to God for help? It shouldn't because we serve a God of redemption!

I was at the bottom of the sea, the place where the mountains begin. I thought I was locked in this prison forever, but the Lord my God took me out of my grave. God, you gave me life again! (vs. 6)

At our lowest place, God is there. At our highest peak, God is there. At our everyday, run-of-the-mill kind of moments, God is there. If you're doubting that right now, think again. God has never abandoned us, and he never will. Sin drives a wedge between us, but grace works to remove the wedge. When we feel we are 'locked into our sinful patterns' in life, we need to only cry out. God is at the ready to give us life again. We make the choice to follow sin's pull - we also make the choice to embrace his grace when our sin has led us to feel ashamed and overwhelmed.

We all come to our 'bottom places', but he is right there beside us, reaching for us. We might not always 'feel' God with us, nor will we always be able to 'see' he is working in us, but we can trust that he never leaves us to experience that darkness alone. Jesus went to the grave for us - the darkest place did not consume him, so why would we think God incapable of helping us find our way out of ours? Just askin!

Desert dryness and darkness galore

There are times when all we need is a little nudge in the right direction - then we are off and running at full speed.  It is the lack of that "little nudge" which can keep us cemented to our chairs, too.  We are definitely creatures who want "confirmation" of direction before we set out.  There is nothing wrong with this, but there are just times when God expects us to act in obedience, even when we don't feel a "little nudge" to do so!  Over the past couple of weeks, we have explored passages which point to us listening intently, using our common sense to help us in our decision-making, and hearing God's voice in a myriad of ways. There is no "secret" voice of God - he doesn't speak to just a select few - he speaks to all of us.  We just have to learn to recognize when it is we need to wait for his "voice" to become clear to us and when it is we can count on what we already know to be true in our lives to guide us.  Learning the balance between common sense, waiting on God, and "feeling" the little nudge of the Holy Spirit is what we really need to grasp.

You are my God. Show me what you want me to do, and let your gentle Spirit lead me in the right path. (Psalm 143:10 CEV)

David starts this psalm with the words:  "Listen, Lord, as I pray! You are faithful and honest and will answer my prayer."  His heart is seeking God's wisdom in matters he just cannot seem to figure out himself.  There are times when God gives us enough common sense (learning we have accumulated and assimilated into our lives) which can guide us through circumstances.  At other times, we just need to be still long enough to begin to get direction from God.  David recounts this truth in these opening words - for God has been faithful to listen when David shares his heart - honestly appraising David's needs and giving him wisdom on how to proceed.  This should give each of us a little bit of comfort, as well.  As we consider that God is honest with us - appraising what it is we REALLY have need of and then helping us to grasp it - we should take heart that God will not guide us down paths which will bring us harm, or fall short of giving us exactly what we have need of.

If we read on in this chapter, we will see David is at the end of his rope. He is even exhibiting some signs he is a little depressed.  He uses words like "I am in total darkness like one long dead" and "I have given up all hope and feel numb all over".  Now, these aren't very encouraging words to say the least, but I want us to be encouraged by David's honesty and transparency with God.  He is not afraid to let God know how desperate the condition of his mind, emotions, and spirit are at that moment.  He is hurting and God doesn't shrink away from this type of honest communication.  I think there are times we don't bring our hurts and emotional distress to God simply because we think God expects us to rise above them and have our life all together.  We feel "inferior" to what we believe we should be "feeling" at the moment - because somehow we have a belief Christians don't get in the mully-grubs.  To this I can only say, "WRONG!"

He goes on:  "I remember to think about the many things you did in years gone by.   Then I lift my hands in prayer, because my soul is a desert, thirsty for water from you."  Those times when we are the "driest" are the times God wants us to draw the nearest.  Instead of pushing away from him, we need to draw nearer.  When we have a wrong perception of what it is we are to do with our defeated attitudes, lack of hope in the midst of unbearable trials, or our seemingly "done in" sense of loss, we won't bring them to God, but will try to "deal" with them alone.  I have to ask:  "How's that working for you?"  For me, it doesn't!  I just get deeper into my mire!  I don't imagine it is much different for you, either.  So, in order to gain hope when all hope seems to be gone, deal with our feelings of being "numb", and experience refreshing in our times of "desert dryness", we need to bring ourselves squarely into the presence of Jesus.

You know how we do this?  We recount what we know to be true about God! David had a way of doing this - recounting the many blessings of God, his faithfulness, and his interventions in the past.  All helped to refocus him.  In the place of despair and despondency, we don't need "more" of anything - we already possess all we need, we just need to refocus!  We need to turn again to what we know to be true in our lives - turn again to Jesus.  David said, "Each morning let me learn more about your love because I trust you.  I come to you in prayer, asking for your guidance."  He trusted God - plain and simple.  If we trust someone with everything we are, we will lean into that someone with all we've got.  This is the way out of our despondency - leaning!  Too many times we think it is in digging our way out, but in truth, it simply in learning to lean in a little harder.  Just sayin!

God's prayer

In the dumps:  A gloomy, melancholy state of mind; depression.  Do you ever find yourself “in the dumps”?  We refer to this almost as a “place” rather than a frame of reference referring to our attitude.  Yet, the origin of this phrase clearly points to a sense of deep melancholy.  There are a ton of synonyms:  down low, blue, sad, unhappy, low-spirited, discouraged, fed up, moody, pessimistic, glum, dejected, despondent, dispirited, downcast, morose, crestfallen, and downhearted.  Whew!  What a list!  If you really look at all of them, where do these words “focus” us?  Don’t they focus “us” on “us”?  When we say we are “unhappy”, isn’t it really us interpreting something in life as “making us” feel less than good about a situation?  When we say we are “discouraged”, aren’t we saying like we don’t feel like doing anything more to see the outcome change?  The fact is, being “in the dumps” is really something which WE have control over!

When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse everything I know of you, from Jordan depths to Hermon heights, including Mount Mizar.  Chaos calls to chaos, to the tune of whitewater rapids.  Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers crash and crush me.  Then God promises to love me all day, sing songs all through the night!  My life is God’s prayer.  (Psalm 42:6-8 MSG)

David says something we don’t want to gloss over – when he is “in the dumps”, he takes control!  He begins to rehearse what he knows about God.  To rehearse is similar to watching re-runs.  You play the facts over and over again in your mind until your heart catches hold of them!  The idea is one of allowing the things we "know" about God to get into our spirit and to begin to lift us from the place of despair we have allowed our spirit to drift into.  

David also describes some how he "feels" when he finds himself "in the dumps".  It is more than just a state of mind - he feels it intensely in his body.  If you have ever been near whitewater rapids, you know how intensely loud this is.  You almost cannot hear anything else because the noise from the rush of the water is so great.  In the place of despair, melancholy, or depression, we often cannot hear over the "chaos" of the noise created by our own emotions!  We find there is a whole lot of "clutter" interfering with us hearing correctly.  

So, how do we deal with this "clutter" of "internal noise" which gets in the way of us hearing God?  David says we continue to rehearse what we know until those other "noise sources" and "crushing forces" begin to let up.  The truth is, when we focus on God and begin to rehearse his goodness in our lives, it is not long before some of the "noise" settles.  The source of that "noise" cannot stand in the presence of God for long - it has to submit to God's presence!

The most awesome part of this passage almost escaped me, though!  It is the very last statement:  My life is God's prayer.  Now, think on that a little with me.  Our life - complete with all its mess and muddle - is God's prayer.  I guess I never really thought about God praying, but then I had a moment of revelation.  Jesus prayed!  He interceded for us!  And he continues to do so to this day!  Jesus takes our needs before his Father.  We also have the other member of the Trinity praying for us, as well.  The Holy Spirits gives us the very words we utter, praying through us when we don't know how or what to pray - isn't this really a form of God praying?  

So, David asks himself why he chooses to stay "in the dumps" when he has all this going for him.  Sure, there is "noise" all around which only adds to the confusion of his low spot, but it is never louder than God's voice.  Yes, there is "chaos" abounding, confusing us and getting us to a place of feeling almost dispirited, but his Spirit is there lifting us out of the place we sink so easily into.  I wonder if we realize just how awesomely blessed we are to have God making us a matter of prayer?  Just askin!

This "PIT" will not consume me!

Ever hit bottom and find yourself recognizing the depth of the pit all while life continues to demand more and more of you?  I think all of us have experienced being overwhelmed in some "pit" at one time or another.  The impact of the "pit" is determined by the perception we maintain IN the pit.  We can continue to look down - seeing only the darkness of the lowest point.  We can look outward - seeing only the closeness of the walls surrounding us, seemingly holding us in a position of bondage.  Or...we can look up, taking notice of the glimmer of light breaking in the distance, and take hope!

 ⁵ Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?  Why are you crying the blues? 

   Fix my eyes on God—soon I'll be praising again.  He puts a smile on my face.  He's my God.

(Psalm 43:5 The Message)

David penned these words a long time ago, but they have awesome value for us today.  In the midst of the pit, he questions himself.  The searching questions he poses reveal much.  First, he asks his "soul" (mind, will and emotions) why it is down in the dumps.  There are times when we need to examine our thoughts in the "pit" of despair - simply because all action begins with thoughts.  Our mind is key to our perspective.  

If we recount only the darkness of the bottom of the pit, or the closeness of the encompassing walls, we see no way out!  The will plays a part in determining how we perceive the "pit" - without determination, we never change our focus.  The emotions just serve to overwhelm us when our mind and will have chosen to focus on the depth of the pit and the limits of its walls.

Second, he asks himself why he is "crying the blues".  Simply put, this is the tendency we all have to "rehearse" the darkness of the pit over-and-over again. We ruminate - chew the cud, so to speak.  In doing so, we tell ourselves the story again and again until the story become the "reality" by which we make all our decisions.  In the end, we wonder why the walls are closing in and the floor seems to be getting darker!

As quickly as he asks himself these questions, he seems to recognize the futility of the position he is allowing himself to remain in.  Yep, you caught it when I said he "allowed" himself to remain in the pit.  The pit is indeed a choice.  We determine our response to the pit - the pit has no influence over us until we give it the influence!  He turns as quickly from the futility of his "pit-dwelling" emotional upheaval and begins to speak to his soul.

Did you ever consider the meaning of "pitiful"?  I think it is a word which describes being so consumed by the "pit" that we cannot be filled up with anything other than the pit!  David begins to turn his focus upward - seeing the "light" from the opening of the pit.  He "fixes" his eyes on the light - and in time, his heart is lifted in hopeful praise.  He sees the way out - determines to focus on the opening rather than the closeness of the despair which had become his object of focus for a while!

I am not a "pit-dweller".  When I stumble into the pits of life, I soon begin to recognize the absolute hopelessness of staying there too long.  In fact, I have come to recognize the way out is often the opposite of the way I got into the pit!  No one gets into the pit from the bottom first!  We all get there.  The choice to remain, or escape, is made in the moment we determine our focus!

Misery, Despair, and Depression, Oh My!

 I'm feeling terrible—I couldn't feel worse!  Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember?  When I told my story, you responded; train me well in your deep wisdom.  Help me understand these things inside and out 
      so I can ponder your miracle-wonders. 

(Psalm 119:25-27 The Message)

I was watching a game show the other night with mom.  The introductions of the contestants included the regular demographics - where do you live, where do you work, what are your hobbies?  I have to say that I cringe each and every time I hear someone say, "I am an author.  I write self-help books."  I am so amazed that anyone could actually figure out how to help "self"!  In my own experience, I have observed that my "self" is pretty doggone unreliable and no amount of me helping "me" really "sticks"!!!

David opens this section with the cold, hard truth that he is miserable!  Have you ever been this honest with God?  Really just getting down to the nitty-gritty with him - telling him like it is - is probably one of the hardest things for some of us. We try to paint a rosy picture many times, instead of being as forthright as David finds himself being in this passage.  David lays it all out there - "I'm feeling terrible!  I couldn't feel worse!"  Let me tell you, David struggled with some pretty severe depression from what I can see recorded throughout this writings!  

He connects with God exactly where he is "at" - his feelings don't match what he wants to be doing!  He wants to be "up on his feet again" - feeling his oats - but his condition (feelings) betray his true condition of heart, soul, and spirit.  He is miserable - and his feelings of misery are coloring the way he sees life at that very moment.  Thank goodness for David's example - by studying what he did with his "feelings", we can learn what we are supposed to "do" with them.  We are to bring them to the one that actually created them!  He made us this way, so it stands to reason that he is the one that can help us get to a place of "standing strong" again!

Depression "gets us down" - we "feel" like we are under a load of bricks and we just cannot possibly get out from under them.  Try as we might, no amount of "self-help" is going to do it for us!  This kind of "misery" or "despair" is best left to the expert - God!  Here's what David did:

- He let his misery out before God.  He did not keep it bottled up, shoved into denial, or covered over with a false "mask" of "I'm okay".  Here is the beginning of hope for those in depression - getting it out in the open.  When we can finally begin to talk about what we are experiencing - that "ton of bricks" burden that is weighing us down - we can begin to connect with hope.  

- He reminds God of his promises.  David knew God's promises - he studied them, incorporating them into his life.  Now, in his despair, he recounts them to the one who made them!  David had the promise that "I will never leave you, nor forsake you" (Deuteronomy 31:6) - now he brings it into practice in his life.  He had the promise that "He is like a tree that is planted near a stream of water. It always bears its fruit at the right time. Its leaves don't dry up.      Everything godly people do turns out well" (Psalm 1:3) - he feels pretty "dry" right now and he calls upon God to bring the refreshing he so earnestly needs.

- He wants to understand what gets him to the place of misery he is in.  He asks God to help him not only understand the things that will bring him out of his despair, but what it is that can keep him out of it in the first place!  No amount of "self-help" will get us to the place of recognizing the root of our misery - that is a job best left to God.  He delights in showing us the "path" that got us into the pit because he didn't create us to "dwell" in the pit!

David is counting on God to turn the circumstances around in his life - getting him on his feet again.  This seems way to simple to one buried under a load of depression, but I can tell you this - the bricks in that pile are removed one at a time.  The master brick-layer is God - he has a use for each "BRICK" in our pile.  As we allow him to remove those weighty bricks of despair, misery, and depression, he will make something more beautiful from them than we might possibly imagine.  In my own times of depression, I have found this to be true.  God can make beauty from what I see as nothing more than ugliness!  It is in the one who "handles" the bricks that the beauty is evident!

Ummm...can you say "depressed"?

¹¹ Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues?
   Fix my eyes on God—soon I'll be praising again.
   He puts a smile on my face.  He's my God.

(Psalm 42:11)

There are a variety of psalms written by David that carry almost the same theme of desperation - intense desire to see God intervene in his life, some tragedy making his life almost unbearable, some sin keeping him out of fellowship with his creator.  This one has some "meat" to it that I'd like to explore this morning. David is lamenting over his circumstances - over his downtrodden disposition.  In other words, he is pretty well down-in-the-mouth - depressed beyond measure.  He is mourning over something or someone - the impression is that he has lost out on something in his life and he is in a deep, deep depression as a result.

He begins with the idea of being thirsty.  He desires to drink God in afresh.  Have you ever been so thirsty that you just guzzle down the fluids?  In Arizona, one of the dangers of working outdoors in the heat is that you get dehydrated quite easily.  You just plug along with your work without any real recognition of how much fluid you need to replace in order to keep up with your body's sweating.  If you don't replace it fast enough, and frequently enough, you end up with the condition we call "dehydration".  

Dehydration is a process of excessive loss!  That is what David has experienced - excessive loss - and it has left him feeling totally "parched" so that he desires nothing more than to drink in God afresh!  He has even had a change in his diet!  He states, "I am on a diet of tears - tears for breakfast, tears for supper!"  David is in a place of severe depression.  His sadness is greater than he can endure alone.  His loss is leading him to feel this prolonged "void" in his life - and it is tearing him up!  

As with most of us, when we are feeling particularly "lost" and like there is a huge "void" in our lives, we do some "recollection" of the past.  We call this rehearsing our memories.  That is exactly what David tells us that he does.  He says, "These things I go over and over, emptying out the pockets of my life."  The tendency to rehearse the things we have once been able to count on is not unusual.  We are people of "memories" - we count on our memories to sustain us in the hard times.  David says that his best memories are of those times when God central in his life - square in the middle, causing him to be at the head of the pack in giving praise and worship to his creator.

The key to David's lament in this chapter is really found in his revelation of what he does when he finds he is down in the dumps - when grief has overtaken him and his life seems to be circling the drain!  He says, "When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse everything I know of you!"  He focuses on all that he knows about his creator - rehearsing it over and over again.  The fact is, when we begin to rehearse what we know about God, we have a change of heart!  Our heart is affected by our thoughts - in turn, our emotional "affect" is changed!

David makes the admission that most of us have made at one point or another in our lives - "God, I think you've let me down!"  We ask the "why" questions.  Why did you let this happen?  Why do good people die?  Why does bad stuff happen to good people?  The list goes on.  In plain language, he admits to God that he equates his present situation to God letting him down.  The revelation he comes to in his rehearsal of all he knows about God is that God NEVER lets his kids down!

He gives us the anchor we need in the verses we consider today as our meditation verses.  "Fix your eyes on God - soon you'll be praising again!"  We may not praise out of a sense of joy for what we have gone through or experienced - but because of the faithfulness of our God to bring us through to the other side!  When we are fixed on God, we cannot drift further into our depression.  When he is our anchor, the circumstances may come, but we are held firmly in place!