Disappointed - Grow On!

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31 ESV)

"Sometimes when you get disappointment it makes you stronger."  (David Rudisha) 

If I relied solely upon my own strength and knowledge, I surely would become disappointed with many an "unwanted" or "unanticipated" outcome in my life - how about you? The "big picture" as some call it is just not plain enough for us to always see - try as we might, we might get glimpses at it, but to keep it in constant focus is a hard, hard thing. There have been times when I experienced disappointment, not always because of anything I had control over, but because of some action of others, circumstances outside of my sphere of influence, or just sheer natural disaster. Disappointment is part of life - we cannot always avoid it - but we can use it to help us grow stronger!

I had a marriage fail, but I don't live in the shadow of that disappointment any longer. I have grown from it and am stronger because of what I took away from ten years of struggling to hold it together and all the years since. I have lost jobs, not because of a lack of aptitude or hard work, but because of circumstances beyond my control. I have learned to rely upon the provision of God even more than I did before, not because I lost the job, but because I finally realized all the "best plans" of man are but a speck on the map of God's perfect plan for mankind. I have seen my kids do things I wish then hadn't, feeling a little disappointed they had to walk that course in life. I didn't beat myself up as a mother, but found my love for them just grew in proportion to the depth of my pain!

We don't have to live in the shadow of our disappointments in life. God has provided a means by which they can be transformed into opportunities for our growth. It begins with unmeasured amounts of his grace and then it multiplies into all the various things we need to not only survive the disappointment, but to be left stronger by it. I don't always get how God does this in us, but I know it to be true. I don't always understand why it takes disappointment to help us to grow a little deeper, but maybe it is because if we always had things "just right" in life, we'd become complacent or "flabby around the edges". I trust God to renew when my energies are at their end. I rely upon his "push" to move me forward when I am getting way too bogged down into the "mully-grubs" of disappointment. He isn't going to leave us in our place of disappointment, but sometimes we choose to dwell there just a little too long!  Just sayin!

Oh, those are BIG waves!

The idea of "hope" is the anchor which holds every person in the battle of cancer treatment.  The chance the latest chemo treatment may just be the one to kick those rebellious cells into remission gives one a chance to believe things may turn out well.  Working hard at a task, seeing incremental changes which appear to be in the right direction, gives a soul expectancy for things to be different from what they are today.  We all live with some element of "hope" in our lives.  If we did not, we'd shrivel up and die - if not physically, at least emotionally!


¹² Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around. (Proverbs 13:12 The Message)


In the NIV, the same verse is translated:  ¹² Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.  We cannot live with "deferred hope" for very long without feeling its effect upon our bodies, minds, and emotions.  Our "anchor" begins to shift into sandy ground - we just lose hold of "firmness" in our lives.


Have you ever walked along a rocky place on the seashore and observed the many grooves worn by the constant pounding of the waves?  In fact, when you look closely at these rocky surfaces, you will see them worn smooth in some areas, pocked roughness in others, and nothing like what they looked like when they were first formed.  What has happened to them with the pounding waves is evident - or is it?


We don't see the many tiny pieces of the larger rock which are no longer there!  In fact, truth be told, hundreds of thousands of waves have carried away pieces of the larger rocks, tiny piece by tiny piece - until the rock no longer resembles itself any longer.  This is the effect of living without hope - constantly being battered by life - carried away by the waves of disappointment.  We are never unaffected by the waves of disappointment - especially when they are unrelenting.


I am not a widow, but I am divorced.  I can imagine a portion of the grief a widow or widower must encounter day after day - but my circumstance is different.  We often don't recognize the various waves which are "carrying away" tiny pieces of the widow's heart as those waves of grief sweep over her, but their effect is real nonetheless.


I have not lost both my parents, but I have lost one.  When dad passed, it was like a part of my world ceased to exist.  I no longer had the counsel of my trusted adviser - no one to run to when something broke and I just could not figure out how to fix it.  I lost the one who never questioned my ability, but always encouraged me to be my best.  Tiny pieces, lost in the waves.


I have never been homeless, but I have experienced the uncertainty and fear of losing a job.  The seemingly endless nights of reworking the plan, trying to make ends meet.  All the waves of hope this interview might be the one.  Tiny pieces, lost in the waves.


I choose not to look at the pieces carried away by the waves, but the thing which is created by the waves themselves.  I think of the beauty hidden from view - exposed by the waves.  This is hope.  The perspective of seeing something new out of something we may not have chosen for ourselves is all we can hold onto at times, but it is never a disappointment in the end!  As long as Christ is riding the waves with me, I never doubt the effect of the waves!

Forgiveness is a habit

^3-4 If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance?
   As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit, and that's why you're worshiped. 

(Psalm 130:3-4)

We humans are "record keepers".  We manage to stuff all kinds of information into our brains - dates, times, events, memories, agendas, wishes, dreams - to name only a few.  We organize that information based on importance to us - prioritizing it and "packaging" it into "parcels" of thought.  If we cannot manage to store anymore, or feel that the information is SO important that we cannot risk losing it, we write it down, recording it for future reference.

This process works well for us if what we are "storing away" in the recesses of our brain, or recording on paper, has a significant meaning that will lend itself to our growth or development.  When we begin storing away the thoughts or memories that actually serve to tear us down, keeping us in a place of bondage to a past hurt or failure, we are opening ourselves to more hurt.  When these thoughts are about another's actions in our life, God refers to this process as "harboring unforgiveness" or resentment.  When these memories are about some failure on our part, God refers to this as "bondage".

Look at the example God sets for us:  He keeps NO record on our wrongdoing.  In fact, he practices forgiveness out of a well-established habit of repeatedly forgiving his children.  If this is the case, why do we find ourselves so engulfed in keeping record of wrongs committed?  Why do we hold those memories so close to our heart, investing more and more emotional energy in the maintaining of those memories over the course of time?

There are some principles we need to embrace in order to be free of our past failures and our present resentments:

1. Embrace God's forgiveness.  We cannot be free until we are convinced of God's ability and willingness to forgive us.  Don't gloss over this!  God is both willing and able to forgive.  He is able to forgive based on the sacrifice of his Son, Jesus Christ.  That sacrifice paid any penalty that is "due" as a result of our sinful wrongdoing.  He is willing to forgive because he is a loving God - his grace is his response of love.
2. Embrace God's ability and renewal.  God can bring good of even the worst situation we manage to get ourselves into - there may have been unwanted consequences, but he is there to pick up the pieces.  We made the choices that led to the outcome, but he stands at the ready to restore what we have allowed to fall into ruin in our lives.  We don't see much value in forgiving someone who has hurt us deeply - we may know that we are commanded to do so, but we just cannot connect the dots of how this will set us free.  All I can say is that as soon as we begin to let go of that other person in our thoughts, refusing to invest our emotional energy in holding on to the hurts of our past, we can begin to be free in our present.  
3. Embrace God's plan for wholeness.  We often stop short of being completely free of our past by not following the pattern laid out for us in Scripture.  God has given us repeated examples in the Word of how a man is to live once he has been forgiven (redeemed).  First, there is a "turning away" from that which was once a strong pursuit of our heart (that which we were making that huge emotional investment in).  Then, if we are to live free of that past hurt, we need to "replace" it with something else.  This is where God comes in - we turn away - he helps us with the renewal.  We have to put something into the place of those past responses to our hurt or disappointment.  They leave a void that must be filled.  God asks us to fill that void with more of him - investing our emotional energy in the things he delights in.  This may be Christian service, or it may be as simple as time spent with him in worship and study until what was significant to us about a past hurt or failure fades from our memory completely.

We stop short of allowing God to completely set us free by not being willing to let go.  Letting go is the hardest part of emotional healing and the new life he purposes for us.  Yet, we cannot move on until we are truly willing to move out of that focused investment of our time, energies, and repeated rehearsal of our past.  It begins with just one step - often, this step will NOT be coupled with an immediate "feeling" that something has changed.  We call this obedience.  We step out in what God is asking us to do, whether we "feel" like it or not.  If we continue to do this long enough, the emotions associated with the actions of obedience will begin to follow.  When we release ourselves from our past enough times, filling up that "gap" a little bit more each time with what God wants us to have in our lives, the emotions will follow.

Today is a day to "let go".  I don't know what you need to let go of - that is between you and God.  I am praying for your journey.