Mindset = Expectation

All our words and acts are passing in review before God. (Ellen G. White)

Talk and act like a person expecting to be judged by the Rule that sets us free. For if you refuse to act kindly, you can hardly expect to be treated kindly. Kind mercy wins over harsh judgment every time. (James 2:12-13)

Expectation is a mindset that creates a sense of anticipation, is it not? When you invest your money in a fund, you anticipate a return. When you tell your teen to be home by curfew, you expect a timely return by that curfew end. What do we expect from each other? Those expectations create a mindset within that actually builds anticipation of some 'return'. We expect someone to be kind - revealed through kind words and deeds. This mindset is based on a form of hope. We could expect someone to act harshly, based on a set of expectations we have created about that person created from some character traits they exhibit. We have created a mindset based upon what we have observed. Because our 'minds' can be 'set' by a myriad of different things, expectations varying based on emotion and observations, we need someone to help us form the best 'mindset' possible. When we allow God to 'set' our minds, we are also allowing him to set our expectations. 

The RULE that has set us free is the one that should guide our 'mindset'. That rule? God's love seeks, finds, heals, and brings wholeness because of the finished work of Christ. Didn't Christ tell us to 'treat others as we expected to be treated'? Didn't he also live by that truth - leaving us with an example of how the 'rule' worked in everyday circumstances? What is 'hoped for' and what is 'observed' - both play a very important part in our journey with others. The truth is that we need to become the person that lives with God's love flowing through our veins. When you go to the Word of God, do you 'expect' it to change you? Or are you there to just 'check that one off the list' for the day? When you pray, do you expect God to hear and answer? Or are your words hollow and without true hope? 

We must understand the power of 'expectation' and how that creates a sense of anticipation within. We must also understand the power of the right mindset. When Christ is first in our lives, it is revealed in our choices and those choices are a direct result of having our expectations set by Christ. We 'expect' to live in safety - so God creates boundaries we are to live within. We 'expect' to be healed in areas where sin has left us in a world of hurt - so God brings us into times of closeness with him that allows him to minister to those wounds. All of our 'expectations' are tied to some form of 'anticipation', even in our relationship with God. Struggling? Disappointed by people? Disappointed by yourself? Ask God to purify your expectations - to give you a fresh mindset. Lean into him, anticipating his movement within. We might just have different expectations of those around us and ourselves as a result. Just sayin!

Human opinion disables us

 The fear of human opinion disables; trusting in God protects you from that. (Proverbs 29:25)

How many of us are subject to human opinion? If you don't think you are, ask yourself if you go to the 4 or 5 star items on that online store, reading the reviews of the products you are considering. If you do, you are subject to human opinion - reviews are actually a form of offering one's opinion of a product, service, or place. We all rely upon human opinion just a little bit - even if it is to swerve right as we are going down the road as we have seen the three drivers in front of us do already. We don't know why we are swerving, but based upon what we have seen, we respond similarly. That is the bad thing about human opinion - we respond similarly based upon what another thinks or feels. If you have ever read mixed reviews of a product, you know how conflicted you can be in reading them. You know some absolutely love the product, while it totally disappointed others or simply didn't meet their expectations.

Opinion is based upon two very dangerous things - expectations and performance. How many of us know performance doesn't always match up to expectations? Performance doesn't always match up to promises, either! The grounds upon which we base an opinion may not be sufficient to form a 'solidly reliable opinion'. One thing I have come to count on is how well a product performs. If I see the laundry detergent reduce my need to apply stain removers, add bleach, or even 'rewash' items, I am more likely to repurchase that detergent. Why? I have formed an opinion based upon reliable performance. If the manufacturer chooses to change the formula then the performance may change. Even the performance that I once counted on observing isn't consistent all of the time, is it? No wonder God tells us human opinion can 'disable' us if we count on it way to much!

If we count on another's opinion of us, we certainly will be subject to being weakened and sometimes even unable to perform as we usually would have performed. Why? We are crippled by their expectations - either because we know we cannot match up to them, or because they keep changing! Performance will waver - we are humans subject to 'varying' performance based upon skill, energy, reasoning capacity, and even desire. There is only one individual whose opinion really matters - Jesus. His expectations never change. They are consistent and revealed to us plainly in scripture. We don't have to 'guess' about what he will desire to see - the performance he will expect. We can be free of human opinion when we come to the place of recognizing only one expectation matters - love the Lord your God with all your heart. From that stem all other 'performance', such as loving your neighbor, taking care of the needs of others, and extending grace even before it is sought. Just sayin!

I didn't get what I expected out of that....

I am going to ask some 'telling' questions, but unless you post a comment in this blog, I will never know your answer. God will, but I won't! Ever pass a little gas in public, only to quickly walk away, looking as nonchalant and "innocent" as possible? Or maybe hit the snooze button one too many times, then blame your tardiness on being "caught in traffic"? Or perhaps a deadline passes without your work being finished and you excuse it away with just how "busy" you have been? It is silly how we try to "cover up" our little "misgivings" with all kinds of make-shift "screens", isn't it? As I was reading the story of Adam and Eve being tempted by the serpent in the Garden of Eden this morning, I had the revelation of this "cover up" concept being a pretty OLD way of dealing with our short-comings! Covering things up has been around a long, long time! We continue to rely upon cover-ups as a means of dealing with life's issues, even when they have proven ineffective!

When the Woman saw that the tree looked like good eating and realized what she would get out of it—she'd know everything!—she took and ate the fruit and then gave some to her husband, and he ate. Immediately the two of them did "see what's really going on"—saw themselves naked! They sewed fig leaves together as makeshift clothes for themselves. (Genesis 3:6-7)

Isn't that the main reason we use some form of cover-up? We want to get something out of our mess up, but we failed to recognize our 'desire' to get something out of the circumstance would leave us in a muddle. Our "cover-ups" are nothing better than "makeshift clothes", aren't they? At best, they provide a "flimsy" excuse we attempt to hide behind. Yet, we are all subject to the same types of reactions to our misgivings, aren't we? It is a tactic we use that is as old as dirt. Any time we try to cover up our failures, we are trying to "make do" with our short-comings - we aren't trying to be free from them. We "improvise" - or some may say jury-rig our "fix". I found myself suggesting the use of duct tape to cover over a blemish that was snagging me up on one of my workbenches the other day, instead of breaking out the plane and sander to deal with it. This may not seem like much to you, but if you know anything about workbenches, a little duct tape may cover the snag, but it does nothing to really address the issue! The proper "fix" would be to plane it down and sand it smooth so it didn't 'snag me up' each time I passed something over it.

Healing only begins when we submit our failures to the one who can really do something about them. Healing began when Adam and Eve finally admitted their "naked" condition to God - explaining WHY they felt the need to cover-up their misdeed. We do all kinds of things to cover our "naked" condition of soul - yet nothing adorns us in the same way as grace! We can manage to cover-up quite a bit very cleverly until one day something 'undoes' our cover-up and we find ourselves uncomfortably exposed. It isn't a good place to be! Why does grace "fit" us so well as a "cover" for our sinfulness? Simply because grace is "formed" on the framework of all Christ did at the Cross. If you have ever sewed, or watched a seamstress in their craft, you will know the purpose of the "form" they use to pattern a dress. The "form" helps them provide an end-product which is "form-fitting" and uniquely designed for the individual. The Lord "form-fits" grace using the form of Christ as the "model" by which grace is made specific to our need!

I don't know about you, but I have only bought a few things in the stores which actually fit me like a glove - just following my form and falling on me in such a flattering manner. Yet, every time I have asked God to "outfit" me with his grace, I feel so well-adorned, like it just "fits" me like a glove! When he sees me, he sees Christ. I don't know how this all works, but I do trust him to "outfit" me with the best for my life - and the "outfitting" begins whenever I stop trying to "outfit" myself with my makeshift excuse of a "covering" for my misdeeds! How about you? Have you considered how well you are adorned today? If you have been 'settling' for the makeshift coverings you have managed to 'fashion' to cover over those misdeeds in your life, then how about considering the one God has designed on the form of Christ - the one marked "MY grace is sufficient for YOUR need"! You'll love the fit and it will adorn you perfectly! Just sayin!

What do you expect?

One of my friends posted a little saying today which I wanted to share with all my lady friends (and guy friends who might just benefit from this, as well): "What a lovely gift to give a friend...to never expect her to be perfect." (Proverbs 31 Ministries) It made me think about how many things it is we do in life which we think someone else actually expects us to do, wanting so desperately to please them and not allow things to get in the way of our relationship. We might just do this a little more often than we admit - simply because it has become such a way of living for us, it might not be easily recognized at first. Maybe we need to actually stop long enough to ask, What expectations have I imposed upon another, and What is it I want from them? We might just be surprised what emerges when we stop to think what it is we "require" of another in relationship!

Love is patient; love is kind. Love isn’t envious, doesn’t boast, brag, or strut about. There’s no arrogance in love; it’s never rude, crude, or indecent—it’s not self-absorbed. Love isn’t easily upset. Love doesn’t tally wrongs or celebrate injustice; but truth—yes, truth—is love’s delight! Love puts up with anything and everything that comes along; it trusts, hopes, and endures no matter what.  Love will never become obsolete. (I Corinthians 13:4-8 VOICE)

Expectations can be the death of a good relationship - honestly, we sometimes don't know just how demanding we can be until someone just plain cannot take it any longer and walks away!  In the most literal sense, an expectation is an assumption someone will be or do something in a way we have "created" in our minds.  For example, as a mom, I assumed my kids knew homework had to be done before play time could begin.  Well, here's a shocker --- my kids didn't quite have that same expectation!  In fact, for them, it was just the opposite --- they had been in school doing schoolwork all day long, so home time didn't mean "homework" for them, it meant letting it all go and engaging in something they actually enjoyed!

Expectations are based upon "chance" - there is a chance the thing will turn out as you assume it will.  Life isn't like a slot machine, though.  We can put a quarter in a slot machine and take the chance it will return ten dollars.  We may not want to go through relationships "chancing" things, though!  They may not "pay off" as we expected!  We have a "notion" or "prediction" something will be just as we imagine it to be and then when something other than that imagined state is what is presented to us, we kind of think we didn't get what we wanted.  Relationships cannot succeed based on "chance". It may have been a little hard to realize this when I was a kid, but as I have grown up, I see the truth in this - - - people don't "do" or "behave" one way just because I say they should!

So, is it really possible to go into a relationship without expectations and to have a solidly growing relationship without developing them?  I don't really think so, but we have to be careful about what types of expectations we put upon the other person within that relationship. Some will not be very realistic and others may be spot on.  We need to be careful about the unrealistic, or almost impossible to achieve. The right kind of "expectations" to have within relationship should be based upon scriptural principles.  This is why I brought this passage into today's lesson.  Where there is love, we should expect patience when we don't always measure up, or get something the first time around.  When love is the guardian over our relationships, we should be kind, even when that kindness may not be deserved.  These two are the toughest for some of us to get because patience and kindness are hard responses when someone keeps repeating the same patterns which leave us disappointed or which make unending demands of our time, talent, or treasure.   

One thing I know for sure --- where the "PERSON" of love dwells, there is infinitely more resources available within the relationship.  The "PERSON" of love is Christ - so where Christ dwells, there is the infinite possibility of love.  Keep Christ center in your relationship and I bet the "expectations" we exert on one another will begin to morph into the types of expectations he says are important for us to meet within those relationships!  Just sayin!