Live beyond feelings

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. (2 Peter 1:3)

We might not 'feel' like we have what it takes to live godly lives, make right choices, and be at peace with ourselves, much less others. Those feelings can be overwhelming at times, almost stifling any forward movement we desire to make in our spiritual lives. Truth be told, we sometimes need to engage in a little 'self-talk' to tell our feelings to take a hike! If we relied upon how we 'felt' everyday, many of us would never make it out of bed! God has given us everything - not just some of the stuff, but all of whatever it is we need in order to live godly lives. If we can just remind ourselves of this whenever we feel like we cannot put one foot in front of the other, feeling like every decision to live according to his principles is just 'too difficult', we might just get beyond those feelings a little quicker. Why do you suppose God told us to get scripture into our hearts and minds? He knew we'd need it to counter the 'feelings' that lead us down a contrary path on occasion.

All we need for godly living - received by entering into his family, bolstered within his family, and shared because we are in family. As we come to know him, we get placed within the family of God. We no longer walk alone, but according to the grace of God dwelling within us. How do we come to 'know' anyone on this earth? Isn't it because we spend time with them? If we spend only a meager amount of time with Jesus each day, do we think we will have a deep and lasting relationship with him? If we spend very little time with his family of believers, who will we 'do life' with instead? God gives us all we need and that includes the determination of heart and mind to live beyond our feelings. If you ever went to work on a day when you just didn't 'feel like it', you chose something other than what you were feeling and acted upon that choice instead. Sometimes we have to act 'beyond' or 'above' those feelings we have of not being able to walk this Christ-filled life. Yes, we made mistakes and we blundered, but those feelings of guilt or shame don't have control over us - God's grace does.

Living beyond our feelings begins when we remind ourselves that his grace and power is greater than our 'feelings'. By his divine power might just become the most important words within this passage for some of us. We don't take our next steps without his divine power. We don't overcome our lackluster feelings or doldrums by any other means than his divine power. Don't know what the doldrums are? It is the state of inactivity - of stagnation - that can hold us back and keep us from entering into what God intends for each of us. If that is where you find yourself from time to time, take heart - God has given you his divine power to move beyond the stagnancy of heart that has kept you mired down. We just need to allow his power to begin to 'talk over' the voice of our 'feelings'. Just sayin!

Emotionally Charged?

A gentle answer will calm a person’s anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger. (Proverbs 15:1)

Our answers matter, so perhaps this is why God asks us to take time to consider the words we deliver. They can build us up, giving us just the right amount of encouragement to take a step forward. They can also tear us down, anchoring us even further into the doubts and frustrations we have at the moment. If we become angered with one another, it could be out of frustration, or even a feeling like we have lost some 'control' in the matter. When things cause us to 'spin' into anger, we say things we might have never intended to say. It is like a leaky pipe, at first not noticed, but eventually it will burst, leaving damage in its wake.

All of us get a little irritated at times, no matter how 'godly' we are. It isn't that we have a lifestyle of anger, it is just that we have moments when we are overly tired or overwhelmed by life, and our response may be a little less than 'godly' when things seem to 'prickle our emotions'. While anger may range from outbursts to words spoken that cut or sting another a bit, God asks us to allow him to help us avoid these responses. We cannot avoid anger on our own - we need God's help to continuously make us aware of our 'emotions' and our 'senses'. Emotions because they get 'prickled' and senses because they get 'fried' when we deal with things that are overwhelming us.

I will be the first to admit that a 'gentle answer' is sometimes the furthest thing from my mind when I am at that point of saying something in the 'heat of the moment'. I can attempt to 'bite my tongue', but it doesn't deal with the 'down deep' feelings I am experiencing. It just keeps those words from escaping that I would really like to say! When I take a moment to ask God to show me what another may be experiencing, and why they are reacting as they are, I can tell you with almost 100% assurance that he does. He helps me settle my 'down deep' feelings toward that person's reaction, and then he helps me settle the emotions, so I act kindly instead of reacting in kind toward the other person.

It doesn't come instantly at times. Sometimes I need to take a moment to breathe and then address the situation. At others, I need to completely restructure the situation - like doing something different until I find the emotions settled and the answers coming that will be kind and loving toward another. In taking the time to lean into God for my response, I always find them to be gentler, more grace-filled, and with less 'charge' to the emotions we are each experiencing. Just sayin!

More than deep sentiment

"All the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a single lovely action." (James Russell Lowell) I know a lot of people that reveal a whole lot of nice sentiment, but all that sentiment is rarely backed by any kind of action. Sentiment is a mental emotion - a feeling that is supposed to be tied to an action, but many times it stops right there with the 'thought' of taking a particular action. God calls his children into action - not just into 'mental thought' of right and loving actions.

Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God. (I John 3:18-19)

Show the truth of God's love by the actions of love in our lives. So, how does that work? Truth gets worked into our hearts not just by osmosis - it gets worked into the fibers of our hearts by the actions we take based upon the truth that has been revealed to us. Love is an outflow of the love of God within us - but it is possible to give 'lip service' to any truth without actually backing it with any of the actions that show we understand and appreciate that truth.

As we become the person God desires us to be, the first thing we need to realize is that God is a God of action, not inaction. God reveals his love to us in action. Creation was an action. Parting a sea was an action. Consuming an offering on the altar was an action. Jesus on the cross was an action. A stone rolled away and Jesus coming forth was an action. All of God's love and care is revealed in actions. Why should our love be anything less?

Sentiment is a feeling - if it never leads to an action of love, it is pretty much useless. On the other hand, love actually needs the 'sentiment' (emotion) behind it for it to be more than 'obligation'. We can take many an action without love - because we feel obliged to do it. Obligation means we feel 'bound by duty' - there is a necessity to carry out the action, but there is no real 'heart' behind it. God's children are called to have both - the 'feeling' and the 'action'. Not out of a sense of 'duty' or 'obligation' (that is rule-keeping), but out of a heart that is deeply in love with Jesus first and above all. Just sayin!

Is that tug in the right direction?

So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God. (Philippians 1:9-10)

What does it mean to 'learn to love appropriately'? If we follow what Paul is teaching here, we will realize reliance upon feelings is not good. We need to 'test' those feelings - making sure they are leading us into actions that are wholesome, upright, and on track with how God would love. If they aren't leading us in that direction, they need to be rejected or refocused. Sometimes we rely heavily upon how we 'feel' toward another person or a situation, but then find ourselves not 'feeling good' when the interaction doesn't go well, or the circumstances seem to change. What we didn't do was combine our heartfelt 'feelings' with the things we have come to 'know' about God in our minds. Heart AND mind need to be on the same page. 

True or 'exemplary' love is able to distinguish between right and wrong pretty well. Why? There is a determination of heart and mind to listen intently to the leading of the Holy Spirit in our lives - not acting out of selfish ambition, stubborn pride, or foolish interest. Learning to love 'appropriately' begins with learning which emotions (feelings) can be trusted and which ones need to be rejected. We don't do this on our own, but by the power of the Spirit of God that lives within us. He helps us 'sort out' those things in our mind and emotions that can get us caught up in all kinds of silly pursuits. It gives us stability even when there is a 'heart tug' to do something we know might not be all that 'good' for us. It is these 'heart tugs' in the wrong direction that God is really trying to get us to see, my friends. It isn't that he says we cannot have emotions (feelings), but that there needs to be a continual submission of those emotions to truth in the Word of God, the wisdom and direction of the Spirit of God who indwells us, and the past lessons we have learned when we have gone both the right way with our choices. 

Love is a growing thing - so if we want to be good examples of God's grace on this earth, we need to manifest that grace through love. Exemplary love, in fact. Tall order, I know, but one I am certain God will 'back up' with all the weight of heaven behind us when we get this 'testing of our emotions' thing down pat. Just sayin!

Catch up, please!

O Lord, you are so good and kind, so ready to forgive, so full of mercy for all who ask your aid. (Psalm 86:5 TLB)

I wanted to take just a few moments to remind each of us of the importance of forgiveness. It isn't that we need forgiveness sometimes as much as we need to forgive ourselves for some misguided step we took. We somehow understand that God forgives us - by our asking / seeking his forgiveness. We have some level of understanding that the forgiveness we receive is based solely upon the actions of another on our behalf - Christ's actions on the cross. We get that we don't deserve it, but that it is freely given. We also comprehend to some degree that it is no longer an offense remembered by God - he wipes the slate clean. Yet, somehow we don't always believe we should forgive ourselves and move on. We get anchored to our failure and spend a great deal of time just kicking ourselves in the seat of our pants because we made those unwise choices! One question - if God isn't kicking us, what makes us think we should be?

Memory is often the hardest part of forgiveness - because we remember what we did and sometimes we even have the insight into 'why' we did it. The mystery of grace is that what matters is that we are restored to the 'condition' of heart that is as if we had never done the misdeed in the first place. The mystery of the memory is that we have a hard time changing the memory that is anchored to that misdeed. Perhaps what we need is for God to help us apply grace to our thoughts, as well! If we are fortunate enough to have insight into 'why' we took the steps in the wrong direction, then we also know how to create safeguards to ensure we don't take those same steps again. Handrails are on stairways because missed steps can bring catastrophic results! 

Forgiveness is to involve both the actions of Christ on our behalf - grace - and our part is in the willingness to let go of the guilt or shame associated with that action deep within our minds. Guilt and shame are not 'things' - they are emotions and emotions get 'tied' to every action we taken or that is taken against us in life. Guilt is one of those emotions we can take to the extreme. We find it harder and harder to escape that which we take to the extreme! Stretch a rubber band to the limits of the band's strength and what happens? It snaps! Stretch our emotions to the point of the extreme and we just get snagged in the repeated memories of those emotions.

If God is full of mercy and 'at the ready' to forgive when we ask, why are we stopping short of just having the 'sin' wiped away? Why aren't we asking God for the grace to move beyond the painful memory of guilt and shame, as well? Why aren't we asking him to help us recount his goodness and faithfulness to forgive, shutting down every thought that tells us we aren't good enough to be forgiven? I think it is because we count on our emotions to 'guide' us more than we believe we do! We want to 'feel' better, but there is a negative feeling associated with guilt and shame - a 'feeling' we sense we cannot easily escape. Maybe we begin by asking God to help us not count on the 'feeling' as much as we count on the 'fact' of his forgiveness. In time, feelings catch up with what faith believes! Just sayin!

Feelings....whoa, feelings....

"Love dies only when growth stops." Pearl S. Buck (American Novelist)

13 Look at what God has made. You cannot change a thing, even if you think it is wrong. 14 When life is good, enjoy it. But when life is hard, remember that God gives us good times and hard times. And no one knows what will happen in the future. (Ecclesiastes 7:13-14 ERV)

Buck also reminds us, "You cannot make yourself feel something you do not feel, but you can make yourself do right in spite of your feelings." We cannot underestimate the power of our feelings, for they often become either the catalyst behind our actions, or the anchor behind our inaction. There are days when we look at what comes our way and "feel" like we can handle each challenge, while at other times we simply have different "feelings" that tell us we won't handle another thing. Most of us engage in this insurmountable task of "changing things" because some "feeling" tells us change is necessary. When we find the difficulty in accomplishing the change, we get all balled up in even further emotion which leads to more and more frustration with the lack of change.

We have all probably heard the old adage of "taking the good with the bad" on more than one occasion. Easier said than done, right? We don't find the emotions hard to follow when they are steering us toward something we view are "rewarding" or "fulfilling". As soon as the emotions are not really being pulled in the direction we "want" to be going, we get bogged down and sometimes even find the task ahead of us as what we label "too hard". Things we view as "too hard" are often abandoned. I abandoned learning to play golf simply because getting that tiny white ball into that tiny hole so doggone far away was "too hard". I abandon a fishing hole that isn't yielding any fish after a reasonable amount time and effort, but I don't abandon fishing! Why? I enjoy it!

Changing based on feelings is kind a perilous place to be since our feelings aren't always all that reliable. I think God would rather we be honest about our feelings, though, than to go about "doing stuff" just because it is stuff that needs to "get done". There are days I don't "feel" like writing - I'd rather just go fishing! You know what I do to when this happens? I go fishing. Why? Sometimes I need the renewal and "clearing of my mind" being at the fishing hole brings. There is nothing wrong with observing how one is "feeling", then acting upon it when the feeling pushes us in the right direction.

In fact, there are times when I observe the tiresome work of the ants moving back and forth to their nest and think of the next thing I will write about. At other times, I listen to the gentle breeze, observe the incoming clouds of a summer's rain storm, or see the eagle swoop down with such grace to scoop up fish bigger than I'd imagined could be in the waters. All of this gives me gentle pushes toward writing again - it renews my inner being and often gives me reminders about the care, protection, and provision of the God I serve.

Feelings aren't to be our motivating force, but they are behind our every action. As Buck said, sometimes we "do right" despite how we are feeling. I need time in the Word - so even when I don't always "feel it", I take in even a little bit. That morsel may be what gives me fodder for the day's thoughts, keeps me centered when I want to get off-balance, and holds me firm when I find the journey rougher than I'd hoped. We cannot ignore our feelings, but we can learn to "use them" to drive us forward, instead of keeping us anchored in places we would do better to move away from. Just sayin!

I like the odds!

Rich:  Abundantly supplied with resources; of great value or worth.  Every now and again, I run across someone who will share a great desire to win the lottery.  They live with this eternal hope of being "rich" - thinking all their worries in life will somehow melt away when their "ship comes in".  The weekly purchase of those tiny tickets is what keeps them going.  As the jackpot grows, so do their dreams.  In fact, if you listen closely, they "plan" the expenditure of the massive funds as though they might actually win.  If you read the fine print on the lottery site or ticket, the "odds" of winning are something like 1 in 175 million!  Now, if I were to hold out for those kind of odds, I think I would live quite an impoverished life!

God’s blessing makes life rich; nothing we do can improve on God.  (Proverbs 10:22 MSG)

There are times in life when we get the idea of "blessing" all confused with what our bank account reflects, or what the type of car or place of our residence says about us.  I could afford a larger house, but why would I need one?  I could afford a more luxurious car, but of what greater value would it be to me in getting me to and from work each morning and evening.  I could afford to purchase my clothing from an upscale store, but would it make me feel any more comfortable than the outfit I purchase at my local discount outlet?  Not likely.  

Blessing is based on relationship, not on the "things" we amass.  In fact, if we want to change our appearance for the better, it is also based not on the clothing we choose to don, but on the relationship we choose to maintain!  There is nothing more important than our relationship with our Creator.  Creation is at its best when it is rightly related to its Creator.  No one and nothing can substitute for this relationship.  Our writer lays it out well - God's blessing makes life rich - there is absolutely nothing we can do which will improve on God.

To improve something implies the first state of the object in question was not of optimal value.  Our psalmist assures us there is no need to "optimize" God.  His blessings are already perfect!  Have you ever really stopped to consider how God makes your life richer?  It might just be an eye-opener for you to actually begin to consider all the ways in which God's abundance is evident around and in you.  Probably one of the "richest" resources God gives is his grace.  Since the beginning of time, mankind has recognized there is no resource quite as "healing" as mercy!

In fact, since the beginning of time, mankind has learned that their own ability to produce the same "effect" as mercy produces is absolutely impossible by any other means!  When Adam and Eve chose to do their own thing, indulging in the "what-if" of experiencing all knowledge, they found themselves miserable.  Their misery was compounded by their inability to "cover over" their guilt and shame.  Nothing else quite produces the same "effect" - no amount of "covering" they could produce was sufficient.  It took God's intervening mercy to restore them.  It was his intervention of mercy which brought the "feeling" they could not produce on their own.

I don't want to suggest our relationship with God is based on "feelings", but I know it is how we "relate" to both God and others.  We are given this blessing of emotions (feelings) because God wants us to experience the animation of life.  We often find ourselves "feeling" some way before we fully recognize that we are about to realize the fullness of that "thing" in our life.  For example, if we are about to come down with a head cold, we might just experience some early "feelings" of a little scratchiness in our throat, or become a little more tired than usually, almost dragging along at a pace we don't usually fall into.  These "early" feelings give us an indication of what is to come, don't they?  The same is true with our other emotions - they often give us an "impression" of what it is we truly need.

If we are feeling "lonely" - we need relationship.  If we are feeling "beat down" - we need renewal.  If we are feeling "unworthy" - we need connection with the one who gives us all worth.  If we are feeling "guilty" - we need grace.  So, the resource we need is often connected to the impression or feeling we begin to experience.  If we truly understand God designed our feelings to reveal something of HIM we need more of in our lives, we might just come into a place of understanding what our writer was saying - nothing else will "do" except God!  Just sayin!

Love much, love well

 ^9-11So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.

(Philippians 1:9-11 The Message)

Love will flourish, but it must be cultivated.  This includes the love of others that we receive and learn to give, the love we come to understand in our relationship with Christ, and our love (acceptance) of who we are as Christ sees us.  Did you realize that the word "flourish" comes from the root meaning "to bloom"?  So, when Paul writes to the Philippian Church, he is reminding them that in order for their love to "bloom" there must be a process of cultivating, caring for, and tending that love.

His goal is not that they will just come to "love", but that they will learn to love well.  We are often more consumed by the quantity of something and totally lose sight of the fact that the quality of something may not measure up.  I know from experience that the "economy" size of something may not be the easiest to tote around, it can stick around way past the time it was useful, and that it sometimes does not measure up in quality to that which may have come in a "smaller" package.  

The process or idea of learning to love well is easy to miss in this passage.  It is laid out for us with some very specific examples, but I think we often skip over them because we see these verses as "introductory" to the book of Philippians (like the greeting in a letter we'd write to an acquaintance).  Let's take them apart:

Learn to love appropriately - most of us can associate with this verse by sharing the times when we have been "inappropriate" in our love, or in what we have placed our love in.  For example, we embrace someone or something that takes our eyes off of Jesus and we find ourselves "drying up" on the inside as a result.  Appropriate love is something that will ultimately help us become what God desires for us to be.  That which is befitting for us is often not what we choose.  For us to love appropriately, we have to understand what is proper for us to love.  

We must know how involvement with that person or object will be useful to us - if is takes us away from Jesus, it is not useful; if it builds us up in Christ, it is.  We must also see how who we involve ourselves with, or what we become attached to, is suited for us as a new creation in Christ.  Now, a word of caution here - this does not mean that if we are married to a spouse that does not believe in Christ, or has a differing belief system, that we have license to leave them.  Marriage is a covenant relationship, not to be entered into lightly, that God expects us to remain faithful to.  We have to learn to be God's love within that relationship.  We chose that relationship, maybe not very wisely, but we have an obligation to be the example of God's love within that relationship.  God will honor that commitment, but it may be a tough haul!

Learn to use your head and test your feelings - this is probably the biggest obstacle to learning to love well.  We are so feelings oriented that we often don't put any thought into our actions.  Paul is reminding us that what seems reasonable to us because of how we are feeling at the moment may not be what will produce the best outcome in the end.  If you have ever done something impulsively, then you will understand what I mean here.  When you acted on that impulse, you were responding to your "feelings" at that moment.  Later, you regretted the impulse you responded to.  We call that "buyer's remorse"!  The thing we need to see is that "feeling" something is not love.  Love is an action - not a feeling.  It is best understood in the "fruit" is produces, not in the "promises" it makes.

Learn to live circumspectly and exemplary - big words for some to understand, so let's break them down a little.  Circumspect living is really conducting our lives in such a way that we live with a little "caution" in our decisions.  We are not always obeying our impulses.  The opposite of circumspect living is carelessness.  To live an exemplary life does not mean that we have to be perfect, but that we learn to embrace the principles Christ teaches, putting them into action in our lives more and more until they become "second-nature" to us.  See, we usually respond in life by our "first-nature" - that part of us that we call our sin nature.  As we learn to live with some "caution", not always giving into the impulse of our feelings, we begin to take on the characteristics of our "second-nature" - our new nature in Christ Jesus.

When we learn to love in this way, Paul says it will make the Jesus people see in us something they will find "attractive".  So, if you have ever felt that you are not an "attractive" individual, here's your remedy to that!  Our physical appearance pales in comparison to the appearance of learning to display God's love in our lives!