Who's your #2

Two people are better than one, because they get more done by working together. If one falls down, the other can help him up. But it is bad for the person who is alone and falls, because no one is there to help. If two lie down together, they will be warm, but a person alone will not be warm. An enemy might defeat one person, but two people together can defend themselves; a rope that is woven of three strings is hard to break. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

There was a day I would try to put together all that box furniture - big stuff - all by myself. I'd get someone to load it into my vehicle, but when I got home, I'd take a box cutter, slice open the box and take piece by piece into the house. That stuff was heavy! Then it would be strewn all around the living room, and I had the task of putting all the pieces together - a feat daunting in and of itself! Side one put with back one, shelf A inside side and back, wheels attached here, and stabilizing bracket attached somewhere between instruction 52 and 94! Then I'd get to the point I had to lift the stuff up to go onto the next step. Ever been there - seeing clearly what needs to be done, but knowing very well the ability to lift that gigantic piece is beyond your ability? What I did next matters, but not as much as what I should have done to begin with - asking for help doesn't make us weak - trying to lift beyond our strength does!

We all need a "Number Two" in our lives - not just for the box furniture, but all of life. There will always be moments when we fight against things way beyond our ability, but if we don't have our "Number Two" alongside of us, we are standing there weakened and facing things beyond what we should face alone. Solomon realized it was BAD for a person to be alone - not just because there will be 'falls' and 'trips', but there will be work beyond our expertise, times when we aren't able by ourselves, and seasons when we feel the 'coldest' in our lives. He isn't just referencing a 'chilly night' there, but times when our spirit is 'cooled down' and we need to see it ignited once again. Times when we need to experience God afresh. Moments when we are about to battle something that will fill us with fright. Standing alone is not an option in those moments!

Two together can defend themselves - one alone is open to attack. Two together - stop for a moment to think that one through. Who is your "Number Two"? What has "being together" with that individual done to help you create a defense in your life? Look at that last verse again - three are better than two! God in the midst of you and your 'Two' makes a pretty doggone powerful cord that cannot be broken! Defenses are best when they are 'threefold'. Just sayin!

P.S. Happy birthday to my "Number Two"!

Walk with the wise - become wise

Do you have anyone in your life that really 'believes' in you? There are all kinds of people in our lives, but those that really believe in us are a blessing way beyond what we might imagine. When we have others who believe in us, they encourage us, give us direction, help us avoid harmful things, and even learn new things. I don't know about you, but I need encouraging people in my life because life is filled with all kinds of people and things that have the primary aim of discouraging me. We all need direction from time to time because we don't always know which way to go on our own. We also don't see the stuff that can bring us harm when we are too doggone close to it, but when another is there to help us see it they can keep us from going any closer. We want a group of people in our lives that believe in us - nothing will help us grow as much as being surrounded by people we admire, respect, and trust.

Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. (Proverbs 13:20)

A companion of fools suffers harm - that is scripture, my friends. I am not accusing any of us being fools, but I will let you in on a little secret here - we don't always surround ourselves with wise people! Sometimes we allow fools to become the ones who bring the greatest influence in our lives. To be truthful here, we 'allow' or 'deny' access to our lives, but if we are constantly surrounding ourselves with the wrong individuals (those who scripture would classify as foolish), we will soon see their influence in our lives. If nothing else, we will struggle to remain faithful to what we know is right. We have the right to 'deny' access to the fool's influence in our lives, but it is hard to deny their influence if we just keep hanging around with them all the time!

You want to have others who will actually 'walk' with you. That means they might determine the pace on occasion, but they don't determine the direction for our lives. God is the only one who should be one who determines the direction our lives will take. The close friends we have who 'walk' with us in life are those who also recognize the direction God is giving us and encourages us to stay faithful to that course. The right companions in life will help us avoid the foolishness of taking any other direction than that which God has given us. How are your companions adding up today in terms of helping you follow God's direction in life? 

Probably one of the most important parts of being surrounded by the 'right' people in our lives is that they will make an investment in what they know God is doing in and through us. They pour into our lives and in turn, they help bring forth the wonder God has prepared within us that can actually touch the lives of others. We want people who will invest in us and in turn, we will invest in them. A godly friend will not be 'stingy' in the investment they make in our lives - they will give willingly, above and beyond, without thought as to what they may 'receive' in return. Choose your friends - your companions in life - wisely. They make all the difference in how you will walk! Just sayin!

More than a friend

Whenever someone or something forces you to continually direct your attention and energy to whatever it is you are doing is said to be 'keeping you on your toes'. Staying on your toes is a term used to describe being prepared for whatever could happen - the potential or eventuality is in the forefront of our thoughts. In simplest terms, it means to be ready for action - ready to jump in and to take whatever action is required. In another sense, we can describe this as alertness or awareness of what is going on around us. Either way, there is attentiveness, intentional preparedness, and an investment of ourselves. To be 'on the watch out' for something or someone is a very similar term. It means we are aware as a result of being challenged!

So watch your step, friends. Make sure there's no evil unbelief lying around that will trip you up and throw you off course, diverting you from the living God. For as long as it's still God's Today, keep each other on your toes so sin doesn't slow down your reflexes. If we can only keep our grip on the sure thing we started out with, we're in this with Christ for the long haul. (Hebrews 3:12-14)

We are called or challenged to take a good, hard look at Jesus. This is suggestive of more than just merely "entertaining" a fleeting acquaintance with who he is or what he has done. It is suggestive of being deeply engaged in finding out who this Jesus guy is. In taking this "good, hard look" at Jesus, we are to come to recognize he is the center of all we believe - not just part of our belief. As the center, it is important to realize everything else we believe must then begin and end with him. We are also reminded to consider the failure of our those who have gone before us in the faith who failed miserably in trusting God over and over again. For a while, they'd surge ahead in faith, aligned with God's plans, but when they got "comfortable" with God's grace in their lives, they began to take God's grace for granted. In the end, they'd fall into all kinds of sinful misdeeds which God warned them to avoid. Their actions are referred to as "trying God's patience". Imagine that - to be totally honest with you, I see myself here! I wonder just how many times I have taken God for granted, settled into my comfortable place, and drifted into complacency?

Guess what? I am not in this "comfort zone" alone! I think I have other companions in this place of comfort who have done the same! In fact, this is why we are frequently reminded to "keep each other on our toes"! God clearly knows comfort's "drift" will come. He also knows the best way to avoid the "drift" is to have a companion in the journey - one who helps us to remain on our toes, challenging us and helping us to remain alert to the compromising complacency that settles in like an early morning fog. In counseling terms we'd call this an "accountability partner". I honestly believe having someone in our lives who keeps us on our toes is more than having someone we confess our struggles to and ask for prayer. As a matter of fact, one of my most important "accountability" partners doesn't even know she is holding me accountable! In the simple ways she challenges me to consider my actions, to temper my words, and to reconsider my choices. I am kept on "my toes". Yep, she is helping me to draw nearer to Christ just by being in my life.

Did you ever stop to consider the actions of a fighter in the ring? He needs to be "on his toes" when he is faced by an opponent. It is the presence of an opponent which brings him to full attention. I wonder how many times we have discounted the activity of being faced with an opponent in life? Perhaps the presence of an opponent is really helping to keep us on our toes! We are in this for the long haul - through comfort and unease. We have to be ready for anything - good or bad. We will face much in the journey - some things we face will be more enjoyable than others. In the midst of it all, we need each other's "coaching" to remain on our toes - so we don't give into the "drift" and lure of that place of comfort. Who's in your life, keeping you on your toes today? It could be a friend - and it could be the one who stands as an opponent in the ring with you! Either way - keep Christ at the center, stay on your toes, and don't get too comfortable! Just sayin!

How to find a best friend

You know, we probably have a lot of 'friends' who will help us to fall, but I wonder just how many 'friends' we have who are there to help us get back up again? There are lots of us who have way more who fit into the former category, and we are truly blessed if we have even ONE who fits into the latter! It was the Greek historian Herodotus who left us with the thought, "Of all possessions a friend is the most precious." I'd have to add the 'right' friend makes that possession even more priceless!

Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family. (Proverbs 18:24 MSG)

Who is there when you fall? Not just 'there' in the physical sense, but 'there' to help you mend your ways, find your way back, and ensure you are really stable once again? Who is there to see your misgivings and then to know which ones are to be abandoned and which are to be pursued? Who is there to delight in your accomplishments AND suffer in your defeats? Many a friend is there to celebrate your accomplishments, but I doubt there as many standing by when you are wallowing in defeat!

I used to tell my kids they needed to be wise about the friendships they chose as the actions of those friends could act as 'encouragement' in their own life to do things that they maybe shouldn't be doing. While all of life is about choices, this is perhaps one of the most significant ones we will make - who we choose to be within our closest circle of friends. If you have ever been 'abandoned' in a time of need in your life, you know why I tried hard to teach my kids this lesson.

You know by now that I like to use the dictionary, find a good quote or two, and do some Google searches to learn what I can about things that peak my curiosity. I actually did a Google search today to see what others defined as the 'character traits of a best friend'. I imagined I would find a few articles or blog posts, but I actually came away with over thirty-nine million results! Obviously, this concept of 'best friend' means a lot to people!

I found lots of 'advice' on having common interests and the time to pursue them. Equally so, there was advice on finding someone who will really listen to you and will 'have your back' when they need to. The reality is that it is kind of hard to define the character traits of the 'right' friend for you, but the idea portrayed in scripture is that the 'right' friend 'sticks by you' no matter the outcome. There is more than just common interests with best friends - there is a common bond of heart, passion, and purpose.

The man or woman who finds such a friend is beyond blessed. There are so many in this world today who have yet to find such a friend. The best way to find such a friend? Be one yourself! Just sayin!

Hey, friend me!

When we really determine to walk the pathway of a disciple, it will cost us. The pathway is not always traveled by as many of those we call "friends" as we'd like to think. Yet, when we find someone to travel with us in this journey of faith, what a blessing it is! We need each other to understand and fulfill God's calling on our lives. We each compliment the other, challenging and uplifting, learning together what is contained deep in the Word of God.

Keep me safe, O God, I've run for dear life to you. I say to God, "Be my Lord!" Without you, nothing makes sense. And these God-chosen lives all around—what splendid friends they make! (Psalm 16:1-3)

David's words ring true in the hearts of many who engage in this walk of discipleship with Christ - without you, God, absolutely nothing makes sense at all. We can attempt to make sense out of tragedy, loss, or even a success all on our own. Without God, and those he places in our lives as fellow travelers, we often miss the meaning hidden deep in the recesses of that experience. If there is one thing I have learned in this walk of faith, it is that the study of his Word presents a challenge to those who walk alone. The Word of God is not meant for individual interpretation - there is something that is missed when we attempt to see it through the eyes of our limited perception. As we seek to discover the will of God for our lives, we are often reminded in scripture that there is wisdom in good counsel. In other words, we need to hear how another may "perceive" life and the choices before us.

Isaiah was called to bring a message to Israel - one that reminded them, and all down through time since then, of how much God wants to be the one who teaches us what is best for us and to direct the ways we travel. Isaiah 48:17: "I am God, your God, who teaches you how to live right and well. I show you what to do, where to go. If you had listened all along to what I told you, your life would have flowed full like a river, blessings rolling in like waves from the sea." Lives flowing full like rivers, blessings rolling in like waves - I am pretty certain that most of us would definitely "sign up" for this kind of life! The challenge - listen - not just occasionally, but ALL along.

The challenge comes in our consistency - we waver, sometimes dilly-dally, and often just simply "peter out" along the way in our independent pursuit of godliness. That is why we should not travel this journey alone. Not only do we need each other to encourage us to take in the different perspectives of what God is doing, but we need the straight-forward teaching of his Word to steady us on the path - sometimes with lessons learned not in our personal study, but in the study of another. When the Word does not make sense - we might need the help of another to open it for our understanding.

The Word of God guides us in the very practical issues of daily life - how to relate to one another, when to let an offense go without the need to retaliate, what a wrong choice will cost, etc. We may not know how to live as a member of the family of God, but he provides those we can figure this out with to guide us in that journey. Without God's perspective, nothing makes sense - without the perspective of another God places in our lives, nothing makes sense. We need to discover his will for our lives - we need to run to him for his perspective. When we are consistently running to him in this way, we are less likely to drift into rebellion or areas of sinfulness that will leave us wounded and hurting. It is God that teaches us how to live right - he is the one that gives us the plan. It is also God who places others in our path that assist us in maintaining our walk - in broadening our perspective of God. What splendid friends God-chosen lives make! Just being a friend!

Friend or Foe - Who Goes There?

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies. Pray for those who treat you badly. 45 If you do this, you will be children who are truly like your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:43-45 ERV)

I wonder if someone has to tell or teach us to hate one another, or if that is just something we come by naturally. Maybe it comes when we foster some sense of entitlement in our lives, believing others "owe us" because of something we believe we deserve. Perhaps it develops over time when we focus more and more on what we want more than on what another could want or need. It might even come when we get so caught up in comparing our differences that we cannot help but be angry or bitter over another's fortune, their status, or even their ability to enjoy life's simplicity. Regardless of how hatred develops, I know there is but one way for love to really take hold in our lives - through Christ Jesus.

It was Martin Luther King, Jr. who said, "Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend." He was right - nothing short of love will ever overcome a sense of entitlement, the mystery of being so self-absorbed that we don't see others, or too enraged over dissimilarities that we cannot look past them. Love is impossible apart from God, for God is love "personified" - he is love in action. No matter how vile the mistreatment of Jesus was as he walked this earth, he didn't react with hatred or with "smiting" anyone. He is observed repeatedly giving light and truth, responding in kindness, and giving what was unexpected by those who didn't even know they had need.

Love isn't easy at times, because we find ourselves in situations where it is "hard" to love. We don't "feel" the love and it is hard to give out what we don't "feel". It is much easier to allow our feelings to dictate our responses, isn't it? We want to retaliate when wronged, because our feelings get us going in that direction. We want to throw a pity party when we don't get our way, simply because our feelings didn't get stroked the way we wanted them to be stroked. Feelings are fickle and are not very good indicators of the best actions to take, though! In fact, most of the time, unless the Spirit of God is invited to help us know when a feeling should be acted upon, we act upon some pretty "wrong" feelings!

Love may not be the easiest response in the light of disappointment, frustration, or fear, but it is the right one! It is possible only as long as we invite the Spirit of God to help us "filter" those emotions that get in the way of truly loving. It is only then we find ourselves on the path of transforming enemies into friends. Just sayin!

May you have many such jewels

It is not so much our friends' help that helps us, as the confidence of their help. (Epicurus)

If you have ever read the Proverbs, you will note there are a lot of passages that deal with the friends we keep, ranging from those that remind us to choose them wisely to realizing their strength in times of trouble. I would like to just spend a moment today contemplating just a few of these:

Good people are careful about choosing their friends, but evil people always choose the wrong ones. (12:26 ERV)

Choice of friends is key to both the direction and distance a relationship will travel. If we choose the right friends, they will be on course with where need to be heading, AND they will be with us through the entirety of the journey. We need both - the companionship along the way, but the wisdom and determination to help us make the best choices about the direction we take in life. If we choose wisely, the benefits are astronomical!

Be friends with those who are wise, and you will become wise. Choose fools to be your friends, and you will have trouble. (: ERV)

Conversely, the wrong choice in friends can lead to many a chaotic and unnecessary difficulty in life. When I look for someone to align my life with, I want to consistently choose someone who will "supplement" what I need most - bringing me perspective where I don't already have it. I don't always want to align with those who just "see things my way", because that limits my opportunity to see things differently. It also may not help me realize when the way I see things are contrary to the way God wants me to see them!

Forgive someone, and you will strengthen your friendship. Keep reminding them, and you will destroy it. (17:9 ERV)

We sometimes ruffle each other's feathers in relationship, but it isn't always a bad thing to get a little ruffled on occasion. It teaches us to see another's perspective in life, and the much needed quality of forgiveness done well! When we value the relationship, we learn how to successfully forgive - letting go of offenses and focusing on the extreme value of the relationship over any slight that would threaten to tear us apart.

A friend loves you all the time, but a brother was born to help in times of trouble. (17:17 ERV)

There is no greater help we can have than to know we have someone standing alongside us when we are in the midst of tough or touchy circumstances. What we get from that companionship is labeled as "help" in our passage, but we all realize "help" comes in many different forms. I think there is "help" in words, but also in actions. It comes in the form of a simple look that tells it all, as well as in laughing our way out of failures as we make our way into "trying again".

Some friends are fun to be with, but a true friend can be better than a brother. (18:24 ERV)

The "fun" ones may be the delight of the party, but the "true" one is the one who is there to cry with me, pull me up when I am down, and dust me off when the fall has left me less than "pure or clean". They aren't afraid to go the extra mile, nor are they looking for any "credit" for having done so! To have such a friend is to have what equates to a jewel in your crown! Here's hoping you all have at least one of these jewels in yours! Just sayin!

Desire this...

Napoleon Hill once said, "The starting point of all achievement is desire." He didn't imply it was merely the desire that got us to the point of achievement, but that desire (passion) fuels us, moves us forward, gets us off the starting block, so to speak. desire is a powerful tool, but must be used carefully for it can either move us ahead in purposeful and ordered movement, or it can launch us into the unknown with little to no control over our trajectory! I would like to believe every Christian is certain of their desire, but I must be honest here - even my own desire gets a little out of whack on occasion! It needs constant filtering, frequent readjusting, and an enormous amount of work on the part of the Holy Spirit in my life because left to my own devices, those desires will be less than "desirable"!

Whoever pulls away from others to focus solely on his own desires disregards any sense of sound judgment. (Proverbs 18:1 VOICE) 

For all my wanting, I don’t have anyone but You in heaven. There is nothing on earth that I desire other than You. (Psalm 73:25 VOICE)

For all our wanting...

We all "want" something, don't we? We have desires - some secretly held close to the heart, while others are boldly proclaimed for all to know and see.  Those we hold closest to our heart are the ones we may want to take the closest look at because they are either held secret because we are afraid to admit them to anyone, or they may be something we don't want to admit we desire!  One gets us launched down the wrong path - the other, if never really explored and acted upon will never get us moving, but will create a sense of dissatisfaction within us.

There is something amazing which happens when we begin to articulate our desires.  We often find that when we "say" them, we begin to see them more clearly - there is a chance to refine them, build upon them, or even to begin to see them as perhaps not the ones we want to build upon at all. I am a strong proponent of not keeping desire bottled up - it needs to be expressed, but not always fulfilled!  There are just some desires which are not meant to be fulfilled at the moment because the timing isn't right, the conditions are not met that would make it "right" or "safe" to take those actions, etc.  This doesn't make the desire "bad" or one to be "rejected".  It may mean the desire is one which is just not going to find fulfillment in this moment.

I paired these two passages today for us to consider side-by-side. When God becomes our primary desire, all others begin to be "ordered" or "sorted out" in right order. Whenever we think we can pull away from those he has put in our lives as friends and companions in this journey, to pursue our own desires, we get ourselves wrapped up in desires which may not always produce the best of outcomes for us. We are given community (relationship) with other believers because God's "desire" is for us to not have to sort this all out on our own - he gives us these "walking partners" so we will may begin to see what we have secretly held closest to our heart and then begin to let go of the stuff which doesn't really belong there!

Don't disregard the power of your passion.  Don't disrespect the power of your "walking companions" in helping you sort out those passions so that you begin to see them clearly. Remember this - the eyes of another are not searching "glasses", but rather "reflective mirrors" of that which we may just not see without them!  Just sayin!

Good counsel

"A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth."  (Will Rogers)  If you have ever heard some words you didn't want to hear about yourself, you might have wanted to deny they were correct because they reveal something about you that you are not so happy to hear. Whenever I was called a "geek", "nerd", or "brainiac" in school, I almost wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.  Why?  I wanted to be "liked", "accepted", and "embraced" by those in my peer group.  I didn't want to stand out from them as "too much" of an intellect, "not enough" of an intellect, or just plain "stand out" in anyway at all!  I wanted to be "one of them", but the truth was I wasn't.  I rarely "fit in" with the crowd I wanted to fit in with most - the popular girls.  Needless to say, their words often hurt, cut to the core, or revealed something about me I had been trying so hard to cover up.  I was awkward, enjoyed books, loved to learn new things, had a mind for scientific exploration, and didn't mind dissecting frogs to see how the body worked!  I "stood out" for what they labeled as "all the wrong reasons", but now that I am well into my fifth decade of life and rapidly approaching my sixth, I look back at those words and am not at all put off by them.  Why?  They were true then and remain true even to this day!

Yes, Your testimonies are my joy; they are like the friends I seek for counsel. (Psalm 119:24 VOICE)

"The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you."  (Will Rogers)  If we are to grow and develop into the unique creation God calls us to be, we need to "get over" what others say "about" us and rely upon what God says about us.  I would also have to say we need to get over what we say about ourselves. Whenever I hear someone say they see themselves some way other than the way God sees them - as valued and cherished works of his hands - I almost want to shake them a little and remind them of the truth of his love, care, and grace in operation all around them and inside them, as well.  We spend more time believing the "estimation" of our worth by flawed and faulty systems of measurement which only make us believe things about ourselves which are not true.  Most of us have been through some "worst case scenarios" in our lives - how we "came through them" is often what we come to believe and accept about ourselves.  

If we "came through them" by the might and power of our own wisdom, calculating measurement, and determined fortitude, we might just think more of ourselves than we ought.  If we stumbled out the other side, barely holding onto sanity and life, we might think we escaped, but barely!  When we "come through" life, we can either do so in our own power, under duress, or with fortitude and determination to learn from what we are experiencing.  Our focus in the midst of the circumstances of life make all the difference in how we will "see ourselves" on the opposite side of them.  What others think or say about us while we are going through the challenges of life which help define our character really doesn't matter, unless we are treating what THEY say as more important than what God says about us!

We might think of a remark about how we are dealing with life as truth, becoming frustrated when people see us the way they do.  Truth is, those words may "sting" a little, but they are often closer to the truth than we might want to admit.  Today it is not uncommon for me to refer to myself as a "nerd" of sorts - simply because I appreciate the fact God has given me a mind to comprehend and learn truth, test theory, and hold onto that which will serve me well in future circumstances.  If that makes me a "nerd", then so be it!  I like being a nerd! I used to want everyone to like me - now I appreciate only a few may actually grow close enough to reach my "inner circle" of true friends.  I used to try to do whatever anyone else wanted to do just so they'd be happy - now I know there are things I need to say "no" to so that I can have peace, rest, and even find comfort in troubling times.

To come back to what Rogers said about remarks hurting "in proportion" to the truth they bespoke, I would have to agree entirely.  The words of a faithful friend may "betray" our hearts and this is why we find them "hard to handle".  Remembering that words can deploy a great deal of emotion just by being spoken is important - but also remembering these same words can set in motion the necessary change someone needs in the direction they have been taking or position they have been assuming in life is equally important!  We cannot discount the love behind words we may not "want" to hear - because the counsel of a friend is good counsel indeed.  Just sayin!