Connected and Reconnected

They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?” He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.” Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly. (Mark 8:22-25)

We don't know why Jesus made him walk out of town with him. Maybe it was so he would begin to trust Jesus a little by walking with him for a while; learning to depend on him to bring him safely to the place he needed to be. We don't know why the first application of mud didn't do the trick. Maybe it was because Jesus knew something about this man, or those who were looking on that day, which made him take that time in order to help others around him come to a greater place of trust and faith. We may not know the reason for the delay in our 'total healing' in some of those areas where we seem to be blind to any form of light. When we make frequent and purposeful connection with Jesus, we can count on our healing to come. When it does, we need to celebrate it with those who had the faith to bring our need to Jesus in the first place!

It isn't until we reach out and take the hand extended to us that our journey toward healing can begin. It is a starting point. We might want immediacy, but Jesus wants connection. We can imagine Jesus walking this man past one obstacle and then another, until he finally has him right where he wants him to be in order to receive his ultimate healing. We might not recognize the obstacles we are avoiding along the way, but with the navigation of our Savior, we are sure to get to our destination. We want the conventional, but Jesus is not afraid to use the unconventional means to do what needs to be done. I am not sure if I would have been all that excited about mud made from spit being placed on my eyes, but I do know God has used some pretty "unconventional" means by which he has opened my eyes to the reality of who he is in my life. I don't want us to count on the "tried and true" as being the only "way" God works within us - he may go about bringing healing into our lives by some pretty "odd" means. Our part is to remain open to the possibilities of what he is accomplishing by his touch.

There were multiple points of "connection" with Jesus in order for this man to realize his full healing. He gained a little hope with the first "mud" application - but he gained much more with each repeated touch from the Savior. It is this frequency of connection which brings us to a place where we "open our eyes wide" so we can see fully what he has been accomplishing not only in us, but around us. The blind man depended on others to help him find his way, and as his healing began, he still didn't have perfect clarity. We often don't realize fully what God is doing in us, but it is that repeated connection with him coupled with our willingness to do as he says that brings us to the place of complete deliverance in our lives. Just sayin!

Way-Finding Friends

While he was preaching God’s word to them, four men arrived carrying a paralyzed man on a mat. They couldn’t bring him to Jesus because of the crowd, so they dug a hole through the roof above his head. Then they lowered the man on his mat, right down in front of Jesus. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, “My child, your sins are forgiven.” (Mark 2:2-5)

I don't know about you, but I want these kinds of friends in my life! I want friends who will 'bare-handedly' remove rooftops for me! I want to know that regardless of my ability or faith, they are right there when I have needs I may not be able to handle on my own or even recognize I have a way to have to have those needs met outside of the 'normal' way of meeting them. How about you? Do you have those kinds of friends? Do they recognize a need in your life even before you recognize it yourself? If you do, you are truly blessed!

The crowd wasn't too much for them - they saw the need of their friend and it would take an army to stop them! They dug a hole in the roof - nothing was stopping their friend from getting in front of the Lord of Lords. We actually don't need namby-pamby, wishy-washy faith friends. We need 'roof removing', 'get 'er done' friends - nothing being too great of an obstacle to get our need before the Lord. One thing I have observed to be true - faith isn't obstacle free. If we want our miracle, we are likely going to have to get past some obstacles in our path.

Seeing their faith - it wasn't the man's faith that Jesus took note of - it was the faith of the four friends. There are times when my faith is nothing to speak of - it wavers just like it does for you on occasion. When it doesn't match the faith needed to 'get 'er done', we'd actually do well to 'lean into' the faith of those God has provided as our spiritual companions in this journey. Why? They aren't affected by the intensity of our need - the intensity that actually paralyzes us and makes it difficult to bring ourselves before God on our own. They find a way where we see no way. 

I want 'way finding' friends. If you don't have those type of friends in your life, isn't it about time you find them? Just askin!

A let down isn't always bad

When Jesus returned to Capernaum several days later, the news spread quickly that he was back home. Soon the house where he was staying was so packed with visitors that there was no more room, even outside the door. While he was preaching God’s word to them, four men arrived carrying a paralyzed man on a mat. They couldn’t bring him to Jesus because of the crowd, so they dug a hole through the roof above his head. Then they lowered the man on his mat, right down in front of Jesus. Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the paralyzed man, “My child, your sins are forgiven.” (Mark 2:1-5)

Stop for a moment to consider the faith of these friends. There is no indication the man had enough faith to do such a thing - although he certainly had the need. These words struck me this morning - "Seeing THEIR faith". It is important to know that THEIR faith got the man where he needed to be in order to receive his healing. Sometimes it isn't our faith that gets us to that place where our need is met - it is the community of friends that we have in Christ Jesus that get us there!

A surgeon doesn't operate alone. He is surrounded by others, all doing their particular tasks. The entire operation requires a team effort, expertly coordinated and perfectly orchestrated. The team makes the difference! We can 'get by' with a lousy team, but when the right team is in place, what a difference that makes. When the right team is in place in your life, the difference is palpable. The 'faith energy' produced when we are surrounded by those who are also close to Jesus energizes us when we are 'running low'.

They dug a hole through some poor guy's rooftop in order to get their friend before Jesus! I can only imagine the moxie that took to coordinate such a plan and actually 'create the opening' that would become the means by which the man received his healing. There are definitely times when we need others with a courageous spirit and determination that won't quit. When we are having doubts, we need their faith. When we are succumbing to the 'difficulties of the moment', we need their perseverance to continue on in spite of it all.

Sin might attempt to keep us flat on our mat, but the faith of good friends and their determination to see us made right again with God may be the thing that propels us forward into the presence of God again. We cannot ignore the need for community - they could provide the 'biggest let down' of our lives. Just sayin!

You have great value to me

Be sincere in your love for others. Hate everything that is evil and hold tight to everything that is good. Love each other as brothers and sisters and honor others more than you do yourself. (Romans 12:9-10)

God desires a way of living that is "outside" or beyond our selfishness - the tendency we had before we said "yes" to Christ which kept us totally self-directed in our focus. Be sincere in your love for others. Sincerity is the idea of being free of hypocrisy. If you have ever caught yourself saying one thing, but thinking another, you might be dealing with this thing called hypocrisy - the tendency to be ingenuine or unreal. Neither of these traits are what God wants for us in relationships - first with him, then with others. He strives for us to be genuine or real.

We are to be genuine in our love for each other, by hating evil, holding tight to what is good, treating one another as brothers and sisters, and giving honor to each other more than we focus on seeking honor for ourselves.  We are to work toward a "protectiveness" of the relationship, guarding against those things which hinder the depth and closeness of relationship. Nothing will shut a relationship down quicker than for anger, malice, or wickedness to gain an inroad into the midst of it. We are to do more than just be "intolerant" of these things - we are to be so vigilant to guard against them that we just WON'T allow them to have an inroad. When anger enters, we are to immediately stop, take notice of what is being said or demonstrated in each other's actions, and then bring reconciliation immediately. This is the principle of not letting the sun go down on our anger. Just think of how much different our relationships would be if we were to begin to operate in this framework! When ill-intent is evident, conflict will arise. As with anger, there is to be an increasing "vigilance" to avoid all manner of ill-intent.

We are to run after the things which produce good outcomes in the relationship.  Those things which increase our moral foundation. Whenever we build one another up in the faith, we are fulfilling this task, leading to us loving each other as we'd love a brother or sister. We are learning to see each other as belonging to the same "bloodline". Those who are part of the family of God share a similar "heritage" as we do. As such, we are to enter into companionable relationship with those in this journey of faith. It means we need each other! We cannot walk it alone. We actually benefit from the closeness of seeing another walk out their faith - in the daily, rubber meets the road kind of way. God is reminding us of being cognizant of those who are "partners" with us in this walk. We don't always "get along" well, but we do grow from the interactions and see love become the driving force which binds us together.

The last reminder is to honor one another more than we do ourselves. This is a tough one, as you might imagine, because each of us tends to focus on self quicker than we focus on others. If we see something in them which is a complimentary skill or trait to what we possess, this might be something we "honor" in them. It might also mean we give some merit to another individual which they wouldn't receive otherwise. I think there are a whole lot of people today just walking around looking for someone to give them some merit - because their lives have been filled with all kinds of things labeled as "demerits"! I don't know where the "demerits" came from, or even if they were deserved, but I do know many individuals focus on those "negative" things they have been told or come to believe about themselves. When we are in relationship with each other, we have this unique ability to focus on either side of the column, so to speak. The choice to focus on those things which are of "merit" in a person's life is something we need to learn to do more often!  Just sayin!

Be wiser than your former self

We have perhaps one or two truly close friendships in the course of our lifetime, those marked by true intimate knowledge of each other and a depth of commitment which spans all the hurdles of how silly we can act on occasion.  These relationships matter so much to us - we work to preserve them, defend them, and even bolster them whenever things are a little shaky. Try hard to do right and you will win friends - scriptural instruction - not scriptural "advice".  The difference between the two - one is just an opinion which we can take or leave; the other is a promise based on truth. Some of us don't always "do right", though. In the realm of our "best friends", there is some amount of grace which just keeps us together and might even bind us closer together when we don't always "hit the mark" when it comes to "trying to do right". Do right; Live right; and Act wisely - three truths we need to explore if we are to maintain those very special relationships God has given us on this earth.

Try hard to do right, and you will win friends; go looking for trouble, and you will find it. Live right, and you will eat from the life-giving tree. And if you act wisely, others will follow. (Proverbs 11:27, 30)

Do right - we certainly don't need instruction or reminding to "do wrong"! We find our way into the territory of "wrong" much easier than we find our way into the territory of "right"! We were born pretty egocentric and in being so egocentric from birth, we find the world rotating around us for a good period of time. What parents have a hard time with as we are getting a little older is this idea of helping us to see there are others in our world impacted by our actions!  When we won't share, someone is without a toy or piece of the cake. When we refuse to let someone go, they cannot get on with their other tasks which need to be completed. We maintain the "hold" on being the center of our world as long as others will allow it. When someone begins to "push that envelope" and they show us we are definitely NOT the center of attention we think we should be, we get our feelings all in a wad. The world around us needs to be acknowledged, the feelings of others require respect, and the moments of their lives matter as much as ours.  We are reminded to let go of "self" and seek out the opportunities to "make another feel special". Doing is the first step toward developing a pattern some call "living".

Live right - unlike "doing" right, living right means we actually find a path which is consistently focused on the right things. We begin to develop patterns of behavior which are marked with less and less self-centered actions. The "doing" becomes a habit - we find ourselves consistently "doing" - not having to "think it through" all the time because it comes more naturally to us now. With every "new habit" there is this starting point we might label as "doing" right. Add up all the "doing" and eventually you find yourself forming the new habit. In time, you don't even think about what it is you are doing because it comes as "second-nature" to you. It is "second-nature" to us, though! Our "primary-nature" is egocentric. It takes practiced effort to break that mold! This effort will eventually help us develop the habits which become "second-nature" to us and produce a consistency of behaviors which support "other-focused" activities. We find we want to include others in our lives - not because of what we "get out of it", but equally as much by what we can "give back" into those relationships.  Living right implies we make consistent choices which benefit not only self, but others, as well.

Act wisely - the choices we make behind the scenes matter because eventually they reveal themselves for all to see, no matter how well we think we have them covered up! Action comes from thought - we actually have some basis to all we do and how we live because we have been thinking about it for some time! If our actions are a little foolish, it is likely we are still a little too egocentric in our focus. We don't see others, nor do we see Christ right there in front of us as we make those unwise choices. If our actions are gravitating toward wiser ones, we might not fully understand how much those matter, but each wise action leads to the possibility we will act that way again - leading to us letting go of some of our egocentric "doing". Fools are marked by being all over the board in their commitments and even by being a little too egocentric (despite warnings to be otherwise). The wise are marked by the stability and sensibility of their actions - those which are "other-focused", not "self-focused". Wise people see themselves through the mirror of the truth and what is reflected back to them is used to help them lay down the actions which really are not reflecting back Christ in them! Just sayin!

Is it really 'choice ground'?

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. (Proverbs 13:20)

Do you remember the story of Abraham and Lot - both with growing flocks, herds, and wealth? The time came when they needed to separate their flocks and herds because of what ranchers might have called 'overcrowding' of the animals. They were 'over-grazing' the lands, so they needed to find 'independent' grazing grounds. As you may recall from the story, Lot chose what looked best for himself, his family, herds, and flocks. He moved lock, stock, and barrel into a land way to close to the sinful people of Sodom, a mistake that would cost him dearly.

The company of fools soon rubs off on those who spend enough time with them. Before long, Lot was so accustomed to the 'culture' of the day that he didn't even confront sin any longer. His choice of grazing ground may have been a little self-centered as it was 'choice ground', but that 'choice ground' did not take into consideration the companions he would be surrounding his life with over the long run. Whenever we choose what we might think as 'best' or 'better' just based on the surface impression, we might find ourselves getting a little too chummy with sin's influence! 

He could have remained closer to Abraham, still providing enough space for their combined herds and flocks, but he chose to separate from those who could provide him moral support and a growing faith. The company of fools somehow doesn't do much to support our spiritual health, much less encourage its growth! In the long run, his children took spouses from among one of the most sinful people of the world at that time - ensuring the loss of their lives when judgment came down on Sodom. His own wife would suffer the fate of being turned into a pillar of salt. Probably one of the least taught 'sins' of Lot was the engagement of his unwed daughters in incest with their own father. 

Truly, the company of fools influences more than just our own lives - it affects those we might call 'family' and our close friends. Maybe this is why God calls us to guard our hearts and to choose our companions well. The closer we get to the influence of those who do not walk closely with God will ensure we are exposed to things, ways of thinking, and actions we may not have ever considered if we were to keep companions with those who walk closely with God. Just sayin!

We need more than a bellhop

The person who shuns the bitter moments of friends will be an outsider at their celebrations. (Proverbs 14:10) Walter Winchell reminds us: "A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." Do you have this kind of a friendship with anyone? If you do, count yourself blessed; if you don't, it is high time you ask God to bless you with one! A true friend will never shun your bitter moments - they will love you through them. Yes, I said "through them" because that friend will not abandon you to your folly or your grief.

"True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island... to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing." (Baltasar Gracian) Multiplied blessings don't come because we 'do life' alone - they come because we do life in communion with one another. God never asked or expected his kids to walk alone, so why is it we are trying so hard not to let anyone see who we really are, where our hurts and hang ups exist?

I think it could be a matter of pride - we think if others see our 'real self' they will not want to be part of our lives for very long. There is something my BFF reminds me about now and again that we all need to hear: "We all come with baggage." Baggage in the form of hurt emotions, disappointments because life didn't work out as we planned, or even the fears that hold us back from pursuing life as God desires for each of us. Regardless of who we are, how 'put together' we may seem - we all have baggage! Get over trying to hide that baggage - it actually needs to be 'unpacked', not hidden!

We all come with a variety of complex emotional 'stuff' that needs to be 'worked through', don't we? If you cannot see it, maybe someone else can and that is why we need each other. We actually help one another 'unpack' that baggage so we can finally get rid of the suitcase of emotional garbage we have been carrying around for years and years - sometimes our whole lifetime. We can give our baggage to a bellhop, but he will not unpack it. 

He carries for us for a while, but he doesn't actually help us be rid of the baggage. A friend actually helps us do more than carry the bag - they help us know when and where it should be emptied. Then they come alongside and help us sort out all the stuff we have in that bag! We don't need the baggage - we need the freedom that comes from finally uncovering what we have hidden within the recesses of those 'bags'. Just sayin!

Life Hack #2 - Choose Your Company

Life Hack #2:

Embrace these life hacks, and it may be safe to say our foundation will be one of trust - not in ourselves, but in God himself. They help to hold us accountable for our actions and attitudes. The company we keep, as well as the company we don't keep, makes a huge difference in the choices we make in life. "Life Hack #1" dealt with our attitude toward the 'poor and needy' - how we interact within the "boundaries" of Christian love or not. "Life Hack #2" focuses on those we associate with the most. Why is this important? Wrong relationships are as dangerous as wind is to fire. Pick the wrong ones to engage with and you will find your world set on fire, but not a fire you can control!

Don’t hang out with angry people; don’t keep company with hotheads. Bad temper is contagious—don’t get infected. (Proverbs 22:24-25)

Angry people make life miserable for others, don't they? Anger is an emotion with overwhelming potential to destroy both in word and deed. Words spoken in haste, without forethought, aimed at hurting another will leave lasting scars. Words spoken in a rage of anger, not really aimed at anyone, but spoken nonetheless, have just as much potential to leave scars because we never know who will latch onto them and take them as a "truth" they will hold onto about themselves, their work, or their abilities. The emotion of anger is more than a simple "feeling" - it may include an outburst, or vindictive twist. It is not always measurable, nor is it quickly identified before it has a chance to affect those in its path.

If you have ever been around testy people, you might have recognized how easily you were caught up into the "testy" attitude. It was probably because it made you a little uneasy to be around them. Be around it long enough and it may become you agreeing more and more with the things which set them off. Bad attitudes have a tendency to rub off onto others - infecting them with their poison. This is the reason we are warned to avoid hanging out (keeping regular company) with those who have an issue with anger and the resulting outbursts. Unfortunately, anger turns us inward, but it directs its "flow" outward. Anger is often a result of perceiving your rights have been violated - someone has not respected your space, they've invaded your "territory". 

You may begin to feel like people take you for granted - not appreciating you. You have turned inward - it is all about you. In time, you might even begin to express this feeling of being taken for granted in short jabs toward another, rehearsing the times they have done you wrong, and even taking shots with sarcasm. Little by little, you begin to nurse your feelings of being wronged. In time, these feelings (validated by your own rehearsal of events) take on a life of their own - expressed often in outbursts (turning outward). From mothers everywhere: "Don't hang out with the wrong crowd - they will corrupt good morals!" Anger has so much volatility associated with it, so it becomes a destructive emotion almost without warning. Associating with those who are given to such volatility is dangerous ground to trod. 

If you don't end up injured yourself, you will eventually become what you associate with! Then you will be the one so inwardly focused that all your outward actions are harsh, brutally unkind, and just plain miserable to be around. Emotions are real - we cannot deny them. We need to "hang with" those who will help us to reveal our emotions in reasonable, upright, and consistent ways. Those we choose as our closest relationships - those we "frequent" most often - will go a long way in helping us develop reasonableness in our emotions. Hotheads need to realize how they drive those away who may have their greatest potential to change their life. Just sayin!

Get your shovel

I am sometimes guilty of judging a book by its cover - like when I pass a quick judgment on someone or something because I see something on the "surface" which kind of gets my dander up, but really don't understand the reality of what they are going through just beneath the surface. We never really know what another will bring into our lives until we get beneath the surface - look beneath the "cover". Lest you think you are beyond concealing things beneath a "cover" in your lives, ask yourself this question: "When was the last time I was truthful about the toughest struggle in my life today?"  That question is telling because we often don't have anyone with whom we can share the struggle; or we don't really want to be honest about the struggle because it is kind of humbling to admit we struggle in that area of our lives. In reality, we have no struggles which are not "common" among all men and women - things like fear, anxiety, mistrust, pride, addictions, lust, and even right living. We ALL are "earthen vessels" - plain folk with down-to-earth problems and desires.

If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That’s to prevent anyone from confusing God’s incomparable power with us. As it is, there’s not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we’re not much to look at. We’ve been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we’re not demoralized; we’re not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we’ve been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn’t left our side; we’ve been thrown down, but we haven’t broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus’ sake, which makes Jesus’ life all the more evident in us. While we’re going through the worst, you’re getting in on the best! (2 Corinthians 4:7-12)

It should not catch you by surprise that God uses "earthen vessels" to display his greatness. Plain folks with plain old real-life problems putting him on display before a hurting and hungry world. God doesn't go for the most glamorous, or the most charismatic - he uses us! As with all truth, we have to believe it to make it worthwhile in our lives. I can "know about" gravity, but until I fall a few times, I don't really believe it exerts a forceful pull in my life! You come to appreciate the truth once you realize it has validity - having "validated" it by exposing yourself to its reality. What makes the difference in the realization of our true problem is not our "confession" of the issue, but the "unwrapping" it. If we are to finally get beneath the "cover" in our lives and the lives of those we have relationship with, we have to be willing to "unwrap" ourselves. We are ALL "earthen vessels", holding onto some things we would do well to get out in the open, and containing light which needs to be shared with those around us.

Look only at the "earthen vessel" and you can make pretty inaccurate judgments, huh? Pour out the contents and you will often see a different side of a person. Most of us are concerned others won't "like" us if they see the "real" us, so we only allow "surface" looks. It isn't until we begin to be "poured out" that we can actually see what it is that God has been doing "inside" us all that time. He contains himself in "ordinary lives" - using "ordinary lives" to touch "ordinary lives". Here we find the "connection" we so desperately need - one "ordinary" life pouring out into the "ordinary life" of another. There may be "severed" parts of our lives which really need the skill of one more knowledgeable about the issue, and the time to allow the healing to occur. This is the value of connecting with another, allowing them beneath the surface, and into the "severed" parts of your life. It is an opportunity to allow another to share the path to healing. 

God knows exactly what we need in order to break free of our struggles - and it is often best accomplished when we aren't trying to walk alone! Each supporting the other - each not afraid to encounter the other when one of us is being a sissy with something God wants us to be bold about! Some of us need someone telling us we are being a little bit of a sissy when it comes to our issues. We need a "goading" once in a while. God places "ordinary lives" together to do just that! What Jesus did AMONG us, he does IN us - he lives! We cannot settle for just having life "among" us, we need it "IN" us. We don't get life IN until we are willing to go beneath the surface stuff. A book has to be cracked to be read. A light needs to be switched on before it illuminates what is hidden. A buried treasure cannot be found until someone starts to do a little digging. Just sayin!

Upon the conduct of one

Remember upon the conduct of each depends the fate of all. (Alexander the Great)

The fate of all - really? I believe this to be true, for my conduct could very well influence the conduct of another. The things I say, do, or even ignore have the potential to influence and change the course of another's life. We all have that potential - so it is pretty important that we recognize it now! Alexander also said, "Whatever possession we gain by our sword cannot be sure or lasting, but the love gained by kindness and moderation is certain and durable."

Two people are better than one, because they get more done by working together. If one falls down, the other can help him up. But it is bad for the person who is alone and falls, because no one is there to help. If two lie down together, they will be warm, but a person alone will not be warm. An enemy might defeat one person, but two people together can defend themselves; a rope that is woven of three strings is hard to break. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

We get more done by working together - not against each other. I have frequently spoken of the need to be a solid example to others around us. I also will remind each of us from time to time that we need one another in our lives - to keep us on the right path, be there when times get tough, and lead by example. Truly, we don't want to be alone if we are about to fall! We want someone there to help catch us before we do.

Kindness and moderation go a long way when we are working to cultivate 'solid' relationships - the type of friends that will be there when we need them most. Moderation - a word we don't hear much these days, but it is rich in meaning. Beyond the sense of 'restraint' we might operate within, there is the idea of avoiding the things that are either extreme or excessive. There are going to be times when we need one another to help us avoid those 'excesses' or 'extremes' in life.

Moderation also has a similar meaning to kindness; in that we exercise patience with each other - being calm and fair in our dealings with one another. What moderation brings to the relationship is balance. We 'balance' each other out - where you may be weak, I could be just a bit stronger, and vice-versa. Upon the conduct of one depends the fate of the other - a solemn thought, don't you agree? Just askin!

Poop Happens

Okay, for those who know me, you know I like a funny story, but the joke was on me yesterday morning as I walked along the canal with my BFF. Calmly walking along, just sharing our thoughts and laughing together a bit, and all of a sudden, I felt a very wet 'plop' on the top of my head! You guessed it - a bird had relieved itself on my freshly washed hair! I started this little dance in place, pointing at my head, my BFF asking what on the earth was wrong, and then she saw it. Retrieving a small stick from nearby, she was able to rid my head of the offending matter. I could hardly wait to rush home to wash it out, but at least it was 'gone' for the most part. I told her this would make good 'blog' material somehow - so here goes. There are just times in life when things are going pretty well, then all of a sudden, without warning and without pretense, something catches us off-guard. We 'dance in place' a bit, but unless we have someone alongside us to help us out with the stuff we cannot easily see or deal with alone, we are not in a very good place. Thank goodness my BFF was there - the stick nearby - and the consistency of the offending material was rather well 'formed'. In our daily walk with Jesus, we need each other - for not all the offending matter in life is within our reach, or within our ability to deal with it alone!

It’s better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work, share the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps, but if there’s no one to help, tough! Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night. By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst. Can you round up a third? A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

It is indeed better to go through life with someone willing to 'partner with you' through life's challenges. In business, a partner is often an investor in the business. They have put in some capital and know-how into developing that business. There are 'silent partners' in business - investors, but not really participants in the work of the business. They want all the blessings of the business and don't want to put in the effort of running that business. A friend who just wants the blessings of the relationship, but who isn't willing to put in the investment of what it will take to live out each day in relationship isn't really much of a friend at all. A friend who accepts the challenges, finds ways of helping to overcome those challenges, and who knows when to come alongside you 'dancing in place' is indeed a rare find and one to be cherished!

Share the work of relationship. Yes, it is 'work' at times - not everything good comes without challenges and 'rough spots'. Be willing and ready to work through them together - give each other permission to be genuine and then be willing to get beyond the things that 'rub you wrong' at times. In sharing the 'work' of relationship, you are ensuring you will each enjoy the wealth of that relationship, as well. A good friend never asks you to compromise your convictions - nor will that friend ask you to skimp on your commitments. They will stand alongside as you remain strongly committed to what you believe and even help you get stronger in your stand. They will help you see your rough edges - we all have them, so don't think you don't! They will expect you to help them to see theirs, as well - but not exclusively theirs for yours are equally as important to work through.

We all deal with unpleasant stuff in life. One falls, the other reaches out. One has tough people moments to deal with - the other bolsters them with prayer and words of encouragement. One struggles to find answers - the other listens and gives feedback as the Lord leads. One gets pooped on - the other is there to help you clean it up! We need our 'walking partners' in this lifetime - don't neglect them! They need you and you need them! Just sayin!

Who's better?

You're the One I've violated, and you've seen it all, seen the full extent of my evil. You have all the facts before you; whatever you decide about me is fair. I've been out of step with you for a long time, in the wrong since before I was born. What you're after is truth from the inside out. Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life. (Psalm 51:4-6)

We probably all have a close friend - someone who seems to know most of the "dirt" in our lives - hopefully it is someone you can call your BFF. To be totally transparent here, these "besties", "BFFs", and "best buds" only know us "most of the way", though. There are always some parts of "us" that we honestly believe are kept hidden away from everyone - those really secret things we just hope no one ever learns about us because if they do, we wonder if they will ever be able to love us, much less like us! The only one who really knows us "all the way" is the one who actually created us - God himself. Our 'besties' get really, really close to that level of intimacy, but if we are truthful with ourselves right now, there are things we keep to ourselves simply because we know they are the 'hard things' that make it hard to deal with us. It could be we just need someone to point out those hard places, though.

God has all the facts about us and he still loves us! Now, if that doesn't amaze you even a little, you will miss the rest of what I am about to tell you! David, with a little help from a faithful friend he's likely have called one of his 'friends', comes to the realization of just how much his sin has driven a wedge between him and God. There was something there in his life that needed to be 'pointed out' so God could deal with it and help him overcome. It was likely God's love for David that caused Nathan (the prophet) to bring the message of "conviction" to David. David had wallowed in his sin long enough - Nathan was about to turn the tide for David with the message of forgiveness he would bring him. How does God know the right time, the right method, and the right messenger to send? It always amazes me to know God has that all in his control and he comes through each and every time.

A faithful God provides a faithful friend. Did you ever stop to consider the friend God has placed alongside you for the journey you are on today? In reality, this one may be able to see and know some things about you, but when God is in these friends of ours, they see much more than we might imagine! In the moment of our greatest need, a faithful friend is always willing to point us directly to the source of where our need will be met - Christ! A friend doesn't consider it too much to go out on the line and tell it like it is. Maybe that is one way we know when we have been given a 'real friend' in our lives. David's confession is a hard one for him to make to God, much less have anyone else in humanity know what he has been dealing with. He has been "out of step" with God for a long time. He has let time pass, making the shame and guilt he has experienced about his sin simply mount to almost insurmountable levels. In fact,  he is sinking deeper and deeper into depression. His body aches, he cannot sleep, he feels like his bones are withering away inside. He needs deliverance - and God prepares the messenger - Nathan. The time is right, the message is true, and the messenger has been prepared.

We may not know the exact one God will use to point us in the right direction again when we most need that redirection. The truth remains - God cares too much about us for him to leave us wallowing in our self-pity and sin for very long. He will send a faithful friend - one who will bring the message of forgiveness and restoration we so desperately need. Whenever we are faced with the choice between self-pity and total restoration, the choice should be simple, right? But...how many times do we reject the words of restoration simply because we don't "feel" forgiven? David said it well, "What you are after is truth from the inside out." How this is accomplished is in the very next sentence: "Enter me and conceive a new life - one that is true." No amount of self-help will do what God intends to do himself. The faithfulness of Nathan's message of forgiveness opens David's heart to the possibility of God's touch. Change is possible - but it will require the exchange of our self-pity for this truth of forgiveness. 

As long as we "wallow", we never allow God to enter into us afresh. Self-pity is really just doubt disguised in some way that means we really doubt God's willingness to forgive us and our inability to move beyond the consequences of our sin. When we "wallow", we are moving kind of clumsily, floundering about as best we can, but never really enjoying the journey. When we yield our "wallowing", we find deliverance. A faithful friend opened the door for David to realize the fact he needed God to "enter him" - taking over his doubt and self-pity, erasing his guilt, eliminating his shame, and righting him on solid ground. It is not so much about us "entering" into God - it is much more about God entering into us! We often get this backward - we want to wash away our own guilt and shame. God reminds David (through a faithful friend) - the washing is HIS business! In entering in, God makes all things new. Figures, doesn't it - the Creator knows the creation best! Who can make "new" better than the one who made it in the first place? Just askin!

Got any quirks?

A companion loves some agreeable qualities which a man may possess, but a friend loves the man himself. (James Boswell)

Agreeable qualities? What specifically are 'agreeable' qualities? I believe most of us possess these qualities, but maybe don't put a specific 'name' to them. Things like listening to the heart behind the words and then meeting the needs of the one speaking those words might be considered an 'agreeable quality', but what other qualities would you put on that list if you were asked? Would you ever stop to consider being able to bring up a 'disagreeable' subject in a loving way without really creating an atmosphere of disagreement as an 'agreeable' quality? I would. A good friend is able to do more than just bring out the 'good' stuff in you - they are able to bring out the stuff that you know is there, but haven't been willing to deal with!

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens a friend. (Proverbs 27:17)

In the Amplified Bible, this passage actually reads: As iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens [and influences] another [through discussion]. In other words, being a friend with 'agreeable qualities' means that you won't be afraid to influence the life of another - to bring out into discussion the things that otherwise would have been left untouched by others too afraid or too selfish to take the time to discover in each other. I like how the Expanded Bible translates this passage: As iron sharpens iron, so people ·can improve each other [sharpen their friends]. We actually improve each other when we allow this freedom of discussion to occur.

Don't overlook what Boswell pointed out - a friend loves the man himself. If you count me as your friend, you love more than the things we do together - you love me, complete with my quirks and my qualities. Too many times we do little more in relationship than another our qualities! If you want to be a good friend to another, you won't be afraid of others seeing your quirks. In counseling terms, this is called being transparent. Good friends have a way of peeling back the layers until the individuals are free to be exactly who they are - free of 'cover-ups' and 'facades'. 

The 'man himself' is not always all that easy to love, is he? What we are - the complete package of quirks and qualities - is sometimes a little hard to appreciate, much less love. You probably have family members you say are kind of 'quirky' - you call them 'dysfunctional'. You might also have acquaintances you call a little bit too 'high maintenance'. Regardless of how you apply the label here, what you are saying is that their qualities are easy to live with - their quirks are not! A good friend is able to do more than appreciate the qualities - they are able to appreciate even the quirks of an individual. I don't know about you, but I want people in my life that appreciate both and help me work through the things that are a little 'quirky' in  my life. Just sayin!

Are you a masterpiece?

A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature. (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Do you have a 'masterpiece' in your life? I do and am blessed to have one! Did you ever stop for a moment to consider what scripture has to say about friendship? For one thing, we are highly encouraged to make God our closest friend (James 4:8). God's friendship is often revealed in the ways we interact with each other on this earth - in the ways we form relationships, nurture them, and come to appreciate the blessings we have in them. When we consider 'picking' a friend on this earth, here are some pointers from scripture:

1. They should be a constant guide - leading us toward goodness and away from things that harm.  One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. (Proverbs 12:26)

2. They will help us grow in wisdom - leaving unwholesome ways of thinking and acting behind. Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. (Proverbs 13:20)

3. They will be even-tempered and considerate - helping us to develop these same characteristics in our own lives.  Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. (Proverbs 22:24-25)

Our choice of friendship begins with our relationship with Christ and then if we are wise, we will choose others to surround us who build us up and help us to be more Christ-like in our behavior. Luke reminded us to treat others as we would like to be treated ourselves - in a kind, loving, and considerate manner. (Luke 6:31) We might find it hard to make friends, but once we have made a good friendship we may find it is even harder to keep it! Why? We don't always act like we are supposed to! Sometimes we get self-focused and forget about the needs of others. Maybe we get a little over-zealous in our enthusiasm toward some things and lose focus of the things that matter to the other person. Regardless of where we 'bumble' in relationship, if we have chosen well, there will be one over-arching thing that remains - grace.

Grace brings us together - grace keeps us together. Plain and simple - we all need grace from time to time, regardless of how solid the relationship is between us. We will say things we didn't think through. We will act before counting the cost of the actions. We will make mistakes in relationship, but when the relationship is rooted in grace, it will endure these 'bumbles'. The price of friendship is high, but well-worth the 'expense'! The one who seeks a masterpiece must be willing to be worked on by the Master who creates all masterpieces in the first place! Just sayin!

Repeat this

Bill Graham reminds us: "Each life is made up of mistakes and learning, waiting and growing, practicing patience and being persistent." We find ourselves repeating these things all through life. None of us ever gets to the point we stop making mistakes - for all of us are capable of missteps. Yet, all of us are equally capable of avoiding them again because we learn from those mistakes. There are many things that 'prod us' into living wisely, growing well, so that we understand the value in being patient, or trudging headlong into something we should not overlook. Nothing 'prods' us more than the Word of God - put that Word into the mouth of a close friend who is looking out for our good and you have a double-edged sword!

The words of the wise prod us to live well. They're like nails hammered home, holding life together. They are given by God, the one Shepherd. (Ecclesiastes 12:11)

The words of the wise - oh, how hard it is to find those words at times. We are inundated with all kinds of "words" - surrounded on all sides with varying opinions, challenging propositions, and proposals of hope that somewhat stimulate us into a form of action. In the end, if we are faithful to turn back to the Word of God, not just listening to these opinions or propositions, we will find balance in what we are hearing. Wise words are those which give counsel, steadying our course, and redirecting us when our purpose may be a little self-centered or off-balance. They "prod" us to live well - to make wise choices. Words that stem from relationship with Christ are those which stimulate others and excite them into action. They are words that trigger or launch action - rousing us from our spiritual, emotional, or physical slumber. They are words spoken at the right time, in the right spirit, with the right intensity to get our attention. As such, they "prod" us - stirring us up and moving us into action.

Like nails hammered home - they hold our life together. Nothing provides stability or soundness in the midst of chaos as well as a well-appointed word from a godly man or woman with a listening ear and tender heart of the one intent on learning what God would have them share. Some messages we hear from the pulpit are like that - they are nails hammered home. We almost sense that God "aired our dirty laundry" to the pastor that morning, and the message was directed right at us! Yet, in embracing the "prodding" of that message, we find exactly what we needed. There are times when the words 'hammered home' come from a close friend, knowing exactly what to speak and specifically when it needs to be spoken into our lives. Both carry a challenge - both stimulate us to growth - both help us to receive clarity. So many times we can feel like life is falling apart around us - nothing seems or appears stable. In those moments, a word aptly spoken provides great comfort, wise direction, and purposeful plans for our life. 

Learning to be the one God uses to bring such words of wisdom in the right season is what each of us should strive to see developed within us. There are probably things God has shared in your life (in your time of study, in your opportunities of worship, or in your moments of personal tragedy), that if you'd just took the time to share them, they would be like a spiritual hammer driving a much needed nail home to a listening and hungry heart. Some of us think we have no ability to "teach" another, but the words we share could redeem a life and right a course. Read this passage again. Have you the desire and ability to "prod" another to live well? Then ask God to open doors of opportunity to share the wisdom he has given you - someone will benefit from what you have learned in your walk with Christ. Open doors are the first step to your words "hitting home" just where they are needed. Ask God to give you the ability to share his truths that you've tucked into the recesses of your heart - with a clarity of speech that touches the heart of the hearer. As you begin to walk through the "open doors" God provides, trusting him to bring the "right words" in the "right season", he will. As I was out walking with my BFF this week, I found a gentle sharing back and forth - words that just come out of hearts committed to finding the best in one another and in lifting each other up. These are words that 'drive home' and 'prod' a soul. 

The words of the wise are not always the words of the "learned". Book learning and higher education just go so far. The words that influence are those that are spoken from a place of relationship - relationship solidly founded on truth, growing in grace, and triumphant in testing. They are not words spoken from places of perfection, but from places of perseverance.  The truth you stand upon, the grace you have embraced, and the triumph you learned in the midst of testing are but a few of the "words of wisdom" that are like "nails driven home" when they are ignited by the passion of the Spirit that lives within you. We don't do the "hammering" ourselves - the Spirit of God places the "nail" - he allows our words to drive that nail home. Words spoken in the right season, in the right spirit, act as a "hammer" in God's hands. Let's learn to be "hammers" in God's hands. Just sayin!

My closet is way too full!

He is ever present with me; at all times He goes before me. I will not live in fear or abandon my calling because He stands at my right hand.  (Psalm 16:8 VOICE)

Have you ever just looked things up and down only to discover the feelings those things bring from within you are kind of saying, "I wish I could just let all this go" and you really mean it?  We hold onto way too much baggage, don't we?  Stuff we don't really need to worry about because it isn't really our business to take care of whatever it is, but we take on the issue nonetheless.  Things we get ourselves into because we weren't honest with others or ourselves about our desire to be involved.  Monumental problems caused because we didn't take time to listen, or we just heard what we wanted to hear.  You know what I am talking about - I know I don't find myself in these messes all by myself!  To really be at the place we want to finally let go of these things is really a good place to be - for it means we know we are holding on way to tightly to stuff we have "no room" for in our lives!

I look at my closet from time to time only to realize I have some good clothes in there which haven't been worn in quite some time (I am talking years here, guys).  Why do I hold onto these things? They either don't fit any longer, aren't part of my current style of dressing, or were things I received from someone that really fit my color pallet. I use the illustration for our clothes closet because most of us can associate with it.  We cram way too much stuff in there, hold onto it way too long, and somehow think we will get back to determining the stuff is "useful" at some point in our lives. Oh, did I mention most of it doesn't even fit anymore?  My philosophy is if I am no longer that bigger size, why keep it around to tempt me to let myself go again?  If the smaller size is there to somehow motivate me to get to it, has it really worked?  Not so well!  Why not pair down to what is useful, serves a purpose, and is going to make sense for your present needs?

Now, let's think about some of the emotional baggage we cram into the small spaces of our lives where we really don't have much more room to cram anything else.  Some of those emotions are just no longer "serviceable" in our lives - they need to go.  Some of those memories need to be trashed because they are so stained by the past events they are just not anything we can make use of any longer.  I have often thought about having a good friend just come over one day and help me sort through all the stuff in my closet.  Why?  She would be objective!  She would tell me what looks good, really fits my style, and what still has potential.  She'd encourage me to let go of the stuff I really don't need.  Why are we so hesitant to open up the closet of our emotions to a good friend, or even to Jesus?  God sends these friends into our lives so we don't have to sort all of life out alone.  Why do we resist their loving care over our lives when God has placed them there to actually help us grow?

It is probably because we fear they won't see the "value" in whatever it is we are holding onto so tightly!  Truth be told, we may be placing way too much "value" into whatever it is we are holding! We might just need to let it go to actually see it didn't serve a good purpose in our lives in the first place!  God doesn't abandon us to our worry, or even our emotional baggage.  He doesn't want us to have to sort it all out alone either - that is why he planned for us to live life in "community" - to share this task with another who may be a little more objective than we are ourselves.  Truth be told, the wisest words from my closest friend may seem a little hard to hear at times, but I trust she says it in love.  She sees in me something I don't see in myself - and that is invaluable!  Live life to the fullest - don't fill your "closets" to the fullest!  Let go - hold onto the good - and learn to value those God places in your life to help you not walk this thing out alone!  Just sayin!

Islands form how?

Baltasar Gracian wrote: "True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. Strive to have friends, for life without friends is like life on a desert island... to find one real friend in a lifetime is good fortune; to keep him is a blessing."  Life without friends is like life on a desert island - both barren and isolated!  It is empty - almost as though it were depleted and fruitless.  To go through life without the discovery of a close friend is to walk without legs!  It is possible to get through life, but the journey is so much tougher!

A true friend loves regardless of the situation, and a real brother exists to share the tough times.  (Proverbs 17:17 VOICE)

What does an island symbolize to you?  The first thing which comes to mind is a body of land surrounded by water on all sides.  It may be kind of lush in appearance, as there is much greenery upon that island, surrounded by some beaches. Did you know there are really about three ways islands are formed?  As I began to look at the ways they form, I kind of saw some illustrations we might all learn a little from:

- When rising water surrounds a body of land and leaves no other pathway to that land again except through the water which now surrounds it, an island is said to have formed. In terms of relationship, "islands" happen when we allow things to build up which separate us from the once so easily traveled "connection" between us.  The connection still exists, it is just under a whole lot of stuff which makes it appear there is no connection any longer.  The waters around the island don't mean there is no connection to the mainland - it just means that connection has been interrupted by the water!  What we might need to do is build a bridge!  In relationship, we do a whole lot of bridge-building, don't we?  It would be nice if the need for bridges never existed, but in reality, there are just some things in life which cause the connection to be less than apparent.  The bridge actually helps us restore the connection and remember the benefits of that connectedness!

- When volcanoes begin to spew their molten lava to the surface, coming into contact with that which makes them hard (water and air), islands can form.  This is a slower process, where the layers form until the volcanoes byproduct (lava) rises above the level of the water.  Lava is a "hot" substance which hardens in the presence of a "colder" substance (water and air).  In relationships, there are times when we think the best thing to do when tempers run "hot" is throw cold water on them!  We calm down the anger with whatever it takes to diffuse the erupting force - not realizing all we are doing is allowing a hardened crust to form.  Do this often enough and you will have enough "crust" to form that island of isolation which is hard, barren, and fruitless! 

-  When creatures in the sea known as "polyps" form hard shell-like limestone covering in order to survive, it adds to the surface of the ocean floor in slowly multiplying layers. These "coral-like" creatures don't know any better - it is their defensive mechanism to protect themselves from things they think will harm them.  They protect the "softness" of their bodies by building limestone walls!  In relationship, we often deal with the "softness" of our emotions and heart by building walls whenever we think we need to protect ourselves from someone else in that relationship.  Those polyps have to live in a big sea - there are a lot of things which could harm them.  To provide the best protection, they live in colonies - huddling together.  We often do the same thing when we feel threatened, or under attack in relationship.  We huddle into small groups with others who also feel the threat in their own lives.  In time, we learn if we will build some kind of wall between us and whatever threatens us, we will be "safer" than just a blob of raw emotions floating in the sea of relationships!  This hardness builds up again and again until we find ourselves "covered", but isolated with no one other than people of "like emotional distress".  

Islands might not be as beautiful as they first look - because understanding how they formed in the first place gives us insight into just how barren, disconnected, and isolated they may be!  We need one another, but the work of friendship is difficult - no doubt about it!  We might see the circumstance surrounding us as too far a span to reach, with no sign of connectedness any longer - but it is there.  We might only see the hardness and walls, but underneath is a sign of life - we may just have to look a little deeper.  We might have found companions who do little more than reinforce our misery and loneliness, but are they really helping us to grow, or just isolating us further from all other signs of life?  Just asking!

Do, Live, Act

To many of us, friendships outside of the relationship we call "marriage" come in dribs and drabs - we have perhaps one or two truly close friendships in the course of our lifetime, those marked by true intimate knowledge of each other and a depth of commitment which spans all the hurdles of how silly we can act on occasion.  These relationships matter so much to us - we work to preserve them, defend them, and even bolster them whenever things are little shaky. We also have lots and lots of acquaintance type friendships - those we have fun with, enjoy good times among, and even share in their hardships and worries on occasion.  Yet, these are just not at the same level of those we call "best friends".  Try hard to do right and you will win friends - scriptural instruction - not scriptural "advice".  The difference between the two - one is just an opinion which we can take or leave; the other is a promise based on truth.  Some of us don't always "do right", though.  In the realm of our "best friends", there is some amount of grace which just keeps us together and might even bind us closer together when we don't always "hit the mark" where is comes to "trying to do right".  There is much truth in the wisdom we are exploring today - Do right; Live right; and Act wisely - three truths we need to explore if we are to maintain those very special relationships God has given us on this earth.

Try hard to do right, and you will win friends; go looking for trouble, and you will find it. Live right, and you will eat from the life-giving tree. And if you act wisely, others will follow. (Proverbs 11:27, 30 CEV)

Do right:

One thing is for sure - we don't need instruction or reminding to "do wrong"! We find our way into the territory of "wrong" much easier than we find our way into the territory of "right"!  Why on earth is that?  I think it is because we were born pretty egocentric and in being so egocentric from birth, we find the world rotating around us for a good period of time.  What parents have a hard time with as we are getting a little older is this idea of helping us to see there are others in our world impacted by our actions!  When we won't share, someone is without a toy or piece of the cake.  When we refuse to let someone go, they cannot get on with their other tasks which need to be completed.  We maintain the "hold" on being the center of our world as long as others will allow it.  When someone begins to "push that envelope" and they show us we are definitely NOT the center of attention we think we should be, we get our feelings all in a wad.  From early childhood, we have to break the mold of being at the center of life - the world around us needs to be acknowledged, the feelings of others require respect, and the moments of their lives matter as much as ours.  So, from an early age, moms and dads everywhere are teaching us to "do right". In essence, they are reminding us to let go of "self" and seek out the opportunities to "make another feel special".  I certainly don't think we can learn this lesson too often in life.  We all can benefit from a little reminding to "do right" now and again.  Doing is the first step toward developing a pattern some call "living".

Live right:

Unlike "doing" right, living right means we actually find a path which is consistently focused on the right things.  We begin to develop patterns of behavior which are marked with less and less self-centered actions.  The "doing" becomes a habit - we find ourselves consistently "doing" - not having to "think it through" all the time because it comes more naturally to us now.  At first, in every "new habit" we learn in life, there is this starting point we might label as "doing" right.  Add up all the "doing" and eventually you find yourself forming the new habit.  In time, you don't even think about what it is you are doing because it comes as "second-nature" to you.  We don't want to lose sight of the fact it is "second-nature" to us, though!  Our "primary-nature" is egocentric. It takes practiced effort to break that mold!  This effort will eventually help us develop the habits which become "second-nature" to us and produce a consistency of behaviors which support "other-focused" activities.  We find we want to include others in our lives - not because of what we "get out of it", but equally as much by what we can "give back" into those relationships.  Live right implies we make consistent choices which benefit not only self, but others, as well.

Act wisely:

Most of the Proverbs are dedicated to understanding the differences between unwise and wise actions.  The choices we make behind the scenes matter because eventually they reveal themselves for all to see, no matter how well we think we have them covered up!  Action comes from thought - we actually have some basis to all we do and how we live because we have been thinking about it for some time!  If our actions are a little foolish, they lean toward us not having learned the lesson of "doing" right - we still are a little too egocentric in our focus.  We don't see others, nor do we see Christ right there in front of us as we make those unwise choices.  If our actions are gravitating toward wiser ones, we might just not fully understand how much those matter, but each wise action leads to the possibility we will act that way again - leading to us letting go of some of our egocentric "doing".  Fools are marked by being all over the board in their commitments and even by being a little too egocentric (despite warnings to be otherwise).  The wise are marked by the stability and sensibility of their actions - those which are "other-focused", not "self-focused".  Wise people see themselves through the mirror of the truth and what is reflected back to them is used to help them lay down the actions which really are not reflecting back Christ in them!  Just sayin!

Who's in your circle?

We looked at the importance of friendships yesterday, but I just wanted to ask you this - who are the five most important relationships to you today?  If I had to describe these, they would be the individuals you consider to be the closest relationships of "choice".  In other words, you actively choose to be involved in their lives, draw close to them, drawing from them and being held accountable by them.  Did you know most of us would have a really hard time giving even three names, let alone five?  Society has gravitated toward a period in time when relationships are superficial and lack the integrity brought about by developing true intimacy (deep, emotional and spiritual connection). We need to recognize the relationships of "choice" matter - for whoever we surround ourselves with will eventually begin to "speak into" our lives.  In other words, they offer counsel, guidance, and direction - some by their actions, others by their words.  Maybe this is why moms and dads by the thousands consistently respond back to their children's pleas of "everyone else is doing it" with "If your friend was to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" The entire book of Proverbs is really a book on relationship - who we connect with in our "circle" of influence, how they begin to either direct us down paths which take us into "traps" and "hazards", or keep us on the straight and narrow.  So, the "circle" we choose is important! 

Saul also went home to Gibeah, and with him some true and brave men whom God moved to join him. But the riffraff went off muttering, “Deliverer? Don’t make me laugh!” They held him in contempt and refused to congratulate him. But Saul paid them no mind.  (I Samuel 10:26-27 MSG)  

Israel wanted a king - they wanted to be like the other nations.  They weren't content to just let God be their king - they wanted a man like the other nations had.  The entire chapter deals with how Saul was selected from among the tribes in response to their request to have a king like the rest. Then we find Samuel, the prophet, anointing the head of Saul, bringing him before the people, and proclaiming this one as the one chosen to be king over Israel.  Aren't we a group of fickle people sometimes?  We want something, but then we resist it as much as we wanted it?  It says the "riffraff" went off muttering their lack of approval of Saul and their heart was set on refusing to acknowledge him as king.  Yet, there is this group who are true and brave - moved by God to join Saul.  I would like us to consider these as Saul's "circle".

There are some things which matter in relationship.  Probably one of the most important is the matter of loyalty.  Early on, there was a determination by these men in Saul's "circle" to be loyal to him.  Others may have chose the path of least resistance - the one marked with criticism, taunts, jeers, and gossip.  These men chose the path which would require honesty, integrity, and involvement.  I daresay, the "inner circle" requires much more difficult "relationship" skills than the rest!  It doesn't really take any great skill to criticize or gossip, but to consistently be truthful, even when it is hard - now that requires some real "skill".  Like it or not, one of the main things these close relationships do is "speak into" our lives.  The wrong ones in our inner circle can draw us down - the right ones can help us take flight.

There are some things we need to know about being IN someone's "inner circle", and it is equally important for us to find the kind of people for our own "inner circle" who will be able to do the same:

- It is their counsel which we draw from when things don't come clearly to us, so being certain from where they receive their "counsel" is important.  Let me just say, you don't find wisdom when aligning with a fool.  Scripture reminds us a fool is anyone who denies the existence of God - I would go so far as to say it is one who chooses to live with any other authority in control of their lives OTHER than God.  So, choosing those in our inner circle begins with choosing those who align their lives with God's authority, not their own.

- It is important to surround yourself with individuals who know what to ignore and what to direct their attention toward.  Let me just say, not everything in life is worthy of our attention.  Not every voice is worthy to be given a place of "audience" in our head - for what makes its way into our head will eventually affect our heart.  When we surround ourselves with others who know what needs to be ignored, it is kind of like building a safety net to catch us before we get too far down the road - falling for every whim and fancy. Some fads or trends just need to be ignored.  Some issues will get us off track quicker than we'd like to admit.  Some people aren't worth our investment of time and energies. Saul could have spent all his time trying to win over those who would not celebrate his appointment as king - but he knew some people will always see things differently, so it isn't worth the time or energies to spin your wheels!

- Inner circle friends know when to battle and they also know when the battle is not going to turn out well.  Not every battle is ours.  Not every battle needs our input.  It easy to get roped into things which really don't require our time, talent, or energies.  Learning this is made easier when there is the wisdom of wise counsel to assist us in avoiding the "hook" of these battles.  In the days when this scripture was written, there were some areas where the battles made sense - like good pasture land, supplies of water in abundance, or a good thoroughfare for the passage of goods.  Other areas were not so important - like the unyielding and barren fields.  You could focus on the wrong stuff if you only saw it from your perspective - there is wisdom in receiving the counsel of others when going into any battle.

- Inner circle friends know the power of "motivating anger".  Before you get all wigged out about me saying anger can be "motivational", remember Jesus cleared the Temple of the money changers and the livestock vendors in a pretty dramatic manner.  His "anger" was not sinful, but it did motivate him into an action which was long overdue in the realm of keeping the Temple as a place of connection with the God who cared very much for his people.  Our inner circle should be able to accurately judge between what will yield regret (sinful anger) and what will promote growth (motivational anger).  Step on the scale frequently enough and eventually the "creep" of the extra pounds which you already knew was there will begin to provide a little "motivational anger"!

Those we form relationship with as "inner circle" friends will provide much protection - but they also provide much needed correction whenever necessary.  Right people afford right motivation; right motivation affords a better chance of right action.  Sometimes we focus more on "having" a circle of friends than we do on who is "in" the circle.  I think we might just do well to choose our circle with a little more care.  Just sayin!

No "perfect package" here!

All together - a term used to indicate someone has a "complete package" as it comes to talents, treasures, looks, ability, etc.  For most of us, we give a good impression of having it "all together", but in reality, it takes a whole lot of duct tape and bailing wire to keep it that way!  I think it takes a whole lot of work and emotional effort to live that way.  In fact, I had decided a long time ago the "all together" / "complete package" just didn't "fit" who I wanted to be in this life.  It took a while to get to the point of not being afraid to let others know where my edges were a little frayed and my hems not all even! Yet, in the willingness to "get real" with others, there has been a liberty like no other.  Truth be told, the ability to be real with others only came when I realized others aren't "spurred on" in this race toward Christ by the "perfect package" they see.  In fact, the perfect package kind of intimidated them!  It overwhelmed them - almost making them cower away in fear because the "perfect package" piece seemed just too hard to lay hold of.

I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.  (Philippians 3:12-14 MSG)

More than enough time has gone into "appearing" one way and "acting" another.  It no longer matters that I be the "complete package" because I realize we are all in this together - no one really stands out as the "subject-matter-expert" here.  We all require someone to reach out and to draw us along at times.  None of us is above tiring.  None is above quitting.  When we feel this way, we need the hand of another to pull us on and to be the voice of encouragement we need to so desperately hear.

What brought me to this point in life?  Simply put, I recognized I needed what others offered, but they wouldn't offer because I was so unapproachable.  As long as I remained as a "perfect package", no one even wanted to approach me, much less really be an encouragement in my life! What I had to realize is the similarities we all have in this walk - we all need a little hand-holding now and again!  So, Christ reaches out to us through another, spurring us on. Some might struggle with this whole "hand-holding" idea, but in reality, we need it more than we often realize.

In the next passage within this same chapter, Paul tells us we need to keep focused.  Focus is not only a personal thing, but it is also a community thing. We often don't see what is right in front of us.  My pastor puts it this way: "The eye cannot see the eye".  In other words, we need others to see the splinter in our eye!  Focus is impacted by the splinter we cannot see around! When we want refined focus - wee need others to help us refine it.  God gave us these individuals so we might get perspective through a different set of eyes.  

If you don't realize the benefit of a different set of eyes on a circumstance, consider the last time you needed assistance to get the most out of your tax return, or to find the one loose wire under the hood of your car that kept it from running right.  I could have read all kinds of self-help books until I finally figured it out on my own, but the tax accountant knows more of the law around the tax code than I could ever hope to learn through one of the self-directed manuals.  The mechanic actually knows what wires make my car do the crazy things cars do.  I need them to give me perspective at times.  You are no different.  The different vantage point of another is often the one vantage point we don't consider ourselves when faced with the challenges in our character, choices, or circumstances.

All God ever asks of us is to get running.  He takes care of the rest.  He beckons us onward.  He prepares the path.  We need the encouragement of a few "coaches" along the way, don't we?  Even the best prepared athlete did not get their on their own.  They needed the benefit of others showing them how it is done.  Don't be afraid to "get real" with another.  Being a little too "perfect" in your "package" is not going to endear you to anyone.  Being willing to be "real" is what connects you to another.  Just sayin!