But I don't feel loved...

Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit? to be out of your sight? If I climb to the sky, you’re there! If I go underground, you’re there! If I flew on morning’s wings to the far western horizon, you’d find me in a minute—you’re already there waiting! Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I’m immersed in the light!” It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you. (Psalm 139:7-12)

Useless. Unsatisfactory. Not measuring up. One of the "darkest" places to be is in the place of rejection. There we find the individual actually believing they have no purpose in our lives - discarded by those who should accept them, oftentimes refusing to accept them and what they bring into their lives. One of the toughest things to learn to do with people who treat others as though they are "rejects" in this earth is to NOT reject them because of their "actions" of intolerance or superior judgment! It is only natural to want to reject those who hurt us, abuse us, or treat some of us as though our sins are too great to be forgiven. It is also a very dangerous place to tread - because when we move into a place of judge in their lives - a place ONLY God can occupy - we are treading on very shaky ground. I don't want to focus on the one who rejects so much as on the one who has been rejected today. The place of darkness this rejection creates in the lives of those who suffer at the hands of those who reject them is almost insurmountable - leading some to do unspeakable things - even the thought of taking one's own life.

What does an individual who is being rejected experience? The gamut of emotions range from being angry at those who reject them to feeling immensely useless and hopeless are quite common to those who have been rejected by others. In fact, the list of emotional ups and downs is probably too large to even begin to consider here this morning. Suffice it to say, rejection wreaks havoc on our emotions - and in turn, on our self-image, our ability to relate to others in the future, and the desire to ever begin to trust again. Why? Trust has been grossly violated. We placed some fragment of trust in the one who rejected us - now it is difficult to want to ever trust again. Relationships become a thing we fear rather than embrace. How we see ourselves is "shaded" by the impression the rejection has left - much like a hand print in wet cement hardens in time, always reflecting the impression left behind by the influence of the pressure exerted when the cement was at its most "form-able" phase.

Here we find the psalmist's heart exposing some of the anguish of his own rejection - he had been hurt by his closest of friends, wounded by children who just did not seem to understand the importance of his wisdom, and guilt-ridden in his own shame over sins he had committed. Sound like anyone we might know? I know his "experiences" in life hit close to home for me - this is probably why I associate so closely with David's teachings, and those of his son, Solomon. The heart of David constantly cried out to God for mercy. Truth be told...the heart of this gal constantly cries out to God for more grace, more mercy, more of Christ in me. David is eloquent in describing just how one who experiences rejection "feels". They want to escape the pain. They look for a place to curl up so they can hide from the anguish of the rejection. There is an attempt to flee the pain - looking high and low for the thing which will cover over the intense sting rejection leaves. One who has been rejected by another wants to be out of sight - for even seeing themselves hurts!

We can try to escape God's Spirit, but where can we actually "go" to flee from God's compassion and his grace? The answer: NOWHERE! Why is it we are trying to escape God's Spirit anyway? Isn't it because we don't even believe God loves us at the point where we are experiencing such rejection from others? Does it come as any surprise to you to see Satan's "design" in the very actions of rejection? His goal is to get us AWAY (and keep us away) from the very thing which we need the most! His greatest joy comes when we flee from God! His greatest fear is when we run to God! We cannot avoid the Spirit of God. He is even there when we attempt to avoid him. We might purposefully attempt to avoid encountering him, but he purposefully pursues us anyway! We try to cover up or hide - not because we ARE unworthy, but because we FEEL unworthy. We believe the lie rejection brings - no one, not even God, wants us. The furthest thing is true - even when NO ONE wants us, God loves us deeply, embraces us closely, and believes in us immensely. When we feel the sting of rejection, it is natural to want to do one of two things. Either we begin to live a lie - falsely escalating in joyful cheer, making the others think all is well with us, or we attempt to flee underground, trying to escape without further "damages" being experienced.

The most amazing part of this God's just being THERE. Not by accident, but because he has determined to be waiting for us wherever we attempt to flee! Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark! At night I’m immersed in the light!” It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you; night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you. Even in our darkest place, God immerses us in his light! Darkness isn't darkness to God! In fact, no darkness dwells where God is - God is everywhere we are, so where we are is in light, not darkness! I don't know the havoc rejection has brought into your life, but here's the hope I want you to find - God is not the author of this rejection! He is the author of YOU. As the author, he can re-write anything in your life which causes you pain. Sometimes it is in the actions of forgiving the one who rejected you. At other times, it is in the actions of coming out of hiding, learning to be comfortable with who you are and how God made you - all your quirks and hang-ups included. No "chapter" of your life is written in stone - except the Chapter of Grace! The author has seen to it that GRACE will always be a part of your life! First, grace to you - then, grace through you! God's grace is waiting to embrace you in this your most darkest of hours! Reach out - take his hand - he is already there waiting! Just sayin!

Never without an outcome

Conspiracy is not something most of us would consider ourselves as being part of on most days - it is something we'd like to say applies to those spy movies on the big screen. We probably think of that as something from a James Bond movie - action packed, adventure galore, and intrigue at every turn. If we really look, we will probably identify that there are elements of "conspiracy" pretty commonly occurring in our lives almost everyday. Yup, you and I are 'conspirators' of some sort!

Don't bad-mouth each other, friends. It's God's Word, his Message, his Royal Rule, that takes a beating in that kind of talk. You're supposed to be honoring the Message, not writing graffiti all over it. God is in charge of deciding human destiny. Who do you think you are to meddle in the destiny of others? (James 4:11-12)  Isn't it obvious that conspirators lose out, while the thoughtful win love and trust? (Proverbs 14:22)

To conspire means that we agree secretly to do something wrong, inaccurate, or under-handed. It can be an agreement of just one person, or many people all working together to create that 'under-handed' plan. Probably the most common word we use to describe 'conspiring' is "plotting" - to secretly plan or scheme to accomplish some purpose (especially ones that are hostile or evil in their purposes). Now, think that one through - if we spend time and emotional energy "plotting" how to respond to another, make another look bad, etc., we'd be "conspiring" against them.

Okay, so we don't find ourselves actively doing this kind of "conspiracy" work all the time, but I bet we find that we do it more than we'd like to admit. Even finding ways to "bad-mouth" each other is a form of conspiracy. We are meddling in things that are dangerous to our soul and the integrity of another. Conspiracy is at the base of all the actions 'meddling' in matters we would be best to leave undone! Our attempts to point out the faults of others in our secret enclaves of others who might "join in" the conspiracy is simply our way of taking the focus off of ourselves and keeping it on others. It is easy to point out the faults of another and avoid ever focusing on our own. I want us to consider this - a spotlight is quite bright. Even when it is focused on another, there is some "illumination" that escapes the object of its focus. It is quite possible that the illuminating effect of our criticisms of another may expose the similar tendencies in us!

The most important thing we need to remember is the outcome of our words - they are NEVER without an outcome. When we engage in demeaning, inconsiderate talk about another, we are actually "pulling out our cans of paint" just like a person set on "leaving their mark" does when they set out to write graffiti on the wall. We "leave our mark" by the words we speak. This type of communication leaves a trail of "relational" graffiti - repulsive, unwelcome reminders of another's faults, wrong actions, or conduct. Just like graffiti on a wall along the busy streets of a city, our "secret words" leave constant reminders of the way we feel about another. Conspirators lose out - the thoughtful win love and trust. Why? Simply put, the thoughtful have no "spray cans of paint"! They have learned that there is no need to advertise the conduct of another - God knows it and he is the one who will judge it. The destiny of each person is in his hands. If we have never thought of our "careless speech" about another's faults as "graffiti", maybe it is time that we do. We would not want our faults displayed for all to see - that other person doesn't either! Just sayin!

Exchange is possible

And how blessed all those in whom you live, whose lives become roads you travel; they wind through lonesome valleys, come upon brooks, discover cool springs and pools brimming with rain!  God-traveled, these roads curve up the mountain, and at the last turn—Zion! God in full view! (Psalm 84:5-7 MSG)

The psalmist declares that "happy" is the one in whom God "takes up residence" - the one that gives him right placement in their lives. As I read this passage again today, I asked myself the one question I like to ask myself from time to time: "Is my life marked by the footsteps and hand prints of God?" If God "passes through" my life on a frequent basis, my life should be marked well by his "tracks". If I spend time following him, the only footsteps that should be seen are his! If I find my hand securely in his, the only hand prints that should be molding my life are his - they are the ones that should be making the greatest and most lasting impression.

A little further into this psalm, we find the reminders, "he doesn't scrimp with his traveling companions" and it is "smooth sailing all the way with God!" Does that mean that you and I will never encounter any difficulty in our life if we will just surrender to God? Absolutely not! What this says is that God spares nothing to provide us with the protection we need, the provision that becomes more than we need, or the presentation of his unending and boundless grace as we travel along with him into uncertainties galore. God's provision is always greater than our awareness of our need - we might think we know our need, but he knows the specific provision that will meet that need in ways we never imagined possible. His protection is quicker and more thorough than our awareness of the dangers we face - even when we think we have a good handle on these obstacles, his view of what lies just beyond that present danger might just be an even bigger danger he has to guard us against. His offered grace and mercy are freer than any other offered blessing that crosses our paths along our journeys in life.

That being the case, I wonder what we do with his provision when it is offered - do we embrace it, or are willfully rejecting it? Do we hoard it up all for our own enjoyment and satisfaction, or do we disperse it into the lives of others around us so that they too may be blessed in their journey? What is it that we do in his protective arms - under the umbrella of his watchfulness and safe-keeping? Some of us might just nuzzle up there and enjoy the protective arms of our God, but I also know that we may, at times, chafe under that watchfulness. Instead of finding shelter there, we complain about the limits that shelter places in our lives - all the while pushing against those limits because we don't like being "limited" - our willfulness getting the best of us on occasion. When we examine our response to his mercy and grace, we are afforded an opportunity for the examination of our heart and mind as it relates to the healing of our pasts. His mercy and grace are there to create wholeness out of the emotional, physical, and spiritual injuries of our past.

Sometimes, we don't want to let go of what is so imperfect within us, choosing to hold on to the crushed emotional state, or what we could come to call the 'experienced damage' of our spirit. Although those areas of our lives are damaged and hurt, they have become a thing of certainty in our lives and letting go presents a place of uncertainty - so we hold on. Yet, God extends his arms and offers his mercy and grace - looking for an exchange to occur (our pain for his provision). A traveler is impacted by his travels - there are memories that are formed, experiences that are new and fresh that become things we hold onto, and moments of awe as we partake of something new, boundless, and beautiful. Those we choose to travel with along our journey in life impact the beauty and enjoyment of the path we travel. Therefore, they also impact the memories we form along the way. We can choose God as our traveling companion and be blessed along our journey - and this is just exactly what the psalmist had in mind as he penned these words. Our blessings are determined by who travels with us. Choose your traveling companions wisely! Just sayin!