On the hook?

There are times when my BFF says something and I fake being 'hurt' about whatever she said - like walking away with head hung low, sagging my shoulders, or just putting on a pout. It is all in jest, but there are times when we all say or do things that really hurt another. We may not intend it, but the words come across curtly, the actions seem a little too rehearsed and stiff, or the response just doesn't match the moment. What happens next is critical. We can internalize the hurt so it does us harm, or we can externalize it in a way that harms another. Another option is to learn to actually recognize the offense as an opportunity to grow and to solidify the relationship.

Overlook an offense and bond a friendship; fasten on to a slight and—good-bye, friend! (Proverbs 17:9)

There are definitely times in life when an offense seems just too significant to overlook - there is just something about that offense that makes you think it is "justifiable" to remain angry with someone, or to perhaps even break off the relationship. When we overlook an offense, we are actually bringing a "bond" to that relationship that is like super glue. When we "fasten onto" an offense, we are taking the risk that the relationship will be harmed by that action. To overlook something means more than that we don't take notice of the offense - sometimes we notice, but we don't have to react to it. It carries the idea of not taking time to consider that offense over and over again - we don't rehearse it repeatedly. Ever been in a "heated" discussion with someone, only to have them bring up something you had done years before? People who are "holding on to" offenses are like that - they have an ability to recount the failure of the past over and over again.

The meaning of this word also carries the idea that we extend a pardon - the person who is offending us gets a "buy" as it comes to the offense. For many of us, giving someone a "buy" when they offend us is conditional - if the offense is minor, we might extend the pardon, but if it is more grievous, we hold on for dear life and don't want to 'let them off the hook'. One thing reiterated in scripture is that God is not conditional in his grace - he extends it even before we realize we have need for it. When we fail to take notice of the offense, or extend that pardon when it is least deserved, we are bringing a bond in that relationship that is not easily broken. That simple action on our part serves to unite us in relationship. It brings a connection between the two parties that helps the relationship be twice as strong as it was prior to the extension of that mercy. The important thing is that we learn to look beyond the "slights" in behavior that we often have a tendency to "latch onto", but which really deserve to be overlooked.

None of us needs to go through life being the doormat in a relationship - letting others just walk all over us and leave us covered in dirt! There are times when an offense is egregious - it is glaringly bad or wrong and needs to be dealt with in a fashion that indicates the significance of the offense! For example, being pulled over by a police officer because you are changing lanes without use of your turn signals may warrant a warning instead of a ticket. We need to be able to express the way that the action of another affected us - without attacking that other individual - not just give them the cold shoulder. Then we need to let that other person go - not holding them in a place of "owing" us, but allowing God to take that person into his hands for whatever action he feels may be warranted.

There are "little things" in relationships that become "big things" - all because we fasten onto those things more importance and energy than we should - focusing on them, rehearsing them, not being willing to overlook them. The reminder to us today is to learn how we might overlook the slights in relationship. Most of the time, the slights are really done without malice - they are unintentional and often worthy of a 'warning' more than anything else. When we learn to focus less on those and more on the person, loving them unconditionally, it is amazing how little those small things will really matter in the end. In fact, we will find the little things that used to be big things to us have really become building blocks upon which that relationship grows stronger and stronger. Just sayin!

Be Prepared!

Prepared:  properly expectant, organized, or equipped; ready; to put in proper condition or readiness.  The opposite of being prepared is being rather disorganized or unaware.  There are probably a lot of things in life we are neither prepared for, nor equipped to handle at the moment.  They seem to creep up on us and then we are scrambling to find the solution and just struggling the whole time to keep our heads above water.  There are numerous times we are admonished in scripture to "prepare" or "be prepared". All of them have to do with getting the right frame of reference, right frame of mind, or the right frame of spirit.

Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.  (Ephesians 6:13-18 MSG)

The right frame of reference helps us to determine our "orientation" in the whole process.  We get our feet on the ground, steadying ourselves for what lies ahead.  The right frame of mind helps us to get our head in the game. We focus our attentions and our thinking abilities on the issues at hand.  The right frame of spirit is often overlooked in our preparation processes.  We just plug right along without taking the time to get ourselves as "rooted" as we can in the Word, time in God's presence, and/or ensuring we have brought ourselves and our needs before the one who has the ability to take care of both.

The word to us this morning is pretty straight forward:  We are up against more than we can handle.  That being the case, I think it is wise to have a game plan which far outweighs our own abilities and assets.  When we get things in order the way God wants us to, it is like we are stashing away secret weapons in our defensive and offensive arsenal which we can use whenever we have the need.  When we have both the offensive and defensive weaponry, we are pretty well fit.  Try fighting the battle with only defensive weaponry such as a shield or a helmet, and you will find yourself able to ward off a few of the jabs of the swords and arrows coming your way, but you won't leave any "marks" on your enemy!  You need the offensive weaponry of the sword, dagger, and such to actually cause him a little pain of his own!

There are a lot of things which help us to "get ready" in life, but none as precious or important to us than the "things" God provides for our safety and protection.  When we get in the car, we buckle the seat belt.  It is a means of ensuring our greatest opportunity to survive in a wreck. It is a defensive weapon.  When we are behind the wheel, attentive to oncoming traffic, the changes in the traffic flow, and the merging of other vehicles into our path, we are driving defensively.  Both are necessary to ensure the journey is made with the least amount of unnecessary heartache and headache!  Why then do we try to go through our lives without the same attentiveness toward the offensive and defensive weaponry God provides us for our protection?  Isn't it kind of silly to invest so much into our "natural" lives and then neglect our "spiritual"?  Paul was reminding us of just this point - we need to be ready - inside and out!

Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them.   Truth - that which conforms to reality. Righteousness - that which is alignment with acceptable standards of morality, justice and uprightness.  Faith - confidence or trust in that which is outside of our own ability.  Salvation - the state of being protected from harm. Paul focuses us on these four things because they are interrelated in both our defensive and offensive arsenal.  When we have a firm understanding of what is real, we are not duped by what is not.  When we stand upon what is aligned with the principles of God, we find our ability to ward off attack is better simply because our "footing" is solid.  When there is confidence in something other than our own ability, talent, or treasure, there is boldness to take on the attack, but also drive with which to push back the enemy!

So, if we want to be "prepared", it means we get the right frame of reference, right frame of mind, or the right frame of spirit.  One without the other is leaving us with some "hole" in our defense, or standing without anything with which to strike out an "offensive" blow!  Just sayin!