Regrets anyone?

God, the one and only— I’ll wait as long as he says. Everything I need comes from him, so why not? He’s solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul, An impregnable castle: I’m set for life. (Psalm 62:1-2)

I saw a quote by "Missional Women" that read: "It is better to wait on God than to have regrets." It hit me that we all deal with regrets and if this 'waiting on God' part of our lives were just a bit better, we might not have quite so many. As King David proposed, if we wait as long as God says, the outcome may just be a little more certain. Why? The ground we stand upon is solid - the place where we take refuge while we wait gives us the needed time to breathe in and breathe out. We are to go to God, waiting upon him as long as HE says, not trudging ahead because WE say it is time to move.

I speak for myself here - waiting is tough business. My mind gets me in muddle and the muddle just gets worse as I imagine all "I" could be doing if "I" just moved ahead. Did you catch all those "I's" in that sentence? Most of the trouble I find myself in is my own doing because I didn't take time to wait AS LONG AS HE SAYS. Yes, I emphasized that for a reason because I believe we ALL need to hear that one. AS LONG - this is more than likely hard for us because of that one day with God is as a thousand years with us thing (2 Peter 3:8). His timing is not slow - our expectations are too quick.

Regrets are things we feel sorrow or remorse for - missed opportunities, actions that lead to negative outcomes, disappointment over expectations not met as we hoped. When we regret something, we are actually looking upon it with a strong emotional sense of loss. As much as there may be emotions attached to taking action, there can be even more intense emotions when realize the loss associated with taking actions too quickly. If we never stop long enough, taking time to actually sit and listen to what God says, we are likely to always be taking steps we find end in some form of the emotional upheaval we call regrets. Just sayin!

Link to Missional Women: Missional Women | Facebook

Dear younger me....

What sacrifice I can offer You is my broken spirit because a broken spirit, O God, a heart that honestly regrets the past, You won’t detest. (Psalm 51:17 VOICE)

There is a Christian song I hear quite often that just touches my soul in some deep place. The group Mercy Me begins the tune with the words: "Dear younger me, where do I start. If I could tell you everything I have learned so far, then you could be one step ahead." Maybe you know the song - it is worth a listen or two! The context of the song is one of conflict of sorts - between wanting to know what we know now, but at an earlier age. Isn't that kind of like us? We want to experience life - we just don't want all the drama and pain of those choices, lessons we might have to learn the hard way. Yet, the words of the song go just a little deeper, because somewhere toward the end, the song weaves in the idea that if we knew then what we know now, we'd know the truth about condemnation - that it really has no power over our lives!

If I had to tell a younger me what I've learned now, it might just go something like this:

- Don't hold onto those hurts. They will only drive a wedge between you and the other person. They hurt you more than they will ever hurt them.

- Don't get so focused on keeping the house "just right", because a home is made up of messy moments and lots of laughter.

- Don't forget you have your kids in your life for such a very short period of time. They will be gone long before you want, so make an impact while the time is now.

- Don't carry on about the small stuff, because when we sweat the small stuff we forget who already has the bigger stuff carefully worked out already.

- Those chores will keep, but that moment you could make with the child you hold, the parent you will one day long to talk with, or the neighbor who is hurting won't be there long enough.

- The art of conversation is almost a lost art. Don't cave to texting - give them a call and appreciate the tone of their voice, the laughter, and even the times they just fall silent as they struggle to say whatever it is that is in their heart.

- There is very little chance that Sunday School class will win your child's heart for Christ. It is your heart connection with him that will make the biggest influence, even when you see no sign it is.

- Don't waste your time arguing over issues that don't really matter in the long run. Socks on the floor, shoes scattered about, and backpacks that don't empty themselves of yesterday's lunch containers won't matter tomorrow. 

- Do nothing to destroy the trust of another, for it takes much, much longer to rebuild than it ever did to destroy it.

- You won't be able to forgive yourself if you cannot see the truth about grace. It is nothing you do that earns it, but it is a gift freely given. As you receive it, give it away. That grace will repair many a washed out relationship bridge - be swift to extend it.

- More than anything else, I'd have to say I needed to be right less and loving more. Those times when I needed to be right were just the silly need of human pride creeping in and driving a wedge in relationship. It is all right to be wrong, less than perfect, and to admit we stand in need of help - there is no sin in failing, nor is there is there any loss in admitting need.

These are but a few things I have learned over the years that I might want to tell a younger me. Maybe you could add to the list. We all could benefit from learning what our younger "me" needed to know! Just sayin!

A huge load of regrets

I was listening to a song the other day - I mean really listening.  In the lyrics of the song, it became quite plain - we live with regrets.  We go through life "looking back" - thinking things through from a different perspective - wondering if we could do it all over again how things might have turned out differently.  The lyrics really challenged us to look to the opportunities of today, instead of the missed ones of the past.  

The very steps we take come from God; otherwise how would we know where we're going?   An impulsive vow is a trap; later you'll wish you could get out of it. (Proverbs 20:24-25 The Message)

In the truest sense, regrets are feelings of disappointment - we experience a sense of loss.  In turn, we become dissatisfied with the direction we are heading.  In one sense, it is like finding out you have been drifting without specific purpose.  Back in the day, my family used to take Sunday drives.  We'd pile into the Oldsmobile, then head off to enjoy the scenery of the blooming orange groves, or take in the majesty of the towering saguaros in the desert.  We really did not have an "aim" in mind - we just got in and enjoyed the ride!

We sometimes want to go through life this way - just getting in and hoping we will enjoy the ride!  What I failed to understand as a child was the "purpose" of the Sunday drives.  It was family time - we were expected to share a part of our lives with each other.  We'd chat about this and that, finding out all kinds of good stuff about what was happening in each other's lives.  Dad would share what he'd like to do in the garden, mom might come up with an idea for how we could make some new decorations for the Christmas season as a craft, and I'd just share the stuff kids share!

We were really "purposeful" in our venture - but to the "untrained" eye, our journeys seemed a little aimless!  You know what?  As I look back at those moments today, I don't have any regrets about missing an afternoon of play with the neighbors.  Yep...while I was GOING THROUGH them, I was totally dissatisfied!  I wanted to be with the girls - engaged in playing some game or dressing and redressing the Barbie dolls.  Isn't it amazing how many times we are "going through" things with a totally different perspective than we look back on those same times?  With Dad gone, mom failing in her health, and me all grown up, there are days I just wish for the simplicity of the Sunday drive!

Let me be totally transparent here - as I believe transparency helps us grow.  I do indeed have regrets!  As I walked through one "botched" period of my life after another, I formed some big regrets.  I spent a great deal of time living in a fantasy life in my teenage years - I wonder now what life would have been like if I would have really had a sense of purpose in those years.  I spent ten years in a marriage, only to see it end in divorce.  Do I have regrets for missed opportunities there - you bet.  I raised two kids, from the ages of 7 & 9, on my own after the divorce.  I worked a little more than I really had to, missed a whole lot of parent/teacher conferences, and don't really know if my kids did their homework!  Yep, a few regrets there.

Yet...in looking back...through the eyes of redeeming love...here's what I see:

- Lots of lessons of grace!  Those teenage years, when I was frustrating my parents to no end - lots and lots of lessons of grace!  

- Lots of lessons of forgiveness!  The marriage ended, but life went on.  I could hold closely to the sense of betrayal - a vow broken - or I could release and let go.  I chose the latter.  Not once, but over and over again - until I really meant it!

- Lots of lessons of gratitude!  My kids didn't become astronauts or take on world hunger, but they did turn out pretty doggone special!  We enjoyed the moments we made for each other - maybe not at first, but when I hear them talking about those moments today, I know they mattered to them!  This gives me hope and a whole lot of gratitude to a great God who watched over the three of us during those years.

So, I don't know what "regrets" you may be looking at life through - but I do know this:

- If we go through life seeing it through the "lenses" of regret, we will never change from always wishing for something better!  We will always see the lost opportunities and we will continue to miss the ones right in front of us.

Just sayin....