Permanent isn't casual

God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. (I John 4:17-18)

Have you ever found yourself complaining about something that is not permanent in your life just because it gives you a little extra pressure or work or resistance? I think we forget where OUR permanency really is - IN God and therefore, IN a life of LOVE. Truth is, we all have a tendency to have a "semi-permanent" commitment in this Christian walk simply because we cannot seem to settle into what God has declared to be our place of "permanency". Since God lives IN us and we live IN him, we don't "pick up roots" every so often and just wander off into some region of life where the grass looks a little greener! We settle in and honker down in this life. That may mean some winter storms, but it also means some pretty beautiful springtime growth and summer maturity! If we are constantly picking up roots and moving to where life always seems to be a little easier to endure, we miss the "tension" of the "winter season" in our lives. This "tension" almost forces growth - we don't get to the point of desire without a little "tension" being created.

Semi-permanent doesn't really produce the same things as permanent does. I could get a semi-permanent hair color added to my hair to cover over some of my grey strands, but the fact is, the more I wash my hair, the less "permanent" that "added color" really looks! Why? It doesn't change what is at the root. When something is "permanent" it changes what is at the root - you cannot really change grey hair - it will always be gray right down to the root! For us to really see love become the way we live and breathe, we need to take up "permanent residence" in Christ's love - in relationship with him - deep, intimate connection. In other words, we let the roots sink in and we see what "permanent roots" will produce. It soon becomes evident that he puts "in order" the things otherwise "out of order" in our lives. The idea of someone or something "having the run of the house" suggests there is a comfortableness in their presence. When I go into a friend's house, I ask before I look in cabinets to find the water glasses. The second or third time, I may just let them know I am thirsty, and they will direct me to "help myself" since I know where the glasses are stored. In time, the more I visit my friend's house, the more comfortable I get finding things, but this is still not my "permanent residence", so I am still not given the "run of the house" like I am in my own home. The more comfortable we make Jesus in "our bodily home", the more he begins to "have the run of the house". He has the freedom to go where he wants, do what needs to be done, and then enjoy time with the one who is with him "in residence" - us!

Once we allow God permanency in our lives, his love begins to affect us deeper than if we only casually "visit with" him on occasion. Love is free to have its way IN us, so it is free to flow OUT of us. If we find it difficult to "put down roots" in Christ, we probably just haven't experienced his love as deeply as he desires. When we begin to experience his love, especially if we haven't known much love in our lives, we might find it a little difficult to allow anyone to be this "close" to the "real" us. This type of intimacy is a little intimidating at first, but trust me, it is worth the exploration! In determining where, and with whom it is we will commit everything to, we begin to actually feel our roots being affected. As long as we are just casual in our relationship with him, our roots will never have a chance to be challenged by the tension of life. No tension - no growth. You want to see change in your life, set down roots deep into his love. Then allow his love to begin to affect you at the deepest points. Nothing will ever be the same once we determine to "root deeply" in his love. Just sayin!

Go for it

God desires intimacy - love demands this kind of 'renewing relating'. In our day-to-day relationships, this kind of intimacy cannot grow without depth of commitment and the willingness to be truthfully "naked" before one another in a spiritual and emotional sense. We don't need to remove our clothes to "get naked" with each other - we just need to remove our masks. Intimacy implies a certain familiarity with each other. It comes out of frequent exposure to each other - to the real you and the real me. It is the revealing of who we are, how we act, and what we like/dislike. It involves how we move and what moves us. In essence, until we reach this kind of depth in relationship with one another, we cannot truly be in a place of accountability with one another - and heaven knows, we need this type of accountability if we are to plant and harvest well!

Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith. (Galatians 6:7-10)

Intimacy also involves continual open communication. Truth be told, we just plain stink at being good communicators. For communication to reach a level where we are actually helped by what we share and what is shared with us, we need to be more than superficial in our sharing - we need a depth of revelation. Revealing who we really are, what we require or need, and how we plan to move or what it is we have planned. This type of communication can open doors for us to see our life through the eyes of another - and we all need to see life through eyes other than just our own! To this we have to add awareness, contact and frequency. We have to become aware of each other - not just on a casual level, but with the intent of knowing another at the deepest possible level. Awareness is more than just having knowledge of - it is being cognizant of what that knowledge can do when it is handled well. Contact involves close association with the other person - experiencing their "presence" even when words aren't spoken. It is in contact that we get to know both the spoken and unspoken needs of another.

Too many times we think of relationship as a matter of just spending "time" together. I'd like to challenge that one a little today - when there is continual association - even if it is just in your thoughts of another, you are developing a closeness of relationship. Yes, the presence of another is important, but so is the awareness of the need to keep them frequently in your thoughts and dear to your heart. Up to this point, you may have only suspected I was speaking about the relationships we have with each other. I challenge you to reread this and substitute God for each of these relationship characteristics. You and I need to be as intimate with him as we are with each other - to fail HIM on any of these points is to fail ourselves! One of the things I have come to appreciate in my relationship with Jesus is the ability to have an "informal privacy" with him. By this, I mean the ability to relate to him, not so much in the formality of him being GOD, but in the informality of him being my closest companion and my most frequent contact.

Not sure where you are today in your personal relationships with each other, but we all need to realize the importance of them. We can all do a better job of that! When I stop long enough to consider those that mean the most to me, I find myself smiling at the fondness of memories associated with those individuals. I also find myself lifting them in thoughts and silent prayers for their safety, continued growth, and God's best for their lives. When I think about my relationship with Jesus, my thoughts gravitate toward the tremendous selflessness of his unending love and grace. I can only hope to exemplify this type of love to those who I relate to in the natural sense. I don't know who you need to develop a better awareness of today, but if it is Jesus - go for it. If it is your spouse - go for it. If it is your cubicle mate - go for it. The guy next door - go for it. The checkout clerk - go for it. Until you do, you are missing out on what God intends for your deepest and most meaningful growth! Just sayin!

You bring that out in me

Carl Jung told us 'everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.' He was spot on with that one! In a sense, all of us have experienced the best and worst at times, attitudes, and what I shall call 'heart moments'. Moments when it just seems you will burst with excitement leave you feeling totally encouraged. Then almost without notice, another heart moment comes, bringing weight seemingly beyond your ability to carry it. I have no idea why life has to be so much like a "pendulum" swinging this way and then the other at times. With the highs and lows come opportunities - within relationship, ourselves, and our circumstances. We are given new insights into the tremendous blessings we have been afforded in life. We are also given insights into the "old habits" we "count on" to get us through - some of these "old habits" are more of a hindrance than a benefit. No wonder 'others' can help us see 'ourselves' in a clearer light at times! Our 'old habits' need a little revealing!

All of you, slave and free both, were once held hostage in a sinful society. Then a huge sum was paid out for your ransom. So please don't, out of old habit, slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you. Friends, stay where you were called to be. God is there. Hold the high ground with him at your side. (I Corinthians 7:23-24 MSG)

By definition, a habit is an acquired behavior. We become so acquainted with doing something a particular way until it becomes almost involuntary to us - we do it unconsciously. Think of the first three things you did today. How many of those actions are simply out of habit? For me, it was making the bed, showering, and making the coffee while the computer booted. Totally habit. No one left me a list of instructions requiring these of me - I simply gravitated to them because it is my usual custom. In another sense, a habit is the "dominant" disposition we display in those heart moments. It is the most consistent response to the influences we have in life. When the pendulum swings one direction, we almost consistently respond one way. but seldom the other. We have developed a "dominant" tendency which displays the true character of our heart. The heart betrays the "real you", does it not? Focusing on the heart is a good thing when it comes to understanding what is "dominant" in our lives.

Old habits are hard to break. I used to chew my nails. They'd be little stubs, cuticles all chewed away. They are certainly not long, elegant nails today - I keep them trimmed because I am in healthcare and I do woodworking. They are no longer chewed to the quick. Why? I changed my habit as hard - as it was to do! What influenced the change? One semester in microbiology during my pre-requisites for nursing school! I took a culture scraping from what little nails I had left, then left it to incubate over the weekend in a petri dish with rich nutrients. Upon returning the next week to find a multitude of colored, fuzzy stuff growing in the dish, I was left with a pretty visible impression of what was 'under' those nails! Wouldn't it be nice if every "old habit" way of responding to life could be as easily seen as those fuzzy growths in the petri dish? Having the visible evidence of how these habits affect our lives would be so telling, right? If we could somehow put every old habit in a petri dish, let it incubate in a controlled environment for a while, then come back to examine it, we might be surprised at what we see "growing"!

A controlled environment allows for the evidence of what has been there all along to become apparent - but can an uncontrolled environment do the same? As the pendulum of life swings, and we are surrounded by those who might just reveal a little bit of 'old habit' themselves, things surface in our lives. Responses we thought we'd done away with in the past, or images of old patterns of sin come creeping to the surface. In the moment, we probably don't have any "control" over the environment, but if we were wise, we would reach out to the one who can help us analyze what isn't always 'evident' in our lives until those moments come. We are given the gift of the Holy Spirit present in our lives. He is the one who "captures" the heart moment responses. He is also the one who brings us into the "controlled environment" where we can see exactly what relying on these old habits will produce within us and in our relationship with others. He trusts us to allow him to help us change these old habits so they will no longer produce these "ill-effects" within us and within our relationships. 

I wonder if we realize just how much God loves us? He cares so much about the "old habits" because they have such "ill-effects" in our lives. It is his greatest joy to help us "isolate" what causes us the greatest harm. In letting him examine the "heart culture" of your life, there is a little risk, but the benefit of the revelation outweighs the risk every time. Just sayin!

Not always virtuous

If you have ever wondered about how to have an effective relationship with anyone, you know you have to get to know the individual a bit before you can truly 'figure out' what it is you each 'bring' into the relationship and what it is you 'offer' to each other. For example, if I think about my BFF, I know she brings an ability to tell it like it is - she doesn't pull her punches and I appreciate this about her. When I need to hear truth - she hits me with it. When I need her to hold me accountable - she reminds me of my commitment. When I find myself getting a little too 'bent' in one direction - she helps me laugh and put that stuff aside for a while so I can get refocused. These are just a few of the myriad of ways she 'brings' and 'offers' something into the relationship. When it comes to our relationship with God, what do you suppose we 'bring' and 'offer' within it? You might just be surprised to find that we 'bring' very little in comparison to what God 'brings' and we 'offer' some things that are pretty flawed compared to what he 'offers'!

His divine power has given us everything we need to experience life and to reflect God’s true nature through the knowledge of the One who called us by His glory and virtue. Through these things, we have received God’s great and valuable promises, so we might escape the corruption of worldly desires and share in the divine nature. To achieve this, you will need to add virtue to your faith, and then knowledge to your virtue; to knowledge, add discipline; to discipline, add endurance; to endurance, add godliness; to godliness, add affection for others as sisters and brothers; and to affection, at last, add love. For if you possess these traits and multiply them, then you will never be ineffective or unproductive in your relationship with our Lord Jesus the Anointed.... (2 Peter 1:3-8)

God has 'given' us EVERYTHING we need. Not just some of the things he wants to 'part with' or 'offer up' to us, but everything. We RECEIVE not only the things that restore us to right relationship with him, but everything we need to remain within that right relationship. I may not always get this in my life, thinking there must be something I am missing whenever I repeatedly fail at something, but the matter is settled - I have everything I need to overcome that failure. I don't know about you, but I don't always exhibit the virtue in my life that bespeaks what I have been given in Christ. Virtue is just the ability and consistency to act or do what is right and good. Do I always do 'good'? No, certainly not. In fact, I blunder through this life probably about as well as you do! Yet, to today's right choices, I will add tomorrow's right ones, and then the next day's. In time, the 'match' between the virtue God brings within the relationship and the virtue I begin to exhibit will become more consistent.

Making right choices leads us to an understanding of our why it is we made those wrong choices in the first place. That is where knowledge comes into play. We find we recognize we are about to choose a wrong action or response quicker because we have learned to listen to God's voice a little quicker or with a greater intensity. In turn, we find we live more 'disciplined' lives - control, order, right conduct (that which is becoming of a child of the Most High God). We learn very quickly that frequently exhibited right choices, made for the right reasons, in a manner that is out of heartfelt love and appreciation for the one we are IN relationship with begin to introduce an 'endurance' into that relationship that 'rides out' and 'overcomes' the occasional wrong choices. It doesn't take much to develop an 'endurance' in relationship when we are both committed to it as much as God is committed to us! His 'endurance' becomes ours and his endurance is encompassed in repeated infusions of his grace. In turn, we move more consistently into places of unmeasured and limitless enjoyment of each other.

We don't always 'relate' well in our earthly relationships - I am a living example of not always being very 'virtuous' in my interactions. If we lean into Jesus and get this heavenly relationship with him right first and foremost, we have a much better chance of developing strong and vital earthly relationships that are consistently virtuous! Just sayin!

What is your 'back story'?

Are you a people person? You probably know the type of individual I am referencing here - that one who is so comfortable around everyone and just 'fits in' wherever they go. There are those who just like the comfort of a few close friends and then there are others who seem to flourish in huge crowds of friends. I am probably more like the former than the latter - just really comfortable with a few close friends and a little less comfortable with those 'larger crowd' of friends. Did you realize the Holy Spirit actually helps us be good friends - to be comfortable around people - and to have those really good relationships with them? He is God's gift to us in so many ways, but this particular 'gift' to us is significant because it is often in others that we see elements of God's love and grace in ways we don't always see it in ourselves. We have the opportunity to get to know God when we get to know those God brings into our circle of influence - because the Holy Spirit is helping us to see him there!

For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them. (2 Timothy 1:7 TLB)

God gives us glimpses into who he is, how he operates, and what his grace can do in a person's life as we observe those ones God places within our circle. We see glimpses of his power - because those individuals reflect that power in the "miracle moments" when God intervenes in their lives and shows himself strong on their behalf. As we behold his power on display, we are gaining knowledge of how God's power can also be displayed in our lives. We see glimpses of his grace - because God doesn't just surround us with individuals who have no issues or problems. He surrounds us with others who are just as 'faulty' as we are - those who 'mess up' sometimes as much and perhaps even more than we do. It isn't because God wants us to see their flaws, but because he is helping us to see how limitless his grace really is - and how his grace goes about restoring individuals, not just to their former state, but to a better state than they ever knew before.

Some of us will freely admit we are not always comfortable with others. It may be that we are a little intimidated by how 'perfect' their lives look on the outside. Yet, the Holy Spirit helps us see what those individuals are really like just beneath the surface - as 'imperfect' as we are and on this same journey toward 'getting things right' just like us! We don't need to be intimidated by others - we need to be embraced by them. We need the strength they have experienced and we also need to understand they haven't always stood strong. It is that developed strength that we behold, but it is the 'back story' that we don't always understand. The strength is there because of the work of God in their lives and we need to get close enough to see how God helped take all those things in their 'back story' and work them together to produce this strength in them. We learn as we relate - we receive as we embrace each other. We need each other and we need the Holy Spirit to help us get close enough to the other person to actually understand and learn from that 'back story'! Just sayin!

Let's get stupid together!

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don't 'get stupid' with my friends like some may think of 'getting stupid' with their friends. I don't know how you interpret what Emerson said, but in my opinion he was trying to say it is okay for us to be our true selves with those we are able to call true friends. Why is that possible? I think it is because trust has been established and we know it won't be betrayed when we 'bumble' a little around a friend. It is a true blessing to have such a friend - it is a greater blessing to be such a friend!

Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family. (Proverbs 18:24 MSG)

Old friends are those we usually refer to as 'true friends' - they have endured the test of time, the challenges of relationship with us, and become our truest companions along some of the toughest journeys. Not all of us have experienced that kind of friendship - not all of us have been that kind of a friend. Yet, it is not too late - for we have the ability to make that connection - to be that connection - as long as we have breath left in us.

"Stupid" is really the word Emerson used to describe someone acting in an unintelligent or careless manner. This can describe us in so many ways, at so many times! The 'senselessness' of some of our words, much less our actions, can sometimes be quite annoying! Yet, the true friend will stick with us even when our words and actions get a little exasperating. I was always told that to have good friends you have to be a good friend. There is very good wisdom in those words!

How do we 'befriend' another? Isn't it through attraction of some sort? We see something in them, or they see it in us, and we are drawn to them. We want to associate with them - because we admire something in them, or we just enjoy their enthusiasm and joy. We make ourselves available in relationship and then we see where it goes. Not every venture into friendship will end up with us having that BFF kind of relationship, but there will be those that rise to the top. When we have these kinds of relationships - we must treasure them well.

To be a good friend, one must be faithful to the relationship. One must treasure the relationship. We do this by not only spending time with each other, but spending time in prayer for each other. There is as much 'behind the scene' work in relationship as there is 'face time'! We need those supportive prayers, and even those prayers that will turn us away from our folly. We treasure most those times when we feel the support of another - even when they lack the ability to 'fix' the issue for us. 

Be a good friend - exemplify the love of Christ in those relationships you have been given. Be a 'grace-giver' where grace is not so much 'deserved' as it is 'needed'. Be a faithful companion - showing you can be trusted to walk alongside another long after others have drifted away. Be a good friend and you will be surrounded with good friends! Just sayin!