Not so wise on my own

Surrounding yourself with the right people brings you much success in life. When we choose our "circle" well, we find ourselves being influenced to move in directions which increase our "value" in some way. Choose the wrong "circle" and we might not realize quite the same increase in "value". There is but one place we find our unique value and that is when we look fully into the face of Jesus. Yet, our relations here on earth can either build us up, or tear us down. Those which build us up have a way of adding "value" by our association; those which tear us down actually take away "value" by that association. The latter erode away at our confidence, play upon our insecurities, and reinforce our fears. It is much better to surround ourselves with those who don't resist correction in their own lives - showing by example what it is like to embrace even the hard lessons so that steps can be reordered to ensure a right path is followed. It is also important to surround ourselves with those who think about others - revealed in their willingness to lay down their own desires for the benefit of another. This is what I mean about our relations "lending value" to our lives - the right ones make all the difference in ways that encourage our growth rather than tearing us down or apart!

All who refuse correction will be poor and disgraced; all who accept correction will be praised. It’s a good feeling to get what you want, but only a stupid fool hates to turn from evil. Wise friends make you wise, but you hurt yourself by going around with fools. (Proverbs 13:18-20)

We all have the ability to refuse correction - leading us to places in life where we feel like grace is far from us. We see walls closing in around us because of choices we have made and it almost frightens us to no end. We feel "disgraced" - like we have lost a place of honor and now must deal with our shame over the matter. Choices in relationship make all the difference with not only putting us in those compromising situations, but in helping us bounce back if we have compromised! I know my best friend speaks life into my steps, not death. She might not mince her words at times, but I need her to be this forthright with me because when she is, I can see where it is I am out of step with what God wants in my life. Disgrace is actually a "place" in our emotional make-up where we feel like we have lost favor. Good relationships help us to never lose sight of the fact we never lose favor in God's eyes - we can always find new grace in his presence. Refusing correction assures us we will "lose" something - because honor is impacted when we are refusing grace. We stand in a place of "honor" because of what grace has done in our lives. Without the grace of God extended into and over our lives, we'd stand in a place of dishonor. With it, we are exalted beyond our wildest imaginings!

Having the wrong relationships can end up in us seeking what is natural for us to seek - everything which meets our fancies, builds up our selfish desires, and leads to us being the ones fulfilled in the moment. Having the right relationships can keep us from being so self-centered! We may "want" a lot of things in life, but the one thing we need is solid relationships. We don't want to find ourselves walking this pathway alone, or worse yet, with the wrong traveling companions! What God wants is for us to surround ourselves with others who know the grace of God in their own lives and lean into that grace each and every day. Those who thumb their noses at God's grace are dangerous companions to place in your circle. Two things we all need in this life:  God's grace and good companions who also understand his grace. Two things which will leave us wanting in this life:  Being so full of our own self-worth we don't see the need for finding our value in Jesus and being so unwise in our choices as to think things, position, or power give us "worth" in life.  

Wise friends make us wise. The first relationship we all need to "get right" is the one we have with Jesus. When this is the primary focus in life, we soon find the other relationships we have begin to matter in ways we might not have seen before. We will also recognize those that don't lend value, not because they aren't good people, but because they draw us away from grace and toward foolishness. Foolish people will drive us toward foolish action. If we want to make better decisions in life, it often begins with changing those we have in our circle of influence. Why? We are influenced by their actions and they by ours. We need the right influences if we are to even come remotely close to making less "foolish" decisions in life. Just sayin!

Don't fall short

Most of the time, we consider someone a "loner" when we see them isolate or insulate themselves from relationship with others, but scripture might just shed a little light on some other characteristics of these individuals. The primary characteristic is that of "doing our own thing". This might just describe us a little more than we'd like to admit at first, but if we were honest, we all have times when we are more concerned with "our own thing" than the good of the "group"!

Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way. (Colossians 3:15-17)

We might think of a loner as someone who avoids the company of another or prefers to be alone. We all need times when we prefer to be alone, simply because we need to regenerate our emotional or physical strength. To live this way all the time is just not practical, though. We need each other to "sharpen" our character. When we isolate, we avoid conflict. To avoid conflict may keep us out of the "emotional soup" we seek to avoid, but it is creating an emotional hole from which we may not fully dig out if we allow this isolation to continue.

Doing things one own way stems from having the belief our way is the best way - our solution to the issue is the best solution. When we settle on just our own solution to an issue, we often miss out on the synergy that is created when a problem is open for the "group" to address. This is the power of small groups where others with similar spiritual pursuits join together. They provide an atmosphere where it is okay to begin to examine the issues and then get the "read" of the group on how it is we can best handle what life is sending our way.

When we are involved in the lives of others, we are doing exactly as God intended - we are being the iron sharpening the iron of another's character. We are not to be their conscience, nor their "leader" to whom they submit all their life decisions to in order to garner support. We ARE to be engaged with each other, so that we hold each other accountable, not allowing the other to slip into patterns of behavior which are destructive or contrary to what the Word defines as "safe" for us. In small group relationships, it is easiest to allow every detail of our lives - words, actions, and the "whatever" - to be looked at through the eyes of those who care about our success in this walk with Jesus. 

When we isolate, we avoid the "care" another may provide. To walk alone will allow one to be without restraint - for our own actions will almost always seem okay to us but could be clearly in defiance to what God outlines as specifically "wrong" for his kids. If we find we have been a little too guilty of just going off to do our own thing, maybe it is time we re-establish our relationships with one another. In those moments of accountability, we are subject to change that could make all the difference in helping us realize the potential God has for our lives vs. ending up falling way short of our fullest potential. Just sayin!