Call upon Jesus

 I don't know about you, but I have carried around resentment in my life at times that just ate away at me until I finally released that load to God. It was only then that I realized the significant weight I had put on myself and just how awful that stuff was to carry. Proverbs 27:3 reminds us, "A stone is heavy, and sand is weighty, but the resentment caused by a fool is even heavier." Our words and actions can turn from wise and kind toward bitter and foolish in just a matter of minutes. Our plan to be wise and act the 'right' way can be waylaid by some emotional 'mood' that hits us 'just right' at just the 'wrong moment' and there we are embracing foolish actions and a seed of bitterness.

Our mind might be telling us to do one thing, but our emotions can carry us in a different direction when they are allowed to overrule our mind. Truth be told, the other person was kind of foolish in their behavior and it ticked us off just a bit more than normal. Their actions left us with a load of emotions, all jumbled together, and those emotions begin to 'birth' new ones, until we find ourselves carrying a huge load of 'ugly' all because of 'that fool' who acted 'that way'. We might not realize how much the foolish actions or words of another have created a load of bitterness and resentment within us, but if we stop to look at the issue closely, we might just see how much we allowed our emotions to respond to their foolish actions.

We need to become very cautious about our reactions, learning rather to 'respond' and not always to 'react'. There will always be foolish people in our lives, and their actions will most certainly make us want to react with our own foolish actions, but Christ will enable us to respond in a manner that doesn't escalate the situation or create a well-spring of guilt and angst. The worst thing we can do is respond without thought - that is reacting. The load of resentment that comes from dealing with a fool by trying to talk them out of their foolishness or change their minds about something is way more than we will want to bear.

We don't 'talk a fool out of his foolishness' because the fool is bend on doing or saying what he will. We respond with wisdom when we call upon the name of Jesus at that moment when 'reaction' wants to override 'response' within us. When we call upon his name, we are actually leaning into God's wisdom and strength rather than 'giving into' our desire to 'help' or 'show' the fool their actions are not right. You cannot reason with the fool for their is no changing their mind. Walk away, get with God, let him guide you. You are not a 'fool-guide'! Just sayin!

Obedience is not easy

Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality. (Romans 12:12)

I have a theory that burnout is about resentment. And you beat it by knowing what it is you're giving up that makes you resentful. (Marissa Mayer) Ms. Mayer makes a very good point about 'burnout'. We create this scenario in our minds about having to 'give up' something in order to pursue something else, and it is this 'something else' that is making us feel burned out. Truth be told, it is the 'resentment' we form toward what we perceive as 'given up' that leads to the feelings of burnout. Remember, feelings can be fickle - they can lead us down pathways we don't want to be traveling. The harder we try to not focus on what we perceive we are 'giving up', the more the feelings of resentment grow toward whatever it is we see ourselves pursuing instead. We have to remember there are seasons in each of our lives - sometimes we have to put something on the back burner for a bit because we are being asked to focus on something else. If we are being led by the Spirit of God, we can be assured that anything we are asked to 'put on the back burner' is really going to lead to us achieving something even better because we are pursuing what God intends for this moment.

Resentment isn't always toward someone we are in conflict with - it can also come when we are asked to go a different path than we really wanted to travel. God is good at putting those types of 'change requests' in front of us on occasion, isn't he? We are going one direction, pretty content to just be going that way, then he puts this 'change request' forward in our minds and we are at a crossroads. We sometimes stand there at that crossroad point for what seems like an eternity, pondering what must be put on the 'back burner' and what it is we are now being asked to do. We mull it over repeatedly, almost beginning to come to a 'slow boil' because we form these ideas that we are being asked to 'give up' something in pursuit of something else. Oftentimes, God isn't asking us to 'give up' anything - he just asks us to have a change in our priorities for a period of time. There is no doubt he has something good ahead for us, but we were pretty comfortable right where we were. Why mess with a good thing? 

God knows the enemy of spiritual, relational, and emotional growth is comfort. We don't want to have our comfort disturbed. When we are pursuing what seems 'comfortable' to us, we aren't feeling like there is any conflict. When we find our comfort being disturbed so God can bring a little growth within, we get downright obstinate, sometimes even angry because he disturbed our comfort. This is where resentment begins to enter into the equation - we attach feelings to the new thing we are being asked to pursue, and they may not always be positive. Pride and selfishness begin to muster forces within, and we begin to form some pretty 'sour' feelings about moving forward. The sooner we recognize these feelings, the sooner we can confess them, ask God's help to move beyond them, and make the steps down the path he has determined to be best for us today. Just sayin!

Excising that Cancer

Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God’s righteousness doesn’t grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life. (James 1:19)

Have you heard that little saying, "Move or be moved"? There are times when I have moved, sometimes in just the nick of time, avoiding some disaster of some kind. There have been more than a few times I wish I had moved faster, or in a different direction in order to avoid whatever was coming my way. Some of the times I didn't move, or didn't move fast enough, were really times when I wanted to be in control and was just plain stubborn. Have you ever been anchored in place by your anger? It appears anger can be a very effective anchor for many of us - something we can sink our teeth into and really hold onto for a long, long time. Way beyond the request from God for us to move on, we have held onto that thing we should have let go of long ago. However do we let go of what seems to anchor us so firmly into this place of anger, bitterness, resentment, and the desire for retribution? Maybe we need to listen a little closer, talk a little less, and not give that anger such an important place in our lives, but how on earth do we get to that point when we have been wronged by another? I will not paint a pretty picture here - it takes us throwing away that cancerous evil to actually be free of it - even when we think it still has some 'purpose', we have to let it go!

Why does God focus on the ears first and mouth second? I believe we listen to a lot of voices, with our own 'internal' voice being the loudest when we are holding onto a grudge. Somehow we have convinced ourselves that rehearsing the wrongdoing is a 'right' we have and we do it over and over again until the actions of another become ingrained in our thought pathways. The brain is a very powerful thing - whatever we think upon the most often will actually stimulate various 'hormonal pathways' that we will frequent because we have become accustomed to the release of those hormones. When we attempt to deviate from the path created by our constant 'self-talk' about the infraction, we find it is hard to not have that same 'hormonal response' we have been accustomed to experiencing. Go to the fridge night after night to get the sweet thing hidden away there and you will form a 'hormonal response' that locks you into craving more of the sweet thing. Hearing what we are telling ourselves may be hard, but when we realize we have been telling ourselves the hateful story of another's wrong against us over and over again, we might just begin to realize how much control we have given another through those 'self-repeated' words of anger and regret. 

To break the hormonal pathway created by all that negative self-talk we have to be willing to take a new path. I know this is easier said than done - those hormonal responses are pretty doggone ingrained by now. It may not seem like it, but the more we take a different pathway, the more the hormonal release will change - we will form a new pathway with even more satisfying release! What can we do to replace those self-repeated words of anger and resentment? We can begin to repeat the Word of God instead. If we will just get into the Word and allow it to really get into us, we will begin to see those new pathways formed. Why do you think I listen to great Christian artists on the radio? Those words begin to reinforce the pathway his Word has begun to carve out in place of those other pathways of resentment and anger. Why do you think I pen our my study of the Word? The repetition of seeing his Word, writing out my thoughts about what he says, and then rereading it reinforces the pathway. Honestly, the 're-telling' of the story isn't easy, but when we allow God to tell us the story he wants for us to hear, repeat, and anchor our souls in, the more those 'positive hormonal responses' will occur. The new pathway will be formed - ingrained in place of the one that was eating away at us like a cancerous growth. Just sayin!

You're driving me crazy!

It was Douglas Horton who reminded us we should dig a second grave while seeking revenge, for the second one would be ours. He also told us no one could drive us crazy unless we actually gave them the keys with which to do so! It is probably more common than we'd like to admit - we kinda have this tendency in each us to just want someone to get what is coming to them. They cross us in some fashion and we just wanna tell 'em off. We want them to "know" how much pain they have caused, or how much their insensitivity to the situation has compounded our grief, anxiety, or doubt. We don't like that our workload has increased because they are slacking. It happens in thousands of different ways each day, and we ALL struggle just a little bit with the "not fair" kind of thinking, desiring to see them experience just a little of what we have been going through as a result. Horton was spot-on though when he told us to dig two graves - for taking these "little feelings" of anger and hurt to the next step will result in us getting buried under a whole new load of guilt we didn't want to have to dig out from under in the first place!

17 If someone does you wrong, don’t try to pay them back by hurting them. Try to do what everyone thinks is right. 18 Do the best you can to live in peace with everyone. 19 My friends, don’t try to punish anyone who does wrong to you. Wait for God to punish them with his anger. In the Scriptures the Lord says, “I am the one who punishes; I will pay people back.” 20 But you should do this: “If you have enemies who are hungry, give them something to eat. If you have enemies who are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this you will make them feel ashamed.” 21 Don’t let evil defeat you, but defeat evil by doing good. (Romans 12:17-21 ERV)

Wouldn't it be wonderful if no one did anybody else any wrong? That would be like Eden without the serpent! Unfortunately, we don't live in a world like that, so we had better get it straight in our minds and hearts how it is we are to deal with those who do us wrong. We need to learn how not to hand over the keys to our "crazy car" so often - then maybe we'd be a little less likely to be 'driven' in that direction so frequently! Too many times we experience the sense of "wrongdoing" against us because we turn those keys over to the other person and let them drive us down that "easy street" toward craziness and frustration. When I stop long enough to actually enjoy those things that otherwise frustrate me, I find they aren't so unpleasant if I just slow down, look for some good in the moment, and then make the most of the good I am experiencing. It may not be much, but even a little good from an otherwise "bad" situation is something!

As Paul reminds us, evil will defeat us if we allow it that opportunity. The key is to not hand the opportunity over to that other person on a silver platter. Do what is unexpected - that is what he says actually overcomes evil. The key to avoiding those feelings of wanting someone to get what they deserve is to give them what they don't deserve - to give them (and ourselves) what is unexpected. If I leave work for you to do that I didn't want to do myself, I honestly don't think you will do it without being a little begrudging in doing it, but it doesn't stop me short of leaving it for you. My attitude is probably, "Who cares if you begrudge doing it as long as it gets done and I don't have to do it?" It isn't "MY" problem that you have those feelings of "begrudging" the work at hand. It is yours. So, why are we trying to control how the other person "feels" or what they will "get" in return for their having left us that work to do? We don't control them - but we give them control of us whenever we start to move down that pathway of begrudging them their "freedom" while we are left with the task at hand.

Seems simple, but we will all admit it is harder in real life. Feelings come and we hand over the keys - making the short trip into the lane that takes us down the revenge highway. Unfortunately, that highway leads to the graveyard - not for them, but for us! Our challenge today: How can we do one thing that someone didn't expect as a response to something they did that otherwise would have been something we'd have wigged out over? How can we turn evil into good in our lives by one simple action of giving what is undeserved? It won't be easy at first, but the more we take back those keys that lead us down the "crazy road", the more we will realize those keys don't belong to anyone else but us! Just sayin!

Do you resent me?

A stone is heavy and sand is weighty, but the resentment caused by a fool is even heavier. (Proverbs 27:3 NLT)

Carrie Fisher once said, "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." There are a whole lot of us drinking our own poison and then expecting the other person to be affected in some negative way by that poison which is in actuality consuming US and not them! Resentment is a terrible "eroding force" that eats away at the foundation of our spirit and emotions until one day there is this "landslide" that makes it almost impossible to actually dig out from under. 

While some of us may not think we are holding any grudge or harboring "ill-intent" toward another person or persons, there are some pretty easy ways to see if we are:

- Do we think frequently about the wrong they have done? This is probably the easiest way to know if we are holding onto stuff we need to let go of - because what occupies our minds most frequently is that which gets more of our attention than it might deserve.

- Do we always bring up that individual's name in conversation with just a little bit of negativity and unkind words? Or do we find ourselves always talking "about" that individual? When the center of our thoughts, words, and conversation is the one who has wronged us, we may just be paying a little bit too much attention to their response to the issue at hand, rehearsing the details of what they have done wrong, etc. This keeps the wounds open and raw. It is hard not to bring up the wrongs of another, especially to another individual not directly involved in the situation. We want some form of "sympathy" or "empathy" for the wrong we have been enduring - so we "share" the issue, but we don't always do so in a kind way. 

- Do we gloss over things and add a little humor to them, knowing full-well that they are eating away at the inside of us? We often use humor to mask true hurt feelings and raw emotions. This is not uncommon, because it is easier to mask our emotions than to risk the overwhelming anxiety and fears being "real" brings. You see, we think being real will show someone just how vulnerable we have been and still are - something that is riddled with all manner of anxiety. Than anxiety just fuels the resentment, because we want to be real, but we cannot break past our fears in order to do so.

- Do we say we have forgiven, but then remind the others involved that we are having a hard time forgetting the wrongs done? The hardest part of forgiving someone is letting their offense go - erasing the marks on the chalkboard, so to speak. Disappointment is real, acknowledge it. Hurt is real, don't bottle it up. Yes, we need to be aware of these very real feelings, but we don't need to let them become the focal point of our relationship. When we are willing to release, we bring those issues and individuals to God, asking him to take our hurt, but also to bring blessing into the other individual's life. Blessing? Really? Yes, because we are asking God to help us show grace - and that is a blessing totally undeserved, but so totally needed! Just sayin!

Life's too short...

Only the heart can know its own resentment; likewise no stranger can experience its joy. (Proverbs 14:10 VOICE)

Resentment is that feeling we get whenever we perceive an act, remark, or circumstance caused us some form of injury or insult.  We feel wronged, causing us to internally create a set of feelings which bolster that feeling of being wronged until we get an internal battle going on in the realm of our emotions. What we come to feel can be far worse than the original injury or insult - all because of the extreme amount of emotional energy we put behind that original feeling of being wronged.  You have probably heard it said - resentment hurts the one with the internal struggle not the one who the resentment is formed against!

Carrie Fisher put it this way, "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."  She hit that one totally on the head!  Nothing is more futile in life than holding onto the pain we feel another has caused and then expecting that internal pain we are experiencing to be that which hurts the other person!  Yes, it will damage the relationship, but trust me on this one, others can walk away from our resentment - they have not internalized that same degree of pain, nor have they invested the same amount of energy into maintaining it!

I once heard someone explaining to another person the need for them to hide their hurt feelings - as though hiding the hurt would help them to get over it any easier!  Hurt feelings are "valid" to us - we are the one experiencing them.  Yet, when it comes right down to it, the other person in the mix very seldom even knows they have created all that internal struggle for you.  They didn't see their actions in the same way you did, nor did they notice any real change in you until that resentment came to a full "boil" inside you!  The poison affected you much longer and deeper than it ever did them!

I think the advice I'd give the one being told to hide their hurt feelings would be to forgive - not to hide.  Forgiveness is a bold stand - one which refuses to internalize the ill-feelings, even when the insult or injury may be very real to them.  They cannot judge the heart or actions of another solely upon how it made them feel!  They choose rather to release the other individual, even when the injury may be very real to them, because they don't want to drink the poison of holding onto that injury any longer!

The heart is meant as a place to experience all the breadth and depth of emotion - the highs and the lows, the ups and the downs.  It isn't meant to become the place where we seethe with anger, nurse festering wounds, or cultivate plans of revenge against another.  It may not be easy to let go of the ill-feelings we want to hold onto, bury deeply, and hope others won't notice too much.  It is worth our very life, though!  Just sayin!

Processing vs. Complaining Through

I am going to ask some hard questions this morning, so if you aren't up to it, you might want to skip this one!  First, let me just remind you of the fact that before I ask you these questions, I have had to ask myself.  I survived!  You probably will, too. So, here goes...

How many times do you find yourself telling of your own pain without ever once stopping to ask about another's?  Have you ever been caught up in your own list of "disappointing moments", enumerating them one-by-one for another to hear, all the while oblivious to the fact the other may have their own recent disappointments?  What about the times when all you could do was find fault with some person or idea, just ragging on and on about the "reasons why" the person is so "flawed" or the idea is so "dumb"?  If you have ever been "caught" in any of these moments - as the one who has to listen to the "complaint", dear "complainer", you probably have no idea how the complaint affected the one who had to listen to it!

Friends, don’t complain about each other. A far greater complaint could be lodged against you, you know. The Judge is standing just around the corner.  (James 5:9 MSG)

I don't exactly have the job of being in the "complaint" department at work, but a good portion of my job is spent trying to research complaints, resolve these frustrations, and just plain listen when another needs to "dump".  It is sometimes the part of the job I least enjoy!  I hear from physicians not pleased with the new regulations we have to follow - lodging their "laundry list" of reasons why it is "ludicrous" to expect physicians to do this or that.  I hear from nursing staff dealing with demands up to their eyeballs and feeling like they will never be able to deliver the nursing care they gave "back in the day".  I hear from patients who thought their experience in the hospital should have been different, expecting more of this or less of that.  The "complaint" list could go on and on - there seems to be no shortage.  But...the one type of complaint which is within my own control is the one that comes from my own heart, bubbling out of my own mouth!

Each of us has the power to control our complaint.  Whenever we are complaining, we are really expressing some form of disappointment, resentment, or uneasiness with what has happened, or with what we perceive might happen.  It is understandable - we need an outlet - it is not wise to bottle things up.  Yet, it is the "outlet" we choose which determines the things which get set in motion as a result of our complaint!

I can choose to think through my "complaint" - the frustration, disappointment, uneasiness I feel.  In this "processing moment", I have learned to do a couple of things.  I hope they might just help some who struggle with this tendency to complain first and process later:

*  Use some techniques such as writing out the pros and cons of the issue you find fault with, or perhaps taking a few moments just to pen your thoughts, bringing a little clarity into the moment of emotion when you'd like to nothing more than rant on in some complaint.  Sometimes we just need to "clarify" the issue - weighing the "resistance" (cons) against the "expectations" (pros).  There is often nothing more revealing than asking yourself why it is you are resisting this expectation so much - what is it about the change which threatens you, causes you discomfort?  Sometimes we find the real "resistance" is not because the expectation is unrealistic, but it is because we feel inadequate to meet the expectation.  When we come to a place of seeing the "root" of the resistance, we often don't get to the place of allowing the complaint to surface.

*  In examining the issues at hand, it is best to take some time to respond.  Some may see this as engaging in confrontation avoidance, but I don't always think this is a bad thing.  There is some wisdom in taking time to cool down. We often see the most clearly when our vision is not clouded with the "steam" of our emotions!

*  Recognize disappointment for what it is - an obstacle which presents a new set of opportunities.  This may seem a little too "upbeat" for those who have a propensity toward complaining.  Yet, it is true.  People don't set out to disappoint you!  They don't wake up one day and determine to find ways to put obstacles in your path - those obstacles come because others are human, too.  Disappointment has many paths - some go toward forming resentment and hatred (the worst form of complaint we can form), or toward resolution and restoration (the best form of complaint we can engage in).  There is really no middle ground with disappointment - you either deal with it or you don't.  If you don't, it will eventually come around again and again.  One day, you will find the small disappointment of today becomes the huge "complaint" of tomorrow.  Obstacles can be opportunities - but it is only when we are willing to go through the steps of "processing" the "obstacle" that the opportunities become apparent.

Not rocket science here, folks, but it is true.  We jump to complaining much quicker than we ought - because we find release in the complaining.  The sad fact - we solve NOTHING in the complaining - we usually just make the issue worse!  If not for another, at least for ourselves, because we now have told ourselves an even BIGGER story about what it is we find fault with!  We need to learn to "rewrite" our stories - to take time to process the best ending.  In so doing, we will find our relationships stronger, our emotions evener, and ourselves out of the lime-light of other's complaint sessions!  Just sayin!

Forgiveness is a habit

^3-4 If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance?
   As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit, and that's why you're worshiped. 

(Psalm 130:3-4)

We humans are "record keepers".  We manage to stuff all kinds of information into our brains - dates, times, events, memories, agendas, wishes, dreams - to name only a few.  We organize that information based on importance to us - prioritizing it and "packaging" it into "parcels" of thought.  If we cannot manage to store anymore, or feel that the information is SO important that we cannot risk losing it, we write it down, recording it for future reference.

This process works well for us if what we are "storing away" in the recesses of our brain, or recording on paper, has a significant meaning that will lend itself to our growth or development.  When we begin storing away the thoughts or memories that actually serve to tear us down, keeping us in a place of bondage to a past hurt or failure, we are opening ourselves to more hurt.  When these thoughts are about another's actions in our life, God refers to this process as "harboring unforgiveness" or resentment.  When these memories are about some failure on our part, God refers to this as "bondage".

Look at the example God sets for us:  He keeps NO record on our wrongdoing.  In fact, he practices forgiveness out of a well-established habit of repeatedly forgiving his children.  If this is the case, why do we find ourselves so engulfed in keeping record of wrongs committed?  Why do we hold those memories so close to our heart, investing more and more emotional energy in the maintaining of those memories over the course of time?

There are some principles we need to embrace in order to be free of our past failures and our present resentments:

1. Embrace God's forgiveness.  We cannot be free until we are convinced of God's ability and willingness to forgive us.  Don't gloss over this!  God is both willing and able to forgive.  He is able to forgive based on the sacrifice of his Son, Jesus Christ.  That sacrifice paid any penalty that is "due" as a result of our sinful wrongdoing.  He is willing to forgive because he is a loving God - his grace is his response of love.
2. Embrace God's ability and renewal.  God can bring good of even the worst situation we manage to get ourselves into - there may have been unwanted consequences, but he is there to pick up the pieces.  We made the choices that led to the outcome, but he stands at the ready to restore what we have allowed to fall into ruin in our lives.  We don't see much value in forgiving someone who has hurt us deeply - we may know that we are commanded to do so, but we just cannot connect the dots of how this will set us free.  All I can say is that as soon as we begin to let go of that other person in our thoughts, refusing to invest our emotional energy in holding on to the hurts of our past, we can begin to be free in our present.  
3. Embrace God's plan for wholeness.  We often stop short of being completely free of our past by not following the pattern laid out for us in Scripture.  God has given us repeated examples in the Word of how a man is to live once he has been forgiven (redeemed).  First, there is a "turning away" from that which was once a strong pursuit of our heart (that which we were making that huge emotional investment in).  Then, if we are to live free of that past hurt, we need to "replace" it with something else.  This is where God comes in - we turn away - he helps us with the renewal.  We have to put something into the place of those past responses to our hurt or disappointment.  They leave a void that must be filled.  God asks us to fill that void with more of him - investing our emotional energy in the things he delights in.  This may be Christian service, or it may be as simple as time spent with him in worship and study until what was significant to us about a past hurt or failure fades from our memory completely.

We stop short of allowing God to completely set us free by not being willing to let go.  Letting go is the hardest part of emotional healing and the new life he purposes for us.  Yet, we cannot move on until we are truly willing to move out of that focused investment of our time, energies, and repeated rehearsal of our past.  It begins with just one step - often, this step will NOT be coupled with an immediate "feeling" that something has changed.  We call this obedience.  We step out in what God is asking us to do, whether we "feel" like it or not.  If we continue to do this long enough, the emotions associated with the actions of obedience will begin to follow.  When we release ourselves from our past enough times, filling up that "gap" a little bit more each time with what God wants us to have in our lives, the emotions will follow.

Today is a day to "let go".  I don't know what you need to let go of - that is between you and God.  I am praying for your journey.