Give just a little more

You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I tell you, don’t fight back against someone who wants to do harm to you. If they hit you on the right cheek, let them hit the other cheek too. If anyone wants to sue you in court and take your shirt, let them have your coat too. If a soldier forces you to walk with him one mile, go with him two. Give to anyone who asks you for something. Don’t refuse to give to anyone who wants to borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies. Pray for those who treat you badly. (Matthew 5:38-44)

There aren't too many of us who haven't heard the teaching of "turning the other cheek" whenever someone wrongs you - like we needed to actually be hit twice! Yet, in the breadth of this teaching, Jesus is really laying out the path he will walk during the next several years of his teaching ministry - continually allowing the criticism, forgiving the hateful words of others, and refusing to strike back when deliberately opposed by those who would seek to shut down his ministry on this earth. In the Old Testament, if a man killed your donkey, he was to restore it and something extra in return. In making restoration of the one thing which was lost, he was also to make some type of restitution for the lost item. Steal from someone and you had to not only repay what you stole, but a portion more. Maybe God was trying to help us see the connection between sin and that there was always a cost associated with sin. Or maybe he was just trying to help us see the distress sin brings into our lives. It doesn't really matter why he established those rules in the Old Testament, because Jesus was about to blow the minds of those listening to his sermon when he tells them they should turn the other cheek, give a coat to one who steals their shirt, and hate their enemies! A totally radical thought for a generation who had grown up under the Law! 

The first lesson we can learn from this teaching: Give more than you are asked to give. Most of us understand what it is to have some kind of "debt" we might owe to someone. When we go to the grocer, we fill up our baskets and then head to the checkout.  At the checkout, a bill is produced for all of the items in the cart. This becomes a debt we must pay if we are to remove these groceries from the store. Until the debt is settled, we are not free to roll that cart out to the car and make our way home with those delectable treats. We understand that we have to pay for what we put in the basket, but how many of us actually would think to give the grocer another ten dollars at the end of the transaction, just because we wanted to give something to recompense the grocer for the debt we incurred? I daresay we'd point out if we were over-charged by the clerk or the dispenser didn't give us the right change, but would we actually leave more than what we owed? If we are to live out this principle, then we have to begin to ask what it is we do that is just a little more than what we are asked to do. It may not be much, but if we always just go through life giving exactly what we are asked to give and never anything other than what is asked, we will live kind of empty lives. Learning to bless another is to be a way of life for us. We need to see the "value" in giving sacrificially - not just when something is demanded of us. Just sayin!

Don't be a vessel

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. (Mark Twain)

If we were to be honest about our anger, we would likely acknowledge there is something within us that was wounded - our pride took a hit of some sort. Most of the time it is not that we just have a bad temper - it is an issue with our pride that causes us to have those outbursts that bring riffs in relationships. Most of us don't have 'rage issues' or 'bad tempers' - we just get a bit miffed at one another on occasion because something struck us wrong, we were disappointed by some response, or we just plain got our undies in a bundle because we didn't get our own way. I know - I just meddled in your mess a bit - but I also am meddling in mine!

If you are angry, be sure that it is not out of wounded pride or bad temper. Never go to bed angry—don’t give the devil that sort of foothold. (Ephesians 4:26)

I think this translation of this passage does a disservice by using the word 'if' - it is more accurate to use the word 'when' you are angry. God knows when our pride gets in the way, anger may not be far behind. We get 'moody' and a bit 'testy' when we find ourselves with a bit of 'wounding' to our pride. It comes out in all kinds of forms - curtness, sulking, shutting someone out. Regardless of the form it takes, it is something WE must own - because anger in any form is our doing, not the other person's. 

I think that is why Twain reminded us of the 'acidity' of anger when it is 'stored up' within us. It actually eats away at us - not the other person. God reminded us to not 'hold up' anger - deal with it in the here and now, not allowing the devil to get a foothold that could eventually become a stronghold in our lives. Anger isn't always someone else's fault - sometimes we do or say things that just escalate the situation and lead to things being said or done that would not have been otherwise. Remember: "He who angers you conquers you." (Elizabeth Kenny)

Rather than allowing the wound to fester, we owe each other the benefit of forgiveness. We actually might need to admit our 'pride' took a bit of a hit, but when we are humble enough to say we didn't respond well, we are on the road to letting go of the offense before it has a chance to become 'acidic' in our relationship. The hardest lesson we may have to learn is how to lay down our pride and actually learn how to reconcile issues as they arise. Reconciliation requires humility - there is no room for wounded pride if two are to agree on anything. Just sayin! 

A stone for a wall or a path?

While most mistakes we make are not those that result in a permanent riff in a relationship with another, there is a tendency for us to recall the past ones made when the individual keeps making the same ones, isn't there? Most of the time, we do our best to not make the same mistake again, but if you have ever made the same one more than once, you know just how frightfully hard it can be to seek forgiveness, much less give it! Rarely do we look as mistakes as 'permanent' because we allow 'do-overs' in life. Wasn't the key labeled backspace on the keyboard really a way of allowing us to retype those misspelled words, or completely eliminate a thought we did not want to continue with in those written words? We all have those 'backspace' moments - those times when we know we have made mistakes, but we need to the grace of God to wipe them out so we can start over again.

Love forgets mistakes; nagging about them parts the best of friends. (Proverbs 17:9)

A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance. (Proverbs 28:13)

Olympic downhill skiers don't learn their skill playing video games any more than we learn the 'art of forgiveness' from just saying we will forgive someone. Forgiveness is a skill best learned by active participation. How much more do my actions convey when I not only forgive, but also come alongside to embrace and help that other with their 'do-over' in life? Or to get just a little closer to home...when they embrace us and help us with our much needed 'do-over'? Life isn't easy and choices are made that sometimes don't always end up the way we want. Rather than seeing these mistakes as 'discards' in life, wouldn't it be wonderful if our mistakes could actually become the building blocks by which a thing of beauty could spring forth? By God's grace no mistake is ever wasted!

According to Webster, a mistake is a 'blunder in choice'. It carries the idea of a wrong act of judgment. We all suffer from impaired judgment at times, but we need never reject those moments of impaired judgment as stepping stones to help us take steps in the right direction. Admit the misstep and incorporate the lesson learned by it so you don't make it again! At that point, it isn't wasted - it becomes foundational to not making the same one again. Yes, you may make a similar one, but it won't be exactly the same. Yes, you may have a few stones laid before you realize they weren't leading you down the right path, but you can redirect any path! Path changes often come because we are reconciled by love - the love of Christ, then the love of those who befriend us on this earth. 

We are received by God without barrier - don't let mistakes become a barrier that keeps you away from being received by each other. We are the ones who take those mistakes and use them to either build walls that separate us, or turn them into paths that pave the way to newness in the relationship. Just sayin!