Making an impact?

Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. (Proverbs 12:18)

Sarcasm is a deliberate attempt to poke fun at another or the actions of others. At times, it can be very subtle, said in jest, and without evil intent at all. An individual who is very good at sarcasm might just be holding audience on a stage somewhere right now as a 'stand-up comedian'. Among friends, an occasional sarcastic word might just be good humor - something you can laugh about together and nothing malicious was intended by the words. In the hands of a 'sarcastic individual', such as the comedian who earns a living pointing out faults, those same words may be cutting, rude, and demeaning. Words that cut into the emotional well-being of another are never healthy ones. They will hurt and not help. They won't strike a chord of 'happy feelings', but will leave the individual hurt, almost like they are 'bleeding' emotionally.

There is wisdom in knowing when a bit of humor will bring levity to a tough moment. The words we choose to speak are supposed to lift others up, never tear them down. The more we use hurtful words, thinking we are 'making light' of some faux paus in another's day or character, the more damage we could be inflicting on their already wounded soul. How can our words bring healing today? Perhaps you will find a way to encourage someone who has been facing some tough times, but make sure those words are genuine because the person who is hurting so deeply can easily sense false platitudes! The best form of encouragement is words backed up with actions that match the words. Don't just tell someone you will pray for them - stop then, do it right there, and listen to what they tell you about what they have been experiencing. 

Did you know that sarcasm is the least effective method of communication? That is why we should probably use it in moderation - only when light-hearted conversation is warranted. Most of the time, it is cutting, and the remarks will not do much to improve the situation. Am I suggesting we cannot have a little levity in the moment? Not at all, but we must learn to judge well the impact of our words. Think them through before you speak them and if they won't help, don't let them out of the gate! The more we guard our words, the more we will find our words are impactful when they are spoken. Just sayin!

Laugh a little - it is okay

The times we make fun of or joke about the things which are probably more important than we might first think often end up being the times we do more harm than good. If we go through life making light of everything we encounter - as though life had to be filled with jokes and humor at all times - we will miss out on so much of what may have come if we avoided the sarcasm.  Sarcasm actually "demotes" or causes something to have a lesser "degree" of importance.  It is good to laugh and make light when times are stressful and you just need to unwind.  It is another to make light of what another may be feeling very deeply.  It is still another to cover over the depth of your anxiety, guilt, or regrets with sarcasm directed toward yourself.  Wisdom calls for us to be men and women of integrity - having fun with life - but not making light of what life entails. 

Make fun of wisdom, and you will never find it.  But if you have understanding, knowledge comes easily.  Stay away from fools, or you won’t learn a thing. Wise people have enough sense to find their way, but stupid fools get lost.  Fools don’t care if they are wrong, but God is pleased when people do right.  (Proverbs 14:5-9 CEV)

The difference between "unwinding" over a matter which may have caused you anxiety, guilt, or even regrets and burying it under sarcasm is this idea of understanding.  Understanding denotes some type of personal connection with truth.  It also denotes some type of personal "interpretation" of the issue at hand.  Since this is the case, understanding is closely related to one's perspective at the moment.  If one's perspective is different from another's, as in the case of one being in the thick of the matter and the other being only an onlooker, it is easy to make "slight" of what the one in the middle of it is seeing, feeling, and experiencing.  It is often much better to allow an individual the "space" or "comfort zone" to unwind about what it is they are experiencing than it is to jump right in with some "light humor" which we hope will diffuse some of their anxiety or grief.  In so doing, we are acknowledging the other person's "perspective" as important and worthy of being understood.

Wisdom warrants our attention to the details - reading where another is "at". The moments when stress is high, issues are mounting, and internal pressures are at their most volatile is not usually the best time to make light of the issues at hand.  Instead, wisdom warrants us allowing another to share their perspective openly and honestly, then coming alongside to help them navigate the difficulties of the situation.  The closer you are to another individual, the easier it is to "read" them.  You begin to pick up on the subtle signs of the stress which is mounting internally and you know when something is "not right". These are the times when wisdom warrants "understanding" the other person's perspective and then finding the resources to help the other make it through.  At the other end of the problem, we can often look back and bring a little levity into the situation.  In the heat of the moment, the levity may elude us. Sarcasm only adds fuel to the already hot embers burning inside the one who is the middle of their muddle!  Maybe this is why scripture points to us being sensitive to the words we speak, when we speak, and to whom it is we speak.  

We have often studied about the "quickness" of a fool - he acts impetuously, responds without thinking, and really is oblivious to the needs or "sensitivities" of another.  Wisdom is learned when we come into greater places of understanding, both personally and in relationship with others.  The fool cannot be patient enough to stand by while understanding is being "unfolded" - he needs to jump in and this is where he gets into more hot water than he might actually have wanted to be in!  Someone once told me there is almost always an element of truth in sarcasm.  It is a taunt, cutting remark, or a little bit of irony which tends to mask some underlying message.  Wisdom dictates us "checking our words" for the underlying message before we speak them, if we speak them at all.  I know this because I struggle with keeping sarcasm in check in my own life!  It is easy to make light, thinking I am adding a little bit of humor to the moment, but it can be taken totally the wrong way by those who don't know I intended to just relieve the "pressure" of the moment instead of making light of it!

So, in general, sarcasm tends to either put another or yourself in a bad light. Therefore, it is important to weigh how and where we allow humor into our challenging moments.  I know I have good friends who laugh along with me when times get a little hairy and deadlines are crushing us by their weight.  We take time to laugh a little, because it diffuses the tension and helps us to get back at the tasks at hand.  What those good friends DON'T do is make light of the actual pressure I am feeling.  They know it is real to me and they come alongside to support me in those times of pressure.  This is what wisdom dictates - this is what comes of understanding another's viewpoint or perspective.  Just sayin!

An Approved Life

^8-12Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that's your job, to bless. You'll be a blessing and also get a blessing. Whoever wants to embrace life and see the day fill up with good, here's what you do: say nothing evil or hurtful; snub evil and cultivate good; run after peace for all you're worth. God looks on all this with approval, listening and responding well to what he's asked; but he turns his back on those who do evil things.

(I Peter 3:8-12)

We are given a "list" of character traits that we are to exhibit as the children of God.  As we examine them today, we will find that living in such a manner actually encourages God's blessing in our lives.  He is opening us up to living in such a manner, bringing delight to his heart, and in turn, delighting us with the blessing of his presence, constant care, and protection in our lives.

Be agreeable - ouch!  That one tops the list for a reason.  When we live in a manner that is compatible with the character of Christ, we are agreeable.  We are accommodating of others, gracious, and harmonious in our responses.  Why is this so important?  Because it reflects the very grace of God to others.

Be sympathetic - affectionate, appreciative, considerate, and understanding of what the other person is going through.  If your main focus is to be agreeable, it will be easier to be considerate to others.  God wants us to learn to see life through the other person's eyes, instead of judging them from our vantage point in life.  This engages us with their needs and better focuses us on how to pray for them, helping them through their time of need.

Be loving and compassionate - this reflects a responsiveness on our part.  Loving and compassionate people are charitable in their response - kind, considerate.  

Be humble - courteously respectful of others in every way.  No need to pretend you are important - God honors the life that is real, genuine, and unassuming. A life that is humble is genuine - there is a transparency that does not assume we have it all together, but is willing to be opened up before others.

No retaliation - not returning like for like.  It is quite easy to strike out when we have been struck first.  It is quite another things to withhold angry response, returning evil with good.  This comes at about the middle of the list for a reason.  When we are learning to be reflective of the graciousness of a holy God, considerate of others, understanding of their vantage point in life, it is easier to be willing to NOT retaliate when they strike out.  These build upon each other - there is first a change of heart that begins to affect how we interpret life (how we think), followed by a change of action (how we respond).

No sharp-tongued sarcasm - sarcasm is caustic.  It destroys the self-worth of another.  It is usually directed from a heart that has little understanding of being charitable (kind and considerate), struggling with pride (wanting to cover up our own faults by pointing out another's), etc.  God wants his kids to be known for their gentle answer, truthfulness, and their compassionate embracing of the sinner.

The promise to us is that God looks well on those that are working to allow these traits to become part of who we are - he opens the doors of blessing in our lives.  He turns a hearing ear to the heart that wants to live in such a manner - it honors him.  These are tougher than we imagine - yet, with the help of God's Spirit resident within us, they are entirely possible character qualities that we can have worked into the fiber of our being.  Today is a new day.  Give it to God and see what he will do with it!