Talk to me

If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open. (James 1:5)

I used to pray a whole lot of 'open-ended' prayers. I would just ask God to move - not really all that specific in my requests. I found it didn't lead to a very deep relationship between us. Think about it - if you had a close friend and never talked about anything but the weather or the stock market trends, would your relationship grow any deeper? Not likely. You might be 'up to speed' on current issues, but never really learn what the other needs. There is something about being transparent with each other that helps us develop that depth. 

This kind of depth requires an ability to put things out there - to really open up before him. I know that makes some of you squirm a little because you don't like to do that with anyone! It took me a while to realize I could be 'bold' with God. That doesn't mean I tell God what to do, but I do express my frustrations, fears, and hopes. I put my plans out there and sometimes I hear a loud 'amen' deep within my spirit; at others I feel a deeper sense of caution. Is that sense of caution really God showing me my 'plans' are not specifically his 'plans' for me right now? It usually is!

There were things I didn't think God needed to talk with me about, but I was totally wrong with that one. God loves to just hear how things are going for us, what we feel is going well, and what we know we need some help with because we have been struggling to get anywhere in that area. It isn't just the 'issues' he wants to hear about - it is also what we realize is going well. That is a form of praise in our prayers. When he hears us acknowledge the goodness of life, it warms his heart. When he hears us share the challenges or rough areas of life, it moves his heart to act.

Prayers are nothing more than 'solid communication' between two individuals who are deeply in love with each other - God and You. If this is the case, we will be bold. We will lay things out there, believing he has our best in mind when he responds. We won't always like what we hear, but if we want consistency in our walk with him, we need this kind of bold openness. The heart sometimes is burdened by things we shouldn't even be pursuing - hearing we have been pursuing the wrong stuff may sting a little, but when acknowledged and laid down, what freedom that brings! Just sayin!

This is not unspoken

“Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn’t a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?" (Matthew 7:7-8)

I know it is sometimes pretty hard to admit our true need, but try as we might to 'skirt the truth', the first step to seeing that need met could just be our admittance of that need. There are times we go all around the issue when we talk with our Lord, trying to get it out without really having to say what it is we are looking for in our meeting with him. We seem to want our need met, but we aren't being direct about what that specific need really is. This is one reason I cringe when someone says they have an unspoken prayer request. God can and does meet the 'unspoken' requests, but if the majority of our 'requests' are 'unspoken', we might need to ask ourselves why that is the case. Bargain with God and you may find the 'bargain' costs you more than you really ever intended to give. 

Do you know what it means to be 'direct' with God? It means we are open and sincere in our request. Open - not ambiguous, totally sincere, and thoroughly forthright. I might be a little blunt on occasion in how I say things, but truth doesn't need a whole lot of 'fanciness' to make it truth. It is plain, forthright, and to the point. Why should our requests be any less? If we notice what God says here, we aren't to always be asking for what we 'want', but rather for what we 'need'. It took me a long time to sort out my needs from my wants. I want a whole lot of things, but my needs are really quite simple, direct, and to the point! 

Bargaining suggests some form of 'haggling' with God. When I first went to Mexico, my friends told me not to pay the first price at the street marketplaces. I needed to 'haggle' with the vendor to get the best price I could. In a sense, I thought it was a little unfair to 'undercut' their price with a 'low-ball' price, but on occasion I knew they had given me a very high price as the initial price and I needed to ask for a more reasonable one. This doesn't work with God. We don't step into his presence with our need, hear what he asks of us, then offer something 'less' in hopes he will accept that offered 'price'. We hear what he asks, then we learn to trust him with our lives as we obediently step out in faith to do as he asks.

Prayer is just a fancy word for talking and listening. We talk a bit - openly, honestly, with forthright transparency. We listen a bit more than we talk - open to the leading we receive; not scheming to find another path than the one he directs. It takes a bit to learn how to enter into his presence this way, but once we figure out he has our best in mind, lovingly directing our lives even when we might not fully understand what he asks, we come away fulfilled. Just sayin!

Oh, talk less, walk more?

Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don't impose it on others. You're fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you're not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe—some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them—then you know that you're out of line. If the way you live isn't consistent with what you believe, then it's wrong. (Romans 14:22-23 MSG)

Most days I am just happy to end the day feeling like my behavior came reasonably close to my beliefs! I set out with lofty goals, but over the course of the day, I veer a little (and sometimes a lot) from how I hoped to act, wished to respond, or chose to think about a matter. In the end, I find myself evaluating my actions, seeing those which just did not match my beliefs, and then find myself in dialogue with God (once again) seeking his grace and forgiveness. Now, carry that a step further and you will understand why I am not going to try to 'impose' my beliefs on anyone - they need to see a better example some days of what I believe! To 'impose' the beliefs I have on anyone without congruence between what I say and what I do is kind of hypocritical, isn't it?

I kind of doubt if I am in this situation alone. We are admonished to spend some time focusing on our own relationship with God, not the 'other guy's relationship'. Why? As we take our eyes off of what we think OTHERS have done wrong and let them rest squarely on how well we are doing living out our own beliefs each day, we often find we are falling short of our beliefs - the focus is on the right person in this case. Instead of focusing on those issues of "congruence" in others, we are asked to look at our own. Not the most popular message, huh? Not the most comfortable one either. The benefits of keeping "right focus" in our lives are really what God had in mind as he admonishes us here.

Keep the focus on God and no one else (or nothing else). There is much to be said about "cultivating" relationship with God, but here are only a few benefits of "cultivation" which come from the perspective of farming land. It keeps down the growth of weeds! I used to pick the weeds for some elderly ladies in a neighborhood where I used to live. I would arrive in the morning, looking up at hillsides of long natural grasses and dandelions springing up through the ice-plant and rocks that acted as the erosion barrier on the hillside behind their homes. By midday, when I'd take in lunch, I'd sit and admire the half-day's accomplishment of half a hillside plucked free of weeds. What a pretty sight it was. 

Jesus taught a parable about the wheat and the tares (weeds). Over the course of time, when the weeds were not plucked up, they overtook the wheat and stunted the growth of the good stuff. The same thing happens in us. Keeping the right focus actually loosens the soil so things can actually soak in within us - so they stick, so to speak. God knows we need a little "loosening up" of the soil of our hearts. Things just don't soak in very well when we are so hard-hearted. The soil that is cultivated allows the entry of the seed. The work of breaking up the soil is important to its receptivity of the seed. As I plucked up the weeds, the soil was being loosened around the ice-plant vines. They were now free to spread and fill in. They were what provided protection from the erosion of the late summer rains which could otherwise bring a devastating mudslide to these hillsides. The same holds true with our hearts.

We need to keep the focus on being consistent in your own behavior, not on the inconsistencies in another's. It is the concept Jesus taught about trying to focus on the splinter in the other guy's eye when we have a log in our own. We try so hard to take the focus off us, but it is hard to "look around" the log, isn't it? When there is a consistency between behavior and belief, we find the splinter becomes less significant in the other guy's eye - maybe because it is taking all our attention to just allow God to deal with the log we are carrying around in our own! Nothing speaks more clearly about God's grace than another seeing God's action in our lives to change the things in us which are inconsistent with our proclaimed beliefs. Actions do indeed speak louder than any words!

Model what we believe - a nice 'concept', but is it achievable? Much more is impacted by what we model than in what we say. This is the toughest lesson to learn, though. When we have mastered this one, we talk less and walk more - our beliefs are shared in our actions, not in our words alone! Just some ideas for developing "congruence" today. The starting point is in the cultivating of the "right stuff". Once the cultivating is underway, the other stuff begins to fall into place. Just sayin!

A little 'thought talk'

Kindness in words creates confidence. 

Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. 

Kindness in giving creates love. 

(Lao Tzu)

I will be a little bit transparent here because I think being honest helps us all grow. There are times when the words I want to speak are not the right or best ones to speak. The words that are about to come out of my mouth are just not all that uplifting and they likely will do nothing 'good' if spoken. Been there? There are times the actions I want to take are less than kind. In fact, they border on being rude, ridiculous, or obnoxious. Been at that point? There are moments when I just don't want to give anything else because I feel like I have given enough or have nothing more to give. I bet if you haven't experienced either one of the form ones, you may have experienced that one. We all get to a place at times when 'kindness' is just the foremost thought, action, or attitude that we display. No matter how 'good' we are - we have moments when get a little too catty (slightly malicious and spiteful), or perhaps dwell on something in our minds way too long and for all the wrong reasons. If we live and breathe on this planet earth, with others who live and breathe on this planet earth, we will likely experience these moments together from time to time. It is part of us being human. God asks us to do one thing - watch our talk. Why? Words matter - they build up or tear down; create or destroy; give life or take it away.

Watch your talk! No bad words should be coming from your mouth. Say what is good. Your words should help others grow as Christians. (Ephesians 4:29)

I think I shared this story before, but a wise teacher once told our class that we would all be very surprised what our 'talk' was really like if we'd carry a small tape recorder in our pocket all day recording everything we said. As we would play it back, we might just come to realize how many times we find ourselves talking smack about ourselves or another. It is possible our conversations that day revealed a little bit of insecurity on our part, or that we actually 'worked our words' to undermine something another was doing or saying. Words reveal a great deal about what is in the soul, my friends. That was the purpose of the exercise - to reveal to us what it was that we spent our day 'talking' about. In the end, some of us in that class walked out a little ashamed by how self-focused we were, while others left worried they were being way to hard on someone in their life. The lesson wasn't very 'flattering' to say the least - it revealed something that we may have not known because we rarely 'listen' to our own words!

We are not all going to carry around a pocket recorder to figure out how we are speaking, are we? Yet, there is a lesson in that experiment that pretty much confirmed most of us don't 'watch our talk' very well. We talk without thinking - merely allowing those words to 'get out there' without much forethought as to how they will be received by others hearing them. Our words are supposed to build up, not tear down. Did you ever stop to consider that sarcasm is a means of tearing down someone? Our words are supposed to create an atmosphere rich in all things that contribute to growth and positive development. Did you ever say something cruel or unkind that you know 'stunted' the growth for at least a little while? Words are powerful - that is why God tells us to watch them. It isn't a suggestion - it is a command. We are to watch our talk, but did you ever stop to think that words you don't say may be equally as important as the ones you do say?

Even the words we form in our thoughts are important to 'monitor'. Listen to the wrong words long enough in your own mind and they will begin to 'color' the other words you do speak! We don't learn to speak truth until we recognize a lie when it is spoken. We don't appreciate true words of encouragement until we realize the insincerity of some 'encouraging words'. We might just benefit from taking our 'thought talk' to another level - actually 'talking it out' with God himself. In so doing, we might just find the words we have been thinking aren't all that edifying to ourselves or others. We need God to help us change our thought talk as much as we need him to change or 'temper' our 'outward talk'. Just sayin!

Go ahead...talk it out

Ashamed: Distressed or embarrassed by feelings of guilt, foolishness, or disgrace. That about sums up how many of us 'feel' about our behavior sometimes, doesn't it? We get the overwhelming sense of guilt that comes over us like clouds of a building storm. The disgust we feel toward ourselves because of some foolishness we chose to engage in just about makes us sick to our stomach. Then you add to it the sense of humiliation we endure because we know we just added one more 'failure' to the ever-growing list of 'failures' we have already created and we get pretty down on ourselves, don't we? The good news is that there is one thing that we should never be ashamed of and it is the very thing that actually removes all our guilt, wiping away every foolish action we have ever taken - it cements the hope we have in Jesus - the power of God received through his Word richly speaking into our lives.

I am not ashamed of the Good News. It is the power of God. It is the way He saves men from the punishment of their sins if they put their trust in Him. It is for the Jew first and for all other people also. The Good News tells us we are made right with God by faith in Him. Then, by faith we live that new life through Him. The Holy Writings say, “A man right with God lives by faith.” (Romans 1:16-17)

We sometimes forget the power of the spoken word - so there are times I just open my Bible, thumb to the passage I feel I need to 'hear' right then, and read it out loud, all by myself - just me and God in the room hearing those words spoken out loud. What happens when we speak the Word of God out loud? I think there might just be some quaking in Satan's brood of demons when the Word is spoken - because they don't like to hear truth! Nothing puts Satan's book down quicker than the Word of God - nothing builds our spirits, restores our weary souls, and resets our worried minds quicker than the Word! So, don't just brood in your shame or distress - sitting there all 'hurt' and 'disgraced' because of your foolish behavior - speak the Word of God into your life and let is begin to wash away the disgrace and heal the hurt! We are made 'right' again - no matter how many times we have made unwise choices in our lives - his Word has the power to make 'right again' what mankind just keeps messing up!

I used to think that talking to myself was kind of foolish - because people who were a 'little off' in the head talked to themselves. I don't think that way anymore, so if you see me talking to myself, there is probably a good chance it is me conversing with the Spirit of God within me! I am not afraid or ashamed to admit that there are times I just need to hear his positive words spoken over my life. Heaven knows I hear (and sometimes even speak) enough negative ones over my life! I need to counter-balance the negativity at times - so I allow the Word of God to wash over me and I let his Spirit help me sort things out that need a good sorting out. I am allowing the Word of God to 'make things right' again in my life. That isn't insanity - that is wisdom! Just sayin!

Patient words and Gentle talk

I have moments in time when I just manage to say the right thing, in the right way, at the right time.  Notice - I said I have moments when I do this - nothing is less consistent in my life than the words I speak!  I don't think I am in this boat alone, though - I have some pretty good "rowing companions" alongside! The right words at the right time are often words of healing, or wisdom into a matter which has been difficult to figure out.  They are like the first drops of rain on a parched desert floor.  So how come we don't speak them more often?  I think it may have to do with our "consciousness" of what we actually say and how we say it.  Most of us speak, then hear what it was we said, and sometimes find ourselves mortified by what we just said!  If we could just get the pattern reversed so we hear our words before we speak them, we might just find our words are a little closer to what we really desired to say when we say it.

The right word at the right time is like precious gold set in silver. Listening to good advice is worth much more than jewelry made of gold. A messenger you can trust is just as refreshing as cool water in summer. Broken promises are worse than rain clouds that don’t bring rain. Patience and gentle talk can convince a ruler and overcome any problem. (Proverbs 25:11-15 CEV)

How do we begin to hear before we speak?  Someone once said to me, "Think all you speak, but don't speak all you think."  Sage advice indeed.  It is in the "mind" that we hear first - then speak second.  So, hearing is not just an "ear" thing - it is a "mind" thing, as well.  Maybe this is why God wants to make such an impact on our mind, purifying our thoughts and allowing his Holy Spirit to dwell within to assist us in sorting them out!  He wants us to speak wisely and with grace - so our words matter and their timing is perfect.

If we are truly honest here, we often find the wise words of a close friend bringing not only clarity into muddled thoughts, but healing into wounded ones and courage into wavering ones.  It is like they know the right thing to say at the right time - and in short order, their words change the course of our thinking and influence our actions.  I don't think this is by accident - because God knows we sometimes get our thoughts all jumbled up and just need someone to help us sort things out.

Two forms of "words" make all the difference - patient words and gentle talk. Behind these types of words are a couple of actions - patience and gentleness or kindness.  Patient words do not stem from a muddled or cluttered mind.  In fact, if you have ever heard yourself being short with someone, it is probably because your mind was a little muddled or cluttered with other matters seemingly more pressing or urgent at the moment.  We respond in haste - and haste brings a vast wasteland to a relationship in just a matter of minutes!

Patience indicates a certain capacity to endure, but when it comes to our words, it is more likely important because our minds need to get settled down before we speak into the moment.  This is where the Holy Spirit comes in handy - he lets us know we are about to respond in haste and he prompts us to just take a deep breath, settle our thoughts, and allow the thoughts to be ordered before we speak them.  Sometimes I get criticized for being too slow to respond - like others expect me to speak up right away.  If they only knew what was going on in my head, they'd understand why I have this delay!

Gentleness comes into play because there are times when the mess of our minds, and that of another's mind actually create a little bit of a clash of sorts. We want to strike out when this occurs - simply because when two mixed up, out of control sets of thoughts collide, there is going to be messiness!  You cannot have gentleness in your speech if you don't first exercise the patience to settle your thoughts into order within your own mind.  You cannot control the thoughts of another, but you can allow the Holy Spirit and your own self-control to order your own!

Some of us have to deliver hard messages on occasion - gentleness is needed. Those who have to deliver messages which bring enlightenment need to have enduring patience simply because others may not always see things the first time they are explained!  Try as we might, we can think we are doing this communicating thing well, but if we lack the skills outlined here, we are only responding out of the jumbled mess of thought within our brains at any given moment.  When we learn to allow the Holy Spirit to settle us down, order our thoughts, and bring forward those best to be spoken, leaving those behind which are best to be left silent, we finally get this communication thing right! Just sayin!