Show that underbelly

“Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn’t a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?" (Matthew 7:7-8)

There is this tendency to be a little 'indirect' with God - we 'skirt around' what it is we actually want to say to him and what we need so desperately to ask from him. To 'be direct' just isn't how some of us are built - we sort of share what we want to share, but we never really get down to the 'brass tax', so to speak. We don't get to the core of what we really desire - the issue remaining unexplained, unexplored, and unmet.

Ask for what you need. Seems pretty easy, right? Yet, we know how 'intentional' we must be if we are to be open and honest with God and others. To share from the heart, not just the surface, requires vulnerability and that doesn't come easy to any of us. If you have had a dog or cat, you know that when they roll over and show their bellies, they are being very 'vulnerable'. They cannot run while on their bellies. Their neck is quite open to an 'attack' - should you want to do them harm, you could very easily. Yet, they do it because they hope for a little rub and some much-desired attention. Maybe being 'vulnerable' with God and others is a little risky - we are making ourselves open to something we didn't expect, but we know we really want very much.

I think this is why God asks us to be direct - because he wants to do something in us that we never expected, but that we really desperately need. Being vulnerable with God is more than not being able to run away - it is us being willing to lay before him while he touches us where we are most 'vulnerable'. When we take the first step toward being direct - admitting what we desire - we can begin to feel the touch of God that actually brings us closer to him. That dog or cat doesn't run from the loving touch of the hand rubbing their underbelly - they lean into it and enjoy every stroke. Maybe it is time we 'lean into' God, letting go of our inhibitions and becoming a little more 'vulnerable' with him. Just sayin!

"Be" and "Get"

In the context of I Peter 3, the writer is telling husbands and wives how to treat each other and how to be "couples" who bring honor to God.  In the midst of this come some very practical words, which I don't think apply to married couples alone.  These words are pertinent to all of us - yet we can never forget the context in which they are written.  If these are important for married couples to learn, they are equally as beneficial for us "single" folks to get hold of, too!

Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that’s your job, to bless. You’ll be a blessing and also get a blessing.  (1 Peter 3:8-9 MSG)

Okay...seems like a long list of "be's" and "not to be's", right?  If you see it this way, you will likely never benefit from the instruction given.  First, Peter tells wives to be good to their husbands - responsive to their needs.  We can all learn from this - as there is nothing more amazing than to have someone anticipate our needs even before we vocalize them.  Peter reminds us of the importance of "living out" our faith - because words are loud, but actions are louder and more convincing.  Our "inner disposition" is the thing of concern - not the "prettying up" of ourselves on the outside.  Next, Peter tells the husbands to honor their wives - bring them onto an "equal" plane.  In the times he writes, women were clearly disregarded as not "favored" in the culture - they had a position of lesser "value".  The elevation of a woman as an "equal" was a new concept to these husbands.  So, in telling them to "elevate" or "honor" them, he is reminding the husbands of the work of God in making us all equally "valued" in his kingdom.

So, now this brings us to our passage today.  Here we find Peter beginning to "sum up" some instruction he had for the believers (including us).  He laid out some "relationship" pointers which will get us a long way in life if embraced as a way of life.  Most importantly, he lays them out as indicators of a changed life. When these things are evident in us, there is a "trackable" evidence of the actions of God's grace in us.  It is important to recognize what he tells us - there are "NO EXCEPTIONS" - these instructions go for all of us.

Four instructions, each beginning with one very small word - "Be".  In clear instruction, Peter tells us to make it happen!  This is what "be" means - to make it exist.  This means we have some action on our part - it is not just something we are "graced" with and "poof", we are suddenly agreeable, sympathetic, loving and compassionate, let alone humble!  These are things which need to be developed in us - our wills "collaborating" with the Holy Spirit and his instruction until we see evidence of these traits clearly in our relationships.

Agreeable suggests the character he was requiring of the husband and wife in the previous verses - to be conformable to the needs and desires of the other.  It carries the idea of being compatible.  If you have ever found yourself "compatible" with another, you might also have found yourself in a position of accommodating their needs. You are "flexible" rather than rigidly resistant to their ideas.  This is an amazing thing when it happens - two people so "compatible" they just fall into sync with each other.  First, we need to find ourselves this way with God - falling into sync with what he desires of our lives, then with each other.

Sympathetic suggests the idea of being "congenial".  A big word, so let me break it down a little.  He is telling us to be "tender" in how we treat another.   In other words, we are "kind" to the other person - even when kindness may not be deserved.  You know, I have learned more in the moments when someone extends kindness when my manifested character deserved something more closely resembling a good knock up side of my noggin!  Agreeable people (those who can accommodate to the needs of another) find it a bit easier to be sympathetic - to feel compassion for another.  Loving and compassionate are just outflows of the first two traits.  When we are agreeable and sympathetic, we are also reflecting the love and compassion of a gracious Savior.

The last thing he tacks on is the idea of being humble.  I think Peter may have been reminding each of us to stop pretending here.  Relationships go nowhere when there is not honest transparency.  As long as we are content to pretend with another - to be something we are not - we will never really understand the depth of relationship he was pointing out as possible.  Then, without another breath, he adds two more instructions which are really linked together with these others:  No retaliation, No sharp-tongued sarcasm.  "Real" people (those who are totally transparent) get the idea of not throwing stones at glass houses!  When we are transparent, we feel like glass houses - no one wants "stones" of retaliation or sarcasm cast their way when they are vulnerable enough to be exactly who they are with you!  

Just some thoughts on relationships this morning.  I may not be a wife, but I see some great value in the lessons Peter is teaching!  Just sayin!

An acquired taste

Have you ever acquired a taste for something - perhaps something you could not stand as a kid, but now seem to enjoy quite a bit?  I still have not acquired a taste for brussel sprouts, but I like just about every other vegetable.  There is just something about their pungency which I cannot say I enjoy.  Acquired taste usually refers to food or beverage, but it can refer to anything.  Do you know what it means to "acquire a taste"?  It means we have such frequent exposure to something so as to "acquire" its taste.  Sometimes we actually learn to appreciate these "tastes" simply by repeated exposure!

The good acquire a taste for helpful conversation; bullies push and shove their way through life.  (Proverbs 13:2 MSG)

If we can "acquire a taste" for some vegetable we might find offensive, or the ability to drink hot coffee once in a while instead of a steady intake of hot tea, isn't it possible we could "acquire a taste" for conversation which edifies and builds up?  In fact, given enough exposure to this type of conversation, we might just find ourselves "converting" - just as a tea drinker becomes a coffee drinker!  "Taste" is often a matter of exposure.  If we have a "light" exposure to something (once or twice), we might not develop any real connection with the object.  If we have "frequent" exposure, we sometimes become so familiar with the taste we can even begin to sense it with our other senses!

Some of us determine to "try" something once or twice, decide we don't like the "taste" of it, and move on.  If this is the way we find ourselves experimenting with solid, wholesome, and deeply enriching conversations, we might never learn to engage in the types of conversations where we become vulnerable with another person.  In fact, we will likely only want the "casual" taste of the conversations which only "scratch the surface", but never really expose the heart.

The reason most of us struggle with vulnerability in conversation is the fear of being hurt.  We fear anyone being "critical" of our choices, dreams, or insecurities.  So, we hold people at arm's length, avoiding the frequent "tastes" of truth.  The rub comes in never acquiring a taste for the helpfulness of true intimacy.  Not the sexual kind of intimacy, but the kind which comes when two people really "get" each other and begin to share some of the "real" stuff they hold deep within.

What is helpful conversation?  If we are supposed to acquire a taste for it, wouldn't it be best to understand what it is?  I think one of the cardinal earmarks of this type of conversation is it being built on trust.  There is a foundation to it.  It is not just casual sharing of this fact or that, but a real intention to listening to the other, holding confidences when things are shared which might have only been shared with you, and then building upon these experiences through frequent exposure (frequent tastes) to deeper and deeper conversations.

When we begin to share our heart, we are quite guarded at first, right?  Just like the tea drinker who takes the first sip of coffee - we might not like it!  It just isn't "natural" to us.  I guarantee you, the first sip of tea was no better, but because it was what you had frequent exposure to, you developed a taste for it!  Heart-revealing conversation can be "bitter" when we first try it.  We just don't get any "warm and fuzzy" kind of feeling with it.  I guarantee you - do it often enough and you will become addicted to it!

Some thoughts on helpful conversation:

- It is truthful.  If we are going to actually be of any assistance to each other in our sharing in conversation, it begins with sharing what is true.  Truth is the basis of trust - not being truthful will never allow the foundation of trust to be laid in a relationship.

- It is not critical.  If we are always trying to find fault, or pass judgment with a harsh severity, we will likely not find too many people who will want to open up in truthful conversation with us.  In fact, we will find it hard to have anyone WE can open up to in truthful conversation because they will fear being truthful with us will only result in more critical exchange!

- It is acquired through exposure.  We do not just wake up one day determining to have a helpful conversation!  In fact, it is the exposure to another individual for a period of time which brings us to the place of being willing to "open up".  We cannot be wall-flowers forever, and then one day we just expect someone to be there when we need to engage in "helpful conversation" in our lives!  We need to spend time together with others - getting frequent exposure to sharing the little things - and then when the bigger things come, it is made easier by the time we have invested along the way.

I don't know about you, but these types of conversations are the hardest to have, but the most rewarding to have had!  Just sayin!