Picture this...

Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. (Proverbs 12:18)

Words - remember the old adage, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? That adage is not true at all, is it? Yes, a beating with sticks and stones could leave us physically maimed, but words/names can hurt even deeper than some of those more 'physical' attacks. Words can be spoken with good intent, yet they bring hurt into the spirit of a man. Why? We don't always 'filter' what we hear. We don't always hear the intent behind the words - we only hear the words themselves. We take all of them in and then we take all of them to heart. What we neglect to do is ask God's help to 'sort' or 'filter' that are helpful and discard the rest.

Maybe the problem begins with what we say because many of us are guilty of not really applying good 'filters' to what we say, beginning the pathway to words being said that could ultimately bring damage to a person's life. Words are not to be used as weapons, but if we are to be truthful here, they oftentimes can result in just as much, if not greater damage. Whenever the intent of our heart is wrong, the words may cut deeper than we intended. Selfishness is often revealed in what we say, just as much as it is in what we do not say. There are times words need to be said, but we withhold them, leaving someone to fail miserably and suffer great consequences.

If you are like me, a word picture tells a story that words alone don't always tell. I like the illustrations God gives and even those some have given down through the ages that help me to 'understand' what some words may mean. We all have the ability to see the 'picture', but how we see it may differ. If you didn't realize it, we form 'word pictures' with most of the words we hear. Someone says they are making us enchiladas for dinner, and we see steaming, gooey, cheesy goodness slathered in rich red sauce. If you get nothing more than an empty rolled-up tortilla with a little cheese melted on the top, the 'picture' did not meet the reality.

Stop long enough to consider how another may form that 'word picture' in their mind, from their perspective, based upon their experiences. Maybe if we did that, we might attempt to paint a slightly different picture with our words! Just sayin!

Sticks and Stones

Our words have a tendency to just escape our mouths before we have a chance to really think about how we are responding, don't they? On occasion, we say things that should have been left unsaid, causing hurt feelings and sometimes crushed dreams. I know Covey says we are to seek to understand the other person first, then make ourselves understood AFTER we have listened well. That part about 'listening well' isn't actually in operation when we are blurting out our words without thought!

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. (Proverbs 15:1, 4)

A tree of life - did you ever think of your words in that way? Our words reflect more than our present attitude - they reflect our 'indwelt attitude'. The more Christ fills our hearts, the more of his grace and truth we will express - even when our 'attitude' is tired, on edge, or bordering on needing an adjustment! A good tree cannot bear bad fruit for long - it will rid itself of the bad fruit, so the good fruit is free to grow without hindrance. Sometimes we have to just rid ourselves of the 'bad fruit' - but we don't need to spew it at others.

A gentle answer isn't always our first response, is it? Sometimes we come across just a little 'clipped' in our tone, or 'harsh' in our response. We may not have intended to, but there it is - out there for the hearer to digest - good, bad, and the ugly. How do we get a handle on our words? I think it begins at the start of each day when we turn over our words to his Holy Spirit, asking him to help us communicate well, without harshness, and only what needs to be said when it needs to be said. When we invite God into our minds at the beginning of the day, our heart is less likely to veer down emotional courses that lead to disastrous words.

As a kid, we all might have learned that little sing-song quote: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." In case you didn't know, words can sometimes damage us more than those sticks and stones! We need God's Spirit to help us 'temper' those words, so they deflect anger, giving life wherever possible. Just sayin!

You said what?

When you talk, don’t say anything bad. But say the good things that people need—whatever will help them grow stronger. Then what you say will be a blessing to those who hear you. (Ephesians 4:29)

It isn't 'if' you talk, but 'when' you talk - indicating that we are all bound to say things without thinking now and again! We might not 'plan' our words all that well at times, allowing errant thought and not so wholesome communication to escape. When that happens, relationships get tweaked out of shape and sometimes things go awry in ways we never quite thought about when we were 'speaking' those words. I had a college professor that always reminded us that Satan is the prince of the power of the air and our words leave our mouths - travel through air - and then are heard by someone. He asked us if it was possible that 'air space' gave any chance for Satan for 'tweak' those words in tone or inflection, effectively 'changing' those words a bit. I don't know if that is the case, but I do know that I have said things one way, they have been heard another, and the issues that resulted were not what I imagined!

I think the principle he was trying to teach us is that we need to be very aware of what we say. Attitude affects how things 'come out' of our mouths as much as it does when the hearer finally receives those words. We need to guard our 'attitude' because it affects the 'altitude' of the words spoken! Will those words help anyone grow stronger, build them up, or create a hope that is desperately needed? If not, maybe they need to be rethought before they are spoken. It is hard to get control over our words, as many of us know, but to really learn to use words to bless and not tear down is a true 'gift' of the Spirit in our lives. When we commit our words to him, we are less likely to speak forth the ones that will bring harm or hurt. Maybe that is why Christ told his disciples to not think about what they would say when they went out into the various cities, but to count on the Spirit of God to direct their words. He knew they would be best received if they were filtered through the Spirit.

Say good things that will help people grow. This is our mission in communicating with one another. That doesn't leave much room for idle words, unwholesome, or hurtful ones. It does leave room for us to rely upon the Spirit of God to help us communicate in ways that honor God. We only get to that point when we really 'lean into' the presence of God each day, allowing him to take control of our thoughts and words, setting us 'on task' with him. Just sayin!

Masters of unsaid words

Wise people say things that give you new knowledge, but fools say nothing worth hearing. (Proverbs 15:7)

Churchill once said, "We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out." Words that just 'slip out' of our mouths are often the ones we come to regret. We make promises we have no intention of keeping, vow certain things that are really beyond our means, or create unrealistic expectations because we speak words that just aren't true. Wisdom in choosing the right words, at the right time, and speaking them in the right manner is something we must master if we want to have relationships that last a lifetime.

What words actually bring 'new knowledge' into our lives? Well, the first place we look for those words is in God's Word. We want to get into the Word of God so it can actually help us with sorting out the words we hear elsewhere throughout our day. Without God's help in 'sorting out' those words, we will entertain some that should have been ignored, while neglecting others that may have helped us a great deal. Always remember this - a person doesn't have the right answers - God does. He can use an individual to bring us confirmation of what we have heard from him, but we shouldn't look to people to bring wisdom into our lives.

The Word of God becomes a 'reference point', much like "NORTH" on a compass helps us determine the direction we are to travel. We might not realize that what we are reading will actually help us 'sort out' anything later on in life, but as long as we are getting God's Word into our minds and hearts, we will have whatever clarity we need. Wisdom comes in seeking God's direction first. His Word is more than just opinion or 'good advice'. We may not always appreciate the wisdom that we are gaining by spending time in it, but when we need it the most, we will see that wisdom play out in our lives.

Wise people say things that bring deeper knowledge. How is that? I believe it is because God often brings confirmation to our spirit through others who also love Jesus. He helps us understand his principles by giving us the example of that principle in someone we can relate to here on this earth. God knows perfectly well that we may have a hard time grasping some of his principles simply by reading or hearing them, but when we see them lived out in the life of another, then shared with us in a time when we need to hear it afresh, it cements those principles within our hearts. Just sayin!

The true picture

If words are but pictures of our thoughts, what picture are you painting? It is possible the picture painted would enthrall some, put off others, and not even faze the rest. It is quite possible the words we choose to speak, as well as the ones we choose to never speak, allow others to see 'into' our hearts. God wanted us to know his heart well, so he gave us his WORD to reveal it!

My son, pay attention to what I say. Listen closely to my words. Don’t let them out of your sight. Never stop thinking about them. These words are the secret of life and health to all who discover them. Above all, be careful what you think because your thoughts control your life. (Proverbs 4:20-23)

God tells us to pay attention to what he says because it reveals his inner thoughts, purposes, and power. Herein is the rub - we hear without really listening - not really coming to understand how he works, what he desires, or what is available to us in him. Maybe it is time we learn to put away or pull ourselves away from those things that are distracting us from really listening!

He reminds us we have to listen closely - meaning we might actually miss what he says or misunderstand it all together. When we listen closely to hear something, what do we do? If you are like me, you remove as many of the 'interfering' things as possible in order to 'zero in on' that which I am attempting to hear. I open the door to hear the noise outside. I turn off the TV volume to hear the wind roaring. If we want to hear, perhaps we need to remove some of the 'barriers' to hearing.

Part of hearing is achieved in reconsidering or pondering what it is we have heard. I have a friend who has lost part of her hearing, not able to hear some pitches of sound, and she can miss those sounds totally. There are times she has to ponder the words I speak in order to make sense of them because of that hearing deficit. Maybe we each have a bit of a hearing deficit that we need to deal with, my friends. Ponder for a while the things God is revealing in his Word and you might just decide you haven't been seeing the 'true picture' he wants you to see. Just sayin!

Grace Words

"Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone's face? Did I say words of healing? Did I let go of my anger and resentment? Did I forgive? Did I love? These are the real questions. I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come." (Henri Nouwen)

A gentle answer makes anger disappear, but a rough answer makes it grow. (Proverbs 15:1)

My words make a difference - all our words do! We cannot 'make words' and then expect they will just 'hang out there' indefinitely. At some point, our words will either build up or tear down. Our words will help someone navigate life's challenges wisely, or they will turn them in a direction that causes them to veer off course. Words have an impact - good, bad, or simply confusing - they all matter.

We might not think we have much to say, but when we speak, do our words come across in a loving manner? Do they encourage one who is holding back on something God is asking them to do? Are they able to sift through the meaningless to find the deeper meaning? Words spoken from the heart of God are always on target. God doesn't mess around with words. Even when Jesus used a parable to tell people about God's love and care, he did it because the 'story' made it easier to grasp the truth.

Words may have been spoken to you throughout your lifetime that you have come to believe as 'truth', but they are simply words that brought much confusion, distrust, and angst into your life. There are just times when God has to 'retell' the truth in your life in order to undo the things that weren't actually 'correct'. Whenever we hold onto any untruth about ourselves, God is going to 'retell' the story. Why? He loves us too much for us to believe any lie!

God's Word is truth. The words he speaks into our lives through those deeply in love with him reflect truth. The more we surround ourselves with truth, the less likely we are to believe 'rough answers' in our live. We will gravitate toward those that are gentle, reflecting the grace of God instead. May your home be filled with tons of 'grace words', my friends. They matter! Just sayin!

What do your words really say?

Evil people use their words to hurt others, but the words from good people can save others from danger. (Proverbs 12:6)

Could we take a few moments today to consider the power of our words? We all know the Words of God recorded for us in scripture are all-powerful and give instruction each of us must embrace if we are to live godly lives. Do the words we speak reflect the wisdom of God? Do they indicate patience and grace when it is most needed? Do they create an atmosphere of safety and security for those who hear them? Words are more powerful than many might believe, but when we take time to consider them before we speak them, we can be assured they will be the ones that do more healing and helping than hindering and harming. 

Words reflect the heart - the heart being the seat of our emotions. We can embrace with words as well as with arms. We can hold someone up with words as well as with our physical strength. We can undo the misgivings of one's wavering faith with words of faith and deep-seated trust in God's ability. Did you realize that God has included over 120 passages in his Word dealing with the power of OUR words? If God felt the need to focus so intently on OUR words, shouldn't we?

As much as we might want to avoid words that convict us, we need to hear them. As many times as we might want to flee from words that are working on our conscience to bring us into a new place in our lives, we need to be still and just listen. God isn't finished speaking to us - his Word is alive, powerful, and able to do way more than we might imagine - but we must listen. Open minds require and open heart. Open hearts are useful in the hands of a might God. When we are open to his words being made alive in us, we will be open to being the instruments that bring the power of those words into the lives of those we touch today. Just sayin!

Is this the right action?

John Wooden reminds us to, "Never mistake activity for achievement." We can all get wrapped up in the 'activity' and miss out on really achieving much in it. When we focus on the activity rather than the reason for it, the people involved in it, and the outcome we desire to see from it, we miss out on the moment. He also reminds us that it is the "little details that are vital...they make big things happen". There comes a time when we need to just 'make big things happen' in life. We need to buy that new car, move to a new house, start a new job, get involved in a new church, or learn to make new friends. Much activity doesn't mean we will accomplish any of these - it just means we may not sleep very well at night!

Too much activity gives you restless dreams; too many words make you a fool. (Ecclesiastes 5:3)

As important as the activity may be, we need to be able to shut down and rest. We need that renewal for the health of our bodies and brains. If you have ever tossed and turned, unable to shut-off your thoughts, 'worrying' plans over and over again, you know how difficult it actually becomes to focus on the actual task. Your body did not rest well, and your brain worked overtime, but your task is no further along! Equally as important as rest to our bodies may be, sometimes there needs to be 'rest' to our words, as well. There are times when we have 'said enough' and just need to take a rest from saying anymore on the matter. Too many words to someone who has 'heard enough' and you may lose the moment.

The second verse of our chapter reminds us to 'let our words be few' - especially when we are bringing our plans before God. There are times when we bring our plans to him, kind of like an offering, and then expect him to bless them just as they are. We go on and on with him in prayer, telling him how it is something will be accomplished and then we walk away to 'tackle the plan'. We didn't take time to listen, and this will eventually show in the activity at hand, no matter how much we thought we had God's blessing on the matter. There are going to be those moments when God wants to show us the futility of our plans - we just may not want to hear that all that 'activity' isn't what he intended.

Let your words be few, your plans be 'flexible', and your rest complete. These are not just 'wise advice' given to us in God's Word - they are plans for our well-being. We need to listen well, be open to God's leading being different than what we may have originally planned and learn to shut-off activity so we can rest well. Restless nights might just be a good indicator that we are either 'too committed' in activity, too stubborn to veer from our plans, or too intent on sharing our thoughts way beyond someone's ability to hear them. Just sayin!

Making an impact?

Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. (Proverbs 12:18)

Sarcasm is a deliberate attempt to poke fun at another or the actions of others. At times, it can be very subtle, said in jest, and without evil intent at all. An individual who is very good at sarcasm might just be holding audience on a stage somewhere right now as a 'stand-up comedian'. Among friends, an occasional sarcastic word might just be good humor - something you can laugh about together and nothing malicious was intended by the words. In the hands of a 'sarcastic individual', such as the comedian who earns a living pointing out faults, those same words may be cutting, rude, and demeaning. Words that cut into the emotional well-being of another are never healthy ones. They will hurt and not help. They won't strike a chord of 'happy feelings', but will leave the individual hurt, almost like they are 'bleeding' emotionally.

There is wisdom in knowing when a bit of humor will bring levity to a tough moment. The words we choose to speak are supposed to lift others up, never tear them down. The more we use hurtful words, thinking we are 'making light' of some faux paus in another's day or character, the more damage we could be inflicting on their already wounded soul. How can our words bring healing today? Perhaps you will find a way to encourage someone who has been facing some tough times, but make sure those words are genuine because the person who is hurting so deeply can easily sense false platitudes! The best form of encouragement is words backed up with actions that match the words. Don't just tell someone you will pray for them - stop then, do it right there, and listen to what they tell you about what they have been experiencing. 

Did you know that sarcasm is the least effective method of communication? That is why we should probably use it in moderation - only when light-hearted conversation is warranted. Most of the time, it is cutting, and the remarks will not do much to improve the situation. Am I suggesting we cannot have a little levity in the moment? Not at all, but we must learn to judge well the impact of our words. Think them through before you speak them and if they won't help, don't let them out of the gate! The more we guard our words, the more we will find our words are impactful when they are spoken. Just sayin!

Right Words

Everyone enjoys a fitting reply; it is wonderful to say the right thing at the right time! (Proverbs 15:23)

If you have ever found yourself wishing you could 'pull back' those words you just spoke, beginning to see and feel their impact even before the other person does, you are not in that boat alone! We all do it on occasion - words sort of 'fall out' of our mouths and then 'whammy', the discord begins. It is a real battle - one won not with words, but with the Spirit of God within. Have you ever spoken 'ingenuine' words? Some might call them words of flattery or insincere praise. As you may have discovered, those 'ingenuine words' don't last very long or get you very far in life. They might be okay for a while, but before long, others will look for proof that you mean what you say. 

Yehuda Berg reminds us, "Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble." Ponder that thought for just a bit and you will likely agree - words can be either our undoing or they can form the foundation upon which lives are changed for the better. Knowing which are the best to be spoken is therefore quite important! The energy and power of God's words should come first in our lives - then maybe the energy and power of our own words might be a little more 'fitting'!

When do the unkind and hurtful words come out? Isn't it when we 'feel' we deserved just a bit better from the other person? We 'felt' wronged in some manner, either because they didn't respect our space or our desires, and then those hurtful words come forth. When do healing words come out? Maybe it is when we stop acting upon what we 'feel' as much as we might want to. I am not saying we ignore our feelings and become doormats for everyone to walk all over, but there are just times when our 'feelings' get a little tweaked, but a kind answer can diffuse the situation so quickly. Choose the kind answer and see what it does to the other person. You could just be surprised at how impactful that choice may be.

We all desire to know the right thing to say in the right moment, but knowing how to say it in the right way is equally as important. Ever have someone tell you what you said made sense, but how you said it didn't really allow those words to have the right impact? The 'tone' was wrong - the 'attitude' behind the words may have been a little wrong, too. So, we need the right words, the timing to be right, but our heart must be right, too. We need God's help with all of these - not just the words. We want to be truthful, but we also want to be wise with our words. Just sayin!

Truth needs no defense

When we die, we live; when we are faithless, God's faithfulness remains true; when we persevere, there is a reward far greater than we could ever imagine at the end of the fight. These seem quite paradoxical, don't they? Still, God tells us not to forget these things. We get ahead of ourselves, thinking we have it under control and just moving out on our own. It is as easy to get all muddled up in a mess, mired down by the junk that really doesn't matter in the long run. To persevere we have to learn to shed dead weight and to carry only what we are suited to carry - which according to God is very little! One thing we can carry which can be an influential "tool" in our arsenal of defenses and also something that gets us all mired up in a muddle is our words. We find ourselves mired up whenever we use them to argue or disagree - God's plan is not for words to weigh us down, but to liberate, lift, and lighten our burden.

Don’t let anyone forget these things. And with God as your witness, you must warn them not to argue about words. These arguments don’t help anyone. In fact, they ruin everyone who listens to them. Do your best to win God’s approval as a worker who doesn’t need to be ashamed and who teaches only the true message. Keep away from worthless and useless talk. It only leads people farther away from God. That sort of talk is like a sore that won’t heal. (2 Timothy 2:14-17)

Words which liberate, lift, and lighten. You might have heard the expression "vain words". These are words which lack influence and will ultimately be considered to be ineffectual in the end. Arguing about truth is not necessary. Truth stands the test of time and will not be "undone" by anyone's arguments. There is this thing in Christian circles called "apologetics" - the branch of theology concerned with the defense or proof of Christianity. Although this field of study is a legitimate study of scripture and is soundly based on the principles of what scripture supports and does not, it can be like wielding a sledgehammer when used incorrectly. When we set out to "argue" our point on some spiritual matter, we are often not thoroughly aware of the other person's viewpoint from which they are "arguing". In time, we trample over their views, setting ours as superior or "right". Although our view may be "right", we have lost the soul we were trying to win because we trampled them with our "arguments".

We are encouraged to speak the truth in love. We are encouraged to use to speak words which build up, encourage, are helpful and considerate. In so doing, many an argument is actually diverted! It is not necessary to "defend" Christianity - truth "defends" itself - especially when it is spoken in love. Worthless and useless talk becomes a "sore that won't heal". How many of us have those "sores" resident within? I daresay there are some festering sores which actually begun by the use of words carelessly spoken - arguments we thought we had to have, but which later we regret dearly. We may not have incited the argument, but in time, we have been affected by the course of those words. So, we are encouraged today to look at not only our choice of words, but with what "intent" we speak them. "Intent" is often more revealing than the words themselves - for it is often the hidden message behind the words we speak which bring others down or build them up! John C. Maxwell puts it well: "People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude." I cannot agree more! It is what is behind the words which really counts. Truth needs not be defended, but our attitude in speaking truth often needs adjustment! Just sayin!

Management Position Open

I said to myself, “I will watch what I do and not sin in what I say. I will hold my tongue when the ungodly are around me.” But as I stood there in silence—not even speaking of good things—the turmoil within me grew worse. The more I thought about it, the hotter I got, igniting a fire of words... (Psalm 39:1-3)

Have you ever tried to NOT say something, only to find the harder you try NOT to say it, the more you THINK about it? You mull those words over and over in your mind, trying to figure out if you can find another way to say it, but all the while you are aware those words just shouldn't be spoken no matter how you form them. It always amazes me how 'hard' we can try and how 'easy' it is to let loose! The more we 'mull', the more we will 'spew' - it might not be a verse from the bible, but you can take that one to the bank!

These negative words we mull upon actually create a kind of turmoil within - much like that of a funnel cloud. We get all 'worked up' and before long, we are bringing words into the thoughts that don't even relate to the stuff we are mulling upon. It is like they get 'caught up' into the turmoil of other words, all of them mixing together, until it is a jumble of thoughts all colliding within our minds. The 'cloud' is building into quite a storm! Try to hold back a tornado and you find the 'force' isn't easily contained - neither are our words.

What we think eventually leads to how we will act. That is the danger in trying to 'manage' all these thoughts on our own. We don't actually 'manage' well! We are one of the worst managers our minds have ever encountered. We need God's help if we are to be 'managed well', my friends. We might think we have developed some good 'management strategies' when it comes to our thoughts and words, but just think back to the last time you said something that ignited a disagreement. How were your 'management skills' in that moment? If you are anything like me, you knew you had just poured kerosene on an open flame!

David says something here that we might just miss. He points toward 'speaking of good things' - in other words, bringing God's Word into the mix of all the jumble of thoughts within. I have come to the conclusion that when God's Word is 'rehearsed' (mulled over) in those moments of irrational and muddle thoughts, the tendency to 'pick up' all the other 'muddled thoughts' is less. We don't see the 'funnel cloud of emotions' grow bigger and bigger. We see 'rational' replace 'irrational' and 'kindness' replace 'anger'. 

We may not be the right ones to manage our words because we have all that emotional baggage trying to get 'picked up' into the mix, but we have been given the wisdom found in the Word of God to help keep that emotional baggage in its place. We have been given the Holy Spirit to help us recall that wisdom and then to help us 'rehearse' it rather than the garbage we allow to get caught up in our minds. We need to be under 'proper management' if we want to see any control over our thoughts and words. That management position belongs to Christ - not us. Just sayin!

Filtered or Unfiltered?

Careful words make for a careful life; careless talk may ruin everything. (Proverbs 13:3)

We all manage to say things we later regret, don't we? In a moment of 'not thinking', we blurt out something that either comes across too harsh, too crass, or too weird. In that moment, we almost wish we could snatch them back right out of the air, hoping they would never reach anyone's ears. It has proven difficult for me to actually snatch back words once spoken, although I have found myself doing more than my share of 'back-pedaling' to attempt to 'get out of' whatever it is I have managed to get myself into. Careless words just hang there for a while, don't they? 

How do we become for 'careful' with our words? You might not believe this, but it is by engaging our brain before we engage our mouth! We disengage our emotions, think through what needs to be said and how it should be said, then consider if it even needs to be said at all. Why would I say we need to disengage our emotions? Emotions cause us to blurt out all kinds of stuff - good at times, but mostly foolish, selfish, or just plain unkind. It isn't that we aren't to convey emotion in what we say, but we cannot let our emotions 'lead' the conversation.

I find myself asking God to 'filter' my words at times when I am emotionally 'charged' or just emotionally 'drained'. The more he filters those words, the less likely I am to say things I will later regret. What does this filter look like? It might not function like a gag in our mouth, but it may just function like a gag over our emotions. For example, heated moments need time to cool off a bit, so his 'filter' over heated emotions help us take time to 'chill' and then regroup to talk things through. It is like a little prompt to take a step back, inhale deeply, exhale slowly, and then re-engage once you have allowed those emotions to settle a bit.

Not one of us wants to be known for our careless or foolish words. We'd much rather be known for our wisdom and kindness, right? I have had coffee made with grinds in the bottom of the pot and that which has been run through a filter that contains the grinds. I much prefer the latter! Filtered words are always going to be preferable - we just have to remember to check our emotions, ask God for clarity and wisdom, and once our emotions are settled securely behind that filter of God's presence, speak. Just sayin!

What have you been saying?

Careless words stab like a sword, but wise words bring healing. (Proverbs 12:18) 

Tennyson reminds us, "Words, like nature, half reveal and half conceal the soul within." There are words we speak that 'reveal' little bits and pieces of our inner thoughts and dreams. Equally important are those words we never 'reveal' - for they are the truest words that reveal the inner soul of a man, are they not? Most of us have learned to 'weigh' our words - considering if they should be spoken or not. There are times when we should have 'weighed' them a bit but didn't take the time. Those are words that might have revealed a bit more of ourselves than we wanted others to see. When those words have escaped our lips, it leaves us vulnerable - feeling a little 'naked' in the end. 

We have all had those times when our words were just the right ones for the moment, but I daresay we have all had many moments when we 'emptied' a bit of our soul out in expression to another, not really intending to do so. What do your words reveal? What do they conceal? These are two very important 'discussions' to have with yourself - and with God. Words can draw others to us, or they can repel those who wanted to draw near. When we discuss those two questions with God, we must be prepared to hear what he has to say to us about what is uncovered. He may just put his finger on something we would not have really wanted him to know - forgetting that he knows all things!

God isn't concerned with how we 'look' or what others think about us - he is concerned about how we 'are' and what he thinks about us. In turn, he wants us to think about ourselves the same way he does. He may point out something we are trying to hide with our words - like when we put ourselves down because we don't think anyone would appreciate our talents. Many things we tell ourselves are not always true, but we have come to believe them as truth because we have said them so many times. God will never use our words to hurt us, but he may use them to help us know ourselves just a bit better. Just sayin!

We don't - God does

Well-spoken words bring satisfaction; well-done work has its own reward. (Proverbs 12:14)

Words and work - both can be done well, or both can be done without thinking. Think your words before you speak them and you are likely to reap a harvest closer to what you desired, not a reactionary and hostile response in return. Think through your work, planning carefully each step you must take, and you will likely end up with the results you desire. Be lazy with either your words or your work and the outcome will be less than desirable.

John F. Kennedy reminded us that gratitude is good, but "we must never forget the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." We are to live by our words - so we must be very, very careful what words we utter! John C. Maxwell tells us that people "hear our words but feel our attitude". What are your words revealing about your inner attitude right now? Remember, you can attempt to conceal with 'just the right words', but the heart will betray the attitude at some point.

"All life demands struggle. Those who have everything given to them become lazy, selfish, and insensitive to the real values of life. The very striving and hard work that we so constantly try to avoid is the major building block in the person we are today." (Pope Paul VI) Work isn't for the weak, nor is it for the wishy-washy. It involves this 'striving' that Pope Paul referred to - the exertion of vigorous effort and thought. We might attempt to gain wealth other ways, but the most rewarding is when we have given ourselves to the process and given the best we could give. 

Thomas Fuller reminds us, "All things are difficult before they are easy." We don't have a change of attitude just because we want one - we have to work for it. We don't change a negative habit just out of the blue - we have to adjust our lifestyle to no longer pursue that habit. We don't learn to think before we speak on a whim - we must practice listening, processing, and then use the wisdom God gives in the process. We don't - God does. This is the point here - good people aren't good inherently - they are good because God is in them, working to change their words and work so both match up and bring him honor. Just sayin!

Life Hack #14 - Behavior Matters

Life Hack #14:

Dear child, if you become wise, I’ll be one happy parent. My heart will dance and sing to the tuneful truth you’ll speak. (Proverbs 23:15-16)

None of us become wise overnight, but in the development of our lives, we learn to embrace truths and live well. In turn, we bring honor to our parents - if not our earthly father or mother, then our heavenly Father is honored immensely!  Whatever the "parenting style" you were raised under, know this: God can "undo" the wrong stuff our parents did with us or to us in our lives just as much as he can magnify the good stuff!

God wants every one of his children to become wise. How is this wisdom manifest? In the truth we speak and reveal with our actions. The soundness of heart is often betrayed by the words we speak, is it not? There are times people try to deliver such polished speeches, believing their words will mask the underlying misery in their lives. Our words can only do so much to mask what is truthfully within the recesses of our hearts - in time, the truth will come out. The "soundness" of one's heart is determined by the things held as truths upon which we base our lives - so when we get the truth IN, it will eventually come OUT in the words we speak.

God doesn't just look at the "rightness" of our speech, but with getting the right foundation worked into our lives so that we bring honor to God in all we do. When the right foundation is allowed to permeate our lives, we begin to see character formation which will yield "solid" decision making, "right" actions, and "disciplined" living. Our words begin to reflect this foundation. I tried to instill some of the basics into the lives of my children, but trust me, I had to learn some of those basics right alongside them! 

It wasn't that my parents didn't try to teach me those basics when I was younger, but I just didn't fully embrace them in my youth! Things like thinking of another instead of always thinking of your own wants or desires, or perhaps being truthful and above board in your dealings. These were life lessons taught, but not fully "caught" until I realized how much my "modeled" behavior influenced the words I spoke to my children!

"Principled living" is developed in the course of time. Principled words are an outflow of embracing the principles one is taught. We cannot always count on our earthly parents to have modeled the behaviors we needed to catch, but we can count on our heavenly Father to have provided the individuals in our lives who will help us to model the behaviors we need to catch onto in our lives. God is faithful, even when our earthly parents maybe were not. 

Can we be "un-parented" from the standpoint of letting go of modeled behaviors which were not good or honoring to God? In trusting God's oversight in our lives, embracing truth as he reveals it, and in letting go of the wrongs we experienced at the hands of those who didn't model the right behavior, we can move forward. Modeled behavior "sticks" in our minds for a while and must be "unlearned" over time - just as it was learned. Truth embraced today will multiply. In time, as truth is worked "into" our lives, it will begin to be manifest in the words we speak "out" of our lives and actions follow words. Just sayin!

A heart willing to be directed

I’m determined to watch steps and tongue so they won’t land me in trouble. (Psalm 39:1)

If you have ever tried to "watch your steps", you might just have tripped over your own two feet! Worse yet, you are actually paying so close attention to your steps, you miss the post in front of you and run smack-dab into it! You probably notice this the most whenever you are trying to watch what you say - for words can be the toughest things to keep a rein on. At the moment we determine to watch our words, we can almost count on something slipping past our lips, out into the open space between us and the ones who will hear them, never to be in our control again! Determining we are going to influence our steps or control our tongue is silly because of our total inability to do either! We definitely need some influence outside of our own effort to get this stuff right, don't we? "But as I stood there in silence—not even speaking of good things—the turmoil within me grew worse." (Psalm 39:2) We stand our ground, keep our peace, but when surrounded by evil, the toughest thing to do is remain strong in our stand and to hold our peace when everything inside us is just beckoning to share a little of our thoughts about the matter! Perhaps the toughest struggle comes to us when we are faced with something we don't have the best feelings about and then we try to bring out some good feelings or speak forth some good words in the midst of the turmoil. I think this may just be because we don't want to be in-genuine, or hypocritical.

Is it possible to "watch our steps" when the road ahead is not very pleasant? What is it we can do to pay closer attention to our steps, but avoid the tendency to misstep? I think the "secret" to this is not in our desire, but in our action. As long as WE are taking the steps to walk straight, we probably won't realize how treacherous some of our steps actually are! We need the influence of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God to guide our steps - to keep us on track - and to establish us on a strong foundation. OUR steps aren't consistent without the help of the Holy Spirit. He is our enabling force when we just don't know how to take the first step and he is our directing force when we might be about to change the course of our future stability with the step we are about to take. OUR ears and heart have more to do with the stability of our walk than we might actually realize. It is more than action - it is the right action which produces the outcomes we desire. Our ears must be attentive to listen for the still small voice of God - maybe in a word we glean in our time in daily study, maybe in a tiny whisper deep within our inner man that just "checks" us before we go any further. Our heart must be willing to be directed - otherwise the steps we take will be ours - directed by our self-will and independent determination.

Can we really "watch our tongue" when there are so many words just clamoring to get out? After all, the world needs to hear what it is we have to say, doesn't it? Maybe I could challenge us all a little on that one - not everything we think is worth speaking! Scripture often speaks of just being still and listening - something we might do well to engage in a little more frequently, huh? Listening is one of the toughest things because we just want to jump right in and shed a little of our "light" on the matter. The tongue needs more help than we may actually realize. Scripture bears witness to the fact of words being spoken and acting as the seed of thought which will determine our steps. Adam and Eve only took the first misstep AFTER the serpent spoke the words which placed a moment of doubt and a little confusion into the minds of the listener! The words we listen to will influence the words we choose to speak. In determining to keep a watch over our tongue, we are actually committing to keeping a watch over our ears, eyes, and other senses, as well. What we hear influences what we speak. What we see puts fresh thought into our minds which may not have been there before, influencing our speech in ways we may not imagine.

Lest we think we can do this on our own, let me just point us back to scripture. James 3 reminds us of the means of controlling our tongue. The idea of a bit in the mouth of the horse, or the rudder on the ship - each being able to control something more powerful than either the bit or the rudder would appear to control. We may not realize the influence of the Holy Spirit in our lives, often because we don't see him at work! Yet, he is like the bit in the mouth of the horse, pulling back a little until we sense his presence and begin to be aware of his influence. He is definitely like the rudder on the ship, slowly, but surely moving us toward the direction he wants to see us headed. We don't own the rudder or the bit - but we are influenced by them if they are in place in our lives! A ship without a rudder is like a man or woman without direction - aimlessly walking, purposeless in their speech. A rudder pointed in the wrong direction will run us aground. Therefore, we need someone other than ourselves doing the "steering" in our lives. Just sayin!

More than casual conversation

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. (Ephesians 4:29)

We might just forget that 'words' are a gift. Each and every one we speak has the power to build up, encourage, point someone in the right direction, confirm, or enable. How many times do we hang onto the ones that do just the opposite? We get all hyper-focused on the ones that didn't actually 'do much for us', or actually weren't meant to 'hurt', but we internalized them as something that hurt us. As important as it is for each of us to watch how we talk (the words that come out of our mouths), it is equally as important that each of us begins to 'weigh' the words we hear for their true value and stop focusing on what it is we thought we heard.

We can 'take' words so many ways, can't we? I could tell you the sky is cloudy today, and you take it to mean we are going to be stuck inside not doing the things we hoped to do outside today. You form a negative 'feeling' based upon the fact I told you there were clouds in the sky. If we were honest about this 'weather report', we might just realize clouds might make for a muggier than desirable day, but it might just hold the temp down a few degrees, making it easier to do those outdoor tasks. Words taken differently - totally dependent on the point of reference we assign to them. If our words are gifts to each other, we might have to change our 'point of reference' on occasion so that we aren't so easily offended when someone says something without thinking it through!

Try as we might, we don't always think before we speak. In fact, there are times when our emotions kick in full-force, and we just get all wrapped up in what we want to say back. We begin to think of ways to 'get back' with our words - something most of us can do without much thinking at all! Although there is a time and a place for casual conversation, it is wise to learn to 'read the moment'. There is also a time for peace and quiet. Words don't always have to be spoken - especially when we can see someone is struggling with something - ruminating over and over again in their minds with something that is bugging them or has them a little concerned. Casual conversation may not be the best in those moments - we may want to remain still until we feel the urge of the Holy Spirit giving us the words we should speak that might actually help the individual sort out what is bothering them.

Words can go very wrong or very right - depending on our point of reference when they are spoken and when they are heard. Indeed, we need to watch them well - being vigilant to consider their impact before they are spoken. We also need to be vigilant in our hearing - so that we don't 'take words' in ways they weren't intended. Casual conversation may just involve words that weren't well thought out and probably wouldn't have been spoken if the other person had of really thought how they could come across to the one hearing them.  Just sayin!

Dungeon Songs and Laments

Do you ever feel like your prayers are kind a little like "complaints" to God? You see this shingle hanging over heaven's gate and it reads "Complaint Department" - come on in. I am guilty of just spilling my guts to God about stuff that comes out sounding a whole lot like I am complaining (usually because I am!) and a lot less like I actually want to spend time with him! I think we all might just go through periods when our prayers are a little more "needy" than at other times - when we just have to let it all out, so to speak. The most amazing thing to me is the way God responds to my "complaint" sessions (and yours, too). I might think he'd get a little tired of this kind of jabbering on about what is wrong in my life, but he listens, often using my very own words to give me the change in perspective I actually need. Did you catch that? He uses MY OWN words to change MY perspective - allowing me to spill my guts and then turns those spilled out emotions and complaints as a means to speak truth into my life. How on earth does he do that?

I cry out loudly to God, loudly I plead with God for mercy. I spill out all my complaints before him, and spell out my troubles in detail: “As I sink in despair, my spirit ebbing away, you know how I’m feeling, know the danger I’m in, the traps hidden in my path. Look right, look left—there’s not a soul who cares what happens! I’m up against it, with no exit—bereft, left alone. I cry out, God, call out: ‘You’re my last chance, my only hope for life!’ Oh listen, please listen; I’ve never been this low. Rescue me from those who are hunting me down; I’m no match for them. Get me out of this dungeon so I can thank you in public. Your people will form a circle around me and you’ll bring me showers of blessing!” (Psalm 142)

I don't think God keeps his distance just because our moments in prayer are a little self-centered, while we focus on our perceived needs and injustices more than on communing with him. I believe he knows how badly we need the cathartic of getting all that pent up junk out into the open so he can actually get at our hearts when it is all cleared out! When we get stuff out in the open - the stuff which really is bugging us and causing us to look at it rather than at God then he is free to finally intervene because he can finally get at our hearts. There are a whole lot of times our emotions keep us busier focusing on the mess we are in than on the potential of God helping us get out of the mess! God often uses our own words to teach us what it is we need to see in the moment of our greatest distress. If we just came to God with the attitude of covering over how we were really feeling (masking our emotions), how well do you think that exchange would go? He already knows how we are feeling, so what use is it to cover up those true feelings? If we honestly just get them out, allow them to be exposed to his touch, we might just find the release we have been looking for all along. David pens these words while he is hold up in a cave hiding out in order to escape the armies of Saul - armies out to take his life because the Saul feels threatened by David. The king feels threatened by David because David is the next in line for the throne, but the "next in line" guy is hiding out in a cold, dark place in order to avoid what threatens HIM. Now, does anyone else see anything wrong with this picture?

We are right there on the cusp of some great thing in our lives, and instead of facing up to the muddle we are in, we hide that muddle because we don't know how to deal with it. God is great with muddles - but he has one condition - get it out in the open. As long as we hide our muddle away in the cold, dark places, we are going to continue to see the circumstances we are in as anything but "anointed"! To overcome his fears and to walk out in the open, he has to get out of the cave. For him to get out of the cave, he has to open up to God right where he is at - in the cave! In the cold, dark place he is in! When we struggle with those "cave" moments ourselves, what we need most is not to pull deeper into the cave, but to let it all out! In our muddle, we often feel the most misunderstood and the most alone. In speaking what we feel, we might just come to the conclusion of how much we have been telling ourselves the wrong story about our circumstances. The way we discover deliverance is through getting it all out before God - not because we "need" to grumble against our circumstances, but because we know God will help change our perspective of the circumstances when we do.

Our greatest need - to have our perspective changed in the midst of the circumstances - not so much that the circumstances change.  In the pits of our greatest need, the walls seem to echo our despair, but actually, they are just causing those words to return to us so we can hear them clearer. In the "re-hearing" of those words we speak, we often come full circle to the place where we see how much we have drifted from our total and complete trust in God's plan for our lives. God uses those words to speak the loudest truth into our muddle. We may complain, but God can turn the complaints of our heart into the messages of grace we so desperately need in order to overcome the misery of our mess. Just sayin!

Just sayin!

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact. (George Eliot)

Have you ever been guilty of having 'too much to say' on a topic? It is like you cannot wait to get your turn to bring up a point. You are chatting at the bit to just get your opinion heard. Too many times we have much to say on a subject not worth saying that much about!

The more talk, the less truth; the wise measure their words. (Proverbs 10:19)

This won't be a long lesson today, but rather a few points to ponder about the words we choose to speak. Words aren't always the problem - it is frequently the motivation or spirit behind the words that make the greatest impact. You can say one thing, but your attitude speaks something quite different.

Words have an impact - so we must choose them wisely. It isn't just the choice of words it is also the timing of those words. We can have all the right things to say - the point we are about to make is 'right on' and 'truth', but the timing is terrible. The words will have just the opposite impact because the timing was off.

Not everything we say needs to be said - there are just some moments when the things we are thinking are to be kept to ourselves. If we need to talk them over with anyone, it will likely be God, not the people within hearing distance at the moment. The more we lean upon the Holy Spirit to guide our thoughts, the more he will guide our words, as well.

Wisdom isn't always lengthy. Sometimes it is to the point, but always spoken in love. We may be a little 'timid' at times when sharing the wisdom God gives us, not so much because it is hard to share, but because we don't always believe we should. We tend to give a 'long lead in' when we are nervous about sharing truth. Truth doesn't require a 'lead in' - it requires obedience. Just sayin!