Just gotta say it...

Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life... (Philippians 2:14-16)

Oh boy, I am gonna meddle this morning! How many times do you find it hard not to complain about something that is happening around you? You and I both have issues that arise, causing us to want to little more than complain about them. The stock falls, the interest rate rises, the grocery bill is higher each time we go, the shelves don't contain the can of soup we wanted, and the list goes on. It is indeed a difficult thing to face 'issues' without some form of complaint (even the silent ones we don't utter), isn't it? Living our lives without complaint or argument is difficult, but is it possible?

God wouldn't tell us to live that way if it were not possible. We have often explored the importance of having the Holy Spirit guide our thoughts and actions, and even affect our attitude toward things. Is it possible there is a link between the Holy Spirit guiding our lives and this ability to live without complaint or argument? It could be the ONLY link that will actually help us live this way! The Holy Spirit is our 'direct link' to the strength we need to rise above arguments and to exercise a life of gratitude in the midst of disappointment. 

The more we take time to ask the Holy Spirit to help us 'divide' the Word of Life (God's Word) - taking it in, allowing him to help us 'digest' a bit of it each time, and then walk in that truth - the less we will find ourselves complaining about life. If we haven't figured it out by now, we don't like disappointment. Whenever our 'wishes' are not met, our expectations are dashed, and we feel disappointment. Maybe the key to living as a bright light in this world is to allow the Holy Spirit access to our day before we get too involved in that day. 

The wisdom we need may not be what we are seeking. Remember this - God may give us what we need long before he gives us what we want. Why? We would only complain about what we received because we weren't really ready to receive it! We need to have our hearts prepared to receive what we need. This is the work of the Holy Spirit within - to prepare our hearts to receive not only what we want, but what it is we need most. Remember - the Lord's Prayer asks for God to give us this day our daily bread and forgive our sins - what we need most, even when we don't actually know we want it. Just sayin!

But I don't understand it, God!

I know You can do everything; nothing You do can be foiled or frustrated. You asked, “Who is this that conceals counsel with empty words void of knowledge?” And now I see that I spoke of—but did not comprehend—great wonders that are beyond me. I didn’t know. You said, “Hear Me now, and I will speak. I’ll be asking the questions, and you will supply the answers.” Before I knew only what I had heard of You, but now I have seen You. Therefore I realize the truth: I disavow and mourn all I have said and repent in dust and ash. (Job 42:1-6 VOICE)

I don't believe any one of us is immune to a season of complaining once in a while, no matter how positive we attempt to live our lives the desire to complain is there. We might not understand something, see sense in a decision which was made, or even support it, and this emerges in a moment or season of complaint. Why? It is usually because we are disappointed, or maybe it is because we think we "knew better" or could have "done better". Sometimes rational thought does not enter into complaint, as with Job when he stood questioning his family's fate or the loss of all he had amassed. He didn't understand it, and this made his desire to complain surface a little. I don't think God wants us to live with a complaining type of mentality, never content or willing to accept what we receive, but I don't think he turns a deaf ear to our complaints either.

While we may not want to make a pattern or lifestyle out of complaining or finding fault in everything which doesn't seem to go as we planned or wanted, we don't have to fear God hearing our frustrations. He isn't put off by them - but he doesn't want us to dwell in that place too long. He wants us to get it out and move on - with his help, under his guidance, and with his strength. When we dwell there too long, we have a tendency to allow the complaint ushered because of some disappointment to escalate into a much deeper-seated sense of being "wronged" or "mistreated" or perhaps not "respected". We get a little bitter over the issue at hand and it begins to taint us toward resentment and anger over the situation.

If this occurs, we distance ourselves from truth just enough to continue to "nurse" our wounds over whatever frustration or disappointment first brought about this complaint in the first place. We magnify the issue until it takes center-stage in our lives and we begin to dwell on nothing other than whatever it is we see "wrong" in the matter. As God so aptly pointed out to Job, we don't always see things as they are, nor do we have the power within ourselves to change them even when we do. All that exists does so under God's watchful eye. All that occurs does so under his supervision. He isn't about to let one of his children fall into a trap, or walk away scathed by the issue. 

Some may ask if God "creates" evil - since evil seems to be at the root of some of the things we become upset with and enter our complaints over. Evil exists because of sin - but God's children don't have to participate in evil's actions. We do get affected by their "drama" though. We see the actions of evil evident all around us - simply because man is sinful and apart from God's grace, their actions will lean toward being rooted in evil on occasion. When this occurs, we can become quite "put off" by their actions - simply because we don't understand them, nor do we support them. God's desire is for us to rise above evil, allowing him to protect us, but when his protection doesn't seem to take the course we expected, do we complain?  Sometimes we do! We expected to never be affected by the evil and if we feel the effects, we kind of get our noses out of joint.

Instead of cursing evil, or standing in constant complaint over the manifest actions of evil, we would do well to bring our complaints to God - letting him know we don't understand it all, but trusting him to bring us through it in his grace. This may be all we can do, since we neither made the evil, nor do we understand it. Just sayin!

Say what????

Do you ever complain to God?  I do!  In fact, I find myself ranging from complaint to praise, from disappointment to celebration.  The good news is that God doesn't judge me for this honest exchange of my emotions - in fact, he encourages me!  David was another one who made this frequent honest exchange of emotions ranging from up to down, "all in" to "holding back a little".  Many of the psalms within the Book of Psalms actually are a record of David's "honest exchanges" between God and David.  In turn, these exchanges are placed in the middle of our Bible as a means of helping us connect with God on some level of "honest" exchange.  If we see and hear others engaging in this honest exchange of emotion, we are more likely to "try our hand" at being just as forthright with God, as well.  

The godly will rejoice in the Lord and find shelter in him.  And those who do what is right will praise him.  (Psalm 64:10 NLT)

In the midst of his enemy's threats, he turns to God and he does it in pretty significant openness.  He paints the picture of how he sees his enemies working - things like hurtful words; finding innocence and pointing it out in almost mocking fashion; and hours of secret planning with plots designed to trip him up.  Trust me, God already knows all these details, but there is something cathartic in his open exchange with God.  

Here's where I find God being most gracious in my own life - in my exchange of the "obvious", he patiently awaits my discourse to come to an end.  In "getting it out before God", I find he then can take care of whatever it is I really need done in my life.  Yet, in this exchange, God gently brings me to the place of realizing the "mission" of open exchange - the place where he takes control when I let go of the things I have been holding onto.

In six short verses, David gets to the point.  In just three short verses, God makes his!  Amazing - God gets to the point in half the time we get to ours! Now, doesn't that beat all!  God is infinitely patient with us - allowing us all the time we need to get things out before him - and infinitely gracious to help us see things from his perspective, but not making it so difficult for us to grasp that we don't sit and listen.  

When God gives us his perspective, it comes across in quite the contrast to our own. The enemy which seems to plot evil with his words - undone in an instant with the powerful word of God - allowing their own malicious words to turn against them, bringing THEM harm instead of us.  The word he uses not only becomes their undoing, but it becomes the evidence of his watchful care.

Then in summary of his graciousness toward us, we find ourselves turning from words of complaint to words of praise - finding shelter in his words and in his revelation of the true perspective of the situation.  This is where God excels - in giving us as long as we need to "get it all out before him" and then in allowing us to gain his perspective of the circumstances - culminating in us having a fresh revelation of his grace.  All this matter of complaint actually becomes a place where we meet with God to gain his perspective and see even more of his grace bestowed on our behalf.  Now, that is truly awesome! Just sayin!

Got any chronic complainers in your circle?

Do you know any chronic complainers?  You know the type - there is nothing right with the world, the soup is too runny, the room too hot, the driver in front doesn't know how to drive.  You could say the glass is half full - they'd see it as half empty and with no hope of ever being filled again!  Complainers live in a world all their own and feed off the misery of others to keep their complaints alive and thriving.  I kind of think Moses may have encountered just a few of these chronic complainers as Israel was wandering around the desert for 40 years.  There were those who wanted meat, not manna.  Others wanted fresh water without having to exert much effort, while others had no idea what they wanted!  Some could not be content no matter what you did for them.  Notice I said "could not be content", not "would not be content". For the chronic complainer, it is a matter of will, not of provision!  

Remember our history, friends, and be warned. All our ancestors were led by the providential Cloud and taken miraculously through the Sea... They all ate and drank identical food and drink, meals provided daily by God... But just experiencing God’s wonder and grace didn’t seem to mean much—most of them were defeated by temptation during the hard times in the desert, and God was not pleased.  The same thing could happen to us. We must be on guard so that we never get caught up in wanting our own way as they did.... We must never try to get Christ to serve us instead of us serving him; they tried it, and God launched an epidemic of poisonous snakes. We must be careful not to stir up discontent; discontent destroyed them.  (Excerpts from I Corinthians 10:1-10 MSG)

One thing is for certain in this life - you cannot see things from a negative viewpoint forever and expect to ever achieve positive results.  It isn't like it was in algebra class - two negatives do not achieve a positive result in real life!  How we view life often determines if we can ever get a "positive" out of a "negative" circumstance.  The chronic complainers may be good at pointing out the problems, but they are terrible at ever coming up with the solutions. Their vantage point just doesn't afford them the opportunity to think outside of the "negative" box.  

Did you ever stop to consider those around you in the "problem-solving" you have to engage in today?  The ones you surround yourself with may make all the difference in whether you find greater problems or actually begin to chip away at the solution.  God gives us problems, not to defeat us, but so we can engage with each other on the solutions.  It is this "engagement" process which actually helps us to grow - for we learn to see life from different perspectives and not just through our own viewpoint.  The disciples didn't go out one by one - they went out in "teams" because there was something powerful in being "partnered" with someone to assist in getting the work done.

Chronic complainers have one thing in common - they are "impossibility" thinkers.  Problem-solvers have just the opposite in common - they are "possibility" thinkers.  If you didn't realize this yet, we all work off of each other's reactions, perceptions, and thought processes.  Your reactions to the problem can affect my reactions to it.  Your perception of the root causes can influence where I go to look for the root causes.  Your thought processes, when shared with me, become influential in either confirming or challenging my own thought processes.  

Here is something I have come to realize - chronic complainers are often trying to get others to engage in some form of conflict.  They aren't happy until others are affected by the conflict.  If we recognize this up front, we might just be a little less likely to engage in their totally warped way of thinking!  It is easy to get "sucked into" the conflict of the chronic complainer. Truth be told, we have all done it a time or two.  The challenge comes in avoiding their conflict without totally alienating them in the process.  I have tried a time or two to just say to the chronic complainer, "Hey, I am not interested" and then walk away.  Didn't go well for me, how about you?  They kind of interpret my "disinterest" in their conflict as another thing they can actually complain about!

One thing is for sure - chronic complainers need the "balance" of someone who can get perspective on a situation.  They may not realize they need us, but they do!  Discontent destroys - chronic complainers operate in this realm of discontent.  Not because they have to, but because they know no other way! In dealing with the chronic complainer it is essential for us to keep our focus directed toward the solution - not the problem.  The chronic complainer will do their best to focus on the problem - so they need someone to point them toward the solution.  Just sayin!

Processing vs. Complaining Through

I am going to ask some hard questions this morning, so if you aren't up to it, you might want to skip this one!  First, let me just remind you of the fact that before I ask you these questions, I have had to ask myself.  I survived!  You probably will, too. So, here goes...

How many times do you find yourself telling of your own pain without ever once stopping to ask about another's?  Have you ever been caught up in your own list of "disappointing moments", enumerating them one-by-one for another to hear, all the while oblivious to the fact the other may have their own recent disappointments?  What about the times when all you could do was find fault with some person or idea, just ragging on and on about the "reasons why" the person is so "flawed" or the idea is so "dumb"?  If you have ever been "caught" in any of these moments - as the one who has to listen to the "complaint", dear "complainer", you probably have no idea how the complaint affected the one who had to listen to it!

Friends, don’t complain about each other. A far greater complaint could be lodged against you, you know. The Judge is standing just around the corner.  (James 5:9 MSG)

I don't exactly have the job of being in the "complaint" department at work, but a good portion of my job is spent trying to research complaints, resolve these frustrations, and just plain listen when another needs to "dump".  It is sometimes the part of the job I least enjoy!  I hear from physicians not pleased with the new regulations we have to follow - lodging their "laundry list" of reasons why it is "ludicrous" to expect physicians to do this or that.  I hear from nursing staff dealing with demands up to their eyeballs and feeling like they will never be able to deliver the nursing care they gave "back in the day".  I hear from patients who thought their experience in the hospital should have been different, expecting more of this or less of that.  The "complaint" list could go on and on - there seems to be no shortage.  But...the one type of complaint which is within my own control is the one that comes from my own heart, bubbling out of my own mouth!

Each of us has the power to control our complaint.  Whenever we are complaining, we are really expressing some form of disappointment, resentment, or uneasiness with what has happened, or with what we perceive might happen.  It is understandable - we need an outlet - it is not wise to bottle things up.  Yet, it is the "outlet" we choose which determines the things which get set in motion as a result of our complaint!

I can choose to think through my "complaint" - the frustration, disappointment, uneasiness I feel.  In this "processing moment", I have learned to do a couple of things.  I hope they might just help some who struggle with this tendency to complain first and process later:

*  Use some techniques such as writing out the pros and cons of the issue you find fault with, or perhaps taking a few moments just to pen your thoughts, bringing a little clarity into the moment of emotion when you'd like to nothing more than rant on in some complaint.  Sometimes we just need to "clarify" the issue - weighing the "resistance" (cons) against the "expectations" (pros).  There is often nothing more revealing than asking yourself why it is you are resisting this expectation so much - what is it about the change which threatens you, causes you discomfort?  Sometimes we find the real "resistance" is not because the expectation is unrealistic, but it is because we feel inadequate to meet the expectation.  When we come to a place of seeing the "root" of the resistance, we often don't get to the place of allowing the complaint to surface.

*  In examining the issues at hand, it is best to take some time to respond.  Some may see this as engaging in confrontation avoidance, but I don't always think this is a bad thing.  There is some wisdom in taking time to cool down. We often see the most clearly when our vision is not clouded with the "steam" of our emotions!

*  Recognize disappointment for what it is - an obstacle which presents a new set of opportunities.  This may seem a little too "upbeat" for those who have a propensity toward complaining.  Yet, it is true.  People don't set out to disappoint you!  They don't wake up one day and determine to find ways to put obstacles in your path - those obstacles come because others are human, too.  Disappointment has many paths - some go toward forming resentment and hatred (the worst form of complaint we can form), or toward resolution and restoration (the best form of complaint we can engage in).  There is really no middle ground with disappointment - you either deal with it or you don't.  If you don't, it will eventually come around again and again.  One day, you will find the small disappointment of today becomes the huge "complaint" of tomorrow.  Obstacles can be opportunities - but it is only when we are willing to go through the steps of "processing" the "obstacle" that the opportunities become apparent.

Not rocket science here, folks, but it is true.  We jump to complaining much quicker than we ought - because we find release in the complaining.  The sad fact - we solve NOTHING in the complaining - we usually just make the issue worse!  If not for another, at least for ourselves, because we now have told ourselves an even BIGGER story about what it is we find fault with!  We need to learn to "rewrite" our stories - to take time to process the best ending.  In so doing, we will find our relationships stronger, our emotions evener, and ourselves out of the lime-light of other's complaint sessions!  Just sayin!