Nagged into obedience?

Brothers and sisters, someone in your group might do something wrong. You who are following the Spirit should go to the one who is sinning. Help make that person right again, and do it in a gentle way. But be careful, because you might be tempted to sin too. Help each other with your troubles. When you do this, you are obeying the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to do this, you are only fooling yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Just look at your own work to see if you have done anything to be proud of. You must each accept the responsibilities that are yours. (Galatians 6:1-5)

Have you ever tried to 'nag' someone into obedience? It doesn't work well, does it? In the long run, one or both of you will come to have ill feelings toward the other. Nagging doesn't change behavior - it might even intensify it as the other seeks to magnify the 'annoyance' the disobedience brings you! We all do things we shouldn't do from time to time - we are all human, all have a sin nature, and all think way too highly of our 'self' at times. It is 'when', not 'if' we do something wrong, because we will all eventually find ourselves in need of a helping hand to be free of whatever it is we are struggling to overcome. Notice, it is a helping hand God asks us to bring, not the conviction of criticism, annoyance of nagging, or condemnation of shame.

Gentleness is key to helping one trapped in the downward spiral of sin. Foolish behavior seldom just goes away - it requires consistent change, and that change is only possible when Christ is the driving force within that change. What happens when we go to a person who is making foolish decisions, attempting to persuade them otherwise with a whole lot of 'opinion' as to why their decisions are wrong? They frequently reject such 'advice' as 'not applicable' to their circumstances, don't they? They cannot see that our 'opinions' matter all that much because 'their circumstances are different'. Nagging won't do the other person any good and may even drive a wedge that splits the relationship we had with that individual.

Christ asks us to come alongside - be gentle, not critical. Be open to hearing their heart and sharing in their hurt. Take those troubling things to God on their behalf. In other words, do 'warfare' in the spiritual realm when they aren't up to the fight themselves. We each have so much to offer one another, but it must be done in a loving, caring manner. It cannot be motivated by selfish ambition or pride but must be with humble spirit. When we care for each other in a loving, compassionate manner, we are opening the door for Christ to heal hurts and set paths straight once again. Sometimes we will be able to give advice, but what another does with it is their choice. We can never fill the place or position of the Holy Spirit in their lives. He will help with the choice - we stand alongside and pray them through to the other side of that choice! Just sayin!

Noticeable or Discreet

Each one of us has one body, and that body has many parts. These parts don’t all do the same thing. In the same way, we are many people, but in Christ we are all one body. We are the parts of that body, and each part belongs to all the others. (Romans 12:4-5)

"A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don't function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick." (Brene Brown)

What is your 'part' in the Body of Christ? If you cannot answer that right now, then it is time to ask God to show you where you 'fit' and what your 'role' is. We 'belong' to the Body of Christ, and as such, we belong to each other. To neglect relationship with anyone in the Body of Christ is like neglecting a particular part of your physical body. Whenever we neglect any part of our physical body, we find it becomes diseased, smelly, or downright unpleasant to be around. Neglect a brother or sister in Christ and you might find it hard to be around yourself because you are neglecting something you need!

One breaks or becomes numb to life. Are you there to help them put the pieces back together? Are you there to bind up their wounds? It is the way God intends things to be - each of us looking out for the other, helping each other mend, but also grow 'through' the things that make life difficult. Difficulties are made all that much easier when they are born together. Not only do we fulfill a particular 'role' in the Body of Christ, but we play a very special 'role' in ministering to the needs of each other - spiritually, emotionally, and perhaps even service wherever a need exists.

There is much to be learned when we learn to relate to one another. We might not become the best of friends, but when another hurts, help where you can. When another celebrates, cheer right along with them. When one shares some deep treasure God has given them in their time alone with him, take the nougat of truth he gave them and see how it applies in your life. We are made for each other - we need to learn to appreciate we each fulfill a 'role' - small or large; noticeable or discreet. Just sayin!

Inside the box?

Let's be frank here - we need to learn to walk together in unity. I think we all know how truly difficult it is to actually be and stay in unity. Deep, intimate relationships require a different commitment than mere acquaintances. Friendships help to sustain us and keep us on track. How we view each relationship tells us a little bit about what we may actually invest into and take away from those relationships. We may find some actually are an ordeal for us because they demand more than we want to really put into them, but does that make them unnecessary relationships? Some may seem like a big deal to us, but does that make them worthy of special attention while neglecting others? Other relationships seem like they are kind of ideal, almost making us want to be exclusionary within those relationships, but doesn't that isolate us from the other types of relationships which might actually help us chip away some of the rough edges in our character? I think we might just need all three!

You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17 MSG)

While connection is important, reconnection is sometimes more important! I don't believe God wants us to isolate ourselves from those relationships which are kind of an ordeal for us - because they have something within them we need to learn. Relationships which we might classify as an "ordeal" are those which seem to always be extremely severe in their ability to "test" us in some fashion. We actually need this "testing" in order to develop some trait we might not have developed any other way. To neglect these "severe" relationships is to cut ourselves us from the very thing we need for our growth. How do we "reconnect" with someone whose relationship with us has become a big ordeal and with whom we may have chosen to just pull away rather than make the effort to stay connected?

It takes some real courage to even admit you have pulled away. When two people deal with the "hard" parts of relationship by saying it is too big of an ordeal to actually work on the things pulling them apart, there is an opportunity to allow those "hard parts" to actually smooth off some rough edges in our character. One of the things which drives a wedge between two people quicker than you might imagine is when either of us become defensive in the relationship. When stuff is too hard to deal with at the moment, it is very easy to get a little defensive about our behavior and choics. We might imagine another's focus on something in our lives as a little too intrusive and even a little "nit-picky". Regardless, defenses go up and we get nowhere when these walls just remain in place.

If we don't recognize the "walls" quickly, we will allow them to be reinforced by future actions and responses to behaviors within the relationship. Fear causes us to become defensive - we don't like being exposed, so we build up what we believe will "cover over" the area we feel the most exposed within. Walls might be manifest by being overtly sarcastic with another - allowing the sarcasm to take the focus off the area for just a little bit. Another method of wall-erecting is when we push others away with our anger. A wall drives people away - most will not choose to "scale the wall", but will be turned away by it! It is the rare friend who will actually make the effort to scale the wall and a real friend who will help you dismantle it once they get on the other side of that huge wall!

Dealing with others in relationship requires the ability to see things as the other person sees them. This is why I like the idea of using a friend as a "sounding board" of sorts. I bounce ideas off a friend because the friend actually might just not be seeing things quite the way I do at the moment. Some of us need someone outside of our "box" to help us see there are choices outside of the box we have been confined within. All we can see is the inside of the box, we will never know what the outside holds for us. A friend can help us see things from the outside of the box - giving us perspective we do not possess on our own. Some of the toughest relationships require us to see things outside of our box. If you stop to think about it, a box is really just another set of walls we have established. The walls of a box only serve to confine us - the ability to break free from the confines of seeing things only from your limited perspective is not just healthy, it is wise!

When you actually can see things another sees and the way they see them, you are breaking down walls which would have otherwise torn you apart. Part of seeing things the way another sees them is the ability to allow the things which have become "wedge drivers" within the relationship to be removed. Where there is no wedge, the distance between two objects is free to return to being joined again. Just sayin!