8 But Noah was different. God liked what he saw in Noah.
(Genesis 6:8 The Message)
As I write this blog, our hospital is under full review for our renewal of license. This is a process which comes every three years, with periodic "rechecks" in between. In the frenzy of the activity of the morning "start-up" activities, I found myself answering my peers in a curt, rather sharp manner. Ugh! I was sensing the "frenzy" and then responding to it in my own form of "frenzy"! It was only when I saw the look on my closest friend's face that I stepped back a moment to regroup. She actually helped my "check" myself!
Do you know what FRENZY means? Look it up! You will find it is a condition of the mind in which the mind becomes wildly excited by the input it is receiving! Now if we were all truthful, whenever this occurs, we all have a tendency to "act out of character" just a little bit, don't we? It is like we just "could not help ourselves". Uh oh! Gone to meddling now, haven't I? But....don't forget....I am meddling in my own muddle first!
Why did my mind get caught up in the "frenzy" of the moment? In my case, I was on sensory overload. There were too many people asking me questions, telling me what they needed, all at the same time. In trying to keep all this organized in my mind, I "flipped the switch" from being "in control" to allowing the frenzy to control me. Rather than stepping away a moment so I could regroup and calm the frenzy inside my brain, I stayed in the thick of things.
There is great wisdom in recognizing the "breaking point" we all experience from time to time. There is even greater wisdom in knowing when it is time to step away for a few deep breaths. Nothing anyone else was doing was actually "wrong" in the moment. I was what was wrong! I was allowing input to determine my response - when I could no longer hold onto input, I snapped.
I wonder what God thought when he watched all this unfold. The truth is, I still think he "liked what he saw", just as he did when he looked at Noah, or considered the heart of David. God sees the bigger picture, he knows our responses even before they come, and he looks deeper than the response - right into the heart. God forgave my blundering responses - because he recognized my heart was hurt by my own actions!
Why did my "heart hurt" when I acted in this manner? I guess it is as plain as the nose on my face - God has been in the business of changing my heart for a good many years! He has softened it, rearranged its priorities, sensitized it to others, and made it beat best when it is listening to his! If you find yourself ever "undone" in the moment, just remember this - God sees your heart, not just your actions. He knows the actions were wrong, but he knows the integrity of your heart. It was this integrity which allowed me to apologize to my peers later in the day when things had calmed just a little.
Don't know how you respond in the moment of frenzy, but I do not think I am alone in this muddle! Thank goodness God sees our hearts first - our actions matter, but it is our heart he really directs his focus toward, as it affects our responses to life. When he sees a right heart which just "skipped a beat" for a moment, he allows us to deal with the "arrhythmia" of an irregular beat or two, then move on! What a gracious God indeed!