Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ, and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in. (C. S. Lewis)
We all have those moments when we are thinking about what WE want. We get lonely and desire the closeness of another. We feel anger over things that bug us and want revenge. We have messed things up so badly and see no way out, but desire it so greatly. We find ourselves in the pit and want a ladder to climb our way out. We look all around for any other answer, but we know the one and only answer to each of these issues is Christ Jesus. We seek answers, but we don't go to the one who knows the answer ever before we pose the question.
I love to do God’s will so far as my new nature is concerned; but there is something else deep within me, in my lower nature, that is at war with my mind and wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. In my mind I want to be God’s willing servant, but instead I find myself still enslaved to sin. So you see how it is: my new life tells me to do right, but the old nature that is still inside me loves to sin. Oh, what a terrible predicament I’m in! Who will free me from my slavery to this deadly lower nature? Thank God! It has been done by Jesus Christ our Lord. He has set me free. (Romans 7:22-25)
We know that reality of the 'war' within - the one that pits self against Jesus. 'Self' demands its own way - Christ is right there asking for us to just look to him for his way. We don't realize that we are slaves to our 'self' nature - the thing that poses demands and demands over and over again. Our mind can be the greatest place of our struggle - thinking one thing but knowing another. Yup, we KNOW the right thing to do, but we struggle with doing it because our minds want something else entirely. All because WE think it will be better.
Looking to Christ when we are struggling with this walk with him may not be the easiest thing for us to do, but the more we look to him, the less our 'self' will demand its own way. We all have questions about how to live this Christian life, so ask them. There is no room for doubts within us, but they exist - be bold to share them with Christ. There is no room for unforgiveness within us, but it exists - only Christ can help us let go of that hurt and pain that leads to that desire to hold onto the bitterness. God doesn't want us to be unthinking - he wants us to bring our thoughts to him so he can rightly order them.
Doubts handled properly can become a stronger faith. Refusal to hold onto what only becomes a cancerous growth within us actually helps us to become more loving. We don't get to these points in life without Christ. WE want to be free, but WE don't move from the place where we are bound. It is only as WE get up, turn around, look squarely into the Word of God, listen to the voice of Christ, and take step after step that we can be free. We doubt we will ever be free but let me assure you of this - without taking the first step forward, we will always be bound. Just sayin!