A gentle answer will calm a person’s anger, but an unkind answer will cause more anger. (Proverbs 15:1)
Our answers matter, so perhaps this is why God asks us to take time to consider the words we deliver. They can build us up, giving us just the right amount of encouragement to take a step forward. They can also tear us down, anchoring us even further into the doubts and frustrations we have at the moment. If we become angered with one another, it could be out of frustration, or even a feeling like we have lost some 'control' in the matter. When things cause us to 'spin' into anger, we say things we might have never intended to say. It is like a leaky pipe, at first not noticed, but eventually it will burst, leaving damage in its wake.
All of us get a little irritated at times, no matter how 'godly' we are. It isn't that we have a lifestyle of anger, it is just that we have moments when we are overly tired or overwhelmed by life, and our response may be a little less than 'godly' when things seem to 'prickle our emotions'. While anger may range from outbursts to words spoken that cut or sting another a bit, God asks us to allow him to help us avoid these responses. We cannot avoid anger on our own - we need God's help to continuously make us aware of our 'emotions' and our 'senses'. Emotions because they get 'prickled' and senses because they get 'fried' when we deal with things that are overwhelming us.
I will be the first to admit that a 'gentle answer' is sometimes the furthest thing from my mind when I am at that point of saying something in the 'heat of the moment'. I can attempt to 'bite my tongue', but it doesn't deal with the 'down deep' feelings I am experiencing. It just keeps those words from escaping that I would really like to say! When I take a moment to ask God to show me what another may be experiencing, and why they are reacting as they are, I can tell you with almost 100% assurance that he does. He helps me settle my 'down deep' feelings toward that person's reaction, and then he helps me settle the emotions, so I act kindly instead of reacting in kind toward the other person.
It doesn't come instantly at times. Sometimes I need to take a moment to breathe and then address the situation. At others, I need to completely restructure the situation - like doing something different until I find the emotions settled and the answers coming that will be kind and loving toward another. In taking the time to lean into God for my response, I always find them to be gentler, more grace-filled, and with less 'charge' to the emotions we are each experiencing. Just sayin!